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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

can't believe nanny has just done this. Help before I self combust with rage.

114 replies

motherpeculiar · 26/10/2005 14:22

some of you may remember I had a few teething probs with new nanny a while back - we had a review and she seemed to have taken on board what I said and be getting better. We have been feeling quite happy with her in general.

However DH has just phoned from home - he is working from home today - it is my first day back in the office to tell me that nanny has just left the house with DD2 for a walk in the park, BUT LEFT DD1 AT HOME
Dh has now put her watching cbeebies while he tries to get on with work

wtf?????

She is contracted to look after both kids. Ok DH is at home and she mentioned this to him beforehand (but he thought she was joking, and just using this as a ploy to get DD1 to hurry and get ready) but this is outrageous.

Any ideas on an approach to take? I am tempted to call her mobile and find out what the hell she is thinking of but DH doesn't want any confrontation until we have DD2 safe and home.

DD1 can be slow to get ready to go out and difficult (she is three afterall) but surely nanny needs to find strategies for this rather than just leaving her behind in the house.

I have to admit, I am completely gobsmacked. If we had cover I think I would fire her today for gross misconduct.

OP posts:
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Pol25 · 27/10/2005 11:25

Hey I answered your post on nannyjob... I'm sure this would be a case for instant dismissal, what if hubby hadn't realised she was there and he had gone out too???
I was a nanny and am now a mummy and I cannot imagine anyone doing this!!! It's so neglectful and awful, your poor daughter!
Get rid of her women like that should not be nannies no matter how many glowing references she has!!! And like everyone has already said if she cannot deal with a three year old having an 'off' day she shouldn't be a nanny at all!
Good luck on finding someone truly wonderful!

aloha · 27/10/2005 11:27

Think Pol makes an excellent point. Recipe for disaster. Also, as your dh didn't realise the nanny had gone out without her, she could have had an accident while unsupervised. Not right.

Pol25 · 27/10/2005 11:34

Thanks aloha- like you put what if she had a serious accident, who would have been responsible for her- the nanny who is employed to care for your daughter AND baby for set hours or your hubbie who is working and not looking after the children.
As for her saying that she was 'teaching her a lesson' what did it actually achieve??? Sounds like she is a little spiteful too.

orangina · 27/10/2005 11:34

Blimey MP , you have quite a bit of juggling to do! I am in awe... Could a temporary nannyshare help tide you over until you have a new and lovely nanny comfortably installed? Do know what you mean about the obtuse dh.... mine works from home and although nanny is fine with occasional over protective father offering helpful advice as how to best feed dd (!!), all other communication seems for some reason to have to go through me (in office on other side of town). Hmm. He doesn't look best pleased when I suggest he speaks to her directly about whatever is bothering him ...

motherinferior · 27/10/2005 11:34

Honey, how awful for you. Don't worry about not being 'nanny calibre' - you'd feel the same if a nursery or childminder did this. If a nanny is what works for you, you/we can work out a solution for you.

Totally agree with PPH and Aloha about all the things an enthusiastic childcarer (of whatever 'type')with a bit of nous and experience can provide, too. I'm always dumbfounded by the amount of stuff my childminder has done with the Inferiorettes over the years!

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 12:00

thanks all

to be fair to nanny - DH did know DD1 was there as she was tantruming in his office it seems. Nanny just left her there and went out. ALthough DH didn't quite believe she would carry through with it. And Nanny never said she was trying to "teach her a lesson" I put that in quotes as I was trying to work out some possible explanation for what otherwise seemed completely bonkers behaviour from nanny.

OP posts:
Phaedria · 27/10/2005 15:27

I think she sounds pretty awful.

We have a new nanny with us (also our first)looking after our 3 DS (7,3 and 8 months) She would never do this and certainly not favour one child over the others.I think she has to go - tbh for me its more the favouritism thing than anything - i just think thats such an awful message to send to a 3 yr old..............

good luck

annh · 27/10/2005 15:42

Do you think she favours dd2 because she is little and easy to look after? If so, what will happen when she turns into a toddler and becomes more demanding and less adorable? Will she similarly lose interest in dd2 as well? Honestly, quite apart from the park incident which maybe, just possibly, perhaps could be down to a misunderstanding, she doesn't sound like a very good nanny anyway. You are paying the going rate without seeming to get any of the activities, attention etc which should be standard.

missycantstop · 27/10/2005 15:51

hi personally i would get rid of her, if she is doing this when your husband is there then what the hell is she doing when he is not around? Sounds like your kids are not in safe hands and she is in dangering them. This is also neglect towards your children. I would report her, just so it is on her file. Good luck

annh · 27/10/2005 16:41

Report her to who though? Nannies are not regulated in the same way that childminders and nurseries are.

bigdonna · 27/10/2005 21:50

mp where are you .i have australian nanny friend who is brilliant with kids.She is in australia at the moment attending a wedding.She has years of experience.

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 21:51

hi bigdonna - we are in SE London. Any good for your friend?

OP posts:
bigdonna · 27/10/2005 21:52

she lives in tooting !!

Kaz33 · 27/10/2005 22:00

Love Australian nannies - check her out.

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 22:01

just down the road. Hey, a smile has passed my lips for the first time in two days! Don't suppose she is in the job market at the moment?

OP posts:
bigdonna · 27/10/2005 22:13

hi mp she will be on the job market soon i just dont know when.She has a car and she will be looking for part-time as she also does reflexology but she is very reliable,trustworthy and such a lovely person.Well she is a good friend of mine.

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 28/10/2005 09:00

bigdonna - could you CAT me. I tried you but you are not accepting messages.

Your friend sounds like she might be a good fit

OP posts:
bigdonna · 28/10/2005 09:11

sorry mp i have nt a clue how to cat anyone my email address is [email protected] so you can email me

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 28/10/2005 09:28

thanks, will email you

(BTW - CAT means "contact another talker" - it is one of the links at the top of the screen. You must have unselected the ability to receive messages in your MN profile)

OP posts:
uwila · 31/10/2005 09:27

So how are you, MP?

orangina · 31/10/2005 09:40

Hope you had a good w/e MP.... have you had the chat with your nanny yet?

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 31/10/2005 14:07

HI ? yes, we called her in for chat on Saturday morning, having deliberated long and hard over things. IN the end we decided to give her notice of four weeks as stipulated in the contract, but to reduce her days to one day a week for those 4 weeks and put DD1 into nursery on that day so that they don?t have to have anything to do with each other. So, working out her contract period she is only looking after DD2 one day a week. (and doing the MOUNTAIN of other tasks I left in a list for her I hope!). In the middle of the crisis talks between myself and DH last week we got a call from a french woman who has three years experience and is looking for an immediate start , we interviewed her Friday, took up her refs Saturday and she is starting on Wednesday. She seems to have a lot of energy (which I think is what was sadly lacking in nanny1) and is really into sport and arty/crafty things so should be well able to entertain DD1 in between running her tiny legs off! Over the initial 4 weeks (while nanny 1 works out her notice) she will be doing Weds and Fridays. I have Fridays off so will spend a lot of time with her and the DDs watching how the interaction with DD1 goes. I think this should be useful.

It was interesting to see how very differently we were interviewing this woman, having been once burnt. We will put her on 3 months probation, rather than the ludicrous 1 month I had in the last contract. You live and learn.

Orangina I did email your nanny?s cousin but haven?t heard back. BigDonna, I tried emailing you but the message bounced back for some reason.

OP posts:
princesspeahead · 31/10/2005 14:17

fantastic! all sounds really positive. best of luck with the new nanny.

bakedpotatooooowoooh · 31/10/2005 14:23

MP, so glad you're shot of her and have found replacement.
How did she take it, incidentally? Was she surprised?

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 31/10/2005 14:34

funnily enough she did seem a bit surprised (!?) - said she was surprised to get the message to come to the meeting anyway. She admitted it wasn't working out and took it well we thought. Probably just glad to get some kind of notice period while she looks for something else. We were quite gentle with her and stressed that she had been doing a great job with DD2 (no point in being nasty we thought). DH was there when she arrived this morning and said she went out of her way to be pleasant and upbeat with him.

OP posts: