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Original poster

Is my live-out nanny eating too much of my food?

88 replies

confusedperson · 23/11/2011 20:48

I just hired a live-out nanny for my two DC. Before hiring, she asked if she is allowed to eat our food. To be honest, I hadn't thought about it, so I said yes thinking that she will eat what is served for children (normal quality food which I would eat myself). I have a meal plan and I always half-prepare lunch and tea myself, she only needs to cook/serve.
To my surprise, I noticed that a lot more food is consumed than the provided lunch, tea and snacks. Like the almost the whole loaf of bread per day, third of packet of spreadable butter per day (surely 1 adult and 2 under 4 wouldn't eat that much?), 8 yogurts that I bought for one of my DC are gone in 3 days (usually he has 1 per day with us), a big yogurt that I bought for her is also gone, some days 3 eggs are gone (not on the menu), or half of jar of peanut butter in 2 days. I don't think she gives all that to children (cos it's not on the menu), so must be eating her self. She is a young slim girl but still... I like her otherwise, children like her too, but I feel like she is going to make me go bankrupt. It is only been 3 weeks with her, and I am still watching, but I feel it's too much. I don't want to start counting what she eats, and I don't want to demotivate her, but I think is abnormous. I just did shopping last Sunday.. .for days on, the fridge is completely empty, and still weekdays to go.
What would you do?

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singlevillagemum · 24/11/2011 12:55

Hi confused,

Just to add - some people have HUGE appetites. I am just settling in to having an au pair and have been amazed at how much she can put away. After the first week [and my jaw being on the floor!] I have now given her a food budget per week and she sits happily on the Tesco website looking for special offers and things. I know it is different with a live-out in terms of expectations, but to put things into perspective:
1 week: 2 packs of butter, 3 loaves of bread, 4 x 6 packs of yoghurt, pack of ham, pack of cheese, 2 jars of jam, 2 packets of biscuits, 2 packs of spaghetti, 2 packs of tomatoes, 2 boxes of cheerios, 1 box of weetabix.
This is separate to the normal sit down meals with my son and when we eat out, so just constitutes her breakfast and 'snacking'. I would imagine if she was 'live-out' it would probably put the same dent in my groceries.

Original poster
confusedperson · 24/11/2011 13:00

Actually, I think I know what's happening: instead of eating old boring foods like pasta bolognese or soup, she probably treats herself with yogurts, fruits, spreads and probably bakery judging from disappearing eggs and butter.

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Original poster
confusedperson · 24/11/2011 13:05

singlevillagemum sounds very similar to my nanny!! I am amazed (my jaw is also on the floor). After you have given her food budget (on top of her wages?), has she stopped eating your things?
I wouldn't want to pay extra for my nanny for food budget (nurseries would work out cheaper after all), but I will watch and introduce some limits.
I was surprised when our 1kg butter spread was nearly gone after 4 days with her...

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RumourOfAHurricane · 24/11/2011 14:17

This reply has been deleted

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pinkpeony · 24/11/2011 14:28

My nanny is live-in, but I ask her to write me a weekly shopping list of food she wants for herself. We keep it in a separate part of the fridge from the family food (I get mainly organic food for the DCs and don't need to provide organic food for our nanny as well, and DH and I don't eat too much at home as we work full time out of the house). It makes it much easier. Perhaps you could try the same approach with your nanny? ask her to write you a weekly list of what she needs for lunch (and snacks if you agree to provide that) at your house? Just tell her it helps you to plan ahead for your weekly shopping, as you only shop once a week and things have been running low lately - and that sometimes you get special food for the children or yourself, so would rather keep her food separate.

redglow · 24/11/2011 16:50

I have always been fed at work iggly. However not that amount just an odd sandwich. bit jealous you nanny is slim though.

Iggly · 24/11/2011 17:20

Thanks redglow. This was my first nanny and her first nanny job so didn't occur to either of us (would be different if live in). I guess I figured live out nannies get more pay to cover the cost of lunch plus she gets a nice long break in the day when DS naps so can bring her own in.

redglow · 24/11/2011 18:13

Well its up to you iggly if you both happy leave it as it is. Its not a definate rule. I think its more usual to get fed though.

nbee84 · 24/11/2011 18:19

As red says, if your both happy with it then it's fine. A lot of nanny jobs are early starts so not always particularly practical to be thinking of and making yourself a packed lunch at 6/6.30am (you have an 8am start so no issue there) and though she gets a nice long break when ds naps she can't just pop out to pick up a sandwich etc.

singlevillagemum · 24/11/2011 18:37

To answer the question, yes it has. She now eats her things and then if she runs out (staggering to believe but true) she asks if she can use the 'house' things or buys bits from the shop next to the school. Disgustingly (for a mum on a diet anyway) she is tiny, about a size 4!

Julesnobrain · 24/11/2011 18:42

Single village mum how much is your food allowance per week? Reason I ask is we had the OP 's problem with a live in au pair a couple if years ago. I did a thread about it. Since then we have been ok, all AP's eating 'normal' amounts but if I often wonder what would I do if I got a massive eater again

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 18:57

TO do a link you just put at the beginning and at the end.

It also explains further down how to do links.

Julesnobrain · 24/11/2011 19:06

Thanks fab.

Karoleann · 24/11/2011 20:41

Unless your nanny starts v early or finishes very late, its not normal to provide breakfast and tea for her - just lunch.
Have you made meals contractual?

Original poster
confusedperson · 24/11/2011 21:07

Thank you Julesnobrain, I read your thread with big interest! I even came to a conclusion, that my nanny is not that bad as compared to the one you had!
My nanny works 8-6 5 days a week, and I don't mind her having all three meals here. I found quite a few good ideas on here. Will let you guys know next week, how I am getting on.
[finishes half of packet of nuts as I type.... but hey I am at my own home!]

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singlevillagemum · 25/11/2011 11:10

I let her add roughly £15 on to the regular shopping.
I found it very funny though as I got in last night and she was very upset [makes me sound terrible I know!] - thought DS must have done something horrible, but eventually it turned out that she can't fit in her favourite jeans from home and when she went out shopping yesterday she had gone up two sizes in the 6 weeks since she arrived and so refused to buy anything. She is now insisting she will live on cup-a-soup only until her visit home in case her friends back home think she is too fat.
Guess my shopping bill might be about to reduce a little! Oh to be young again.

Original poster
confusedperson · 30/11/2011 21:20

Thanks again for everyone who replied. Just wanted to say that this week is very different. I asked my nanny to write a diary of what my children ate. I don't know if that helped or maybe novelty wore off, but the food is hardly going this week. Maybe she is on diet :) anyway, so far she is brilliant with the children and I decided to accept her with her eating habits. I guess when you are happy with the person, then you can forgive such things....

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embot1000 · 02/12/2011 22:27

oh my goodness!!! i was a nanny for 10 years and even returned after having my own child (whose food i also took). i was offered food by my employers and occassionly took them up on lunch or a snack but never eat 3 meals a day every day!! a bit of toast, some biscuits and coffee.
my husband goes out to work and wouldn't use his company credit card to feed himself, doesn't eat his breakfast at his desk and charge work etc.
you've employed a professional nanny, you pay her a salary. she should bring her own lunch and 6 is not to late be be going home to make her own dinner. she should also be considerate when organising play dates. is she a teen? married? living with parents?
talk to her about what your expectations are and things you hadn't thought of when employing her and things you might want to change at your end of 1st month review.
a good nanny will not mind this being discussed esp as its new for you. she might also have some things she might want to talk about.
don't spring the meeting on her though, book it in preferably when the children are not around so you can speak freely.
sorry for the long message!

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2011 22:39

Embot1000 - you were a nanny for 10yrs but rarely had lunch there?

You really think nannies should bring their own lunch?

Yes most professionals do buy their own lunch but most have a lunch hour and can Leave the office / pop to a cafe etc

Nannies can't do this - hence why previding lunch / meals isn't a perk but a necessity :)

embot1000 · 04/12/2011 14:25

i agree we don't get a lunch break and must eat with the kids or when they sleeping but there is no reason why we cant bring our own food. either in a pack box or leave some essentials at work like tins of soup to heat up. like kids who take there lunch to school, we should pack our own food for later. why should we be fed? :)

nbee84 · 04/12/2011 14:46

embot - so what do you do if the child refuses to eat their food because they want what you have got? If you are eating the same as the children you can be encouraging them to try different veg and fruit that they may well tuck into if they see you enjoying it. I think eating together teaches children social skills, table manners etc and think it is more difficult to do if you are eating different things.

elena25 · 15/12/2011 16:22

I am a nanny as well but I never eat from my employers food.
I just don't think is right to eat their food. Ok a coffee ar tea it allright but food... I don't think it right.
I allways buy something or bring a sandwich with me at work.

callaird · 15/12/2011 21:17

Wow! I'm a live-in nanny, I have a seperate flat, away from the house with my own kitchen but my contracts says that my employers provide all my food! It has always been that way, have been a nanny for 25 years, 10 positions and alway live-in, never HAD to buy my own food.

I do buy my own food though, mainly for the weekend. I eat three meals a day and with the children, whatever they have, I have (although as I am cooking it, we have whatever I fancy!)

Even if I lived out, I would want all meals provided, even 8-6 a nanny would have travelling time, so her day could start at 7:30 and end at 6:30 or possibly longer, I don't have time to think about what I am having for lunch/supper before I leave the house, let alone preparing it! When I have cooked two meals (and tidied/washed up after) during the day, I can't be bothered to cook when I finish work!