can't believe nanny has just done this. Help before I self combust with rage.

[motherpeculiar]

some of you may remember I had a few teething probs with new nanny a while back - we had a review and she seemed to have taken on board what I said and be getting better. We have been feeling quite happy with her in general.

However DH has just phoned from home - he is working from home today - it is my first day back in the office to tell me that nanny has just left the house with DD2 for a walk in the park, BUT LEFT DD1 AT HOME
Dh has now put her watching cbeebies while he tries to get on with work

wtf?????

She is contracted to look after both kids. Ok DH is at home and she mentioned this to him beforehand (but he thought she was joking, and just using this as a ploy to get DD1 to hurry and get ready) but this is outrageous.

Any ideas on an approach to take? I am tempted to call her mobile and find out what the hell she is thinking of but DH doesn't want any confrontation until we have DD2 safe and home.

DD1 can be slow to get ready to go out and difficult (she is three afterall) but surely nanny needs to find strategies for this rather than just leaving her behind in the house.

I have to admit, I am completely gobsmacked. If we had cover I think I would fire her today for gross misconduct.

Message withdrawn

Wasn't sure what to say when I saw this thread earlier - hard to tell whether the nanny had thought it was OK to leave DD1 with DH or not.

But I rather think there should be a new nanny in the Peculiar household soon - she sounds bloody useless! A nanny not being able to cope with a three-year-old? That's like a chef not knowing what to do with onions!

Uwila - gross misconduct is usually defined in the employment contract and I'm not sure what MP will have defined it as.

I definately would not terminate with immediate effect without taking legal advice unless it is covered exactly by the terms of the contract as constituting gross misconduct. If you use nanny tax MP, they have a legal hot line which I have used in hte past and it is very good!

But, soapbox, how can she go to work and leave her 3 year old in the care of this person? I would have to let her go and replace her immediately.

Of course I wouldn't suggest this for a nanny who was doing her job. But this person is not performing the duties she was hired to perform. Not sure whether or not this falls under "gross misconduct" but surely it's reason to get rid of her immediately.

Ok, I should add that I am in no way qualified to give legal employment advice.

MP, you could always post on nannyjob to ask for advice

Message withdrawn

Doesn't matter Uwila - under the terms of the contract you have to give the notice period unless it constitutes gross misconduct.

As I said, you can pay her off now - with the notice period and get someone else in.

It is crap, agreed but it is the law, which of course was not written to deal with these kind of domestic situations!

Soapbox, I thought those were the terms if you were letting her go due to no fault of her own. Not because she is actually being fired for not doing the job.

where are you mp that you pay so much money.i thought in wimbledon the going rate was £8-9 an hour.maybe if you ask her to give you a list of activities to do with your dd like mondays-painting am park pm.tuesday-sticking,cutting pictures from mags am park pm.if weather bad make cakes.wednesday-puzzles etc .i had never found any child in my care ever not wanting to go to the park,she needs to encourage her with feeding ducks( if there are any) going to swings .i think in one of your last threads you said you only worked 3 days.its not hard to entertain a three yr old in fact its so much easier than over fives.hope you work it out.

ok, I've looked at my nanny contract now and you are right, Soapbox, I'm talking about gross misconduct. So it just depends on how Motherpeculiar's contract has it defined.

Uhhhhm, not a nanny and do not employ one either, but leaving a 3yr old behind in the house while she goes out is what I would call gross misconduct (and if dh wasnt there, downright illegal is it not wilful child neglect)
Would she still have left them if your husband wasnt home? She hasn't reassured you that she wouldnt.
I wouldnt be giving her the time to pack her clothes never mind 1 months notice!!

bigdonna - it will be £8-9 net, but that equates to around £12 gross. And as everyone else in the world talks gross numbers other than nannies I suspect this is what MP means.

The £8-9 an hour is what she will get net, in her hand!

MP I hope you are having a giant glass of wine while you browse through gumtree....! I think the others are right, she WILL have to go. Our nanny (who we feel v lucky to have, is fab and loves dd, and who we pay nothing like £12/hour), has a nanny cousin (Australian) coming back to the UK from Germany looking for work apparently. Haven't met her, have no idea what she is like, but ours is a gem (so far, touch wood!). CAT me if I can help...

thanks everyone

I'm waxing and waning on this still - I HATE confrontation, and hate to feel unreasonable, and she seems like a nice woman, but I just have to face the fact that she is not doing the job.
SHe has been with us over 6 weeks and I have already had a gentle one to one review with her where I gave her ideas on how to "manage" DD1, including such difficult to think up strategies as painting/sticking/baking/park etc etc etc. Again and again I am amazed at how disinterested she seems in DD1. This morning when she arrived at the house for example (she is live out) she went straight to DD2, gushed over her, picked her up, cuddled, took her upstairs to be changed and gave DD1 a cursory "hello". There just doesn't seem to be the warmth there. DD2 is only 6months old fgs, if anyone can afford a tiny bit of ignoring for the sake of building relationships with the kids it is her (not that I'd advocate it really but ykwim).

I agree that this is probably not gross misconduct as DH was in the house, although not sure it couldn't be construed as "neglect" as she hadn't checked with DH that he was able to mind DD1, for all she knew he might have been heading out 5 mins later. "neglect" is a sackable offence in our contract. "Incompetence", which is the picture I think we are really getting, is worthy of disciplinary action. Now I need to determine whether I need to do the full verbal, written warning then dismissal or go straight for dismissal which Soapbox suggests I can do as she's not been with us that long. I am with Nannypaye will call them tomorrow and ask.

God, I hate to let anyone go without giving them a second chance (although if I am honest I suppose would be third in her case), but I am starting to think no matter how many chances it's not going to work.

Shame, she is so good with the baby too

btw the 12quid per hour is 7 an hour into hand plus taxes and NI. It is what her other employers pay her. We only have her 7 hours a day as we can't afford any more at that rate!!!

MP - you've given her the second chance once already!

Time to get tough - and I know how tricky that can be!

LARGE glass Orangina

will certainly CAT you, thanks

Soapbox - I know you are right. I will repeat your message to myself as a mantra when I weaken.

hoolagirl - I think it is a bit of a big leap to say that because she left DD on the step when DH was working at home (wrong I agree) that she would do it when no-one was at home. I would be extremely unhappy that my 3yo had spent 2 days without any trips out or any activities sorted out by the nanny. No wonder she is playing up, she must be bored.

Happymumof2 - she has no formal quals but 5 years experience and great references. How, I do not know.

mp - when you feel awful about confronting her, just think of DD1 and how unfair it is that her nanny is doing this to her, and that will strengthen your resolve.

I had an au-pair who did this - totally ignored DS, found him a PITA, but adored DD and was brilliant with the house, I liked her, etc. But in the end, the fact that my little DS was suffering and being marginalised in his own home by his own carer whom he was trying to please and wanted some positive attention from, made it impossible for me to carry on feeling positive about her.

thanks caligula

that's what DH says - it just makes him so sad that DD1 is not being interacted with as she deserves to be. SHe is a livewire, and she responds really really well to fun, creative activities.

Thanks, that does help.

I just hate to think of kiddies getting treated like this, it really riles me up! I would have frogmarched her to the front door and helped her out with my foot up her arse!!
I know I sound extreme, but how must that child feel, being ignored and left behind.
And me that didnt like kids (then I had them)!

Sorry not being very constructive

on the contrary Hoola - it is good to know that you think my rage was justified. Has gone off the boil a bit now (the rage) but incendiary (sp?) comments like yours are just the job as I need to keep my courage up to terminate her contract!!!