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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

can't believe nanny has just done this. Help before I self combust with rage.

114 replies

motherpeculiar · 26/10/2005 14:22

some of you may remember I had a few teething probs with new nanny a while back - we had a review and she seemed to have taken on board what I said and be getting better. We have been feeling quite happy with her in general.

However DH has just phoned from home - he is working from home today - it is my first day back in the office to tell me that nanny has just left the house with DD2 for a walk in the park, BUT LEFT DD1 AT HOME
Dh has now put her watching cbeebies while he tries to get on with work

wtf?????

She is contracted to look after both kids. Ok DH is at home and she mentioned this to him beforehand (but he thought she was joking, and just using this as a ploy to get DD1 to hurry and get ready) but this is outrageous.

Any ideas on an approach to take? I am tempted to call her mobile and find out what the hell she is thinking of but DH doesn't want any confrontation until we have DD2 safe and home.

DD1 can be slow to get ready to go out and difficult (she is three afterall) but surely nanny needs to find strategies for this rather than just leaving her behind in the house.

I have to admit, I am completely gobsmacked. If we had cover I think I would fire her today for gross misconduct.

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princesspeahead · 26/10/2005 23:46

motherpeculiar - I've had a lot of very good nannies over the last 8 years. I can promise you that if this nanny is favouring the baby over the 3 year old now, it will not improve and is not acceptable. I can promise you that if the nanny is not thinking up interesting and varied activities for the 3 year old now, it will not improve and is not acceptable. If the nanny does not know how to handle a bored 3 year old having a tantrum (and I'd have thought the perfect solution was to take her to the park and let off some steam, FFS), she will not improve and it is not acceptable. And if the nanny thinks that a 3 year old needs to be punished by being left on a step by herself, with her unaware father on the other side of a closed office door, while the nanny goes to the park with the baby, then she shouldn't be a nanny.

Sorry to be so unequivocal. I'd sit her down, tell her that she clearly is not up to the job, these x things have completely undermined your belief in her ability to cope, she herself has admitted that she is unable to cope, you are letting her go with immediate effect (give her to the weekend to move out if she is live in) and as a token of goodwill you are giving her one or two weeks payment.

If she wants to sue you for the rest she can try, but she probably won't be successful (document all of this and the previous incidents) and I expect she won't bother.

princesspeahead · 26/10/2005 23:49

And three year olds are lovely and such fun! How DARE she ignore her, bore her, and then punish her for being ignored and bored? Your poor dd. There are any number of lovely, possibly less qualified, fun nannies out there who will do 50x more things with your dd than you could ever dream up, and be GREAT for her self-confidence, not the opposite!

Sorry again, really feel outraged on your and your dd's behalf

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 26/10/2005 23:57

pph - thanks! I am nearly crying at your summary of what nanny did to DD1 today (and I am not easily moved to tears!)

Thanks for sharing your experience - what you say about things not changing was my gut feeling, good to have it corroborated by an experienced nanny-haver.

Just need to work out a strategy for childcare before we have the chat. She is not due back until MOnday now so some time to think.

Sally - your childminder sounds great. You lucky thing

OP posts:
aloha · 27/10/2005 00:02

I don't want to speak to soon, but have just hired an unqualified but quite experienced woman of 24 to look after dd (8months) but owing to an inset day at nursery she looked after ds (four) as well last week (I also work at home) and she was so lovely with them both and she charges £8 an hour, which is the going rate and I'm in London. Ds told her he loved her!

princesspeahead · 27/10/2005 00:03

oh dear, I'm sorry! but glad it helped crystallise your feelings!
You could always phone a good agency and tell them you need some emergency cover for a couple of weeks until you sort someone out... it will cost you a bit but you should end up with someone nice and reliable on your doorstep on monday morning who can give you some breathing space to get back into your job and find someone permanent. try imperial nannies and tinies - I mention them because they are good and they also have big maternity sections and quite often maternity nurses are also nannies and like to fill in 2 or 3 weeks between jobs with emergency nanny care. And also then you won't worry about someone dropping the baby
also do CAT orangina (my sister!) - her nanny is wonderwoman and anyone related to her must be worth an interview...!

best of luck.

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 00:04

congrats Aloha - hope it continues to work out for you.

Out of interest - is that £8 PLUS tax NI etc on top?

OP posts:
princesspeahead · 27/10/2005 00:04

ooooh aloha she sounds good!

I think a loving fun personality (backed up with refs and some experience) is worth any number of qualifications, personally

motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

aloha · 27/10/2005 00:08

£8 is what she gets, so I suppose it is a similar rate.
She was just very jolly, kind, mad about children, has lots of plans for farms and music groups and even took both children to a little party last week (organised by another nanny), which ds loved (hard to say about dd, but she is apathologically social creature).
And she couldn't stop praising their intelligence, good looks, charm etc, which always makes you warm to a person, I find.

princesspeahead · 27/10/2005 00:13

might be worth giving her a ring to see if she is still available, mp.

anyway I'm off to bed - hope you manage to resolve this! I had to sack a nanny once - we had her for 4 weeks, first two weeks we were on holiday and we spent the whole time running around after dd while she lay on a towel reading a book (and I was 7.5mths pregnant). Then when we got home, about a week later I woke up at 4.30 to go to the loo to find her JUST coming home after a night out, pissed. She was meant to be on duty (sole charge, full time) at 7am!!!
Had an agonising 2 days discussing what to do with dh - finally heard that a nanny's sister (who I never met) was between jobs for 3 months. sat her down and fired her, with no notice (3 days to move out), paid her off because I didn't feel like the fight, and the new nanny started on the Monday. She was a fantastic godsend and it worked out brilliantly. Couldn't understand, looking back, why I hadn't sacked her after the holiday!!!!

You have to have at least one nanny=related disaster in life, otherwise you aren't a proper mummy

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 00:21

certainly feel like a proper mummy tonight pph [groan]

OP posts:
uwila · 27/10/2005 08:29

And how are you today?

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 08:41

Hi Uwila, thanks for asking

trying to work but very distracted. did go to nannyjob last night and the reaction there varied from mild surprise at nanny's actions to full blown shock and get rid of her messages (no volunteer replacements yet tho' )

Dh and I have agreed we need to let her go, the question is when? I don't think I'd feel wholly justified just telling her never to come back, yet we can't really afford (well, would prefer not to have to I suppose) to pay her off and pay for alternative childcare, so may see if she'll work out the notice period. If she gets shirty we'll take it from there I guess.

Ho Hum. It is very difficult.

DD1 also goes to a private nursery two days a week (days we don't have the nanny - I work p/t those days and look after DD2 the rest of the day) so we are going to check if they could take her an extra day, and maybe even consider putting DD2 in also. I had wanted DD2 to stay at home for longer but am not sure we are able for this nanny lark!

OP posts:
HappyMumof2 · 27/10/2005 09:14

Message withdrawn

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 09:19

happymum - that's how I got this one!!!

OP posts:
HappyMumof2 · 27/10/2005 09:26

Message withdrawn

orangina · 27/10/2005 09:53

Good morning MP.... have just sent you nanny details. Hope you are feeling better today .

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 10:11

thanks Orangina - have emailed her

OP posts:
FrightfullyPoshFloss · 27/10/2005 10:15

Sorry haven't read all the way through and not got a chance too now either, but £12p/hr? I'm in the wrong bloody job. I'd be happily taking them out with me on my nights off to be payed that sort of amount!!

binkie · 27/10/2005 10:26

Just checking in to catch up with your story!
Admitting not knowing what to do with a three year old's tantrum is extraordinary. I would suspect from that that she is herself considering resigning - which should make the break easier for you.

For what you need, have you thought of a childminder? (Sorry if that's been said, and said, and said ...)

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 10:28

think I may have misled people Floss - this is the GROSS amount ph, I think most people talk NET with nannies (I don't see why but that is another story). 7 quid NET per hour - works out at somewhere between 11 and 12 pounds gross.

OP posts:
Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 10:33

Binkie - would be great if she was considering resigning. I wanted someone in our own home because I am still trying to BF DD2 as much as possible so it is really handy when I am working from home, so that ruled out childminder. Could be worth a reconsider I guess.

I do think we may not be Nanny calibre though, I'm finding it VERY stressful and extremely time consuming, not to mention how expensive it will be in financial terms if we need to pay her off.

OP posts:
orangina · 27/10/2005 10:59

MP, what is nanny calibre?!?! It's the nanny that's not right, not the Peculiar family! BTW, what did you do for childcare for dd1 before dd2 arrived? (Forgive if you've already said and I've not been paying attention!)
Fingers and toes crossed that she will resign and spare you the confrontation (though the confrontation can be quite satisfying once you get going...!)

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 11:12

I just don't think I am able for the emotional rollercoaster that seems to be the life of someone who has a nanny Orangina, not to mention the time/financial implications of all this hiring and firing

we had DD1 in nursery 4 days a week before DD2 came along. Now DD1 goes to nursery two days a week and is home with nanny the other two. I didn't want to put DD2 into nursery until she was a bit older hence the nanny route. Nanny comes two days and I work those two full days, either at home or (1st day yesterday) in office in central London. The remaing three days DD1 is in nursery for two of them, and DH looks after whatever of our kids are in the house while I work from home 7.30 to 10am. I then take over childcare - baby only for two days and both of them on Fridays.

it is all a bit complicated. DH keeps having to ask what is happening today (but see earlier message re. his obtuseness)

OP posts:
Marina · 27/10/2005 11:24

Crikey Motherpeculiar, just caught up with this - how appalling. Amend pph's maxim to include "one childcare related disaster" and I can join you there, we had a vile (Registered) childminder for ds1 when he was tiny and I still shudder.
But, more importantly, I think you are right to be extremely concerned about this nanny's capabilities and I hope you manage to find a good replacement soon.