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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny dilemma or how many of you nannies have had an affair with an employer?

107 replies

justaphase · 27/06/2007 08:16

I have my hard hat handy here but this is the question:

My best friend's nanny as left after 7 years and she now has to find a new one. She has interviewed 20 ladies in the last couple of weeks. She really liked one girl - she was very enthusiastic about the job and interacted with the kids well.
The problem is, she is 19 and absolutely gorgeous, according to my friend. My friend WOH quite long hours and her dh works from home. So she is having second thoughts.

Her other option is somebody who was recommended by the current nanny who my friend thought was fine but not nearly as enthusiastic and energetic as the first lady.

OK, opinions please.

OP posts:

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MintyDixCharrington · 27/06/2007 13:14

oh for goodness sake if she can't trust her husband not to leap on a 19 year old, what is she doing with him?

parp

eleusis · 27/06/2007 13:16

Hmmmmm....

Not that my husband doesn't trust me, of course.

Original poster

justaphase · 27/06/2007 13:18

this is off topic but yes, she has had her current 30-something nanny for seven happy years.

The issue about nanny age is a completely separate one and I think depends on many things. I was in your camp btw and when I advertised for a nanny I said "NU UNDER 25s PLEASE" in the ad.

I ended up with a 21-year-old girl who is absolutely brilliant so I have revised my views since.

OP posts:

eleusis · 27/06/2007 13:22

I actually think there is a big difference between 19 and 21. 21 is my lower limit. In fact, have lovely 21 year old arriving next week. Am very confident she won't be interested in DH.

But, if she is, I am prepared to consider reasonable offers.

MintyDixCharrington · 27/06/2007 13:22

my view is no under 23s

I nearly interviewed a 21 yr old but she disappeared. now am about to hire a 33 year old. Last one was 25 when we hired her 30 when she left.

MintyDixCharrington · 27/06/2007 13:24

but do have 19yr old au pair turning up for the summer!

she won't be left in sole charge of all of them though. except a bit of babysitting.
She is very pretty and thin and american (good teeth!). But my DH would think she was a child

newlifenewname · 27/06/2007 13:26

How ridiculous. She's obviously taking a risk if the level of trust within her marriage is that non existent.

I employed a gorgeous young Au Pair - totally beautiful and good natured, etc. It had no bearing whatsoever on whether she was likely to try it on with my then dp. Unattractive women and men have affairs too!

Anyway, what's a 19 yr old going to see in a sleep deprived middle aged bloke, eh? Just because the dw fancies him doesn't mean totally luscious 19 year olds will fgs.

morningpaper · 27/06/2007 13:27

I think my DH would say "She pumps me up, but you ride me home"

fifilou · 27/06/2007 13:41

we have a beautiful tall blonde cleaner working here! no-ones mentioned that possibility! what about the post lady? If her Dh is going to be unfaithful, he'll do it anyway!

Im a nanny and am happily married! Would never have even crossed my mind when I was single of poaching another womans hubby, and especially not my boss! Eurgghhhh! there are alot of paranoid women out there! surely when you marry someone, its all about turst? If I had ever had the slightest thought my dh would betray me, I wouldnt have even stayed with him, let alone marry him!

elusis: there are two very handsome, toned mannies at the school where my charges go. The mums are slightly frumpy.......

hmmmmm? nothing wrong with employing a bit of eye candy!

would this lady go off with a handsome young Manny? look it from her husbands point of view...poor man is probably lovely and loves her to bits. Hes had children with her for goodness sake!

fedupwithallthispaperwork · 27/06/2007 13:46

she could just employ a male nanny

LaBoheme · 27/06/2007 13:55

This is an interesting one, I do think it's awful and a little pitiful if she clicked with somone who was good calibre, that she would not employ them because their age and looks make her feel insecure.

hatwoman · 27/06/2007 14:03

at your friend. she really needs to work on trust. but having said that I agree with Eleusis (waves - I have just emailed you!) - your friend has an issue whihc means she'd very likely not be the right nanny. Your friend can't spend her life worrying about this, not trusting either of them, getting paranoid and resentful. (but, thinking about it, if this has come up now, maybe it'll come up anyway - what if average looking nanny turns out to love teh same music as your friend's dh, share the same sense of humour, smile at him in a certain way....) and I also agree re age. a 19 year old would have to be truly exceptional and inordinately mature.

Imguilty · 27/06/2007 20:35

Just seen this. Have changed my name here because I am not proud of it but yep I had an affair with my boss.

In my defence I was 22 years old, in a foreign country and fell head over heals in love with him!! Affair went on for quite sometime, the marriage wasn't a happy one even before I got involved (I'm sure I didn't help matters though).

As a mother and wife now, I do not think it wise to put temptation in dh/dp's pathway. I am not proud of what I did and I will not be confessing to my dcs the indiscretions of my youth.

My dh knows all about my squalid past and it is never mentioned.

I was slim, immature and pretty, his wife was a frazzled mum to two very little children. He made the first pass and I resisted for 1 day but boy did I fancy him.

Would I do it again? No not now knowing how hard life is in that postnatal period. I am mortified that I nearly broke up a marriage. He had done it before and I am quite sure he would have done it again and as my final excuse I was terribly young and stupid(and he was gorgeous)

eleusis · 27/06/2007 20:48

Oh, you can't end it there? Did she find out? If so, were you still working for them?

I think 19 is too young for full days of sole charge. That is of course now regarded as unlawful discrimination. But, just you try and prove it.

Imguilty · 27/06/2007 21:12

Eleusis

No she didn't find out, I finally realised that I would never be anything more than a fun lay so left and came back to the UK.

I haven't had any contact with them since then so I have no idea if they are still together.

The grimmer rather sordid side of it was that in between the realisation and the leaving I tried to kill myself as I thought there was no point in carrying on.

Fortunately for me it didn't work, I ended up in hospital instead. I have since realised there is every reason. Another thing not to tell the dcs!!

eleusis · 27/06/2007 21:18

Oh my. What a mess. Glad you came out on top and found happiness.

jura · 27/06/2007 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BecauseImWorthIt · 27/06/2007 21:30

My second nanny was only 18 and straight out of college when I employed her. I wasn't looking for someone that young/inexperienced, but she was the only one who applied for the job!

It was also easier, I think, because she was my second nanny and my children were a bit older (5 and 2).

And she was absolutely brilliant (once I'd taught her how to cook!!! - why don't they teach them that at college?) and stayed with us for 9 years.

Bibis · 27/06/2007 21:41

I employed the laziest nanny possible last year!! She was/is an older lady, about 51 when we got her but I think that her theory was why bother do it yourself when someone else can do it for you.

She came to help us out whilst I was heavily pregnant and seemed to resent the fact that we expected her to do anything whilst I had a rest during the day, who was paying who ffs?!?

I'm not sure that age is always what matters, it is more to do with enthusiasm (obviously not towards the husband).

I would never employ a nanny again, more trouble than they are worth. This obviously is just one person's opinion and there are many wonderful and hard working nannies out there - I have met a few but I also can't justify one at the moment (or afford one).

blueshoes · 27/06/2007 21:44

I know the line that you must trust your dh etc, but if I hired her, the mums on my street and at dd's nursery would think I was bonkers. And their partners would be most tickled and perky.

I too would not go looking for trouble.

Judy1234 · 27/06/2007 22:24

Is the husband really good looking? My 20 year old has a very low opinion of ageing middle aged men.

nannynick · 28/06/2007 07:08

Aim for a more mature nanny. Consider a male nanny - then DH needs to worry about you having an affair, rather than you worry about him having one!

Recommendations can be golden... does the nanny need to be energetic?

Who did you friend gel with best? Relationship is important. Who did your friend feel she could trust?

eleusis · 28/06/2007 08:21

Xenia, I suspect that a daughter of yours probably has higher standards than some (most).

Original poster

justaphase · 28/06/2007 09:08

Well, it is a matter of personal taste but I think her husband is attractive actually.

He also comes from a blue blood family which may or may not be relevant.

OP posts:

StarryStarryNight · 28/06/2007 10:06

Justaphase, forgive me for being judgemental or jumping to conclusions, but I have friends who "move in blueblooded circles" (hard to believe) and I hear many tales about adulterous lifestyles.

One of my good friends have been the other woman to a middle aged "blue blooded" man for the last 5 years. He was her boss (she was not a nanny), she was in her twenties when they met, gorgeous as anything.

I think it changes it a little and I would say If your friend is worried, she probably has reason to. And it should not be difficult to find another aupair/nanny.

Age is not so relevant, maturity and trustworthynes is. My first aupair was so enthusiastic and dedicated she only wanted a few hours off in the middle of the day, she even helped with the kids at night when both came down with a tummy bug, and she was just 19.

But it must be said, about my last stunning aupair, there was nothing sexy about her in her mannerism. It was obvious that sex was not really on her mind. She was very religious though!

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