AP Inappropriate Behaviour - Help Me

[APmumboss]

I'm a regular here but I have name changed. A very close and trusted friend of mine has just emailed me photos of my AP, which AP has posted on Facebook. The photos show my AP, sprawled on MY bed with MY shoes, scantily clad.

I feel sick. I haven't spoken to AP about this. The last thing I want is to implicate my friend.

Please please please help. I've had AP's in the past, but have never ever come across this type of situation like this.

FWIW - i do believe my AP hasn't done this out of malice as she doesn't seem the sort. She is 19 yrs - a bit daft/scatty - and I don't think she has realised the implications...

Frak, Chitchatting, Harriet, Blu, Blondes, Dads, any others ....... any one ...

From what I gather the agencies usually are more in the hosting family's corner than au pair's as the family is the paying client. For them to say you over-reacted means that you most probably did.

Utter rubbish. Agencies are 100% in their own corner (this one certainly is), which means persuading the employer to keep the au pair so there is no come-back on their fee. Ignore them and demand a 100% refund of your fee as they are placing her with someone else (you are probably not entitled to this, but demand it anyway).

@DrinkFeckArseGirls your sources are wrong and/or out of context - au pairs are emplolyees, Google it and/or start a new thread.

Right mranchovy so from the link to the other thread I can see yet another person tells you you're wrong and you just piss on it .

Yes, my experience is rubbish because it's not what you think ( well, I'm talking from experience, you might be talking straight from never never land).

And yes, the direct.gov.uk must be out of date because it contradicts what you think. Riiiiight. Thanks for enlightening me. Did you actually read my links? No, I didn't think so.

DrinkFeckArseGirls - MrA is not 'pissing on it', he's just pointing out that you're wrong, which you are!!! If you spend any amount of time on the this board you will see that Mr A knows exactly what he is talking about. Get over yourself!

Argghh - latest is now AP has emailed me. She has decided that she wants to leave B&B on Sat and get a flight home. She had already booked a flight home for Xmas - but she wants me to change it to leave on Sat instead, add on extra baggage, an extra 6 kilos and cancel the return part of it. She said she needs my card details as she has none, and also because I had originally booked her Xmas flight (before this incident happened).

WTF do I do now?

I obviously can't leave the girl stranded here - but at the same time I am resenting having to pay even more ££££ for a change in flights.

Jules - I am now beginning to wish I was as confident as you - and had just given her an immediate one-way ticket home.

How much extra will it cost to do what she is asking vs the cost of keeping her in a B&B (are you paying for that?) until time for her currently booked flight?

Do NOT give her your card details

I'm sure you aren't that daft - but it needed saying just in case.

You booked her into a B&B - you paid her notice. You have done your bit.

Email her back and politely say - that's your issue to deal with, not mine.

Take it out of any money owed to her? If it will cost more than that contact her parents and get them to organise it. You don't 'owe' her anything more than you have already offered. She acted like a stupid, immature girl, and these are the repurcussions!!!!

Not happening. She wants 6kg more she pays at the airport or she gets rid of stuff or she posts it to herself.

If it was booked on your card then cancel the return part by all means (do it yourself) and then she can either use that money (assuming its hers and you didn't get her the flight as a bonus) to change the date.

It may be significantly cheaper to just book a new flight.

Oh and Saturday will be expensive! Tues/Weds could well be cheaper.

OK - a small softening of the heart - you did tell her to let you know if she needed anything.

Have you worked out how much this is going to cost? Have a look at the days near Sat too, might be cheaper.

What was the deal with you paying the B&B - how long did you say you'd pay it for?

Depending on the airline you may need to be the one to make these changes - but it doesn't mean you have to pay for them, she can give you cash.

Tell her to put all of her heavy stuff in her hand luggage.

She had emailed me her username and password for the airline, so that I could enter in my card details myself. I don't think she had any intent to defraud me.

I don't owe her any money. We've already paid the B&B and her notice money. Doing what she wants would cost us at another £100. Terminating our AP has been costly enough already.

Don't pay! Politely decline, telling her you are not willing to pay the extra £100. Ask for money to be transferred into your bank account first. And what the heck is she doing travelling without some sort of a credit card anyway?

How much is it to change the reservation only?

I would probably do this, just to get her out of the area and out of my hair since she is taking your offer of further assistance literally. You WILL feel better once you know she is on that plane. Chk it's not cheaper to buy a new flight.

I would say no to the extra kg, like Frak says.

Tell her she needs to bring you the £100 cash and then you will make the changes for her, if she doesn't have it, she will need to get her parents to do it for her. She has the user name and password - anyone can do it.

ChitChattingElf - why did you even bother with the comment? The thread has moved on. That's pretty childish to say 'get over yourself'. yeah, you go, girlfriend!

Anyway, OP you are definitely not responsible for her over the limit luggage. The rest is your good will. The au pair is responsible for her flight home, not you, so you don't have to do anything to change it.

?

ChitChattingElf - I don't think you said anything that others weren't thinking so don't worry about it. 'get over yourself' is no worse than 'piss on it' and 'never never land'. Us regulars on this board know MrA knows his stuff :)

Anyway, yes it's moved on from that so I'll leave it at that, just wanted to stick up for you there :)

OP - agree with others about not paying the extra luggage, any extra that needs paying should be paid to you by her so you can organise the necessary. Good luck with it, at least she'll be out of your hair soon :)

looneytune

When will I become a regular then? Is it a special kind of group? Tap yourselves on the backs in your clique.

FFS DrinkFeckArseGirls - you post on 1 thread on the Childminders etc board, get all arsey when it's pointed out that you're wrong about something, and then feel all hurt and left out????

People tend to loiter on a few boards on Mumsnet and get known by others who also loiter on those boards.

Aaaannnywaaayyy.... OP - what did you end up doing?

I have now paid for her flight change to leave Sat (it was the cheapest flight anyway), and paid the baggage which came up to £50 in the end. I informed her that it maybe cheaper to post the extra kilos back home herself - thanks for the tip Frak.

On principle, I am annoyed that I have had to pay for everything when AP was clearly in the wrong - but Harriet - you are right - I do feel MUCH happier and better about it all that I have done the right thing. I also feel far more relaxed in my home now that she has gone.

The agency has actually come back to me and offered me a free replacement. I think this is because the AP has admitted that everything, and they are happy there is no comeback for money.

I also found out that AP has been advertising herself on AP World. Beware!