Separated parents- who is the contract with?

[oldsoaksally]

Please could someone tell me, when in the case of two parents who have split, who is the one that the childminder 'refers to', so to speak.
There is a very long story, but the short of it is, that I employed my lovely cm 3,5yrs ago to look after my dd before and after school. I signed the contract, and I pay her. My ex did go to see cm after I hired her to meet her etc but it was me who sorted it all out. The problem I now have is that ex's wife has fallen out with my cm over a pick up/drop off issue and screamed that the cm was employed by all of us and is answerable to all of us. She has also now reported my cm to ofsted. My CM is devestated and I fear she will let me go because she cannot handle the conflict of our situation. I do not involve her in anything btw- she just doesn't want to be treated this way.

I feel so trapped by my situation. Ex's wife also gave my very first cm a hard time. Her dislike of me knows no boundaries and I don't know what to do. Does my cm have any rights here? Is she answerable to my ex even through I pay her?

TIA

My mx is in pieces because they've said they will get her 'done' off ofsted and for 'siding' with me (wtf?)

I am terrified. He is calling me now telling me to ring him back. I don't want to speak to him as he is a bully. He wants to discuss new child care arrangements but as far as I'm concerned he is the only one that needs to make new ones.

I've been paying for this care. Paying for him to abuse my poor cm:(

Don't speak to him. Make him sweat. What an utter twat, Im a CM and what he and SM are doing is just ridiculous.
Is your DD due with CM tomorrow? And is he supposed to be taking her to the CM's.

It's half term thank god..:.i am so upset. My cm is an utter professional, everyone loves her. My child loves her. How could he do this?

My advice and I'm not a legal person would be.

Use ur cm for ur care and pay for those sessions only. This would need a new contract with cm. In which only u can collect.
Inform ur dh that for his part he needs to arrange care for ur dd. Inform him that u have appropriate care in a stable environment for dd, with a person she loves and u are putting her needs first.

He has to pay for the care he uses. Also contact csa, if there is any suggestion he will try to cut maintenance. If u want to tell him this its up to u. He may backtrack if he thinks it will cost him a lot more.

Formally put in writing that you consider this to be damaging to ur child.

Converse by phone if u want but I think email is better.

As an aside, do the report for the cm and get a few other glowing reports. If u can have some evidence for her that they are being malicious all the better.

Well just ignore him until tomorrow, and email him letting him know your decision. And tell him he has to make his own arrangements on his days.
Be firm with him, pulling your DD out of a place that she has be for the last 3.5 years (is that right) is just cruel.

I will follow this advice, it's excellent. Thank you so much!!!

Tbh I think this is good news.
Only other option was her giving notice completely.
This way your ex is forced to take responsibility on his days and there is less need for debate and discussion.
Just tell him (in writing) that you were happy in the past to arrange child are on his contact days, but due to recent developments this is not longer possible and you expect him to make alternative arrangements.
Don't get pulled into discussion about why this is.

Good luck.
And buy your lovely CM some wine with the money that you will be saving :)

Agree with everyone else - you arrange care for your days, let him arrange care for his days.

The only thing to bear in mind that as he has PR, if he turns up at the CMs and wants to take his DD she can't prevent this (unless there's a court order). However, the SM has no rights to your child and the CM does not have to deal with her at all - you can tell the CM she can call the police if SM threatens her or tries to take your DD.