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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

New nanny & extended family wanting to call in

29 replies

Addictedtocustardcreams · 13/10/2015 13:07

I have a nanny starting in two weeks. I have never employed one before. My extended family have started telling me how great this is as they can drop in & see the kids whenever they like as the nanny will be home with them. Is this usually considered ok? I would have thought it might be a bit stressful for the nanny.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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AbeSaidYes · 13/10/2015 13:10

I think I would stress the need to plan visits rather than just drop in as Nanny may have plans with the kids which could be disrupted.
maybe talk to the Nanny about what would suit her?

jclm · 13/10/2015 13:29

Usually nannies would dislike this because this would disrupt their routine with the children. It might work if grandma can come at a specified time to lool after the children and then the nanny could have 30 mins break and rest in another room. It would not work if grandma is hanging round whilst the nanny is trying to do lunch/tidy up/get ready to go out. X

wizzywig · 13/10/2015 13:33

I think it'd put yr nanny in a difficult situation of having to adjust/ cancel plans that she may have made for yr kids if family turn up. Also it may be hard for her to discipline yr kids if family are around

Stillunexpected · 13/10/2015 14:08

Is this just idle chat or are your family likely to be calling in unannounced all the time? If they are going to call around once or twice before losing interest, I wouldn't worry too much but if they are going to be constantly ringing the doorbell I would stress that they need to phone beforehand and if nanny says it's not suitable then they don't come! I can foresee poor nanny trying to get out for an outing/put baby down for a nap/get lunch ready while grandma is hovering in the background. Alternatively, she ends up spending nap time, when she might try to have a break or do some child-related laundry, actually making tea and chatting to random family.

Yerazig · 13/10/2015 14:09

In the nicest way that would be my idea of a nightmare and actually would make me reconsider a job offer if that would be the case. If your family wanted to come at a set time each week which enabled me to do batch cooking or giving me an early finish, by all means that's fine. But if it was a case where they would randomly drop in, in the nicest way if I'm being made to hang about with them and the children it's not something i would be happy with. I'm being paid to do a job (even if it is someone's house) I still expect to be able to do my job efficiently which i wouldn't be able to do if I had family popping in at random points during the week.

mintbiscuit · 13/10/2015 14:17

I would wait until a month or so before broaching subject with nanny and ask her how she feels and what might work. Give her a chance to find her feet first and get to grips with a routine. Tell your family what you are doing and to bear with you in those first few weeks. And remember if you had chosen to send your children to a nursery or childminder your family wouldn't get to see them then as it would disrupt the routine for caregivers. Same applies here I think.

NannyNim · 13/10/2015 14:23

I'm a nanny and I've had arranged visits from family before and whilst it's meant I can tidy/cook/do laundry etc in truth it does make my job more difficult. It disrupts our routine and the children behave differently around their grandparents than they do for me. Grandparents let the children do things I don't let them do and I let the children do things the grandparents don't so discipline becomes an issue. Also, as nice as the family is, their not my family so I don't necessarily want to spend my afternoon making small talk.

I'd never refuse a visit for these reasons - they're very important people in my charges' lives obviously - but it's not easy and the nanny's job needs to be respected and boundaries put in place.

Original poster

Addictedtocustardcreams · 13/10/2015 14:42

Thank you so much for the replies. I don't know how I would have organised this nanny stuff without MN. My reason for not asking the nanny was in case there was a chance she felt like yerazig! I don't have time to find a new nanny before I go back to work! My feeling was that it wouldn't really be the done thing & would be unfair to her while she was settling in. It is my DH who thought I was over-reacting. The person who most wants to come is my MIL. I think I may even reference this discussion in my explaination of why random dropping in isn't happening!

OP posts:

stepmad · 13/10/2015 14:45

One job I had there was a knock at the door and sone claiming to be the child's uncle. Turns out he was but I refused to let him in as I did not know him bosses had said there was one who lived in Wales. He had to go to a coffee shop while I tired to contact my employers as this title unannounced.

nannynick · 13/10/2015 20:36

As a nanny I would dislike having people randomly turn up. It is too disruptive. Nanny and the children will not be at home all the time, it is not like nursery, a nanny will out and about quite a lot, apart from times when little children are sleeping (so don't want to be disturbed then).

Having them come to stay for pre-arranged times is fine.

Once nanny has met them, if they get along then maybe your nanny would be willing to meet up with them on specific occasions. It can be very useful to have another pair of helping hands on a trip to a museum, castle, swimming pool. So if relatives want to help out and if your nanny is happy for them to help out, then that could be arranged.

lushaliciousbob · 13/10/2015 20:59

In my relatively new job, the grandma has called in twice. I would love her to call often she is just great! it reminds me of when I was little and had family members popping over and I like that for the charges too. she doesn't come because she doesn't like to interfere but I do tell her she is always welcome (but she would always text first as we are out a lot!)

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/10/2015 22:48

Def not ok to pop in all the time

Fine to have arranged times and if possible let nanny go home hour early

Why can't they pop round at weekends to see you and kids

Callaird · 13/10/2015 23:29

I have two grannies and a grandpa at work tomorrow morning, I've told my boss I'll start late! One 2 year old does not need 4 adults to give him breakfast and get him dressed. I like plenty of notice for family visits, at least a week. This is the first job I've had where the grandparents like me to be around. All my previous jobs, granny/grandpa has walked in the door, said give me my grandchild/ren and buggier off, in the nicest way of course!

I would not be happy with people dropping in unannounced, even my bosses! They have strict instructions to call if they are coming home early. Mainly because I like the house to be tidy when they get home and I know they'll tell I can go when they get in and I'd be horrified that they'll have to tidy up crafts/baking/a million toys that we were playing with (and the fact that they never put things where they belong!)

HSMMaCM · 14/10/2015 07:55

I agree with the others. If granny comes every Friday afternoon and nanny uses this time to change sheets, batch cook, etc maybe ok. Even better, nanny drops of the children at granny's house every Friday lunchtime and you collect them on your way home from work. It will just be disruptive and uncomfortable otherwise I think. If they refused to pre-arrange and kept dropping in at inconvenient times, I would just make sure I was out all day every day.

AdoraBell · 14/10/2015 08:09

Not a nanny, and never employed one either, but I wouldn't be comfortable with this either. You say DH thinks you are over reacting. How does get his work done with family turning up at his work place as and when they feel like it?

Or does he expect to be left in peace to work while he is at work?

Original poster

Addictedtocustardcreams · 14/10/2015 08:58

Adorabell- this is why I am so grateful for all the advice I have received on MN as after reading this thread put it to DH exactly like that last night. I.e. She might be working in our home but our nanny will be a professional at her place of work & that made sense to him. Have already dealt with SIL & her plans now just need to speak to MIL! The reason why she wants to come & see the kids when nanny is there is because she is fixated on seeing them when I am not around. I am not quite sure why (although there are a host of other issues in the background which suffice to say are far too long for this thread!). She will just have to put up with me!

OP posts:

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 14/10/2015 09:03

I agree with pp's - and also it's not really the nanny's job to entertain your extended family.

nannynick · 14/10/2015 09:23

If MIL wants to see the children that much, why has she not offered to care for them a couple of days a week? Then you could have had a part-time nanny.

dinkystinky · 14/10/2015 09:32

My parents occasionally pop in to see our boys when my nanny is looking after them - they have her mobile no to contact her to see if she's around. But its once a month (if that) this happens and has only been happening over the past year - and she has been our nanny for nearly 9 years so by now knows my folks and gets on with them and is comfortable in our house and her role. She doesn't entertain my parents (they know where the tea is so they can help themselves) - and your nanny shouldn't have to either.

I'd tell the inlaws to let the nanny find her feet and her own way with the kids, without them dropping by.

Original poster

Addictedtocustardcreams · 14/10/2015 13:10

Nannynick- that will not be an option. She was desperate to look after DD when I was on my first mat leave, but amongst other issues was not reliable enough. It was a total disaster.

OP posts:

amarmai · 26/10/2015 22:56

op are you happy to hear what the nannies are telling you because it's your ils and you do not want them in your house when you are not there? If it was your s and m wd you even be asking? Thing is it's not the nanny's house - it's yours and your dh's . The nanny is your employee and she should not decide who comes into your house, you and your dh shd. Be careful not to give your employee power over you , your child and your home.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 27/10/2015 15:13

God no. Don't do it. You'll just get a drip feed of semi negative feedback which will undermine you and your family's decision to employ a nanny simply based on the fact that your MIL would do it differently.

Resist, resist, resist.

[Caveat - I get on v well with my MIL, am not a nanny but have employed a nanny for 5 yrs until recently]

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/10/2015 21:13

Yes the nanny is an employee but op is obv a caring employer as wants to make sure nanny is happy

And this thread shows that nannies don't want grannies to suddenly turn up every day /week without notice

amarmai · 27/10/2015 21:59

The house does NOT belong to the employee . Her family has a right to visit their grandchild. Why wd the nanny object if there is nothing to hide?

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/10/2015 00:05

Because some grannies tend to pop in at the wrong moment ie tea bath homework or nanny may have plans and a play date

Nothing wrong with granny popping in / but planned and organised visits

Sounds like op actually doesn't want granny popping in anyway

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