Just enjoy them

[Deepsouthwest]

Have been watching the tempers flare about childcare options on a thread today which made me think about hopefully a better question on the same topic. Don’t argue that staying at home with your children is better/worse for them - makes them drug addicts/Einsteins or that nursery will make them wonderful or dreadful people - just ask yourself this - out of 7 days a week - how much time do you want to spend with your children from 0-5 (when they then start school). If it’s everyday - try and see if you can arrange/afford that? If you don’t want to spend everyday with them - think about how much do you want to be with them when they are little? and work the rest of the time beyond this. I don’t think it’s about churning out “better” children if someone’s at home or someone works - just answer yourself honestly - how much of the week do I want to be a full time caregiver?

I would love to spend moretime with my child but I have rent and bills to pay and food and clothes to provide.
it's nowhere near as simple as how much time do I want to spend with him.

Shame the issue is more complex than your rendering of it.

But surely if you are planning kids then this kind of conversation crops up before after you know you are pregnant? What shall we do when....

This is a very simplistic rendering of a complex issue.

Cross posted with you unfathomable!

Is it? If you absolutely can’t afford it (ie income only just covers all essential outgoings) then you have to work - if you are loaded you can make a completely free choice and if you are in the middle you can both try to seek a compromise (if you want to) about hours of work vs hours of childcare?

People work not because they don’t want to be with their children. People work because they have bills to pay.

when my.pregnamcy was planned i was married . 12 weeks after he was born I was in a womens refuge. no sign of any of that happening before my pregnancy.
if only life were as simple as you believe it is

I wanted to be with them full time until they were two, then give them a few hours a week in pre school until they went to school. That's pretty much what's happened. I can think of literally hundreds of things that could have changed/scuppered our plans. It's nothing like as simple as 'I want to spend every day with my dc' and work backward from there. Quite apart from anything else when pregnany you can only have an idea of how you'll feel when you're a parent.

Taking career breaks/going part time affects your long term prospects.
Not all workplaces support flexible working.
Children are born with disabilities and special needs that make childcare tricky.

Bills are hard to pay.
Not all partners want to support/become a stay at home spouse.
Circumstances change after pregnancy.
Not all babies are planned

But bills can be reduced - move area - County/country even - rent/buy smaller places/more rural? if you want more time at home it can usually be afforded somewhere else in the UK surely?

You really must be living on a different planet if you truly think that way. A hell of a lot of people already have made the most cut backs they can and still struggle financially.

Oh come on. Really? Leave all your support network and friends to be a SAHP?

You seem to have no idea about how real life works.

I wish I could spend every day with my child but who's going to pay my rent/bills/groceries OP? Even in the cheapest part of the country these things are not cheap you know . And who's going to hire me in 5 years when I've a big gap in my CV or look after me in my old age when my pension is a pittance? Are people seriously this sheltered that they can't fathom these issues?? We don't all have parents/husbands/partners capable or willing to financially support us while we stop earning an income. If you do, consider yourself fortunate. What a vulgar thread.

I find it quite interesting as my mum was a sahm, and my best friend's worked full time. Honestly we are very similar and followed very similar paths in life.
DH's both parents worked full time, and he has no issue whether I decide to do 5 days, 4 days or stay at home, as I don't think his upbringing was any different to mine

Do you have children OP?

Where do you suggest people move to OP, where house prices are low and work plentiful?

But bills can be reduced - move area - County/country even - rent/buy smaller places/more rural? if you want more time at home it can usually be afforded somewhere else in the UK surely?

Yes because it's THAT simple.

Interesting that you chose this controversial issue as your first ever post.

I'm 30. My career progression has been painfully slow, not through lack of effort. If I don't return to work after having DC, I'll have to start at the bottom again, and we'll be in a more precarious position with just one income stream instead of two. If I wait until I have a childproof career, it will be too late to have children. It's not that simple a choice.

Okay - apologies for any upset! But it is possible if you really want to be SAHP - promise. We moved from London to the edge of Somerset/Dorset and found a 3 bed house for £160k - they are out there! We both retrained/changed jobs (husband was a lawyer and retrained to be a teacher/I was a lecturer and became a librarian before my kids came along). We didn’t have lots of money behind us as we had to borrow £140k and now it’s tight on one salary but doable! I understand if people say they don’t want to move but don’t let an area be a brake on your hopes of how you’d like to parent!

Op you are are seriously deluded. I live in London because I’m from London, my family and friends are here- I couldnt earn what I do outside London. I can afford my child but have to work 5days a week- my husband would need to triple his income to cover my being a SAHM- I’m in no way a low income earner but mortgage, food aren’t negotiable! Or you are advocating only people on 6figure salaries have children? You do know childcare is c £45-£100 a day?

Wtaf?
Weirdest, most judgy thread I’ve seen on here in a while.
What about those who enjoy work and/or their future career would suffer if they took time out of work?

Also, I’m from Dorset/Somerset and knowing the areas and house prices I’d say £160k for a 3 bed is extremely rare, a huge doer upper or in a shit area.

Ha what if you can't afford to not work but you're job refuses part time working hours.
Or you baby asks for a raise so great so you have to quit your job as you don't live in an area where there's an abundance of nanny's.
Oh wait an what about when my house didn't sell this year with me trying to relocate... planned baby and can afford the baby but definitely would rather not work. Not that simple for me tbh.
Oh and did I mention my dh company public listed travel company recently collapsed leaving us uk to our eyeballs in worry...