New Au Pair

[pnfindlay]

Hi there,

My wife and I (thats right, a dad writing on mumsnet, not sure if this is allowed....) are due to have our first child. We both have fantastic careers and my wife has decided to go back to work part time. We have decided to go down the route of an Au Pair and signed up to AuPair World, we were inundated with applications (208) and narrowed it down to a manageable number. We conducted a number of Skype interviews and were lucky enough that one of our favourites was in London with her family on vacation so we had the opportunity to meet in person. This put our mind at ease as we have never done this before and you hear of all the horror stories of the web.

We have put together a very attractive package for our Au Pair. We are paying above the recommended average, covering the cost of English lessons, providing 3 days off per week inc most evenings plus 4 weeks paid holiday. She has her own en-suite room with Wifi and we will make sure she feels like part of the family and not an employee.

But we are wondering if there is any tips/advice that we should consider from some seasoned pro's that we may have missed. Has anyone ever asked their Au Pair to surrender their passport for safeguarding until trust has been built up?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

yes it does cheer me up
i've only ever known nice people who employ genuine au pairs for older kids, within the original remit of the idea: young, gap year, easy duties with older kids

What do you hope to achieve by confiscating their passport? Preventing them from leaving if it doesn't work out??

I know people who employ au pairs for a range of different roles, but they're all within the au pair remit and all nice people. For example;

SAHM with 5 children. Three school age, one pre-school age, one baby. They share up the school runs, sometimes the au pair does it, sometimes she waits at home with the baby and/or pre-schooler while mum does it. Sometimes she'll have the baby for the morning while the others are at school/pre-school, takes her to a playgroup/singing group so mum can run errands. Works a total of 25 hours a week (or less) and attends language classes. She is 24, plenty of common sense. No qualifications. She is happy. Mum is happy. Kids are well looked after.

2 working parents with 4 children; 3 school age and one baby. Au pair does the traditional morning/after school care of the older three. The baby goes to a childminder. If the parents are late home the au pair will go and pick the baby up and watch him with the older ones for 30mins/an hour. If the baby is sick and cannot go to the childminder dad will work from home and the au pair will care for the baby (if she doesn't have pre-arranged plans). Works a total of 25 hours normally, is paid extra for any overtime. She is 26, qualified in childcare in her native Spain. She is happy. Parents are happy. Kids are well looked after.

2 working parents with 2 children; 1 school age and 1 pre-school age. Au pair works a total of 25 hours, but over three days. Picks up little one from pre-school at 12pm and the bigger one from school later. I'm not sure how old she is, but I'd say early 20's. She is happy. Parents are happy. Kids are well looked after.

It doesn't have to follow the traditional/standard before/after school care to be a fair and appropriate au pair role. I think the 'pool' of au pairs changed massively with the recession. There are now many older, qualified potential au pairs.

The passport thing is not unheard of but tends to happen in cases where the employee needs a visa to remain in the country and the visa is conditional on having a job. By keeping the passport the employer makes sure the employee can never quit. It is incredibly abusive and generally practiced on employees who are vulnerable as they may not speak the language of the country where they are working, they may not know employee rights in that country or lack the courage to go to the authorities for fear of being deported.

Many years ago there was a case in Greece where a couple were believed to have tortured and killed their employers in order to get back their passports.

OP - I'm sorry you've had so many negative comments on this thread. Some of the posts have been useful, but others have been just plain rude. You can get some people's backs up by announcing you have a "fantastic career" and they'll find any excuse to make mean jabs at you.

I'm a new mum with a "fantastic career". When I was pregnant I posted a similar thread about childcare. My question was "can I ask my MIL to look after the baby when I go back to work" and many posters made me feel like I had my head in the clouds. (But in the end, the answer was "yes" so I guess I win.)

Take what useful tips you can, and don't let the nasty comments hurt you.

My own take on what you're asking is:

1. Au pairs are probably a bit too inexperienced to look after a newborn. I say this as a new mum of a 4-month-old. I don't know about legals, but I personally wouldn't want to leave my daughter with one.
2. Newborns are a lot of work, and unless your au pair is very accomplished, you probably won't manage to do much work from home. To put this into perspective, I signed up to do a distance-learning course (certificate in medical education, PGCert) during maternity leave, thinking I'd have tonnes of time. But in reality I manage to do 1-2 hours work max, on a good day, and I'm not going to finish the course on time.
3. Don't take her passport. (I get that you were asking with a degree of incredulity rather than hoping you can really take her passport.)
4. I'd strongly advise putting off the decision until your baby is born. Your wife might change her mind about whether/when she wants to go back to work. During pregnancy I thought I'd be leaving my baby with babysitters/family all the time, while I go out and do fun things; but since she was born I've been reluctant to leave her for even 1-2 hours at a time with close family members.

Good luck with it all!