Previous thread if you are interested:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childminders_nannies_au_pairs_etc/1946096-Au-pair-problems-what-to-do
Please tell me what I need to hear.
So after my last post, things were going better, although she had been slacking on what she knows are her weekly jobs, if I forgot to write them on the diary sheet.
Food – well a bit better as her boyfriend was visiting so she started by trying to diet, lasted all of five minutes and she was back to eating chips for lunch as well as my hot dinners. Did some stuff voluntarily like washing up etc.
Boyfriend has been over for almost two weeks fuckingmugs, goes back tomorrow. We agreed he could visit as long as she provided all his meals – we explained he was her guest not ours and we couldn’t afford to feed him (actually they have had our potatoes, milk, butter, crème fraiche, onions, juice).
She tried to take our bath sheets for him. I said no way and offered some bath towels (not sheets).
He booked a stupid flight which meant he missed the last train to our local station and I had to drive and collect him near midnight, when I was working the next day.
He did not bring us or the children anything, has not said thank you for all the hot water, gas electric etc. He is going tomorrow and DH will leave before he gets up. Not said goodbye and they are now in her room for the evening.
Cooked them a big roast dinner yesterday after they returned from a weekend away, no thanks, didn’t bring pudding, no help with washing up although she did help set the table.
Arranged for them to spend the last weekend with a family member so they could have an evening and whole day in extremely lovely seaside town. They spent less than 4 hours there, didn’t see the sights, shopped, did not give my family member anything, let them pay for their dinners not offering once – Chinese, and their breakfast (ate 300g coco pops, 6 pain au choc and 2 pts of milk), pizzas. Didn’t contribute a single thing or offer petrol money for return. I am so fucking embarrassed.
She’s had lots of time off the last two weeks, has done bare minimum childcare (which is fine) and no extra jobs like quick clean of bathrooms (takes 10 mins tops) or changing kids beds. Has hovered and emptied dishwasher but I consider that everyone's job rather than her job.
Has used our washing machine to wash and tumble his clothes - just done another load today and he goes home TOMORROW
Still taking food without asking – today it was 2 mini-muffins I had bought in for visiting children. Last week a croissant I had left on the side to eat myself.
Shrunk my £160 jumper by washing it and tumble drying it – unasked trying to be helpful, TWO DAYS after I told her not everything can be washed and tumble dried (conversation arose because she had been hogging the washing machine she is always in the fucking way and I needed it and I offered to put her washing in the tumble drier asking first if there was anything that could not go in there. She didn’t understand so I explained that jumpers and silky things cannot be tumble dried). To be fair she was fairly mortified and offered to pay something towards it, but not until after her boyf had visited as she needed the money for him.
Took my bicycle without asking - it is a small bike she is too heavy for it but have not yet tested it to see if she has buckled it
Put simply we are completely done with her. Part of it is now me – you know when you get to the point that you cannot stand someone and you don’t give them an inch and cease to be reasonable hence the swearing above. I have been checking up on food consumption etc.
I am however always completely polite and nice. I could never be horrible but I am trying to be frank. I told her that she should have asked before taking the muffins because they were not for her. I told her I was really very cross about the jumper initially but accidents happen.
So I am going to tell her outright (but hopefully nicely) we want a different au pair for September so she must be gone mid August. I don’t want her making college plans beyond that. Then I am going to performance manager her tightly, make her work her 25 hrs a week so making up quiet child care weeks with cleaning (all on au pair contract) and if it doesn’t work getting rid sooner.
Does this sound fair?
I am sure some of you will tell me I should get rid now, but that seems mean. I want to give her a few weeks to improve and she has an exam before Easter. I think I can cope at least until then...