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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny dilemma or how many of you nannies have had an affair with an employer?

107 replies

justaphase · 27/06/2007 08:16

I have my hard hat handy here but this is the question:

My best friend's nanny as left after 7 years and she now has to find a new one. She has interviewed 20 ladies in the last couple of weeks. She really liked one girl - she was very enthusiastic about the job and interacted with the kids well.
The problem is, she is 19 and absolutely gorgeous, according to my friend. My friend WOH quite long hours and her dh works from home. So she is having second thoughts.

Her other option is somebody who was recommended by the current nanny who my friend thought was fine but not nearly as enthusiastic and energetic as the first lady.

OK, opinions please.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Judy1234 · 28/06/2007 10:22

She certainly has an attractive boyfriend of her own age. A lot of girls of 19 think - yuck, old to anyone over about 35.

Most adultery arises from opportunity - people agreeing to work away in the week, business trips etc (women as well as men) so I wouldn't put temptation in the way.

Anna8888 · 28/06/2007 10:26

Xenia - don't you think that at any age most women find much older men physically unattractive but that some younger women are able to overlook that fact when assessing a man's desirability on other criteria?

zookeeper · 28/06/2007 10:28

Maybe I should get a job as a nanny.

I'd be snapped up

Judy1234 · 28/06/2007 10:36

Some can overlook it, yes. It depends how choosy you are and also if she's not getting on with her female boss what better way to get revenge than sleeping with the husband for fun? Some people are like that. I don't think we ever had an attractive nanny.

Anna8888 · 28/06/2007 10:38

Xenia - dilemma - bad move to have an attractive nanny (or other domestic helper) vis-à-vis husband but unpleasant to have unattractive person around your house and children all day.

Solution?

zookeeper · 28/06/2007 10:51

Anna888

I can't help noticing that you are following xenia around the board and that you seem to be spoiling for a fight with her. Whilst I have no doubt that xenia can defend herself it's becoming a bit tedious. If you're so happy with your life then why can't you just accept that she may have a different opinion?

Anna8888 · 28/06/2007 10:52

but zookeeper, there is no fight going on here at all .

Anna8888 · 28/06/2007 10:53

actually, I was rather agreeing with her on this thread I thought - just interested in knowing how she would address the issue.

zookeeper · 28/06/2007 10:53

mmm I think you're being a bit economical with the truth

I'll butt out on the (generous) assumption you may be right

Anna8888 · 28/06/2007 10:54

zookeeper - if you read the threads, you'll find that Xenia and I share opinions on a lot of issues - education, economics etc

zookeeper · 28/06/2007 10:55

Indeed

Anna8888 · 28/06/2007 10:55

zookeeper - well, I think you were being a bit paranoid or something - you can violently disagree with a poster on one issue and be totally in tune on another you know

eleusis · 28/06/2007 11:09

That's true. Sometimes even I agree with Anna.

eleusis · 28/06/2007 11:11

Speaking of which, I think that "...but unpleasant to have unattractive person around your house and children all day" is a really shallow thing to say.

Caroline1852 · 28/06/2007 11:11

The wife of married friends of mine (she is the dominant person in the house) vetted their nannies and help in the house staff and was not ashamed to tell us that such and such a nanny was disregarded for further interview because she was too attractive. We all sniggered at her cynicism and attempt to control. Fifteen years later, out of a group of three couples (including me) her marriage is the only one that has survived!

Anna8888 · 28/06/2007 11:13

eleusis - a friend of mine had to end her nounou's contract early because she just couldn't stand the lingering smell of BO... there are some things that are hard to put up with I think.

eleusis · 28/06/2007 11:16

Ok, I'm with you on BO. Just not unattractive. Not really the same thing.

Anna8888 · 28/06/2007 11:18

I'd put "bad personal hygiene" as a sub-category of "unattractive".

Just definitions.

Caroline1852 · 28/06/2007 11:27

There is another thread on the go about a new mother who has hired a nanny and since found out she is a smoker. My little boy's best friend's nanny smokes (his parents work long hours in the city) and when she drops him off for tea - he reeks of cigarette smoke. Having said that she is very good with him and they are clearly very fond of one another. Personally I would offer the smoker money (yep, bribery) to give up. And in the case of BO I would kindly mention it and try and provide help and support. Clearly if the nanny prefers to smoke on or stink on then perhaps she is not that committed to her job in the first place. Perhaps there should be a clause in the nanny contract about smoking and having good personal hygiene standards. Not sure what you do about someone being drop dead gorgeous - perhaps a Shrek mask or a Tellytubbie outfit (with extra padding) to be worn at all times whilst on duty?

eleusis · 28/06/2007 11:36

I think that these things have to be dealt with in the interview stage. I have both covered by sending a questionnaire which asks them if they smoke (if they say "yes" they are removed from the potential nanny list), and I ask them for a picture, and I don't speak to them further until they provide it. This picture is not actually for the purpose of finding out how attractive they are. But, if that was a concern it would help me weed out the pretty ones.

Caroline1852 · 28/06/2007 11:40

Eleusis - How do you field your "Do you smell?" line of questioning?

eleusis · 28/06/2007 11:44

LOL -- that one has actually not occurred to me. And it would be a problem because my nannies are live in. I guess I would have to go through a diciplinary procedure. It has never happened, and fingers crossed my new nanny will be nice and clean!

Judy1234 · 28/06/2007 12:15

20 years ago people were making it a term of nanny contracts they don't smoke. I'm sure they still do. I always have.

On looks a lot of women certainly in London prefer mannies actually - attractive young men etc so let's not be sexist. I'm sure it works both ways.

Anna, I have no problems having people who don't look good around at all. The twins best nanny was about 18 stone, really good. When she left to have her baby I had later some calls from potential employers who all raised her weight and I said it wasn't a problem which it wasn't. Surely if you follow how most people have traditionally been - Snow White fairy tale etc most people's internal aim is to have people around them who look worse to make them feel better as it were.

expatinscotland · 28/06/2007 12:21

I was 19 and had an affair with a married man of 43 for over a year.

I had a lovely body and face but he was one sexy, fit bloke.

I didn't want to marry him, just sleep with him.

He wasn't my employer, he was my professor.

So, yes, it does happen.

No, I'm not proud of it.

But people are attracted to all kinds of things and some have a penchant for older men.

eleusis · 28/06/2007 12:26

But, expat, we expect these sort of stories from you.

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