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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

New Au Pair

105 replies

pnfindlay · 28/02/2015 10:42

Hi there,

My wife and I (thats right, a dad writing on mumsnet, not sure if this is allowed....) are due to have our first child. We both have fantastic careers and my wife has decided to go back to work part time. We have decided to go down the route of an Au Pair and signed up to AuPair World, we were inundated with applications (208) and narrowed it down to a manageable number. We conducted a number of Skype interviews and were lucky enough that one of our favourites was in London with her family on vacation so we had the opportunity to meet in person. This put our mind at ease as we have never done this before and you hear of all the horror stories of the web.

We have put together a very attractive package for our Au Pair. We are paying above the recommended average, covering the cost of English lessons, providing 3 days off per week inc most evenings plus 4 weeks paid holiday. She has her own en-suite room with Wifi and we will make sure she feels like part of the family and not an employee.

But we are wondering if there is any tips/advice that we should consider from some seasoned pro's that we may have missed. Has anyone ever asked their Au Pair to surrender their passport for safeguarding until trust has been built up?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OutragedFromLeeds · 28/02/2015 12:44

OP The passport thing is so utterly unreasonable, not to mention illegal, that it goes beyond 'oh we're new to this'. You need to have a serious word with yourself about why you thought even for a second that it was an appropriate thing to do. You also need to look at where you 'read' about it, because it was not on any law abiding website. You deserve to be ridiculed because it was such a stupid question. I hope you understand that now.

Having an au pair care for your baby while you work from home could work well, particularly if she is already an experienced au pair and is hoping to become a nanny. How old will the baby be when your wife goes back to work? Very tiny babies need round the clock attention and that is too much for an au pair. You've come for advice, take it from those of us who know! It won't work with a newborn. If the baby is 6 months+ and in a good routine it could work. It may be worth holding off on employing anyone until the baby arrives and you understand the reality of looking after it. If you still think you can work and care for the baby then go for the au pair, but you might find once the baby is actually here you'd feel more comfortable with some qualified childcare.

Original poster

pnfindlay · 28/02/2015 12:47

MovingonUp - You make a valid point, we were asking advice. This is the first time we are doing such a thing and wanted to learn the do's and dont's there is so much conflicting information on the web and in a safe guarding post we read that someone had done this. We wanted to know if this was common practise. At no point did we say we were going to do such a thing.

Karoleann - Thank you for your informative and constructive post.

OP posts:

Piratespoo · 28/02/2015 13:12

So if the au pair is not going to be looking after the baby, what will she be doing?

Original poster

pnfindlay · 28/02/2015 13:20

Piratespoo - I assume you can't read either! This is becoming a little tiring. The Au Pair will helping us look after the baby but will not be in the house alone with said baby.

If people don't have anything worthwhile saying then maybe its best to say nothing at all.

OP posts:

Koalafications · 28/02/2015 13:34

I suspect you are avoiding the question as the only answer you can come up with is 'because Au Pairs are cheap'

PastPerfect · 28/02/2015 13:38

You need a nanny.

I work from home one day per week. DCs do not fit well around calls and deadlines. Trust me you need a nanny and an experienced one at that.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 28/02/2015 13:42

What a charmer you are op. If you don't like the posters on Mumsnet may I politely suggest you find a site where people post more to your taste?

Fwiw I completely agree with your final ironic point.

Quitelikely · 28/02/2015 13:47

OP you need a mothers help. These are different in that they are usually older than an au pair and normally have experience with under twos.

The pay is slightly more but they work more hours and can be left alone with a baby.

Good luck with it all

Booboostoo · 28/02/2015 13:54

I am SAHM and I have an inexperienced child carer, but we do everything together so it is easy to supervise and make sure she does things my way. Working with someone is different to being in the same house, doing your job, while she does hers. You can't work from home AND supervised an inexperienced child carer, you'll have to leave her to it which is not a very good idea.

Piratespoo · 28/02/2015 14:55

I can read...can you? If so, read everyone else's answers which say, in effect, stop being a cheap skate and get a nanny!!! If you both have "fantastic" careers, what's the problem?

Laquitar · 28/02/2015 15:14

Are you going to answer Koala's question?
Especially as you have 'fantastic careers' lol?

LaurieFairyCake · 28/02/2015 15:23

OP, you've got the wrong end of the stick entirely about what an au pair should be doing.

When you are 'working from home' for 8 hours of that day YOU will be holding, cajoling, feeding, bathing and taking the baby for a walk.

When you need a shit, make a sandwich, or make a very brief phone call you ask the au pair to look at the baby for that ten minutes.

Same for your wife if she has to 'work from home'.

If you want to actually be working on those days you need a nanny.

No sole charge for under 2's mean you can't be in the house working while your au pair does everything for the baby for 8 hours.

Hope that's clear

Koalafications · 28/02/2015 15:25

No, Laquitar I don't think that OP will answer. No need, we all know the answer.

NerrSnerr · 28/02/2015 15:37

I have a 6 month old baby and there is no way I could care for her properly when working from home, not even with support from an au pair. If you need to actually work then you need a nanny- that's what a nanny does.

Laquitar · 28/02/2015 15:56

I agree Koala.

AlpacaMyBags · 28/02/2015 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Karoleann · 28/02/2015 17:09

Does anyone on this thread actually have an au pair?

An au pair will be perfectly capable of looking after a baby, with you in the house to help if need be, if there was an emergency or she is unsure about something, or the baby is crying a lot, or if she's not sure something is wrong. The OP will not be doing the majority of the care on those days, the au pair will.

Au pairs work 25 hours with 2 night babysitting, 30hrs for an au pair plus. So 2 x 8 hour days is only 16 hours.....which to state the obvious is LESS than 25 hours.

sanfairyanne · 28/02/2015 17:28

i dont think many people leave their babies with aupairs, to be honest, and i am not surprised by that either

getawaynow · 28/02/2015 17:29

I'm a nanny but meet loads of au pairs when out at groups and the park. I've seen them looking after babies and toddlers. Most have been very attentive and caring. Other's more interested in chatting with their friends. I think if you discuss everything expected and tell her to disturb you in the office if she is unsure of anything it will be ok. Though it really depends on the au pair and they are usually inexperienced. Maybe try and find one a little older than average.

I do agree with other posters though and feel a nanny/childminder would be best.

OutragedFromLeeds · 28/02/2015 17:32

I think it would be a really appealing job for an au pair.

(As long as they don't take her passport)

harshbuttrue1980 · 28/02/2015 18:22

Taking her passport won't solve what you are worried about. She can always escape and go to her embassy and get another one. You'll have to lock her in the basement to stop her escaping.

Seriously, if your child grew up and went abroad to be an aupair, alone in a foreign country, how would you feel if someone took her passport away?? You'd surely tell her to get to the British embassy as fast as she can. Or if you were working abroad as an expat and your boss took YOUR passport??

Also, if you took her passport to stop her from running away, do you honestly think she would look after your child lovingly?

If you do this, I hope you get caught and locked up.

PatriciaHolm · 28/02/2015 22:29

OP has said the au pair will get 3 days off: so 4x8 = 32 hours, so at the very top end. She should have 28 days holiday. She should also have plenty of time to go to language classes etc, which is part of the point of being an au pair.

You need a nanny OP. You are expecting too much of a young carer whose job it is to do light childcare, not 4 full days with a small baby, even if you will be in the house. You will be concentrating on working, not doing the bulk of childcare, which is the point.

OutragedFromLeeds · 01/03/2015 00:02

He hasn't said it will be four FULL days Patricia. He is working from home and the mother is working part time so it could be 4 half days or 2 long days and two short days or 3 medium days and a short day or any combination. It is unhelpful to jump to conclusions.

melimelo18 · 01/03/2015 00:20

I don't agree with most mumsnetters on here that an Au Pair is unable to look after a child under 2 (even on her own)... I am not from the UK so obviously the legislation where I am is different but from what I've seen it isn't illegal just not adviced.

I am an Au Pair ( so a bit biased I reckon) and have been one for four different families and mostly took care of babies and under 2 and it was full time, sole care for long hours ( I believe this, though, is illegal in the UK).
I am currently Au Pair in Australia and caring for a 10 months old baby (started when she was 4 months old) and I have been looking after her from 7.30am till 6pm everyday, on my own, while both parents are at work. So obviously your situation sounds rather ideal to me haha.

My point was, that I have MUCH better experience with babies and under 2 than I have with older kids therefore while I am a good au pair for babies I would be a terrible au pairs for older kids as I would not know how to deal with them the way I know to with younger ones.
I think most parents seem to forget that (most of) them too didn't have many experience with babies or kids before they had their own yet nobody at the hospital judged them unable to look after their child because they didn't have a diploma in child development etc...I am actually pretty sure your Au Pair has more experience with babies than you OP but it doesn't me you are not fitted to be a father ( ). So as long as you are confident in your AP experience or know that she is absolutely willing to learn, I'd say go for it !

You seem to be a very fair family and are offering a very interesting package to your Au Pair and seem to care about her well being so I do think an Au Pair would be happy in your family.

You obviously came here for advices which proves to me that you never intended to be abusive and just wanted to know the '' do's'' and ''don't'' when having an Au Pair (which can be quite stressful when you are new to parenting and childcare). So while we all stated that asking for you AP's passport is out of question for legal and moral reasons. I can understand why you asked as you are scared she'll leave you and the baby in the rush.

Unfortunately that's a risk that goes with having an Au Pair and with all other form of childcare so I am afraid that you are going to have to take it.

Good luck and congratulations on the baby ! :)

melimelo18 · 01/03/2015 00:22

it doesn't mean* sorry.

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