Be honest and tell me how painful it will really be giving birth??

[Chelle1986]

You see I've been really lucky in life and have never been hospitalised or broke a bone of anything that has caused me loads of pain - touch wood. And I'm really worried that because of this I won't be able to cope with labour....am i being stupid? Am 6 months currently.xxx

Mamatomany it sounds like you've had a much worse experience of friendships than of birth! I've never felt that women sharing their birth stories has been done maliciously. Yes, I did have women at work telling me about traumatic births before I had my ds, but actually I thought of it as just that - women traumatised by their births and who wanted to be able to share their experience. I didn't see them as 'trying to scare' me. As it was, my mother had two much faster and less traumatic births and I went into mine, after NCT classes too, thinking that I might have inherited her physiology, and fairly confident about my prospects. I've actually found SOH's sharing of her experience rather comforting, so just because it didn't resonate with you, I don't think you should chastise her (and me, and all others who've shared what their birth was like when it wasn't 'positive') for doing what the OP asked. I don't mean to come across aggressively, but I think you've misread a few women's intentions here.

I wish someone had been honest with me regarding the level of pain. During my first labour I was really shocked by the intensity of it all and I didn't really recover emotionally for about 6 months.

The other thing I wish I'd been aware of is that gas and air and pethidine only take the edge off the pain. I worried so much that there was something wrong either with the drugs I had or with the way I wasn't reacting to them - I just found they didn't work very well.

I felt a bit cheated that no-one had really been honest with me regarding the pain but I did feel a huge amount of respect for other women who had given birth.

I had a more positive experience with my second and third, partly because they were much quicker and partly because I felt more prepared for that level of pain and the emotional turmoil post-birth.

I do describe all my births as positive experiences though because medically they were as straightforward and uncomplicated as they could be and I had healthy babies at the end of them.

Wishing you the same, Chelle.

If you are really scared, find a local hypnotherapist now.

I gave birth to my first baby 2 weeks ago and can honestly say I did not find it agonising. It is painful obviously, but certainly not a pain that I found unbearable.
I got through with tens machine until about 7cm, then went into the bath with the gas and air until 10cm, then got out of the bath and just used gas and air for the pushing stage. Once I got to the pushing stage, I didn't register that it was painful, i just concentrated on the pushing urge.
The pain is like a huge pressure around your pelvis, but during a contraction I just concentrated on taking deep regular breaths and kept thinking that the peak of a contraction only lasts about 10-20 seconds and then it dies down again.
I know I was very lucky and had a very quick birth though so I can imagine it is a lot worse for a lot of women. Just try to go into it as calm as possible though and I honestly think deep breathing helped me enormously.
Good luck

It's impossible to predict how it'll be for you - for every woman who describes the unimaginable nightmare pain of childbirth, there's another who talks of "good", endurable pain (often using marathon-type metaphors), and another who claims to have sailed through the whole experience with nothing but a couple of joss sticks and some yogic breathing.

I can tell you that my experience was largely very positive - it hurt like hell at times, there were a few terrifying moments (during transition, I now realise) when I honestly couldn't cope, but there were other bits when I felt brilliantly primal and exhilerated. The labour was relatively fast and uncomplicated. But that has absolutely no bearing on what your experience is likely to be.

The best thing to do is to try to keep an open mind, and try not to imagine the worst.

Rinder! (you still around?) Yes, all's well - had a beautiful DD a month ago and we're all loved up in this household. How are you all doing?

I read, before giving birth, that a very high percentage of women underestimate the pain of childbirth. For this reason I decided to expect the worst and prepared myself for something like a limb amputation.
It wasn't as bad as I had imagined. I was at home until I was fully dilated, through sheer ignorance and from being put off by the triage at our maternity unit.
I had two di-hydracodeine tablets (sp?) in that time, one bath and two paracetamol. I can't remember exactly what it felt like, probably period pains would be the closest, but I did rest quite a bit, to preserve my energy and drank and ate glucose tablets (yuck) and it was OK, manageable. I did a lot of meditation type breathing I remember (which I do normally anyway) and my partner was fantastic. Back massages were very, very helpful during contractions, helped to keep it bearable.
The actual birth was very quick, I think between 20 and 30 minutes and I had an episiotomy with local anaesthetic and gas and air (amazing stuff).
I had been dead-set on having an epidural, but there wasn't time and I didn't need it.

The pain with my first dc wasn't anywhere near as bad as with my second. With my first, the pain gradually built up, so I had chance to get used to it. I did have pethidine with him, but that was because I had seen a few stories where the Mother had pethidine to help them sleep, and I was knackered. Unfortunately, after I had had the injection, the midwife informed me that there was no way I was going to sleep as I was too far along in my labour. If I had known that I wouldn't have had it as the pain was manageable. Saying that, it did really hurt. But there is something about the pain that makes it ok. It's difficult to explain.
With my second dc, dd, the pain was terrible. My first contraction was as bad as the last, but I was only in labour for just under 2 hours - start to finish. That pain was something else, when we arrived at hospital I was saying that if I wasn't at 10cm's when I was examined that I would definitely have an epidural, something I always said I would never had - but the pain was incredibly intense. Luckily I was pushing before we even got into our room so I avoided the epidural. I now know that the contractions were so painful because they were super duper effective, dd was obviously ready to be born immediately. Funnily enough, she's been very demanding since then, when she wants something she wants it now lol.
There is no way of explaining the pain, it's unbelievable, and contrary to what many people say you will not forget it immediatly. However, dd is 5 months old now & I would do it again. I do love childbirth though - one of the main reasons I'm working towards becoming a midwife. I can't have any more babies at the moment (don't have the money, and (not so) dp are 'on a break') so I shall forfil my birth desires through others .

I have had 3. It IS like a limb amputation. In fact, medically, on a "pain scale", that's the comparison. Why women think they shouldn't have pain relief for something like that, I have no idea.

But it's only one day. There are drugs if you want them. And at the end you have the best prize ever!

I'm adopted, and only met my birth mum when I was pregnant with ds1. I had so much respect for her after the birth... imagine going through that, and then not even having the baby to love when it was all over

I'm lucky though that we have a great relationship now and she's a wonderful granny to all my kids...

Sorry to ramble..!

It is really unpredictable unfortunately especially for a first. I've done it 3 times now so if I do it again and I'm lucky enough to have another one in a good position then I can guess it will be similar to what I've had before which was copeable with and positive thanks to G&A. I had dd2 a fortnight ago and labour only lasted 3 hours after a latent phase of about 5 hours. I know I was lucky as some people have a dreadful time but I had hyperemesis from 6 weeks - still vomiting while in labour! The whole pregnancy/childbirth/ breast feeding business is a bit of a lottery. All I would say is try to relax and accept what happens, take the drugs if you need them and don't beat yourself up if it isn't what you hoped for. The objective is to have a healthy baby and I would do it again in a heartbeat to have my dd2 - even the hyperemesis!

have an epidural, then little to no pain at all

Stories differ from "powerful feeling" to complete fucking agony

and let hope you fall into the "powerful feeling" category

but DO NOT let anyone put you off epidurals, great invention