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Original poster

mum brought baby but no milk

121 replies

amphion · 24/10/2006 20:08

Had a trial morning with a 5 month old baby - from 9.30 to 12.
All went well except his mum brought him 'breakfast' - pureed fruit, and water from a trainer beaker to drink, which I did manage to get him to eat but he did seem like he really wanted a bottle but hey ho I did what mum wanted. (He had had a bottle already earlier in the morning.) When mum picked him up I asked if she would be giving him some milk at next feed but she said no, he would have 'lunch'. Oh dear, I'm a bit worried now she's going to keep me short of milk for him - afterall he's still a small baby - isn't he? Any advice?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Greensleeves · 24/10/2006 22:42

...and asking lots of questions and liaising with the parents is the right and responsible way to proceed IMO

beckybraAAARGHstraps · 24/10/2006 22:57

Ah. Peace and Harmony.

sorrell · 24/10/2006 22:58

For me, it's not your view that is the problem so much as the pretty tetchy and even quite rude way you expressed it. You sound like you in a bad mood, and you did misquote HMo2!

The actual post -
as a childminder, you are perfectly entitled to have an opinion. If you feel they are not giving him enough milk (sounds like they're not imo) then of course you should say so.

It may be they would welcome a bit of guidance. They may have cut the milk down and increased the solids too quickly. He is definately too
little to go from breakfast to lunch and have no milk at all imo.

  • is not dangerous or irresponsible or nasty in the slightest. And I don't think childminders are servants who should never dare say anything to the parents of the children they look after. They tend to have knowledge and experience, and that's exactly why a lot of parents choose a childminder.
beckybraAAARGHstraps · 24/10/2006 22:58

Or not....

sorrell · 24/10/2006 22:59

Sorry if I spoiled the peace and harmony!
Just felt HMo2 was getting a really rough ride for an innocuous post.

Greensleeves · 24/10/2006 23:01

Well, obviously I don't agree with you, sorrell, bu I can't see the point of repeating myself, so I won't. I didn't misquote her, though. I just interpret her slightly differently from you.

I've read my posts again, and if I felt that I had been unduly rude, I would apologise - I frequently do on MN - but on this occasion I don't think I overreacted, I'm happy with what I said.

I think that's it really, unless you want to go over it all again?

sorrell · 24/10/2006 23:07

You said she talked about 'professional guidance' which HMo2 never wrote. I think it's OK to say that you think someone's had a rough time on a thread. This is clearly a fight carried over from other threads though and has completely taken over the OP, sadly.

Original poster
amphion · 24/10/2006 23:08

OMG, just got back from watching tv wiv family and seen all this - obviously a very emotive subject, but it's helpful to know that people have very different ideas about weaning, and will respect parent's wishes and talk to them if I have problems - I'm sure baby is well-loved and looked after and will get on fine. Goodnight all.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 24/10/2006 23:09

No, it has nothing to do with other threads. I responded to what she said, and I have explained quite clearly why I felt it was relevant to the OP. This, on the other hand, is a waste of time. So shall we drop it?

scarysuejonez · 24/10/2006 23:09

hello amphion - thought maybe you'd taken cover in a sandbagged bunker!

mustcackleorsuckbloodmore · 24/10/2006 23:18

This is why i never want to be responsible for other people's kids.

FreakyFloss · 24/10/2006 23:22

Personally after having four of her own children and many years experience if my CM 'suggests' something, which as a frequent carer of my DS I fully beleive she should be able to do, I take it very seriously. If my CM didn't know what she was talking about then I wouldn't entrust my DS to her.

Original poster
amphion · 25/10/2006 07:52

Now I've read properly all the messages from last night I think what comes across is that there is some concern over this for me (I will be looking after mindee for the whole day when I start proper) but I have to be very careful about respecting parent's wishes, so thank you everyone. Perhaps it's about balancing everyone's needs - parents', mindee's, and dare I say it, mine. Thank you Greensleaves too as you've given me more insight into how a parent might feel about this.

OP posts:
HappyMumof2 · 25/10/2006 08:23

Message withdrawn

Original poster
amphion · 25/10/2006 08:25

hunkermuker, took me a moment to get it but !

OP posts:
looneytune · 25/10/2006 08:38

Can I just give you another view on this by sharing one experience with you:

One of my mindees started when he was 5 months old (actually he was on food and not much milk all day too but I knew what that was all about). When changing nappies I used to think what unusual bits he had 'down below'. I agonised over whether or not to say something, I got advice from other childminders etc. and decided not to say anything as I thought she'd be mortified and think I was critising her ds in some way. Also, she wasn't a new mum and saw health visitors and Dr's regularly for other reasons.

Well, one day she told me how she'd found out there was a problem with his bits and I mentioned that I did at one point want to say something but explained how awkward it was and that I was advised not to. She pleaded with me to tell her if I ever had an opinion on something again and said to please not keep it to myself. I felt awful but it was such a difficult position to be in. Now we know each other better, I'm always giving 'advice' on what to feed, how to feed, sleep etc etc. But of course I know how to say what I think and always say I'm not a professional blablabla but she really does welcome the advice.

All parents are different but I just wanted to explain that parents can get upset with you for 'not' saying something aswell as for saying something without being subtle.

Good luck

looneytune · 25/10/2006 08:43

BTW, I also don't understand why Greensleeves jumped on HMo2 like that???

smeeinit · 25/10/2006 11:36

hmm just read whole post and im seriously wondering if greensleaves may need a little guidance herself?!
seems to me that you are implying that us childminders have no right to offer guidance to parents of whom we have a special relationship with and who obviously value us enough to leave their most precious children with us?
having read the post i dont see anywhere that hmo2 has implied that she is a healthcare proffesional or that she is "qualified" to give advice. however we cms are qualified in our line of work and have every right as cms and human beings to give any advice,guidance,help,opinions to whomever we wish. whether the guidance etc is taken is up to the indivdual recieving it
its called freedom of speech!

HappyMumof2 · 25/10/2006 11:46

Message withdrawn

sleepycat · 25/10/2006 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sorrell · 25/10/2006 12:07

I am a parent too, who used a childminder and was always open to hear her views and advice. I might not take that advice, but if my childminder said, 'You know, I really think X seems to want a bit more milk than you are giving me and he so enjoys it' or even 'most babies I look after have a bottle of milk at 11am and I find it helps them be more contented', then I would be mad not to consider that very seriously. As others have said, if I value this person enough to let them basically mother my very small baby, I should value them enough to listen to their advice and feedback. They don't deserve to be treated like housemaids.

smeeinit · 25/10/2006 14:28

good and fair point sleepy cat! let her waffle on and listen politely!! i like it!
weather it be a cm a friend a relative or a total stranger most people offer advice/opinions with the best intentions and thats exactly what they are...............advice/opinion of one person.not laws that we all must follow or god forbid!!
i myself dont have many years of cming behind me but i have bought up 2 delightfull teenagers and have worked as a nursery nurse for many years prior to becomming a a cm and do feel that if i can offer any advice be it considered good or bad then i have the neccesary life experience to warrant me putting my opinions across and i would hope that anyone in any form of child care would feel the same as i feel that it our duty to do so.

Ineedaholiday · 25/10/2006 17:51

One of my mindees was about6 months old when he started with me and he only used to drink about 4 ozs milk at lunchtime and had food to eat at lunchtime/ snacktime I had him from 8 till 4.30.
His mum said he just didnt really like the milk, and that he was fime as he had enough milk to drink in the morning and at night. She had checked this out with her healthvisitor and gp.
Its a hard one though, but subtlty isnt my strong point so I would just ask if she could leave him with some milk or a carton 'just incase he was still hungry' while he was settling in and try and find out more about his routine for the rest of the day.
The parent surely isnt going to be offended or put out about you taking an interest in her baby.
Good luck and hope everythings ok
The only way to find out is to ask her.

hoolagirl · 26/10/2006 10:31

Im alwayas asking my cm for advice and she's happy to give it.
If there's something troubling her, she always says so and I appreciate it !

catew · 27/10/2006 23:55

I have read this whole post this evening and am amazed at the way Greensleeves feels she can speak to people, gosh if I had my child with her and read what she had written I would be giving her notice on monday. Why she feels she has the right to talk down to happymumof2 I don't know, her arrogance and self worth are astounding!