New Au Pair

[pnfindlay]

Hi there,

My wife and I (thats right, a dad writing on mumsnet, not sure if this is allowed....) are due to have our first child. We both have fantastic careers and my wife has decided to go back to work part time. We have decided to go down the route of an Au Pair and signed up to AuPair World, we were inundated with applications (208) and narrowed it down to a manageable number. We conducted a number of Skype interviews and were lucky enough that one of our favourites was in London with her family on vacation so we had the opportunity to meet in person. This put our mind at ease as we have never done this before and you hear of all the horror stories of the web.

We have put together a very attractive package for our Au Pair. We are paying above the recommended average, covering the cost of English lessons, providing 3 days off per week inc most evenings plus 4 weeks paid holiday. She has her own en-suite room with Wifi and we will make sure she feels like part of the family and not an employee.

But we are wondering if there is any tips/advice that we should consider from some seasoned pro's that we may have missed. Has anyone ever asked their Au Pair to surrender their passport for safeguarding until trust has been built up?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

It sounds like you are trying to be very considerate and will be very welcoming to your new au pair. I think it is important that you sit down with her at the start and agree ground rules together. That way she can feel confident about what she can/can't do and there is no resentment building up on either side.

However, you absolutely cannot ask her to surrender her passport. You worry about a breach of trust but if I was an au pair I would be extremely suspicious of anyone who asked me to do this and it sends out completely the wrong message.

It sounds to me that what you need is a nanny not an au pair. I wouldn't even consider leaving a new born with an unqualified teenager and I expect you might feel differently about doing this once the baby is born. Au pairs are effectively visitors in your own home who are paid pocket money to help out, not cheap nannies.

And No, it. Isn't reasonable to even consider taking her passport off her!!!! If you don't trust a person then don't employ them.

Are you asking your AP to have sole care of your newborn while your wife is at work?

I thought this was reading quite well until I got to the passport bit. No you absolutely cannot to this, that's insane? Surely a wind up, who in their right mind would confiscate someone's passport, that's the kind of think you read about in trafficking reports in the news.

Also I agree that newborns/very young babies should be looked after by experiences nannies not au pairs. Personally I wouldn't use an au pair unless the child was older than 2.

Do this, not to this obviously

The surrendering of the passport was something we read but felt unsure about, was this the norm etc. Hence the asking if anyone had heard of this or done something similar.

My wife will work part time and I work from home 2 days per week so there would always be someone in the house with the Au Pair and the baby. Its just when i'm working and on calls etc I may not be able to provide the full attention required so we wanted someone to be here.

Au pair for a baby?
No
You need a nanny
Au pairs are equivalent to leaving with a trusted babysitter but they're not qualified in any way

Also surrendering passport creates tied labour which is illegal

Well definitely not the norm as far as I am aware, and possibly illegal too, so no don't do this. If the au pair will have one of you nearby at all times and in case of emergencies/illness etc then it is less of an issue. I still don't think au pairs have the training necessary to look after young babies, but that's my personal view. Otherwise the package you have out together seems a good one.

If you work from home I think it is reasonable to expect that you will be available to help the au pair for small emergencies, but if you get involved with anything else you just won't be able to get any work done. Looking after a newborn is a very big ask, it's quite demanding and exhausting - are you sure an unqualified au pair will be able to cope?

You need a nanny not an au pair. You have no legal right to ask for her passport. Have you got a contract? You need to be absolutely clear as to what hours she is working, who is getting up in the night with the baby and whether she has to do any tasks unrelated to the baby such as cleaning or cooking. Sounds to me that you actually need a nanny.

It sounds like you are trying to get round employment law and legislation by calling your nanny an au pair.

I think you need to catch on quick. You sound terribly ignorant.

What attracted you to the idea of an Au Pair rather than a Nanny?

An au pair should not be looking after a child under two. Read the govt advice regrading au pairs. And as for sure ding her passport...what on earth are you thinking? You cannot hold her hostage!

I think you can if you let her use the wifi Pirates

As others have said, you cannot possibly ask her to hand over her passport! What are you thinking?!

If either of your "fantastic careers" are in the city or the law and you were found to have breached employment or tax legislation it could have implications for deeming you "fit and proper".

As for false imprisonment and modern slavery...

While we appreciate everyones opinions and comments, i think most people are missing the words that were written. We did not suggest we would ask for the surrender of her passport not did we imply this. We simply asked if anyone had heard of such requests being put into practise. We are new to this and thought such forums were here for advice not to be ridiculed or accused of slavery.

As also mentioned, the baby will never be home alone with our Au Pair, she is here to support us not do our role as parents.

So, OP - as I asked up thread, what interested you in an Au Pair rather than a Nanny?

Your are not giving us any credibility if you think we'll believe you were just asking out of a casual interest. You were asking because you wanted advice as to whether you should do this too. Otherwise why ask?

If you want advice then you have to accept that sometimes you won't like what you get.

I don't see why the OP can't have an au pair to help out with a baby when there is someone at home all day.

Anyway, make everything clear up front.
We have a au pair bible which lists everything from how to do the washing to payment for extra hours she works, calling if she is going to be out overnight, car use, exactly what is expected cleaning wise.
Be very very exact, e.g. write down every single little thing she would be expected to do when cleaning the kitchen for example - spray surface with cid kitchen cleaner, wipe with a cloth with hot water and then wipe with kitchen roll.
We have a very big section on safety. Assume that your au pair knows nothing about children and state the obvious. Make it very specific to your house and child.

There is nothing to stop an au pair from leaving when they want to, however, we encourage our au pairs to do a language course and then cover part of the costs, bit as its usually paid termly, they have an incentive to stay for the whole term if they are paying for some of the cost themselves.
We also do not pay holiday pay until they have come back from holiday.

Its very important that both sides feel like they are getting a good deal from the situation. We have never had an au pair leave early, some have stayed longer than they initially supposed to.

With a new baby, its unlikely that you're going to want to use your babysitting nights that often (you'll both be very tired), so I would make it clear that at least one night a week, you and your wife have dinner alone, or it will start to cause some resentment.

Good luck, our au pairs have made my life so much easier.

An au pair for a baby would be expected to clean and cook but not be in 'charge' of the baby. It sounds to me like you need a 'mother's help' type employee or a nanny who could have sole charge.

Being in the house on work calls/computer is different to caring for the baby. It sounds to me like you want the extra pair of hands to look after the baby. That is not the role of an au pair.