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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Not sure what to think about this....

156 replies

HeadFairy · 23/08/2013 10:48

I started work early this morning so left before our nanny came. Dh left once she'd arrived. He got half way down the road when he remembered he'd left a vital document at home so went back to get it. As he arrived he saw our nanny taking her dd (whom she brings to work with her) and wearing her coat and carrying her bag back to her car. Dh said she looked "sheepish" and said she was looking for her phone as she couldnt' find it. She apparently went back in to the house, left her dd and her bag and then went back out to her car to look for her phone. Dh says the front door was double locked and he's convinced she was going to drive back to her house (5 mins away by car) to look for her phone leaving our kids alone at home (they're 5.11 and 3.7).

I can't stop thinking about it. How on earth do I get to the bottom of what she was doing? If she was just popping out to her car to search her car why did she have her coat on, was carrying her dd and had her bag with her, and why was the front door double locked? If I ask her outright if she was going to leave my children alone in the house she will deny it.

Of course, nothing actually happened, does it matter that it appears the intent was there?

I don't want to drip feed so I will mention she's had form for this sort of thing in the past and I gave her a warning it must never happen again. Last time it wasn't malicious in the slightest, just poor judgment.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SPBisResisting · 30/08/2013 14:00

I'm freezing!
and the car is not right outside the house (I asked earlier, thinking of the same scenario as you). It's a little further away but the OP would do that herself and is happy for the nanny to do so

SPBisResisting · 30/08/2013 14:01

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/08/2013 15:16

seems weird that dh was convinced she was going to leave kids and drive home, as you said in op, but now hes grilled her and happy

but as you said it could be plausible - apart , and tbh i would have taken the keys out of the bag and left bag in house rather then taken bag to car and from the coat/cold thing been very hot and sunny here past few weeks (apart from sat and rained) lets hope no more incidents happen

thanks for coming back and updating, not many people do :)

BalloonSlayer · 30/08/2013 16:41

Well it's your decision.

But , and again at "She was amazed we thought she'd leave the kids on their own."

Really? She was amazed? Really? There has already been an issue because once she left a 4 year old child in a shop, yet she is "amazed" that you thought she would leave the kids on their own? (Which is exactly what she actually admits to doing - albeit only to the car.)

Sounds disingenuous in the extreme. I'd say an appropriate response would have been: "Look, I can understand why you'd think that because of the shop thing, but please can I assure you that I have learned my lesson from that and would never NEVER do anything like that again."

And - she DID leave them on their own. Only while she went to the car . . . but . . .

Floggingmolly · 30/08/2013 16:51

I can't help feeling that if op had alternative childcare waiting in the wings, she wouldn't swallow this crap for a single second...

soooziesheep · 30/08/2013 18:22

I'm really shocked you are keeping her on.

Why did she 'look sheepish' at 6 the time. ...but then suddenly your dh is convinced.

Also..if he thought for one minute she was about to drive home before he caught her..why did he not 'grill' her then and there. I can't believe he went to work with those suspicions. How does he know she didn't just wait half hour and try her luck again.

She took her child and left yours. Im a nanny with their own and even im

my gut says you're a fool. Either that or you're fooling yourselves because you don't want to face tje difficulties getting rid presents.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 30/08/2013 19:27

Thanks for the update HeadFairy. I'm glad DH spoke to her and is reassured he misread her body language and has been reassured that she wasn't going anywhere other than her car to get her phone. All quite logical.

SPB -

Original poster

HeadFairy · 30/08/2013 20:04

Ok I'm a fool, and an idiot, report me to social services. I'm obviously a hideous parent.

Thanks.

dh was rushing back to work because he was late and had to grab a document, he rushed past her and made an assumption that played on his mind all day. When he questioned about her at a time when he was not dashing about he was convinced she was telling the truth. Obviously dh is an idiot and I will LTB instantly.

OP posts:

SPBisResisting · 30/08/2013 20:07

for HF - tough thread

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 30/08/2013 20:18

HeadFairy - you know what it's like around here! Take it with a pinch of salt.

rueyrichardson · 30/08/2013 20:25

and from me to. Glad it's all resolved.

christinarossetti · 30/08/2013 20:31

No I don't think you should ltb, nor do I think you're a fool etc.

It just doesn't make sense to me, and I'd be suspicious; but it's great that you're not and feel that you have resolved this issue and can trust her.

todaysdate · 30/08/2013 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 30/08/2013 21:05

todaysdate - it is perfectly fine to leave a 5yo and a 7yo in the bath - how long exactly do you plan on supervising them for

SS would be as interested in that as you giving them brocolli for their tea.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 30/08/2013 21:06

She probably meant for the glass cuts - which could have happened anyhow.

valiumredhead · 30/08/2013 21:20

It's fine for a 7 and 5 year old to be in the bath alone. You sound unhinged!

SPBisResisting · 30/08/2013 21:23

I agree it's fine in general but disagree its ok for the nanny to do it when the parent has specified otherwise

NomDeClavier · 30/08/2013 22:33

What I can't get over is that this woman has no insurance and a track record of being a bit flaky and you're okay with that?!

I know you'll say you'd never sue her but if your DC ended up injured because she was negligent and left them one, and you were faced with medical costs for the rest of your life wouldn't you consider it?

It all sounds very reasoned and logical, a bit too close to what was previously suggested here in fact. But then I'm a suspicious bag.

soooziesheep · 31/08/2013 13:11

She doesn't have insurance! ? Nanny insurance is mandatory surly?

Baffled.

OP don't get so defensive, I'm hardly telling you to ltb etc. Im just shocked that your continuing to employ someone who displays such disregard for your children's safety. I'd have suspended her after the shop incident.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/08/2013 13:15

sadly nanny insurance isnt mandatory unless ofsted registered

i know several nannies who dont have it and i think they are insane, and also the employers are mad to employ someone who doesnt have it

have always said for a price of a large G&T/glass of wine a month the nanny is covered

we dont know for sure that HF nanny doesnt have nanny insurance, unless you cant get it legally if not english? not sure of morton michel rules (who i am with)

fackinell · 31/08/2013 14:36

HeadFairy, I used to be a nanny and although personally alarm bells are ringing for me, I am glad you're satisfied with her explanation. If you change your mind at all, PM me and I can ask around for someone to help you out (the nanny jungle drums are an amazing thing.) Are you in London?

Just one last thing, she wouldn't have seen your post would she? Just a bit that she pretty much gave you a word for word account of what you thought may have happened. I personally wouldn't have left the kids in the house even to go to the car. Accidents take seconds. Horrified at the bath/broken glass incident. I sat outside my 8yo charge's bathroom to give her privacy but be near if she needed me.

NomDeClavier · 31/08/2013 15:14

She does have extra insurance to cover our children in her car, she also has up to date first aid (she only updated the course recently). She doesn't have professional insurance, but she's not formally trained (been working in childcare for 12 years).

She said she doesn't.

Employers Liability is compulsory, professional liability for nannies isn't but bloody well should be.

ReetPetit · 31/08/2013 15:33

i think you are mad and desperate -sorry to be blunt....

urmydarlings · 31/08/2013 15:46

id have got rid the first time when she left 4 year old alone!!

valiumredhead · 31/08/2013 15:46

Last time I was a full time nanny was 12 years ago-no one had insurance, when did it change? It's a good idea but wasn't the norm.

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