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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

mum brought baby but no milk

121 replies

amphion · 24/10/2006 20:08

Had a trial morning with a 5 month old baby - from 9.30 to 12.
All went well except his mum brought him 'breakfast' - pureed fruit, and water from a trainer beaker to drink, which I did manage to get him to eat but he did seem like he really wanted a bottle but hey ho I did what mum wanted. (He had had a bottle already earlier in the morning.) When mum picked him up I asked if she would be giving him some milk at next feed but she said no, he would have 'lunch'. Oh dear, I'm a bit worried now she's going to keep me short of milk for him - afterall he's still a small baby - isn't he? Any advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Greensleeves · 24/10/2006 22:09

But they are not healthcare professionals, they are childminders. They are paid - and qualified - to mind other people's children, not dispense nutritional "guidance" to parents. If the OP is unhappy with the parents' instructions to her re. the care of the baby, she should say so and refuse to take him, or discuss her concerns frankly and honestly with the parents, not offer her "guidance" from a professionally qualified position as a doctor or dietician might do. HMo2's advice is ridiculous and irresponsible.

Skribble · 24/10/2006 22:10

MY DS was fed every 3.5 hrs to 4 hrs as a newborn. If he is only there 9.30 to 12 certainly at 5mth my DS wouldn't have been due a bottle. I can't remember how much actual solids he would have had but feeds were at least 4 hours apart at 5mth, plus he was BF.

hairymclary · 24/10/2006 22:12

ditto skribble. presumably the mother will leave him with everything he needs for the length of time you're looking after him.

HappyMumof2 · 24/10/2006 22:12

Message withdrawn

Katymac · 24/10/2006 22:13

I know that us childminders feel very strongly about the care of our children (mindees)

I have given notice to a parent because I was unable to feed her child the way she wanted. She has since spoken to me and assures me that if I hadn't taken a stand - she would never have seen the HV about it and changed the way she fed her DC. It would have caused him harm if it had continued long term.

Although all childminders are not necessarily experts on nutritian - I think asking for help is the best thing to do.

I too have had a parent who limited their child's milk during the day - so that they could give the bottles in the morning or evening

If the mum can't give you more milk (& doesn't explain her reasoning fully) then I would probably not have the child - but it could just be a misunderstanding

sorrell · 24/10/2006 22:14

"It may be they would welcome a bit of guidance"
I fail to see what is 'arrogant' or 'irresponsible' about that. Surely that extreme reaction can't just be to that harmless comment? Is this about something else I don't understand?

AlfredAitchcock · 24/10/2006 22:15

wow, wouldn't have picked this for kicking off...
isn't it okay for a CM to ask about feeding times (ish) and then if they're not giving milk during the day at just five months old mention that in her experience that is kinda unusual?

i do think that this is a tricky problem... dd is 10 months old and still gets a bottle or two during the day. however i do notice that if she's with her grandma for the day she maybe only has one bottle, but i'd want to know that it was there if she needed it.

would you all really be offended by some gentle questioning from a childminder? it's just not something i have experience of, but given that it seems unusual wouldn't you think that the mother would be keen to explain what her thinking was so that she and the CM could work in partnership?

Greensleeves · 24/10/2006 22:15

Because you are not qualified to offer "guidance" on child nutrition, HMo2. You are paid to mind children according to their parents' instructions, and if you don't want to do that, you should either refuse to take that child, ask for a meeting so that you can tell the parents why you're not happy with their instructions, or undertake some proper professional training (as a dietician perhaps, or a paediatrician?) so that you can offer "guidance" from a more qualified perspective. You are certainly not in a position to dispense guidance to parents as a childminder.

Greensleeves · 24/10/2006 22:16

Huge difference between asking parents for more information about the child's routine/asking to discuss your concerns, and offering "professional guidance" which you are not qualified to give.

HappyMumof2 · 24/10/2006 22:21

Message withdrawn

sorrell · 24/10/2006 22:22

Why all those 'should's' Greensleeves? Who says those are the rules? I know plenty of people who were very happy and DID welcome some guidance from their childminder, especially with a first child, including myself. It's not crime of the century.

AlfredAitchcock · 24/10/2006 22:22

oh okay greensleeves, i've got you now. guidance not the best choice of word, i'd agree. but i do think the OP would actually be irresponsible not to ask for further information. not an interrogation, but there's no more important job than being in loco parentis and as a mother i might bristle at my methods being questioned but if it's for the good of my child and demonstrates that the CM cares then i'd just have to put up with it. and if no resolution could be achieved, then take my child somewhere else.

sorrell · 24/10/2006 22:23

And you don't have to be a doctor to know that five month old babies need milk! This is a very odd row IMO.

hairymclary · 24/10/2006 22:24

but the OP only had the baby for 2 and a half hours.it isn't that unusual that it didn't have any milk during that time

beckybraAAARGHstraps · 24/10/2006 22:24

My mum isn't a qualifed health professional. Did I ask her advice about my children? Too bloody right. Perhaps the word 'guidance' is misleading here, as it has official overtones. But I know when ds was small, I welcomed advice from anyone more experienced than myself. I didn't take it all, but I was happy to be offered it.

Greensleeves · 24/10/2006 22:26

It's not "someone else's thread" HMo2, it's an open forum, and my posts are related to the OP to the same degree that yours are.

I do feel strongly that it is irresponsible - and arrogant - of you to suggest that a childminder is in a position to offer guidance to parents on child nutrition. They are not qualified to do so. There is IMO a big difference between liaising with parents and offering your experiences and suggestions, while respecting the parents' preferences as the overriding factor, and dispensing unqualified guidance.

I don't think that's an offensive point. And neither do I have an issue with you personally, although as you know, this isn't the first time your posts have shocked and alarmed me.

I do have as much right to post as you do though. I haven't sworn at you or told you not to post. I just disagree with your position.

HappyMumof2 · 24/10/2006 22:28

Message withdrawn

sorrell · 24/10/2006 22:30

Well, it struck me as rude and aggressive to be honest. I was very surprised. It isn't arrogant or irresponsible to say, 'perhaps they might welcome some guidance' because plenty of people DO welcome it! It is a fact.

Skribble · 24/10/2006 22:30

Amphion you are quite right to want to know more about the babies routine, once you have found out more it might make more sense. It might not be a good feed routine and you will have to ask yourself if you want to continue providing care for the baby if it conflicts with your own methods I suppose.

Somepeople thought I was mad and old fashioned because I didn't feed on demand and stuck to a 4 hr routine it suited DS and me, different with DD she wasn't as old fashioned .

sorrell · 24/10/2006 22:30

I think shock and alarm is a bit OTT to describe the post too! It's not like she suggested shutting a baby in a cupboard all day!

hunkermunker · 24/10/2006 22:33

Look here for some guidance

sorrell · 24/10/2006 22:33

Poor old amphion was just a bit worried about a tiny baby she was going to care for. I think that's great. Who would want their child cared for by people who didn't worry about them and really want to give them their best?

Greensleeves · 24/10/2006 22:35

I think there's also a big difference between a new mother accepting advice from her mother/a friend/a HV, and a childminder considering herself qualified to offer guidance to parents as a matter of practice. I think it's important for children's safety that any job involving children's care has clear boundaries on both sides. I do find it alarming that a childminder might offer authoritative-sounding guidance to a young parent, and be taken seriously as a percieved professional, when that person is not qualified or trained to offer such advice. There's a difference between friendly advice from a friend and professional guidance from a perceived professional. That's my view. Obviously it's not popular, but I do still have the right to post it.

AlfredAitchcock · 24/10/2006 22:39

i do agree with you, greeny, now that i understand what you are saying. but you did sound unusually tetchy about it...
it's no bad thing to have someone point out that CMs should be ultra-cautious about offering advice/guidance/whatever and making it sound like they are trained in some way to provide it. presumably amphion will now bear this in mind as she, quite responsibly, tries to garner more information about the child's feeding 'routine'.

to be fair, if she's only got the baby for the morning that's not so bad... i had rather misread the OP as saying that she was having a trial and would be taking the child for longer hours in future. still, it won't do any harm to ask a few questions.

Greensleeves · 24/10/2006 22:41

I've no beef with the OP. I just don't like that idea of her or any other childminders reading this to follow HMo2's advice and start dispensing unqualified "guidance" all over the place. It could be disastrous for someone.

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