Au pair - bad gut feeling..

[newdocket]

I'm looking for some advice about our au pair (arrived late September). I've gone back to Uni for a year to do a full time masters and it's proving very full on. I've got 3 DCs (11, 9 and 6) and in term time she takes them to school and picks them up and then is at home with them until I get back at half 4 to 5ish. Holidays and half terms will be busier for her, although I've arranged some activities for the kids this half term (gym days, cinema outings with grandparents etc) so that she would never be in sole charge for a full day.

Au pair is pleasant and on the face of it willing but she seems to have a strange attitude to work. Yesterday I got back from Uni to find the kids parked in front of the telly (they are allowed to watch for half an hour after school so this in itself isn't necessarily an issue) with her upstairs, in her room with the door closed. I knew she wouldn't realise I was back so I stayed downstairs and she didn't come down for another hour! DD had gone up and asked her to help her with a powerpoint but she said she was too busy as she had to email her friend! This isn't on is it? I need to talk to her and tell her what we expect obviously (that when she's with the children, she's with the children, it's like any job) but I can't shake a very bad feeling that if she actually thought it was acceptable to do this she simply isn't the right person to be looking after my kids. I'm feeling tired and strung out, WWYD/say? TIA!

I'm not sure if it is necessarily a big issue. Had she taken the children out somewhere earlier in the day?

Maybe she thought they were tired and just needed a rest. Maybe she needed a rest! She is very young and even with older au pairs you have to really spell everything out. I would just explain that they can only have TV between certain times in the day even during school holidays, but that it's okay for her to tell them just to go and play sometimes, she doesn't need to be constantly entertaining them. If she does have them for a full day, just write a sort of plan for the the day.

Why don't you just tell her what happened. Tell her emailing during working hours and more then half an hours tv isn't allowed. You could always ask her if she needs you to timetable her working hours

She hadn't taken them out for the day, she'd just picked them up from school and it happened then so I can't believe she needed a rest!

Have spoken to her and explained that looking after the children means being with them or certainly being in the vicinity of them, not being 2 floors up with the door closed. She was very apologetic and said she hadn't realised. I'm still a bit concerned that she could have thought it was okay in the first place but we're moving on with a clean slate...

Glad you got your message across.

I agree with Yerazig that some of them come here thinking aupair is a bit of an easy job they fit in between their socialising. For aupairs like yours, I spend a good part of the first two months gently pushing them in the right direction, on top of my already lengthy house rules and timetable, to get them to do things to the correct (but hardly onerous) standards. If they do not improve, you have a good case to move them on - once you decide to do that, do it quickly and get another one in.

No point flogging a dead horse when the aupair role really isn't that difficult. They either are prepared to step up or not.

Blue shoes I would love to see some idea of your house rules we have always been able to be pretty slack on this but this year for a variety of reasons mainly founded in differing expectations we have had to Rachet up on house rules. I intend to be much more prescriptive in the future for everyones benefit.