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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

WWYD re nanny

137 replies

HelloDolly · 30/06/2006 21:57

We went out on wednesday night and our nanny babysat as usual. When we got home she mentioned that our middle child had played up a bit and called K upstairs 4 times but there was nothing wrong so in the end K just left her to cry and after 10 mins she was asleep.
Well of course middle DD spent the entire night and next day throwing up and generally being unwell.
I know the nanny couldn't have known she was ill but do you think it's out of order she just let her cry ? She knows we dn't do controlled crying with the baby.
TIA

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

zippitippitoes · 01/07/2006 11:13

It is much easier being a parent than a nanny as you are only accountable to yourself.

I think if you are very anxious about something quite minor then you will find a lot to clash over.

Maybe just put it to one side and don't have a babysitter in future if you are prone to agonise.

hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 11:15

I think you're being over-precious, HD.

edam · 01/07/2006 11:32

You will either have to stay home forever/take the kids with you OR put them to bed before you go out. Or just lower your (unreasonably high IMO) expectations.

peasinapod · 01/07/2006 11:50

Why dont you go on this site and ask them their opinion www.nannyjob.co.uk/

peasinapod · 01/07/2006 11:51

www.nannyjob.co.uk/

NannyL · 01/07/2006 11:54

I wouldnt work for a family where the children wernt allowed to cry

just changing jobs at the moment (start new job 5th September )

Had 9 families fighting over me! Im surpised HD found a nanny! If its sleep time and there is nothing obviously wrong and the children want to cry then i let them... for a little while (NOT hysterical) then they go to sleep and sleep well

if you KEEP going up / in when they cry, it makes there sleep time later and later.... they dont get enough sleep and they are over tired the next day.... due to lack of sleep.... due to the "CARERS" (parent / nanny whoever) "letting" a toddler MANIPULATE them (the adults!)

peasinapod · 01/07/2006 12:16

I dont think HelloDolly liked the replys she got .

jendifa · 01/07/2006 12:19

Just re-read your message and you put that after 10 mins DD was asleep. Could she have fallen asleep after maybe two or three mins and then your nanny checked on her after 10 mins and seen she was asleep?

NannyL · 01/07/2006 12:33

i agree peas in a pod...

and the orignal question is what to do....

What are the options.... a formal warning? ... / dismaissal? .... if so im sure the nanny could take her to a tribunal and win....

or maybe the only real answer is look after your kids and pander to them and molly-coddle them yourself!

imagine the headline.... "EMPLOYEE SACKED for allowing a 2 year old to cry (for a few minutes at bedtime!)"

"Nanny sacked cause toddler cried"

Original poster

HelloDolly · 01/07/2006 16:29

She's actually 4 not 2 not sure where that came from.
What do we usually do, we put her to bed with a story tape and she settles herself to sleep, she doesn't cry. Crying means there is something wrong with my children, if not all children.
Nanny L you're quite clearly a prat end of story, as for the others who've replied as I said I am surprised.

OP posts:

peasinapod · 01/07/2006 16:36

If you are surprised because we havnt agreed with you thats what you get when you go on a public forum and ask for replys .We are entitled to our own opinions as are you and on this occasion I do not agree with you .

HappyMumof2 · 01/07/2006 17:53

Message withdrawn

Original poster

HelloDolly · 01/07/2006 17:58

No in 4 years and in fact 8 years of being a parent I have never thought, I know I'll leave that child to cry.
What you think of my parenting isn't really the issue. It's the fact that the nanny knows how we do things around here and hasn't done things the way she KNOWS she should have.
I shall leave it this time but we are going out tonight and I shall spell it out the children are not to be left to cry. You don't expect that to be necessary when somebody is being paid to do a job. If the nanny is a "poor nanny" then she won't want the job will she, nobody is forcing her to work for us.

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 17:59

I don't leave mine to cry.

Mind you, I don't go out either.

colditz · 01/07/2006 18:00

HD you sound appallingly unreasonable towards anyone who isn't taking your side in this.

Nanny did not make your child ill. You seem utterly unable to trust nanny, therefore I would suggest you leave your job and become an attachment parent.

And at 4, your daughter was capable of telling nanny she felt ill, so if she didn't say anything, she cl3arly didn't feel that ill, did she!

It is nanny's job to help to raise and care for children - not to pander to them so badly, for fear of reprisals from the parents, that the child turns into an unmanagable brat.

peasinapod · 01/07/2006 18:01

May be she was upset that you were going out and thats why she cried .

Original poster

HelloDolly · 01/07/2006 18:02

Who says I have a job ?

OP posts:

nzshar · 01/07/2006 18:02

OMG!!!!!! what an attitude to take! you speak as if your nanny is your servant!!!! So what she made a mistake, so what!!!! i dont think it will scare your child for life i really dont. OMG OMG OMG im in and very that this type of attitude to nannies still exists.

colditz · 01/07/2006 18:03

If you don't have a job and you don't like your nanny, look after your own children. Problem solved.

peasinapod · 01/07/2006 18:04

I dont think the nanny did make a mistake though .At four the child is quite able to tell the nanny how she feels and if she feels ill .

nzshar · 01/07/2006 18:07

I have to agree a 4 year old is quite capable of telling the nanny if she was unwell. I have a 3 and a half mindee and he tells me everything!

rickman · 01/07/2006 18:08

Message withdrawn

peasinapod · 01/07/2006 18:08

I still think she was upset that you went out .

MaryP0p1 · 01/07/2006 18:09

Out of interest what happens at nursery/school? I've worked with children for many years and its a fact of life child cry, yes with a reason however given they are small and have undeveloped reasoning skills it isn't always possible to prevent them from being upset by something they think is unfair or another childs mistreatment. Whereas I would not ignore a childs crying I am often called to judge why and whether a response is helpful and or necessary. For example when my dd was a bout 4 she went through a rather unsettled period (her nursery hut with 2 weeks notice and a new nursery had to be found prior to school). The symptom of this was she was unreason and demanding with myself and her friends. She also was very unwilling to compromise to any extent crying whenever she didn't get her own way. This is an example of where I had to judge my best response was no response.

My dd also is sick when she is overtired.Is it possible your dd did not get to sleep till late thus was sick the next day.

Also you say you don't do controlled crying with the baby, fair enough. I would not necessary assume that meant the 4 year old wasn't allowed to cry.

I'm not attacking your parenting I'm suggesting that perhaps your nanny wasn't aware how strongly you felt about crying and there has just been a breakdown in communication.

WigWamBam · 01/07/2006 18:14

She's 4???? I thought you said she was a baby!

Not exactly the same thing as leaving a tiny baby to cry, is it. I'm sorry but at 4 leaving her to cry for 10 minutes is a sensible thing to do, not an irresponsible one. Children of that age are pretty manipulative when it comes to not wanting to go to sleep, and calling repeatedly for someone to come up despite nothing being wrong is very common. I think your nanny did exactly the right thing ... in fact, she probably went in to see your dd more often than I would have done before I'd left her to cry.

With regard to feeling ill, if your dd didn't tell the nanny she felt ill, how was she to know?

Sorry, but I think you are being unreasonable, and you're definitely over-reacting. And I am parping myself because this isn't worth anyone getting hot under the collar about.

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