DSIL looking after DS WWYD? (Sorry it's kind of long)

[Crocodilehunter]

DSIL has offered to look after DS every Monday when I return to work from Mat leave (next Monday eeeek)
The problem is that I am fast starting to doubt her reliability!

She and DS have had a nice little relationship and he likes her but doesnt know her well enough to be with her problem/tear free for a prolonged period so Over the past few weeks We've been arranging for her to come round every Monday to get to know DS and his routine a little better and Monday just gone I took DS round to spend the afternoon with DSIL alone and here are where the problems have started!

so 1st of all on their first afternoon alone I got a phonecall from DMIL to say that DS was v upset and they wanted me to pick him up because they it wasn't fair on him to be so upset!

I went to collect him and they assured me that DSIL had tried everything she canto calm him but DS was just not for settling, DP asked what would happen in this situation when returned to work and DMIL said they would just have to put up with it well if that's the case why couldn't you just put up with it like you're going to do when I'm back at work is that harsh of me?

2nd of all, midweek, DMIL tells DP that she is taking a holiday late August because DSIL has made plans already (fair enough to making other plans but why not tell the parents of the children you have offered to look after so they know what is going on first hand)

3rd of all DSIL was supposed to be having DS for the day tomo but has text during the day to say she is at a wedding so is it alright if we give tomo a miss because she knows she is going to be rough! She has promised DP that this is a one off and it will not happen again!

After the first and second point the third thing just made me doubt whether we can really rely on her to make a commitment like this, she is 22 (which doesn't really make a difference to me as I'm only 24 suppose i'm just trying to highlight the lack of life experience) but has never really had to have anyone count on her like we're counting on her!

It also bothers me that a lot of the information is being passed to us through DMIL instead of direct from her!

She did offer to take this commitment and after what happened last Monday we have given her an outright opportunity to back out if she feels it might be a bit too much for her ATM making it clear that there would be no hard feelings, which she has turned down!

WWYD In this situation?

Hi guys,

Thanks for all the replies!
Sat down with SIL on Monday and she was really apologetic about cancelling on us, I explained that I was more concerned about her getting the time to know DS while i was still away from work so I could be there if there were any mote problems like what happened the previous monday rather than her actually having DS, anyway,
I told her there was no need to apologise!
So after speaking to her in person It's coming across like she does really want to look after DS on that day which is why she offered in the first place, she said she wastes the day anyway and it would be good for her to spend the time looking after the only child she has to spoil (her words not mine mad woman )
I explained that we understood that is was a tough job and we need to know if she does have any concerns etc so we can arrange alternative care and it does seem that she gets a little bothered because my DP can be a bit harsh/cut throat when presented with issues (he's a cheeky git considering what she's offering to do for us) but reminded her that she can speak to me if there are any problems and i'll have it out with DP because it's not fair for her to feel like that if she's taking care of DS!
While i'm on reduced hours on a phased return to work, we have decided that SIL will have DS on Monday as planned and I'll collect him earlier so they can have a 'phase in to care' and i have also sounded nursery out who they say they have spaces available on a Monday if it doesn't work out!
I do feel really bad about the how many different types of care DS will have but I have to look at the up sides and hope that the diversity will benefit DS once the routine is established!

Apologies for any typos (I'm on the phone)

Well you can only try it. Think it's much nicer to leave child with a relative than nursery.

Hopefully things will work out for you.

I said I wouldnt have wanted ME at that age.. Didnt have a clue IMO when I think about it now. And...
I never said a word about young parents, most, I guess, do a fantastic job, as do most Parents/Nannies/Childminder/Drs/nurses/call center staff etc etc

I still wouldnt want some one whos so inexperianced looking after my child. And because the OP hasnt told us a lot on that score, that Is what I guess she is?

And I agree with Tanith
Quote 'I think the problem is that this is SIL's day off and she will always regard it as her day off. If something comes along, she will either drop your DS (as she has already done) or she will resent losing her free time to provide free childcare for you.'