Am I being unreasonable with my childminder

[mimosa]

Today I discovered that my childminder had taken my 2 children (3 and 5) with her to do her christmas food shopping at Tescos. This was a 34 mile round trip in the snow and ice - very dangerous driving conditions. My 3 year old didnt even get out of her car - she feel asleep for the inward journey, which meant she would have been sat in her carseat for a minimum of 2 hours - so cross about that. (this then resulted in her not settling tonight - didnt get down until 9.30 which meant my night was gone) Which is why I am still up at 12.45 am
I feel that there was no education value, or fun value for my chilren and if she had asked me if it was ok for her to do this, I would have said no. Mainly on the grounds that if she had had a driving accident and hurt my children - I would have killed her with my bare hands! But also on the grounds that I am paying her (£90) a for her to look after my children - not drag them around the shops - their least favourite activity
I am so mad at her - and so is my husband - Also the children tell me another adult was in the car with them?? Who is this adult ? Have they been CRB checked.? Not happy but obviously I am a protective mum and so another perspective might help me sort my feelings out. Because at the moment I am seriously considering giving her notice. I have some other issues with her, but this could be the straw that broke the camels back - so to speak. What do other mums and childminders think?

if her every need was meet by a childminder/nanny when in their care then. i would have a hell of a time at the weekend

Which of her needs would you like the nanny/childminder not to meet?

Not doing everything that she wants is one thing, but to not meet the needs of a young child for fear they may think the world revolves around them goes against all my training.

FWIW you don't need to plan awful trips out or deliberately not meet a child's needs in order to teach them that it's not all about them. At a playgroup for example they will soon learn that there are other kids there who want to play with the toys, they may not be able to have the toy they want, someone else may have taken the last chocolate biscuit, someone may be in the loo when they need to go, tidy up time is tidy up time regardless of whether you're finished playing...they learn that the world doesn't revolve around them just by living...you don't need to make an extra-special effort to drum it into them!

well maybe need is the wrong word and i ment demand. but for example if my daughter asked for juice i wouldnt jump straight up and give her it if i was busy i would say yes of course in a minute and then go and get the juice after finishing what i was doing.

Excusemoi - I would not want my nanny to be so completely child centric. I would not want every day to be one big play schedule. I would want it to involve shopping, trips to the post office & dentist, housework, cooking - not all aimed at entertaining the child and not all, as childminders have to, to have a 'value'. I would want 'real life'.
As close to a day with me as possible.

Learning to share with your peers is not the same thing.

Although you may not have to 'drum it into them' you can choose the type of childcare that suits you and for me that would not be a nursery or childminder, but a nanny who is like a 'mum at home'.

(I love many of our childminders on here, I hate the Ofsted rules & regulations.)

I would sack the childminder - sounds like she's in for the money and not very child centred at all. Its not about the supermarket shop is it - its about her not putting her responsibility for your children first - in fact it sounds like they are getting in her way. I would also report her to OFSTED - just write them a letter with your concerns.
I would have been furious if my children had been waiting on the doorstep in their coats when I was late - imagine how it made your children feel - has mum forgotton us? We're not wanted here!

I sacked my childminder when my DS was 10 months old as she clearly did not offer him any stimulation at all and he was unhappy. He is now in a nursery and thriving in every way - such a difference within weeks of going to nursery - and they pick up from schools too.

And I pay £36 a day, all meals , breakfast, lunch and dinner included.
I'd consider a nursery or a childminder with a better reputation. (I didn't give the four weeks contracted notice to my childminder as I argued that I did not feel she could fulfill her side of the contractual agreement in safely looking after my DS - there were other more serious issues too)

I think a CM should provide a 'normal' environment up to a point - so shopping is fine, but the hell on earth that is Christmas shopping is a bit off (as is leaving your DD asleep for 2hrs+)
For example - DH and I put DS in front of a DVD if we need to do something round the house - e.g. the other day we needed to defrost a frozen pipe outside. Would you be happy for a CM to do this (ignore the 'emergency' nature - just the task itself)

Oh and if your CM wants you to pick up 10 mins early to make up for the 10 mins late then get there 10 mins early - put their coats on and hang round on the doorstep until actual finish time

Because it's not a reciprocal arrangement - she will get those 10 mins, your DCs didn't

Stealth - yes, I'd be happy for a CM & her DH to put the kids in front of a DVD while they defrosted a frozen pipe. I'd be happy for them to have the DC play/dig/'help' in the garden while they did some gardening or to do other normal 'family' things.

I thought there was some mad rule that CM's had to let DC sleep even if the parents don't want them to?

ooh yes that does ring a bell.
Really? I'd be a bit annoyed if they did a job like that when they were meant to be looking after my DCs - that's a bad example as it's an emergency so I wouldn't care then...OK, defrosted the freezer - that's a better example.

Stealth - defrosting the freezer wouldn't bother me either :) I would want them to have a life as close to their home life as possible, I would not want them to be entertained/played with/focussed on the entire time they are there. As long as there are toys for them to play with, they are safe & loved then I'd be happy.

Obviously I would want them to do the fun things I would do as well - so plenty of 'art', going to the park, baking, going out, toddler groups, friends over etc - I just wouldn't want it all so child centric. I don't think it does them any favours.

I am a childminder and i think that you completely right in what you are saying about your childminder. It is appalling that she has decided to undertake a dangerous unnecessary journey with your children and then had the gaul to leave the child sleeping etc in the car with her husband for 2 hours whilst her life is made easier to do her shopping.

Whilst I regularly have nipped in to sainsburys to get a few things I would never do a full shop and by sticking to this we have had lots of fun making lists and finding things in the shop - even playing "memory games" to remember what we need.

As for having the children ready on the doorstep - I am enraged! Surely talking to people is better than playing silly mind games and making the children feel unwanted. Absolutley disgusted - you need to report and then find someone better. Please don't think that we are all like that - there are some good childminders around who would love to care for your children and woudl provide a lovely environment for them to enjoy - leaving you free to concentrate on work and stop worrying!

Gluggy - I wish you lived in my area......

I'm really keen to know what happened here? Hope it all worked out?!