Be honest and tell me how painful it will really be giving birth??

[Chelle1986]

You see I've been really lucky in life and have never been hospitalised or broke a bone of anything that has caused me loads of pain - touch wood. And I'm really worried that because of this I won't be able to cope with labour....am i being stupid? Am 6 months currently.xxx

thenextmrsdepp - I thought that too!!!

First birth - horrific, diarrhoea, throwing up, worst period type pain of my life, I was punching the tiles in the hospital bathroom.

I'd been to NCT classes and the shock of what the pain was actually like freaked me out. Then they said I was only 3 cm dilated and I went into full on panic. I had gas and air - threw up constantly, had pethidine, threw up and got about 20 mins sleep then pain back. Had epidural - fantastic. Labour was 27 hours, wish I'd gone straight for the epidural. The whole experience scarred me and I felt I'd somehow failed (god knows why). I was in shock I think for several months and got pnd.

2nd birth - gas and air was brilliant, no sickness this time. They also put a mobile epidural in right from the start (I'd begged) but I didn't start it until I needed it (you press a button for drugs). It was a totally different experience, I had been induced but it was very calm and I went from no dilation to 9cms in 3 hours. I felt a weird pressure down below and out came the baby!! Felt much better afterwards this time, much more together and happy.

So, I wanted to tell it like it was (at least for me) because I think unrealistic birth expectations (perhaps gained from nct classes sorry) can sometimes not prepare you correctly. Just go in with an open mind and if you need pain relief then ask for it. Everyone has pain relief for other ops so no guilt, no worry, no trying to be perfect.

And congratulations and good luck

TheNextMrsDepp, I believe you! Lots of people say the same thing, but was nothing like that for me. There was no positive pain, no amazing sense of achievement, no rest between contractions etc.

Again, was a fairly abnormal labour but am being honest.

I had no prior experience of severe pain and coped. I was shocked at how intense the pain was, but I stayed upright at home and stayed active for as long as I could. Just remember that every contraction that you have is one less to cope with, the pain will NOT last for ever and that your body is doing the most amazing thing that it can possibly do. I managed my first labour with no pain relief or analgesia - not saying that to make myself sound like some kind of hero, but just to reassure you that the pain IS something you can cope with if all of the circumstances are right. The only thing that I really stressed about during labour was DH telling me what to do -so make your your OH or birth partner are geared up to support YOU. Good luck

Showofhands , im not being dismissive of anyones experience of pain in labour ...but i really dont see the point of telling a nervous first time pregnant mum that giving birth is " Hell on earth ".
Not everyone feels pain the same way , and i was just putting my experience forward as an example of a positive .
And btw i also had a malpositioned baby who was ventoused/forceps , and a back to back birth, and a full breach.Only two of my births have been so called textbook easy.
Op the trick is , stay calm , if your panicking then it releases chemicals in your body that heighten pain, if your relaxed you get the natural bodys own pain killers.

It's painful. But I think there's such a cocktail of hormones going through you can cope with it. Not to mention the cocktail of pharmaceuticals if you want them.
My nan said each pain is like the rung of a ladder and each one brings you closer to the top. (She should know - she had 9!)

Honestly? It hurts. A lot.

But the pain does go, and it is so worth the effort. Our bodies are designed to give birth. Look at the position you give birth in - don't pay any attention to how women do it in the soaps (the last thing you want to be doing is sitting down - that means the baby has to go round a corner!!).

With DD2 I had a water birth as I found crowning the most painful bit by a long way with DD1. This helped hugely. I was very lucky though - 7 hour labour with my first and just under 3.5 hours with my second.

Try not to plan what's going to happen - it's impossible to know. It will hurt, yes, but your baby is going to have to come out one way or another! Good luck.

Star - exactly, my consultant arranged a cs for me with my second because I was so mentally scarred after the first I couldn't do it again. Then I got a new consultant and she said no. I cried for ages, I was devastated.

That's why they put the epi in right from the start, it was the only way I said I'd try for vaginal birth again.

Actually though, I'm glad I did, it was totally different 2nd time, the pain was the same when it started but because I was expecting it (and had the epi in so didn't panic!!) it didn't feel as bad.

My experience was along the lines of ShowOfHands, and it is difficult when people say 'it's really not that bad', because births do vary and it's not just down to subjective reaction to pain. If your baby is in a bad position it can be awful, long and traumatic, and tbh I'm more worried about doing it again now after my birth experience than I was before. It was genuinely as bad as being hospitalised with meningitis in terms of sickness, disorientation and agony (although over a shorter amount of time). However, this is not the norm from what I hear, and so all you can do is go into it well-informed and knowing that overall it should be a positive experience!

I think it's best to have the Fear of God put into you and then when you go into labour a) you won't believe, as I did with DC1, that you're actually going to die and b) it might not be so bad as you thought. With DC1 I absolutely panicked - I had no idea anything could hurt that much and thought something had to be seriously wrong. It didn't help.

But just always try to remember why you're doing this - it's worth it, you forget most of it, you'll have your baby .

I had a 30 hour labour followed by a forceps delivery of a huge baby.

Honestly? Contractions were like bad period pains. But unlike period pains, they start and stop, so you're not in constant pain and have time to rest inbetween iyswim. The actual birth was the worst pain I have ever experienced (like you, no broken bones, bad accidents etc, touch wood) but it only lasted less than five minutes, and the pain stops immediately when your baby is born.

Chelle, I had my first at 19 with no pain relief,

it hurt but I managed to just breathe through the contactions,

the only time I made asound was crowning when I tore, that hurt but its over in seconds.

Same with all 3 of mine.

every one is different and the op will now know that. lotsof threads on here op, if oyu do a search, telling it like it is, can be. You won't know, but being informed is half the battle, lessens theshock value, andif you think you are someone with alow pain threashold then it's time to think about your pain relief options.
For me, i thought 'hey i've been thru shit in my life, been thru pain' hey i can do this. Si i guess i was shocled at how much it wasn't how i thought it would be.

I was in shock for along time too. Looking back, i should have been guided towards epidural. Yet tbh I was pretty gun ho i wanted this natural best for baby birth, and no i didn't go to any NTC classes!! Tho i know some women who did, and when they went back to meet those friends they'd made they were ALL totaly pissed off and in shock that the classes haadn't been more realistic, about pain, expectations etc...

It does hurt but fear and being tense will make it worse.

DO some reading about active birth and see it as an active process rather than agonising torture. That really helped me not be scared of what was coming....

Still hurt though... but its was satisfying. You will be very proud of yourself after.

There seem to only have been a few posters on here who had epidurals.

May I ask why? I know that there's supposedly more risk with it, but ime they always cut the epi down before actual giving birth, so I did feel everything and didn't need any help with pushing baby out.

Not all contractions leave you pain free in between. Not all crowning experiences are noticably different wrt pain level of the contractions. Just coz the baby is out, it doesn't necessarily mean the pain stops.

Just wanted to point that out sorry.

It is indeed different for everyone - I found the pain to be not too bad -but I had a fast labour.

I counted though contractions to cope and found that really beneficial.

I also drank loads and loads of liquids.

Good luck.

Well the op asked for honesty. And I went into dd's birth having avoided negative stories, believing that natural pain relief of water and my own body would be enough, that hypnobirthing would see me through.

And the huge gap between my expectations and reality was a black pit of ptsd. I haven't tried to scare the op, I have tried to be honest. Talked about what I think might help, suggested ways to approach it.

For me it was hell on earth but that was because I wasn't prepared for the fact that it might be that bad. I was at home, I had no pain relief, I pushed for 6 hours and tore a muscle and burst all of the blood vessels in my eyes. There are things that would have stopped that pain and that prolonged pushing if I'd thought honestly about what I'd do in advance.

Chances are that everything will be fine for the op and it will be all the lovely things people promise. But contingency plans and some degree of honesty from people who have been there and not had normal labours can help the op to think about eventualities and confront them with knowledge not fear.

Just because you want an epidural and spend 6 hours screeming for one, doesn't mean you'll get one, - that's why!

I actually found the 2nd stage (the pushing bit) not too bad, because you are actually doing something positive to get the baby out (the 1st stage you are just at the mercy of the contractions; they do come and go, but you don't really feel you are getting anywhere). BUT no-one had told me about the burning bit when the baby crowns - I thought someone had stabbed me with a red-hot poker, so it was a bit of a shock!!

Think Winky's post sums it up perfectly. It can be agonising (with DS I thought my body was broken) but I was sooooo scared and tense that my body couldn't do its thing. With DD I knew I could do it, was relaxed, focussed on breathing, and I can honestly say it was a fantastic experience. I loved it and would do it again tomorrow!

Please try to breath!!!

It hurts every fibre of your being.

It hurts your very soul.

However, three points.

1. The human female is generaly well equiped to deliver their young, although at the time it feels impossible. (Sometimes it is, but more often than not it's fine.)

2. Pain relief is available, free of charge, in all kinds of pills and tubes and needles!

3. The pain is worth it, IMO.

Oh, really, Star? I gave birth in NYC and Paris and the epidural was there whenever I wanted it...that's shit, frankly I wasn't aware that in civilised countries women can be denied pain relief in childbirth

It's about four miles beyond your pain threshold, then turn left and keep going for another five.

I like what Wukter said about the rungs of a ladder - think of each contraction as bringing you closer to meeting your baby.

And one thing I was told was to keep the pitch of your voice low - if you get high-pitched and squeaky it affects your breathing and can lead to you losing control and feeling as if you can't cope.

No one likes the idea of giving birth (possibly more so once you've already done it!), but women go back and do it again and again, so the outcome obviously outweighs the discomfort.