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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny let baby cry it out without permission

98 replies

Sweetcuppi · 19/10/2019 22:54

Need some advice. Our nanny who has been with us for over 2 years let our 5 month old cry it out without our permission. She is fully aware of our thoughts on this method and that we are against it. We have two children and I know for a fact that our older dd was asleep at the time this occurred and it wasn't due to dealing with dd.

I am really upset about this, but not sure on how to broach the topic. I am off on maternity leave at the moment and am spending a lot of time with the nanny and do not want to create any friction.

To be honest she has generally been lazy lately and a bit short with our older daughter. Not sure if there is something going on in her personal life. I don't like to pry and she keeps personal and work separate. To clarify what I mean by being lazy, on the night in question when we left the nanny was watching a movie, at that time both dd's were asleep in bed. When we came home there was still pee in the training potty, dd's dinner was still on the table and a load of laundry from an accident dd had early was not started. My husband also commented that earlier in the week the nanny took a nap on the sofa, same day a load of nappies, which I started had not been hung up to dry.

There are more instances recently, but letting my 5 month old cry it out to watch a movie really crossed a line.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am aware I can be hyper sensitive in relation to my dd's and over react.

OP posts:

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Wildorchidz · 19/10/2019 22:56

Did she tell you that she let the baby cry?

mulky · 19/10/2019 22:57

All the cleaning related stuff would annoy me but the cry it out would be a sackable offence. If you're on maternity leave why do you have a nanny? Regardless of that I'd fire her and mind the kids yourself until you can replace her. She has crossed a line and there's no going back.

Sleepthiefismyfavourite · 19/10/2019 22:58

How do you know that happened?

Wildorchidz · 19/10/2019 22:58

Or do you have a camera that she is not aware of?
Either way I think once your trust in her has gone you need to decide if you want to replace her.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/10/2019 22:59

How do you know she left the baby to cry it out? Did she tell you?

PollyShelby · 19/10/2019 23:01

What did you say to her when she told you?

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 19/10/2019 23:01

How do you know all this?

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2019 23:01

Why do you need a nanny when off on maternity leave?

Bringonspring · 19/10/2019 23:02

With you now being on maternity are you clear on responsibilities? 9/10 when people start underperforming st work it’s because they don’t feel empowered/have clear responsibility. I would chat to her and recognise the change in environment with you being at home.

On the cry it out, I would be unhappy with this, how long was it for? Did the baby monitor pick it up?

Moondancer73 · 19/10/2019 23:02

You're on maternity leave and you have a nanny?

Bluerussian · 19/10/2019 23:03

I wouldn't be happy with that. It sounds as though the nanny is not satisfactory but she has been with you for two years, have there been sudden changes?

Please talk to her about this, see what she has to say. If you are still not satisfied, it's time for her to be replaced.

(I too wonder how you knew she let your baby cry for so long.)

Bringonspring · 19/10/2019 23:04

Why do you need a nanny when off on maternity leave? confused

I know plenty of people who have done this, mainly because they wanted to keep the same nanny for when they returned to work.

Answerthequestion · 19/10/2019 23:04

You're on maternity leave and you have a nanny

Presumably because she’s going back to work after mat leave and doesn’t want to have to recruit a new nanny, exactly the same as keeping an older child in nursery when on maternity leave

GrumpyHoonMain · 19/10/2019 23:05

If you’re filming her without her permission and sack her she could very well get you blacklisted with the agency you used to hire her, and take legal action. Suggest you use this as a point of feedback - tell her you have cameras and you noticed and you don’t want her to do it again. Make it clear the cameras will stay on.

Basilicaofthemind · 19/10/2019 23:05

She is quite possibly not enjoying working with you around. Very usual for nannies. It’s a job where you usually have a lot of autonomy and it’s a totally different role working alongside a parent.

Chivers53 · 19/10/2019 23:06

I agree with a PP that having you at home perhaps blurs the lines of what her responsibilities are a bit? The working environment has changed for her and perhaps she is struggling with that. Either way if you don't trust her let her know and (not sure what the process is for letting a nanny go) look for someone else if you feel you don't want her looking after your children anymore.

whatdoesntkillus · 19/10/2019 23:07

Missing the point some people?! Um lots of people have nannies when they are on maternity leave.... because they want the help, or perhaps more likely they have a nanny when they are working and don’t want the cost, disruption and stress of letting one go only to have to hire another when they go back to work.

The cry it out thing is not cool and you need to have a conversation. However as others have asked - how do you know this is what happened??

5zeds · 19/10/2019 23:08

“Crying it out” implies she was trying to train the child to self sooth, what you describe sounds more like she ignored your baby to watch a film.

Beveren · 19/10/2019 23:30

I'm not sure I'd expect a nanny to do laundry when she's babysitting in the evening.

5zeds · 19/10/2019 23:33

Presumably the children’s laundry is part of her job. It’s hardly relevant because she didn’t care for the children or their clothes, she watched a movie.

notapizzaeater · 19/10/2019 23:39

Presume she was being paid for the babysitting hours .?

Cherrysherbet · 19/10/2019 23:42

Advice? Get rid of the nanny, and look after your own kids, maybe? You’re on maternity leave?! Why do you need a nanny?.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/10/2019 23:43

@Cherrysherbet piss off. I'm on mat leave and my kids still go to the childminders two days a week. How does this affect you at all

Original poster

Sweetcuppi · 19/10/2019 23:48

We chose to keep our nanny while I am on maternity leave as our older dd is quite close with her, as she had been her nanny for 2.5 years and is only 3, she is not yet in school. We did not want to disrupt her current routine and we will need a nanny for both dd's when I go back to work.

I know she let her cry it our based on an exchange of messages with our nanny when we were out. I had asked her how the dd was ans she said she woke up after we left. When I asked how she was she said she thinks she was asleep, because she had stopped crying. I did not press further, but quite clear from the exchange she was not in the room with dd or she would know.

Yes, she was being paid for the additional hours.

OP posts:

Wildorchidz · 19/10/2019 23:54

How did your husband know that she was asleep on the sofa?

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