Is my live-out nanny eating too much of my food?

[confusedperson]

I just hired a live-out nanny for my two DC. Before hiring, she asked if she is allowed to eat our food. To be honest, I hadn't thought about it, so I said yes thinking that she will eat what is served for children (normal quality food which I would eat myself). I have a meal plan and I always half-prepare lunch and tea myself, she only needs to cook/serve.
To my surprise, I noticed that a lot more food is consumed than the provided lunch, tea and snacks. Like the almost the whole loaf of bread per day, third of packet of spreadable butter per day (surely 1 adult and 2 under 4 wouldn't eat that much?), 8 yogurts that I bought for one of my DC are gone in 3 days (usually he has 1 per day with us), a big yogurt that I bought for her is also gone, some days 3 eggs are gone (not on the menu), or half of jar of peanut butter in 2 days. I don't think she gives all that to children (cos it's not on the menu), so must be eating her self. She is a young slim girl but still... I like her otherwise, children like her too, but I feel like she is going to make me go bankrupt. It is only been 3 weeks with her, and I am still watching, but I feel it's too much. I don't want to start counting what she eats, and I don't want to demotivate her, but I think is abnormous. I just did shopping last Sunday.. .for days on, the fridge is completely empty, and still weekdays to go.
What would you do?

"Even if I lived out, I would want all meals provided, even 8-6 a nanny would have travelling time, so her day could start at 7:30 and end at 6:30 or possibly longer, I don't have time to think about what I am having for lunch/supper before I leave the house, let alone preparing it! When I have cooked two meals (and tidied/washed up after) during the day, I can't be bothered to cook when I finish work"

Anyone who has to get into work has to think about feeding themselves in the morning..the job involves cooking and cleaning for others...not sure why that obliges your employers to provide your meals because you don't feel like cooking for yourself again???

Strange attitude, not because of the cost implications, I just think the logic of it is a bit odd.

I think eating with the children is the norm!! I have always sat with, and eaten the same food as the children in my care. Not one of my employers have had a problem with this, I think it would be really odd not to!! It is always a good time to teach table manners, talk about the day ahead, or what we are going to do thenext day etc. It is a really important social skill, where the children learn from observing. Many children whose parents work very long hours miss out on sitting around a table with their family for meals, surely it is the nannys responsibility to ensure the children arent missing out? I would always bring my own choccy biccies for playdates though!!!

i have always been ok'd to eat with the kids - breakfast and lunch usually. I tend to have 2 weekabix milk and a banana for breakfast, lunch with the kids (whatever im preparing - could be a sandwich, could be spag bol) and tea/coffee/biscuits. If i feel it necessary to eat early, i ALWAYS ask if i can eat tea with the kids - never been a problem!

Im perplexed at how ANYONE could get through nearly a whole tub of butter/jam/peanut butter a WEEK let alone 4 days?!

Gosh - I am really surprised by this thread!

I work (not as a nanny) from 8am-8.30pm with two 30 min breaks - if I'm lucky - with a 45 min commute each way. There are times I cannot leave the work place due to staff shortages, so always bring food in.

It has never occurred to me that food should be provided! In fact it is a disciplinary offence to eat the food provided for others. Tea & coffee are provided, although they are thinking of changing this!

just to add - this is the same even when working on Xmas day...In fact I brought in food for others today!

May be I should look at employment options

But you get 2 30 minute breaks where in theory you can go get something to eat. A nanny may not get that if looking after young children and certainly can't leave them unattended to do so.

In theory yes but as it's not guaranteed I bring food in. Not being able to go out doesn't mean you can't eat. You just bring food with you. Presumably nannies can pop to the shops with the kids if they're not organised enough in the mornings?

Actually I like the idea of eating lunch together & feel it's important for all the reasons given above, especially if it the only opportunity to eat as a 'family' for some children. I think it should be promoted more in other environments.

I still wouldn't expect all my food to be provided for me though. Lunch would be nice but certainly not the lot.

Glad you feel that way, stripey!!
I also worked in a school for a couple of years and was horrified at the amount of children aged 4 to 7 who were unable to use cutlery, and ate like, quite frankly, and I can think of no other way to decribe it.. savages! It was truly shocking to see children lacking such a basic social skill. It was so bad that the head decided that each table be assigned a member of staff to sit and eat with the children, and all members of staff on lunch duty were provided with a lunch, free of charge.... !!

You can't compare apples to oranges. What is norm in one type of job won't be the norm in another. Nannies are often involved in preparation of food, a perk of the job is eating some of the food. Nannies could also be said to be a mum subsitute - if mum was home with children, would they not eat lunch together?

Nick
I personally think it's fine if the children are eating for the nanny to join in. The only thing I queried was that somehow a nanny job is any different from any other wrt travelling time and preparing meals after work just cause you're tired. In that sense a nanny job isn't any different from any other...

A nanny job isn't like an office job; part of a nanny's role is to 'set an example' and provide a homely environment, therefore I expect my nanny to sit with my children and eat the meals that she has cooked (as I would if i were at home), to encourage good habits, table manners etc.

It's actually in my nanny's contract that she can have all meals with the children and use the family's food. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I would NOT like it if she were bringing in her own separate food and eating it - I think the children wouldn't benefit as much and it would be a bit odd (allergies etc. permitting).

To get back to the original thread; I wouldn't like it if my nanny were eating me out of house and home. I guess I would have to ask the nanny where all the food was going, and explain about budgets etc. I also wouldn't want my children to think that eg 3 rounds of sandwiches at lunch was a normal sized portion.

I've been half-watching this thread for a while. I'm not a nanny (am a childminder) but I would find it very weird NOT to eat with the children. As others have said, cooking and eating together is a very valuable experience, for all sorts of reasons.

My background is as a playworker at after-school clubs etc. I always sat down with the children at snack time and helped to chop/share the fruit together. Once, I got into fairly serious trouble with an unsympathetic boss for doing this - we argued about it ... I felt that the 20p or so each day it cost for me to eat fruit along with the children was negligible (especially compared to the fictional overtime she claimed each day) and that it was much better for the children to share healthy fruit with a playworker than to see us snacking on our 'private' choclate hobnobs in the kitchen when we thought they weren't looking. However, she felt that I should not be eating the club's food. (Fortunately, we had an Ofsted inspection the following week, and the Ofsted inspector agreed with me ).

OP, it does sound like your nanny might have been taking the mickey a little bit when you first posted. Glad things have been better recently.

LadyHarrietdeSpook - I should add that the tired after work and can't think about preparing before work is just about me! I am a live-in nanny but I work 12 3/4 days, there are not very many other jobs where people do 11+ hours a week, which I have always done.

I know people see being a nanny as an easy job, but trust me, there are days when I do not stop! I look after a young baby who is weaned but I don't fancy 3 cubes of mashed food for lunch! As the baby gets older I will eat with them, but right now I don't want to eat at 11:45 and 4p.! Some days I forget to eat because my charge has a hectic schedule and find myself hungry at 3pm! Luckily baby has a late afternoon nap!

I don't have time to think about what I am having for lunch/supper before I leave the house, let alone preparing it! When I have cooked two meals (and tidied/washed up after) during the day, I can't be bothered to cook when I finish work! This is just from my point of view, no one elses!!!

I don't think being a nanny is an easy job at all. AND ALSO - in terms of meals a live in nanny is for me quite different than a live out nanny. When else would you prepare your meals? It was the live out thing I wondered about from the point of view of - lots of people have to get to jobs early, why would a nanny's role be different in terms of having to prepare food. For a live in role it is conventional to eat with the children for most if not all meals I would think.

But I have seperate accommodation, a two minute walk from the house, I have a fully fitted kitchen (with all mod cons, including a dishwasher!)

I start work at 6:15 and finish at 7pm, I go to bed around 10pm and if I cooked for myself I wouldn't eat until 8, this isn't good for me! I need to eat about 5:30, then I get to go to the gym/swim/meet friends after work.

When I did have a live-out job, I worked 8-6 but had a 45 minute commute, always left home for work early and usually left late so by the time I had finished, I was still out of the house for 12 hours.

But it has never been (brought up as) a problem for any of my employers. And to be honest I never even thought about it with any of my jobs!

I do not take the pi$$, I eat what is in the house, if I fancy anything different I buy it myself. I would not expect my employer to pay for something that they didn't have in. Crisps/chocolate/steak/caviar!!! I would never finish something in the kitchen if I thought my boss or the kids would want it and I don't (think I) eat more than an average amount.

Can I just say communication and honesty is the key to succes when having a nanny! Otherwise issues grow and get out of hand.

Try to sit down and have a chat about everything over the last few weeks, slip it into conversation, I would try to avoid sounding like you are checking up on her or talking to her like one of your children, you are both adults and should have mutual respect and be able to chat openly with each other.
Good luck

It does sound like quite a lot of food, but it's quite cheap everyday food so i'm surprised it's such an issue. As many posters say, long hours and being active may mean she eats more than you imagine. It wouldn't occur to me she was taking advantage as you're only talking about bread, yoghurt etc.

Maybe discuss with her what food she normally gets through over a week, to help you with the food shopping so you don't run out every couple of days. If she claims to eat much less than what you've noticed disappearing, comment on the discrepancy by voicing your concern that the DC are overeating.

Xmasbaby11 this "quite cheap every day food" added to my food bills from ~£300-350/month to £500/month for the months when nanny is here. And that is to compare when my DH used to stay and eat at home with the children (a man as opposed to a young woman). Now DH and both work full-time, and we barely eat at home on weekdays (i am on diet and DH buys and cooks for himself). I use a nutritious weekly meal plan for the children (but nothing too fancy), so don't really get where all the food goes!
Few days ago my nanny looked after my 1yo DC2 for 4.5 hours (a shortened day and DC1 was out with me) and after that I noticed that out of 600ml creme fraiche, half of it was gone. I know clearly it has gone, nobody else had. I had prepared wraps for lunch and soup (she can have anything she wants), the wraps were eaten and soup not touched. Still, it is difficult to understand if she could eat 300ml of creme fraiche at once. I probably still refuse to believe that she could carry it home...

I think it's a bit daft to say nanny's can't pop out, that's one of the good things about the job, is that you're not tied to an office, you can do as you please!

I too provide my own lunch and always have but I'm sure my bosses wouldn't be aggrieved to find out I've pinched slices of bread here and there.

Maybe she brought some nacho chips with her and used it as a dip and some on her wrap?

In my current job I can pop out to grab lunch Juney but in 2 of my previous jobs I wouldn't have been able to just nip into Tesco's to pick something up due to logistics, the children etc etc. but then as other nannies I have said my boss expects me to eat - and big portions (if her cooking is anything to go by)

During my time as a nanny, I actually felt more awkward when living in about making sure I did not eat too much food! I had wildly different tastes than my English host family (I was 18 and had never been outside the US) so would buy different things out of my own pocket money.

As I gained more experience and went to live-out, I was always out of the house at least 12 hrs with commute. Breakfast was either non existent, a quick muffin if I was due to be early so stopped in a cafe, or at a push a piece of toast with kids. Normally morning rush is so busy with nursery / school runs / getting dressed / etc I just didn't have time for breakfast.

Lunch I usually either ate part of what kids were having or a sandwich if I didn't like what they were eating I'd say about 50% of the time I would eat family bread and sandwich fillings and the other half
I'd go to Tesco in the morning while out with baby and get a pre packed sandwich plus a smoothie, etc. Out of my own money of course since I simply didn't fancy kids food.

The biggest disappearance for us was always playdates - 3-4 kids plus 2 adults would polish off a shepherds pie, sausage casserole, pizza, bolognaise, etc.

So OP have you spoken to nanny?

I,am a nanny of 14 years and it's seems to me that your nanny is having a few too many playdates.

However what I think is more important is that she is a good nanny and that she cares for your children, not what she eats.if it is that much of a problem have you thought about doing less shopping so it's not there to eat. Or change your day when you buy food like a Friday.

If my boss came up to me and asked me about how much I am eating then I would be very hurt and dishearten as I believe there are many more things that are important when looking after the most precious thing in there life. I would then go on to think if she pulling me on this ( food ) what else is she she going to pull me on.

If it's really bothering you when having a talk you should around a month just say I think you might be having too many playdates as all the food is going at a fast rate and we can not afford it and then she should get the hint.

Good luck in what ever you do.

That seems like a massive amount of food. Could she possibly have an eating disorder?

I would get her to help you with your shopping list/ meal plan to increase understanding from both parties - from you as to what she wants to eat and from her as to how much it costs and that the cost makes a difference to you.