Just enjoy them

[Deepsouthwest]

Have been watching the tempers flare about childcare options on a thread today which made me think about hopefully a better question on the same topic. Don’t argue that staying at home with your children is better/worse for them - makes them drug addicts/Einsteins or that nursery will make them wonderful or dreadful people - just ask yourself this - out of 7 days a week - how much time do you want to spend with your children from 0-5 (when they then start school). If it’s everyday - try and see if you can arrange/afford that? If you don’t want to spend everyday with them - think about how much do you want to be with them when they are little? and work the rest of the time beyond this. I don’t think it’s about churning out “better” children if someone’s at home or someone works - just answer yourself honestly - how much of the week do I want to be a full time caregiver?

I’d rather be a snob and live in a nicer, safer area to raise my child in than be a judgy madam about people’s choices about working and childcare. Actually, it’s not even that your judgy about people’s choices, it seems to just be women’s choices.

I would much much rather work actually. There I said it. I have no wish to be a SAHM. My mother wasn’t. She was a very successful professional and an excellent mother. I have no wish to be a rural librarian. I want to live in London, have a nice life, and have a career. I enjoy my job. I find it challenging and fulfilling.
BOTH DH and I made work arrangements when we had kids. I come home a bit early and work from home one day a week. He works from home one day a week. But some of us have absolutely no wish to be SAHPs.

Oh also living in the countryside is my idea of pure unadulterated hell. Give me the smog of an urban area any day. And we love our holidays. We have travelled all over Europe with the kids. And done two expat stints in North America and Singapore (one when the kids were too young to remember). The idea of staying with a relative for a ‘holiday’ is also my idea of hell. Our lifestyle and our qualifications enable us to have a good salary, a good life, decent holidays, and a reasonable enough time with our kids.
Both DH and I had working mothers with successful professional careers and neither had any intention of staying at home full time with kids. (Could think of nothing more mind numbing if I am honest). I am more than happy to be judged.

Hmmm OP you're strangely silent in response to my post?

I am willing to bet a lot of money that if the OP had stayed in London and been a teacher and the husband had remained a lawyer, as long as they more or less enjoyed their careers (which it does sound like they didn’t) then their kids would have been fine.

This whole WOHM versus SAHM and the whole ‘enjoy them and uproot your life and career so you can be at home’ is total nonsense. Either you are a good parent or not. You can be a really shitty SAHM and a really good WOHM. I would say if you are a shitty SAHM then it’s worse for the kids because they have to endure that all day with no escape. Just because someone wants to be a SAHM doesn’t mean they will make a good parent.

I am sahm and carer and I. spend lots of time with the dc which is wonderful. However the youngest has just started nursery and it's wonderful for both of us. I get a break and she gets to socialise.