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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Sacked the AP, atmosphere in house.

181 replies

BoffinMum · 24/04/2014 13:06

Just that, really.
Bit stressed.

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Blondeshavemorefun · 28/04/2014 12:44

Boff if I rem correctly has 4 children and spread out do she has had childcare for years

Over the years I've known her on mn she had some weird nannies - temp and perm / the one from where we do not mention Grin and the odd normal one

BoffinMum · 28/04/2014 13:27

I have had three normal nannies, and indeed one of them, aka LovelyNanny, was on my sofa this morning working out with me how she can help out until I find a more solid solution (she is due to give birth very soon so we are having to take it a day at a time).

I had my first AP in 1987! I have had something like 20 APs and 5 nannies over 27 years. Some APs were only ever engaged for 3-4 months over the summer, that was always the intention. Very few around here in the UK do more than 9-12 months. 6 months is very common. Some have extended their stay with us because they were enjoying themselves. Some come back to babysit sometimes, if they are still in the UK.

As MN old hands will remember, our record for nutty nannies is the one who came for one hour or so, had not actually started work yet, was having a coffee and took a call from her mother who said she was in hospital having a heart attack, DH said, "You must go to see her!" and waved her off, girl never spoke to us again, after 3 days we rang The Place We Don't Name and asked what was going on, we were told the girl had changed her mind about taking the job. NOT very professional. Eden Nannies said she had form doing this and they didn't like trying to place her as she was so unreliable, she preferred riding her pony and was a bit of a princess.

The runner up to the nutty nanny prize is known to Nom de Clavier, as this nanny's college cohort were no better than her. She refused to lock the front door or car as 'That is proxy parenting' and tore bibs off my baby when I wasn't there and made his neck have raw red lines, and refused to acknowledge the fact she was doing it. She tried to serve the kids almost raw meat on one occasion, and on other occasions just didn't feed them properly, they were hungry. She crashed the car (no kids in there at the time, luckily). She was trained at the private college We Do Not Name and had done a two year cookery/nutrition course, food hygiene course, special driving course, and studied baby care for two years. I think they may just have struck her from their register but I can't be sure (maybe Nom de Clavier can tell me as I have always wondered).

I have neighbours who have nannies and APs around here and their experiences are very similar. One of my neighbours just sacked an AP as he slapped her DS, and another AP she had stole a lot of money from her (and other people). I also had a thief once. I just think it can be as fraught a relationship as any working one, except you are often living with people as well, which exaggerates any problems.

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BoffinMum · 28/04/2014 13:31

Can I add that twice I have hired people who have decided they can't be arsed to commute after signing a contract, one never started the job and left me in the lurch, and another worked one month and then left me in the lurch. Both only ever intended to use me as a Plan B, as they were really looking for more local jobs all the time, but never had the courtesy to tell me that. Both we blacklisted by the agencies afterwards.

You can see why I might feel a bit battle scarred sometimes after all this.

Need gin.

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BoffinMum · 28/04/2014 13:33

Just worked out it's 7 nannies if you include those two.

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Blondeshavemorefun · 28/04/2014 13:57

God I rem the bibs round neck and Raw meat incident :( and the long emails we used to have regarding issues and of course cloning me Grin

Loopyster · 28/04/2014 14:01

27 years of nannies?! How many kids do you have?!

Also, get on with writing that book. I don't read cookery shit but you're a great writer.

BoffinMum · 28/04/2014 14:22

I luffs Blondes. Grin

It was awful, wasn't it? You know I had a breakdown shortly afterwards. I was off work for 6 months. All too much. Don't know if I confessed this on MN at the time.

Loopyster, the contract is actually for a serious book for the main job, not a cookery thing (they are my eBooks). A bit of me just wants to lie in bed with the duvet over my head hoping it will go away. I have no head space to write it at the moment.

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BoffinMum · 28/04/2014 14:22

Loopyster, I have 4 kids ranging in age from 26-5

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Loopyster · 28/04/2014 14:44

Ah OK, fair enough re the kids, I'll allow you a lifetime of nannies.

Write the book.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/04/2014 15:13

Grin and snuggles boffy

I think you did mention breakdown to me :(

Insane that stress and childcare and work can do that - but guess easily happens. Thank god for mr boffy !!

BoffinMum · 28/04/2014 15:14

I feel I have nothing to say. Or put it this way, nothing academic enough. It's tough in my field sometimes.

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BoffinMum · 28/04/2014 15:18

It's not insane when you think about it - f/t work, long commutes, spending all your money chasing childcare and then ending up with people disappearing at short notice on very fickle grounds, quite literally leaving you holding the baby and having to make excuses to your colleagues. I am sure I am not alone. There are times I feel incredibly weary of all of this and wondering what it must be like to have one kid and live locally. Colleagues that manage to do that do a lot better professionally. Sadly I used to work locally and was laid off, and apparently it is illegal to sell your children on Ebay Wink

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Loopyster · 28/04/2014 15:25

Any sign of the hamster yet?

Sacked the AP, atmosphere in house.
BoffinMum · 28/04/2014 15:33
Grin I fear the hamster may have been budgie smuggled
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Loopyster · 28/04/2014 15:37

oh good grief Shock

AreWeThereYeti · 28/04/2014 15:44

Blimey,if your youngest is only 5 you have at least another 6/7 or more years left of APs. You are going to be so happy when you say goodbye to the last one.

Fillybuster · 28/04/2014 15:49

Oh Boff I've been reading this thread and feeling your pain and trying hard not too think too hard about the hamster cos it makes me giggle :(

We're only 4 years and 5 APs in, after 4 years with Brilliant Nanny Who Turned Into a Bunny Boiler, and it's tough out there. I hesitate to mention aupairworld, as it's definitely not a short term solution but more like online dating (I'm guessing...Hmm) so takes a bit of time and effort. But we've had 1 decent Hungarian, 2 bloody brilliant Germans, 1 rather princessy Fin and a bloody good Aussie from there. Only the Fin was a bit of a waste of space, but nowhere near as bad as your lot - just a bit precious and not really into the whole AP thing, so came to an amicable end after 4 months.

I do insist that the cleaner has access to the APs room every Friday to keep it under control, but I've also learnt to ask the cleaner how they find it, since I discovered that the Fin couldn't be arsed to pick up her dirty underwear, wet towels, general crap in advance and the cleaner was just edging around the mess....!

Good luck with the next one, and with the book. How do I find your ebooks?

Fillybuster · 28/04/2014 15:50

Ahem. Finn. Of course. Blush

BoffinMum · 28/04/2014 16:02

Filly, any more details about the Bunny Boiler scenario? I am intrigued.

I think childcare is fraught for most people. I think it could do with being more regulated from the employee end so there are penalties for flouncing in a fickle manner and/or being unprofessional. Or maybe some system of regulated feedback so people have to be mindful of the repercussions of their actions.

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BoffinMum · 28/04/2014 16:05

Filly, try Amazon for the second edition:

Austerity Housekeeping

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YoniMatopoeia · 28/04/2014 17:08

We are on our 3rd Spanish au pair. They have all been fab. So far each one has found the next (first was from an agency). It is quite a useful way of doing it (you have to have a good one to start with obviously) as they can be honest about what we are like, what is expected, the area we are in etc. We do interview them too of course.

LUKYMUM · 29/04/2014 01:28

Boffin how have you managed to remain sane through all of this. Sounds like I really need to lighten up. I am dreading the idea of getting another au pair for September. Despite that I've been lucky with this one.

BoffinMum · 29/04/2014 10:15

I am not sure I am that sane, really. You know that shrivelled, unwashed person muttering to herself by the frozen peas in Waitrose? That's probably me. Grin

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SleepySuitcaseSheepie · 29/04/2014 17:41

Sorry you have gone all though this, how is the search going?

Also hoping the college that you do not name is not the one I went too :/

Depends where you are but can you try some localish nanny agencies? Normally smaller and then fees are lower too.

BoffinMum · 30/04/2014 23:01

May just have found someone splendid ...!

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