can't believe nanny has just done this. Help before I self combust with rage.

[motherpeculiar]

some of you may remember I had a few teething probs with new nanny a while back - we had a review and she seemed to have taken on board what I said and be getting better. We have been feeling quite happy with her in general.

However DH has just phoned from home - he is working from home today - it is my first day back in the office to tell me that nanny has just left the house with DD2 for a walk in the park, BUT LEFT DD1 AT HOME
Dh has now put her watching cbeebies while he tries to get on with work

wtf?????

She is contracted to look after both kids. Ok DH is at home and she mentioned this to him beforehand (but he thought she was joking, and just using this as a ploy to get DD1 to hurry and get ready) but this is outrageous.

Any ideas on an approach to take? I am tempted to call her mobile and find out what the hell she is thinking of but DH doesn't want any confrontation until we have DD2 safe and home.

DD1 can be slow to get ready to go out and difficult (she is three afterall) but surely nanny needs to find strategies for this rather than just leaving her behind in the house.

I have to admit, I am completely gobsmacked. If we had cover I think I would fire her today for gross misconduct.

Oh dear, i know that my nanny used to find it difficult when DP was at home working. But she used to deal with it, by shutting the door of the bedroom and getting on with it.

You need to speak to her but I know how difficult it is. We had three nannies and only managed to get the relationship right with one of them. let's hope she learns quickly, otherwise it could be a long road ahead.

Is there any chance whatsoever it might have been a misunderstanding? - that dh's reaction made her think he was agreeing to mind dd1?

(I must say, I would expect that sort of agreement - that a working from home parent is taking over the child for a while - to be absolutely clear. So that, for instance, if after she had mentioned it to dh she went out with dd2 without coming up and making it clear she was going now (and would be back at X time), then that would be very off.)

oh no. I would be highly pissed off by this.

I think I would fire her too, but you should probably give a last warning.

Oh Mp, how maddening for you! I do remember your previous thread, and I must admit, I thought you were being very tolerant, I would definitely have given her the boot (or if not me, then dh would have done it for me!). Has she been good between then and now? Do you WANT it to work with her? I agree that she is contracted to look after both of them, not just the cute non-temper-tantrum-toddler baby. I agree that you don't want to confront her on the phone or while you are in a foul mood, wait until you get home this evening and you can take her aside for a serious (but calm) chat. What did you agree were the terms for either of you calling it a day? 1 weeks notice? 1 month? I would get back onto gumtree and see if there is anyone else you think sounds appealling and slowly (or quickly if it's possible!) find a replacement. THe problem is, once you feel you can't trust someone, then it's never really going to work, is it?
Completely sympathise with you, I'm back at work now, but couldn't be here if I wasn't 100% happy with who we have looking after dd. Really good luck and I hope you get it sorted asap xx

it must have been a misunderstanding on her behalf (giving her big benefit of the doubt) BUT I do think it shows immense shortcomings if she can't motivate DD1 to get out the door to the park and has to interrupt DH to mind her instead.

I am completely shocked. We are paying this woman 12 pounds ph and she just takes off with the easy to look after one, leaving DH to pick up the slack.

Her probation period has passed so we are on the one month notice. And it will probably take us that long to find someone new anyway. Although I do feel this is worthy of firing on the spot, unless she can REALLY convince me she thought DH was completely agreeable to looking after DD1 (but why should he be, he's at home, trying to work, she is being paid to look after them. )

CAn you tell I am incandescent with rage???

and now I'll need to leave early on my first day back in office to try to talk to her.

Steam, pouring from MPs ears.

£12/hour!!!! Blimey, even more reason to be incandescent with rage! I have no idea whether you have the right to fire her, but I would certainly issue her with some kind of official (written?!) warning. Take a deep breath (any Rescue Remedy to hand?!) and imagine how much more disrupting it would be if you were left with no-one to look after the dd's tomorrow. Don't fire her, but get looking anyway, and then the next thing she does wrong (are there bound to be others?), you'll be able to get rid of her immediately, with some replacement hopefully in the pipeline. Good luck...

And it's your 1st day back.... I'm sorry to hear it, what a bummer

hi Orangina

not sure if there are bound to be others - I had thought she was doing well, a bit slack still on sorting their clothes and that sort of stuff, but nothing irredeemable

this has just knocked me for six, completely. Seemingly she is home now, and was gone for under half an hour, but still I think it is out of order.

DH says she didn't explicitly ask him if he were ok to look after DD1, just told him this is what she was thinking of doing - possibly to "teach DD1 a lesson" - but she needs to have made that explicit and made sure he was ok with it in my book. And even then I wouldn't be completely happy about it.

I think I will start looking agin, unless she has a VERY good story and it is clear it was a total misunderstanding when I get home

Grrrrrrr

MP: sudden thought: why is it you, & not dh, having to sort this out?

Isn't the misunderstanding (if it is that) his, and won't it be difficult for you to have the discussion with her as all you have is hearsay?

I'm just thinking, if I got a call like that from dh (who is vague & very easy to get into a misunderstanding with, by the way!) I would tell him he should deal with it as soon as nanny & dd1 gets back - by finding out what it was made her think it was OK to do. Didn't she have a long-term job before? - I keep wondering whether this was the way her last family worked, ad hoc child juggling & so on.

Good point re MP's DH sorting it.

I don't have a nanny, but rest assured if I found myself in this situation, DH and his "I am so intelligent, I am stupid" method of communication would have something to do with it.

Not saying my DH or Mr MP are stupid.

Just one other thought, surely this would have kept until this evening, why did your DH bother you at work ????

I often leave my ds2 (age 4) at home when dh is working at home, whilst I do the school run. Perhaps she thought he didn't mind?

Hmmm... Binkie, you have a point....

I was just thinking the same as binkie.
it sounds to me like the misunderstanding arose between your dh and the nanny - surely he can sort it out without you needing to come home early? the fact that she mentioned it to him does quite strongly suggest to me that she thought he was OK with it.
I wonder if this nanny really understands what working at home really means, btw.

Oh poor you. And why oh why are you paying this moron £12 an hour?

So, how's work today? First day back, huh? Hope that's going well for you.

he doesn't want to talk to her about it while DD1 is there and within earshot (also he doesn't like things like this!)

absolutely agree with the "so clever I am stupid" statement - he could well have got the wrong end of the stick, he can be obtuse at times, but I still don' t think this is on.

you are right binkie - could be what she is used to. But we are also her employers, she can't just extend rules she has at her other/previous employers to us without checking it's ok first, surely (although that is exactly what she did with the other nanny coming over - which I did agree with you all was fine in the end)

Iota, I also do that when it is me and DH. But she is a professional being paid to look after both kids. You and I are not. She needs to work on her relationship with DD1, not just favour DD2 (babe in arms and adorable, no three year old backchat from her!). I don't think this was a very good step in that direction.

I know DH should deal with this, not me, but I always seem to deal with these kinds of issues in our house. He called me at work because his jaw hit the desk when she did it and he had to offload his annoyance I suppose.

Thanks for the input. I am still mad though.

it does sound like a misunderstanding to me. However I think you need to set clear ground rules with her so she understands what is required when dh is working form home and also give dh a copy so he knows as well. That way if it goes pear shaped again it can't be down to amisunderstanding

Uhh... Isn't all this in her contrat. ie "...your job is sole charge of two children whilst parents work..." or something to that effect. I mean how could she miss that if she is an experienced nanny?

My nanny would never pull this stunt... NEVER (and we are her first proper nanny job).

Did you sign a written contract with your nanny? Did it contain a "scope of works" for her?

Even if it is in the contract, I can easily see us being in this situation (sole charge nanny with thorough job description, two children, brainy/obtuse dh who works from home, and all) - & sometimes my dh has done some minding. Example would be a spill that means more milk needed urgently, nanny nips round the corner for more, dh minds them so's shopping trip can be quick as possible.

How is her confidence, mp? I ask because the few rocky moments we got into with one of our nannies turned out all to stem from her suddenly getting nerves about saying something, & then leaving it unsaid till it got to be an Issue. If you have an unconfident person then you might get her not feeling able to knock on dh's office door to say "did you really mean you would mind dd1".

well, DH spoke to her before she left in his non-confrontational style - told her he was "surprised" she had left DD1 behind. Her answer was that she hadn't known what to do with her. Not that she thought it was ok cos she had checked he was ok to mind her or anything else, but that she simply hadn't known how to cope with a 3 year olds tantrum. Now I know we can all find that a challenge (well I certainly can) but surely if you are a supposedly professional nanny you need to work out some strategies for coping with this kind of stuff - it is a large part of the territory after all. I got home about a minute before she left and didn't want to weigh in until I had spoken to DH so just asked how teh day had been. SHe said ok, but that she had gone out for walk with DD2 and left DD1 on teh stairs. SHe said she thinks we both need to leave the house for a few days, presumably so that she can break DD1 of any habits of calling on us when things are getting hard with nanny but after today I dont think I could trust her to leave her with them both.

DH has had it with nanny and is just trying to work out how to get rid. He thinks she doesn't do any planned activities with DD1 and so DD1 is very bored and acts up more than usual. We both acknowledge that DD1 can be a pain (she is a fairly "spirited" child) but she is easily enough distracted with the right techniques, which surely any decent nanny should have in their bag of tricks.

So, in all, DD1 hasn't been outside the door of our house in the two days this week nanny has been here. Nor, as far as we can make out, have their been any activities to engage her (except drawing this am which DH set up before going to home office and play dough which he set up this afternoon seeing there was nothing for DD1 to do while nanny focussed on DD2)

I think we will have to terminate her contract, which I never wanted to do, but I think if someone has admitted not being able to cope it is hard to continue.

Aaaaarrrgh!

Message withdrawn

I am fairly sure that this would not constitute gross misconduct and so you will not be able to sack her.

As she has worked for you for less than one year though, you will not need to the formal disciplinary procedures as I don't think you get protection from unfair dismissal (other than for sex discrimination, racism and disability discrimination), until that year is up.

So you can tell her straight away that you are terminating her contract and pay her in leiu of notice and ask her to leave straight away or put up with her for another month while she works out her notice.

In the circumstances I would pay her and get a temp nanny from an agency until you find someone permanent!

I think you can terminate her effective immediately on the basis that she has demonstrated that she is either incapable of or unwilling to do the job.

I told my nanny a brief synopsis of this story this evening, and her reaction was "if you are going to go to the park, why would you take the baby and not the 3 year old?" Exactly. Now who was going to enjoy that trip to the park... surely that was an age appropriate activity for the 3 year old.

Oh, MP, I feel for you. This is no fun -- and on your first day back at work.

Definately get rid of her! How can she call herself a nanny and not know how to cope with a difficult 3 year old! FGS they're all difficult!!!

And you're paying her far too much. She doesn't deserve it at all. Ok, pay that to a super duper nanny if you can afford it, but not to her.

I can't believe she left your 3 year old in as a punishment and expected your dh who was working to take care of her. Then to admit she couldn't deal with her!!!Unbelievable.