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Original poster

Not sure what to think about this....

156 replies

HeadFairy · 23/08/2013 10:48

I started work early this morning so left before our nanny came. Dh left once she'd arrived. He got half way down the road when he remembered he'd left a vital document at home so went back to get it. As he arrived he saw our nanny taking her dd (whom she brings to work with her) and wearing her coat and carrying her bag back to her car. Dh said she looked "sheepish" and said she was looking for her phone as she couldnt' find it. She apparently went back in to the house, left her dd and her bag and then went back out to her car to look for her phone. Dh says the front door was double locked and he's convinced she was going to drive back to her house (5 mins away by car) to look for her phone leaving our kids alone at home (they're 5.11 and 3.7).

I can't stop thinking about it. How on earth do I get to the bottom of what she was doing? If she was just popping out to her car to search her car why did she have her coat on, was carrying her dd and had her bag with her, and why was the front door double locked? If I ask her outright if she was going to leave my children alone in the house she will deny it.

Of course, nothing actually happened, does it matter that it appears the intent was there?

I don't want to drip feed so I will mention she's had form for this sort of thing in the past and I gave her a warning it must never happen again. Last time it wasn't malicious in the slightest, just poor judgment.

OP posts:
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Blondeshavemorefun · 23/08/2013 20:55

True about the door - better locked in then run over

Maybe phone was in her car - so surely if it was she would have found it and showed dh

If phone wasn't in car then I assume she took all 3 to go an get it

I would really like to think that no nanny would leave children alone in a house and get in their car and drive home

Thing is do you trust her now - or are you having doubts - once trust has gone then relationship won't ever work again

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 23/08/2013 21:18

It's the bag and coat that seems to be a nail in the coffin really.

Cathyrina · 23/08/2013 23:59

Previously she left dh in a toy shop looking at toys while she went to a shop next door to buy a personal item. He was 4 at the time. She was really upset that she'd done the wrong thing, it hadn't occured to her that it might not be right to leave him as she was only next door. I told her it could never happen again. No matter how much ds persuaded her he was capable of looking after himself. He's not old enough to make those calls.

If it didn't occure to her that it might not be right to leave a 4 year old alone in a shop then I am sorry but this is not the right job for her. A good Nanny would NEVER do that and tbh if I was the parent I could never trust her again

Mummyoftheyear · 24/08/2013 06:51

I know how incredibly hard it is to have awkwardness with someone who is going to beat the school fares and whose child is going to be in your child's class. I also understand completely your dependence on her and reluctance to change nannies ( better the devil you know...). I understand why these would make you want to disbelieve the obvious and put your head in the sand.
However, I don't think that the shop incident was poor judgement. I honestly believe from the second almost-incident that she has no real care for your children's safety. She DID leave them alone second time as she was clearly outdated a double locked door - whether she drove home or not. I'd not be looking for explanations. This would complicate things socially and make thy feel torn as you're bound to want to believe her and distrust the obvious. I'd not contact the police, etc. that would be awkward and unnecessary as I'm sure she will reflect and know why you changed childcare even if you end things nicey-nicey with a different explanation/ whatever you're comfy with (school gates).
I'd not feel confident about her regard for my children's safety and find someone else who is good- ASAP.
If you want to brave up n be honest, I'd say: "I know that you didn't mean to put X in a vulnerable situation that was potentially v dangerous (could have had an accident, become upset, been taken, panicked and come looking for you, etc. my DH told me hat you'd double locked the house and were getting in your cat with your DD - and I'm sure that there was a (an innocent) explanation, but I can't help feeling anxious about them being left alone/ with someone who thinks that's okay. It's not only against the law, in both cases, but it's deeply worrying."
End of.

Mummyoftheyear · 24/08/2013 06:51

Find someone first if you've got no interim backup.

InMySpareTime · 24/08/2013 09:03

Shamelessly marks place. I want to know what the nanny had to say for herself when OP got home...

Wickedgirl · 24/08/2013 12:52

I too am interested to see what the nanny said

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/08/2013 16:28

come on op -what did dh say to nanny last night?

ciaobella19 · 26/08/2013 10:33

OP are you actually surprised this happened after the shop episode?!? If u keep employing her the next time this happens you will have a missing child or a child in a+e seriously injured. Ridiculous your thinking of keeping her. Also think she has a bit of a cheek charging that much , if she's European with no childcare quals an no common sense it seems she is just a useless au pair with no respect or regard for you or the children! Get rid!!!!!

peppapigsmummy · 26/08/2013 18:35

Wow. did you crb check her (interested to know really, but think these give a false sense of security and are useless really)

Any person who thinks its OK to leave a 4 yo in a shop alone to run a personal erron is not suitable for a job in childcare. These are your children OP. Errors in judgment cannot be made..I know accidents happen but lack of common sense over a child's safety is a major red flag. Why did she need her handbag?

You are paying top notch for a nanny. The quality of care should match. Get rid of her now.

HappyAsEyeAm · 27/08/2013 11:36

I hope things have worked out for you Headfairy, and that you're happy with the situation now.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/08/2013 19:42

headfairy - come back and tell us what happened, did you speak to nanny today?

samlamb · 28/08/2013 17:22

So Headfairy what happened? Dont tell us half a story!

Iwantacat · 28/08/2013 21:41

I really do hope you have sacked her!! Seriously!!

Original poster
HeadFairy · 30/08/2013 13:23

oops! Ok update time...

Dh grilled her that night when he got home. She was amazed we thought she'd leave the kids on their own. Her dd has had loads of nightmares from watching a film the other day (nothing freaky, she watched Monsters Inc and it freaked her out!) and she literally can't leave the room without her dd needing to be with her, hence she had her dd with her. She had her bag because her car keys were in it. She had her coat on because she was chilly and she locked the door to stop ds following her out (he followed me out the front door this morning)

Dh is really good at spotting when someone's lying, and he said hand on heart that he believed her. It looked really bad, but was actually just his mis-interpretation of the situation.

I'm very glad it was all just a misunderstanding! We do really like her and that's why we were so willing to forgive her previous transgression. I would have struggled a second time (understatement alert! :o) though.

OP posts:
SPBisResisting · 30/08/2013 13:25

Ok that sounds good :)

Onesleeptillwembley · 30/08/2013 13:26

She left your 4 year old alone in a shop! When something does happen you must also blame yourself.

Floggingmolly · 30/08/2013 13:46

I'm sure it's easier to forgive the transgressions of someone you like.
In fact, I know it is. It's just not always the wisest thing, you know? Still, they're your kids...

lborolass · 30/08/2013 13:47

Thanks for the update, glad to hear it was all a misunderstanding. I'm sure you'll be on your guard now anyway so good result all round.

Original poster
HeadFairy · 30/08/2013 13:48

thanks onesleep Hmm Cheers for that.

OP posts:
Onesleeptillwembley · 30/08/2013 13:48

Anytime. Someone has to stand up for your kids. Shock

Original poster
HeadFairy · 30/08/2013 13:51

ODFOD

OP posts:
SPBisResisting · 30/08/2013 13:53

And I need to apologise to chipping, she was riht and I was wrong. She's wise that one

Onesleeptillwembley · 30/08/2013 13:54

I will, but do remember, you're paying someone that's been negligent with your children. If their well being is so unimportant to you then when something does happen, and it will, you are just as culpable as her. Ffs would you leave your car unlocked with the keys in?

christinarossetti · 30/08/2013 13:59

I'm a bit late to this, but reading the explanation above I wonder where you live as one would be hard pressed to be chilly in the UK at the moment (thanks the lordy).

Also, why double lock a door? Surely, if she was only going to her car she'd see your son coming out and, if not, just closing the door behind her would be okay.

Also, she said that she took her dd as she was likely to freak out at being left, but then left her with your children once your husband arrived. Having had an incredibly clingy child, I don't remember getting to choose when they were or weren't clingy.

TBH, it sounds like you like her and there are obvious practical and social difficulties in getting rid of her, and you're closing your eyes a bit to what you and your husband instinctively sensed when it happened.

Hope that i'm wrong, and all goes well for you.