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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Sacked the AP, atmosphere in house.

181 replies

BoffinMum · 24/04/2014 13:06

Just that, really.
Bit stressed.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
RandomMess · 26/04/2014 08:55

Hope you find some fantastic people. Sometimes I am very grateful for my very small house and simple life! We just need breakfast club and school holiday club fortunately.

Bonsoir · 26/04/2014 08:55

I think when you have both a housekeeper and an au pair that you divide the responsibilities along the lines of what is done collectively for the whole family (meals, general housekeeping, laundry) and what is specific to the children (tidying their rooms - or supervising the DC tidying them!), the children's ironing, folding and putting away of clothes, "babysitting" (may just be keeping them company), delivering/collecting from school and activities, supervising playdates...

OutragedFromLeeds · 26/04/2014 12:02

Are you sure that there isn't some sort of evil spirit resident in your house, slowly driving these people mad? I'm thinking along the lines of The Shining? There are bad nannies,au pairs/childminders out there of course, but for one person to have employed ALL of them seems beyond bad luck. Not just bad ones either, crazy, psychotic ones! Who all appear normal at interview/to the agency and then slowly get weirder the longer they're in your home....maybe what you need is an exorcism?

cowsarescary · 26/04/2014 12:58

I'm mildly disappointed. I though Boff and Bon meant a Teletubby Noo-Noo.

Which, frankly, does seem like perfect a child/house/sanity care-provider solution to me.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/04/2014 15:29

Been away for the weekend and just caught up

Pmsl @ wank tissues - tho how do you know what bodily fluid it is? Maybe snot not sperm?

As you know I adore hammies and had them for years - a little concerned where hammy is? :(

  1. dh did keep the odd bottle of piss (in shed) apparently goo for making bombs / gunpowder / blowing up things ......
BoffinMum · 26/04/2014 18:54

Leeds, I think it must be our Satanic worship rituals, chicken slaughtering, insistence on preparing austerity roadkill in the slow cooker for supper and our regular holidays in North Korea that are tipping them over the edge. Perhaps I should have realised this earlier. Grin

Blondes, I was not going to SNIFF THEM! Perhaps they were just snot. But the quantity of them and the fact they were in the top drawer near his bed looked very strange.

And Shock about the use of piss to blow things up. I never knew that. You learn summat on MN every day, I tell you.

Interview did not go too well earlier but a nanny agency lady has rung and was very sympathetic to our plight, so she might find someone to tide us over the immediate period of stress.

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Marylou62 · 26/04/2014 19:18

I have been following this thread and you are all amazing and so funny! Seriously tho I sympathise with all you working mums struggling with childcare. I would like to think that non of my old MBs ever had the need to moan about me. In fact one of them wanted to clone me to give as presents to her friends! (Hope I dont sound big headed cos I'm not but last MB said I need to sell myself more.) I have 'enjoyed' all your horror stories about x employees and would love to start a thread by nannies/AP/CM about our negative experiences with employers. I could tell you one terrible thing that happened to me, but I wouldn't dare. ( Legal implications?) My last employers thought I should get together with some of my nanny friends and write a book. (She is a journalist.) Any way, I wish you all well in finding the right nanny/AP/CM that fits.

BoffinMum · 26/04/2014 19:47

There are indeed crap bosses too, Marylou. There is one guy out there this evening who sincerely believes I am one of them Grin

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Marylou62 · 26/04/2014 20:50

He'll have stories of how you killed his hamster and kept walking in without knocking when he was...you know whating! I was a nanny in Athens (can tell this story as not England!) I hated it and was so bored. She used to come home with her friends in the evening and wake baby to play then give him back to me to settle...but I wasn't allowed to give him a bottle as was a very strict routine. After 4 months I told her I wanted to leave but would stay till she got someone else. She said I could have night off. When I came back everything I owned was out side the front door! Homeless in Athens at midnight at 21 yrs old. I had a whale of a time after that tho. Oh I could go on.

Marylou62 · 26/04/2014 20:59

I was a nanny for a real 'princess' who I think really enjoyed the fact that she could make her 3 year old cry for her. She 'had to' lie down as she had tennis that afternoon and was soooo tired.(I did the night feeds!) Then she would keep coming into room starting up crying again. Then leave. I got him settled again then she would wander in again!

BoffinMum · 26/04/2014 21:06

I have heard some really juicy stories from some of my nannies and APs about other people. They don't name names but it's all riveting stuff. You seriously wonder what is going on in some people's heads.

I am seeing the Daily Star headline right now, by the way. "Boss ate my Hamster". Grin Nom nom. Had a nice chianti with it. Not.

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Maryz · 26/04/2014 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoffinMum · 26/04/2014 21:12

Marylou, I used to teach some very wealthy/well known kids and some of their parents were total fruitcakes. One of them left her child at school until early evening for me to look after, without any notice whatsoever, 'because it was the rush hour'. Poor kid. I had to go to pick up my own child by 6 so I left her with the caretaker. The mother eventually turned up at 7.30pm! No apology or anything!

Another just didn't come to pick her DD up from school after the kid had been on a trip overseas, because she couldn't be arsed, and expected the organiser of the trip, who had basically given up her half term to take the kids away, to drive her DD the five miles home before going home herself, or for the kid to WALK HOME. This was a Year 6 we were talking about.

There are indeed princesses out there, seriously.

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BoffinMum · 26/04/2014 21:14

Maryz, a voice in my head told me to avoid doing exactly that.

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GreenMonth · 26/04/2014 21:55

How do you know that Maryz?

Maryz · 26/04/2014 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenMonth · 26/04/2014 23:39

Envy (That's nausea not envy.)

LUKYMUM · 27/04/2014 01:58

Marylou62 my aupair is amazing. She tells me stories about other employers and I feel better about myself. But I'm sure in every relationship the are things that irritate families and au pairs.
She still irritates me at times. But when I realised I also irritate myself, then our relationship improved dramatically.

BoffinMum · 27/04/2014 09:08

LUKYMUM self knowledge is very useful.

I get APs at my kitchen table moaning about their employers, and now and then I think I have pointed out it is the AP that IBU. The light goes on, and things get better for them sometimes.

Bear in mind I know many of the employers too. I reckon 20% is tired women being a bit bossy, and 80% is immaturity on the part of the APs.

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GreenMonth · 27/04/2014 20:45

Would you say that there were any red flags at the interview stage with the last au pair BoffinMum? I would be useful for me to add to my list of warning signs to look for.

BoffinMum · 27/04/2014 21:46

I am not sure. Obviously we screen out people who can't answer the question "Why do you want to be an au pair?" (and about a third can't understand this question!) We ask them about their childcare experience and interests, whether they can do a bit of cleaning and put a wash on, whether they can do a bit of cooking, what their hobbies are, how they would expect to discipline a child, how their friends would describe them, how they plan to make friends in the local area, whether they plan to go to English classes, and so on.

The ones who succeed in the job have:

  1. Working mothers, indeed the more hours the mothers work, the better.
  2. Previous experience of paid work where they have had to graft a bit.
  3. A sense of humour.
  4. A good sense of organisation and a sense of focus.

Things that appear on AP CVs that strangely don't seem to impact on success in the role:

  1. Training as a youth leader.
  2. Experience of entertaining children in summer camps.
  3. Babysitting locally.

I think this is because this is highly directed work, either with qualified people telling them what to do all the time, or the kids are asleep, or the parents can be brought back at short notice if there are any problems.

My best ones were:

  1. Former ice cream seller from Switzerland who went on to become an economist.
  2. Trained nursery nurse from Germany x 2.
  3. Trained chef from Spain.
  4. Student from Switzerland who went on to become an oceanographer.
  5. Foodie from France who could make a meal out of anything.
  6. Teacher trainee from Germany, mid course.
  7. Serial AP from Norway - we were her third AP job!

Red flags from past interviews (people we didn't hire):

"I am very afraid of insects"
"I can't go out in damp weather because I get asthma"
"I want you to be my new family"

Retrospective clues it was going to go wrong:

Inability to organise bank account/SIM card for themselves
Arriving with hand luggage only (!)
Parents delivering them to our door (!!)
Turning up to have a leisurely breakfast in PJs when we are all dressed and about to leave the house - usually starts in week 2 if they are going funny.
Shouting at the kids
Reporting to me that my children are ill-disciplined and unresponsive to them after they have been bellowing at them repeatedly in an authoritarian way.
Scruffy appearance (e.g. turning up to school in old sports kit or poorly fitting clothes), bad haircuts and little care of skin/personal hygiene through not washing clothes often enough (usually an indicator they are socially unaware, with hindsight)
Weird way of looking at us, slightly unsettling, again socially inappropriate.Neighbours usually comment on this as well.
Sleeping during working hours (probably the biggest indicator - should always get rid of people caught sleeping on the job, apart form anything else dangerous for the kids)
Spending all evening every evening on Skype speaking to people back home

Things that do not seem to have as much impact as you would think:

Boyfriends/girlfriends coming to stay
Going out nightclubbing a lot
Doing additional babysitting for other people

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Artandco · 28/04/2014 07:13

Boff- if those 7 au pairs were good, how many have you actually had? Do you have a lot of children?
Most au pairs I know of do around 18 months with a family, and most nannies work at least 5 years, often staying until childrns in teens and no longer needed so 10-15 years. Is there a reason you have had so many??

dramajustfollowsme · 28/04/2014 08:30

Boff, he sounds unhinged. Thank goodness you got rid of him.
Hope you get things sorted soon.

NomDeClavier · 28/04/2014 09:14

IME APs stay a year or thereabouts and some only do a summer. DS is 3 and we've had 2 - one for a summer to test the concept and then one for a year (before I get flamed she was doing wraparound nursery care as the nursery opened at 8 and I started teaching at 8). One of my friends has had 21 APs - her children range in age from 26 to 3 and it seems that just as she didn't need one any more she had another baby!

Bonsoir · 28/04/2014 11:33

My friends who have au pairs (lots do in Paris - they want English speakers looking after their DC) tend to keep the good ones for ages though. Two or three years is common - enough time for the au pair to learn French properly and find a rich husband.

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