Be honest and tell me how painful it will really be giving birth??

[Chelle1986]

You see I've been really lucky in life and have never been hospitalised or broke a bone of anything that has caused me loads of pain - touch wood. And I'm really worried that because of this I won't be able to cope with labour....am i being stupid? Am 6 months currently.xxx

TheNextMrsDepp (by the way I think you'll find that is me not you!), I'm not sure really, I know of people who have had 'mild cramps' and then a baby has shot out so it is possible I suppose.

I think I still have issues from my first birth experience, it was horrendous and I think when I hear others say it did't hurt I feel angry that a. mine did! b. i didn't know what to expect because you aren't really told the truth truth and c. that somehow it's my fault because there are a lot of people who say how you react affects it. Weirdly no one tries this on people who are having broken bones/heart bypasses etc. But I think there is a lot of guilt heaped on women over the birth process, just because it's natural does not mean it doesn't hurt.

I'm waffling, but in short I know personally/very well 15 women who have given birth (some more than once) and I don't know a single one who found it less than excruiating. Many did say second time was easier, many said it was all fine once they had the epidural (some couldn't get an epidural).

I just can't bear to think of the op going in blind

Kerry - you are poetic my dear, and very very correct

I found it shockingly painful, people said it wasn't that bad, they lied! (and admitted it after!)

Chelle - I'm told I claimed not to be able to continue with all of my labours on several occasions. But I did - so will you and its not for so long really.

I didn't get the chance to have pain relief for a variety of reasons so if I got through it and did it again I guess it must be bearable. I say 'I guess' because I can't really remember now.

If you end up being induced on a drip then the answer to to the question ' would you like an epidural?' ( before they start you off) is 'yes' 'yes' and 'yes'!

If you have been to NCT classes and swallowed the line that you can cope without an epidural and simply rely on gas and air and a bit of Mozart, come what may, then all I can say is 'good luck'.Oh, and pethidine did nothing for me apart from plaster me to the ceiling, swearing madly!!

OTOH - an epidural caesarean ( pre-eclampsia, 33 weeks, near total shutdown of placenta) was a doddle by comparison. I couldn't believe how little effort I had to make

I was really worried about the birth - I squermed at having anti-d injections - but giving birth was fine - I felt in control throughout - I found timing contractions helped - by the time 30secs were up the worse was over - i focused on the pain-free between the contractions, I requested pain relief when it started to get too much, don't wait until it is actually too bad - it may take a little time to get - I had gas and air and pethidine. Seccond stage was a bit scary - bit of a leap of faith to push through contractions, but actually pain wasn't horrific. The feeling of relief when I passed her body was soo intense and wonderful, hearing her first cry was the best moment of my life. The next day every muscle in my body ached. Can't wait to do it again.

I wish I had know how much blood there was going to be! That was shocking. I completely agree with the marathon analogy - I have never done any endurance sport but I imagine that it is a similar sense of satisfaction that makes people want to push themselves through the pain barrier.

Good luck - I hope you have a positive birth experience. I think going in with an open mind is all you can do.

Chelle, as long as you prepare mentally to manage labour and birth (I HIGHLY recommend hypnobirthing CD! - use it from 30 weeks onwards) you should find that despite the intense pain you amaze yourself by how strong you are. I found this with both births.

Good mental preparation plus good birthing support from partner/ midwife, etc should enable you to stay astonishingly focused and in control throughout. In my case this meant that the intensity of the pain was sort of 'irrelevant' because I was able to handle it. Yes it hurt, but my mind was so bloody strong that it was okay. And then after the babies were out I felt like I could achieve ANYTHING!

It's really hard to put this into words effectively, you sort of have to do it to get what I'm talking about.

Good luck!

Oh, and the most essential skill for you to learn is to relax during contractions. Yes, RELAX. It's possible. Difficult, but possible. Tensing up will increase the pain a thousandfold. So get that hypno CD (Maggie Howell's is good) and relax, relax, relax.

Speedy! Gaven't seen you around for ages, mind you that might be more that I've hardly been on here. I take it youf nds arrival has arrived? Hope everything's ok?

Some people can cope with an induced birth on gas only- I did. Not, I think, because I am exceptionally brave, but because my birth didn't really hurt that much. Otherwise, I would have had the epidural- never had anything against the idea- it just never seemed necessary. Births are all different.

My first labour hurt, but not as bad as the two bouts of pleurisy I've had (now that is something I'd advise you to avoid at all costs- that is serious pain!). I wouldn't say giving birth was the empowering semi-orgasmic experience some people talk of, but it wasn't unbearable either.

Second labour was an emergency caesarian, very relaxed and painless.

It's not like running a marathon at all. During the marathon it is YOUR CHOICE whether you go through with the pain another second longer. If it gets to ubearable you can STOP it all.

"If you have been to NCT classes and swallowed the line that you can cope without an epidural and simply rely on gas and air and a bit of Mozart.."

Everybody's different. And some people do do this. Some people don't.

I think it's best to be prepared for every eventuality. You might find you can manage very well. You might find you need help. It's all available to you and you should know that you can have what help you need.

Winky gives good advice.

I remember around month six of my pregnancy (about where the op is now) that I suddenly realised that childbirth was really going to happen and I did have a bit of panic. By the time it actually happened (at forty two and a half weeks) I had more or less accepted the inevitability of it. I had decided to just accept whatever experience came my way which is just as well. It started on the Friday, on the Sunday they put me on a drip and it ended in an ec on the Monday. For some reason I decided that I would save the drugs until it got really bad (!)and didn't have anything until an epidural two hours before the ec. In retrospect I am not sure what on earth I was thinking. So from my limited experience I would say that you should read and learn as much as you can so you can understand what is happening and then accept that at the end of the day much of the experience will be outside your control. Is hard to do that final bit but best for you I think.

What SpeedyGonzalez says.

It is unbelievable. No one can explain what its like, other than that it is pain on an intensity you wouldn't have thought possible. It is also perfectly normal, apparently, to think you are going to die! I wish someone had told me that before actually, because it freaked me out somewhat!

However you will get through it, as millions of other women have, and once that baby is out, you will feel you can conquer the world. I gave birth naturally and I can honestly say the feeling of empowerment, that if I can cope with that, I could cope with anything thrown at me physically or emotionally, has lasted.

Having said all that, if someone said would you like to go into labour now - I would say 'yes please'. For me it was the most dramatic and wonderful experience and I wish I could go back to either of my two births. For me it was a vortex of magic and being part of birth tremendous and dramatic, despite the pain, but I would be sleepling or in bed for as long as possible...

In many ways this was not really a good question to ask. You are going to have a whole range of people come and say "hurts like hell" and others who say "yeah, but you get there". What you really need is to focus on techniques to get you through this. I totally recommend the Natal Hypnotherapy CDs (try ebay if £ an issue) to help you get into the right frame of mind. It will teach you techniques to try and mentally distance yourself from what is happening physically. It is not going to stop the pain, but it really does help you to manage emotionally, and if you are in control of your emotions you have so much more of a positive experience. Those people who talk about you "coping with the pain", this is I think probably what they mean. The hospital too should be there to help you and offer you what you need. There is no shame in having an epidural if you need one, or deciding you like or hate gas and air etc. There are no medals for medication free births! Talk to your midwife and try and get a tour of the hospital well in advance so you can see where you will be going and get a picture in your head that will become less scarey the more you think about it all. Initially it can be pretty scarey to look around though as it makes it all seem more real, so don't worry if you do feel a bit like that.

I know some people who say it is not that bad - they are usually the people who have had straight forward labours, no intervention, over and done within about 7/8 hours (after a certain length of time you get tired and that makes it much worse).

Personally, the first 4 hours for me were wonderful - I was so happy and the gas and air took me to another place entirely. After they had to break my waters I wanted to ask for a c-section it was that painful. Another 4 hours of agony and my wish came true.

If I was asked to describe the pain I would say it is like a really painful orgasm, all through my body. Oooh dear, I am going through it all again in 5 months. Why? Somebody tell me how I let this happen again.

It is painful, but it's in waves and IME with each contraction just as it's getting to the point where you are convinced that you can't take any more and will actually split in two in a second that turns out to be the worst bit and then it dies off. And between contractions there's no pain. Of course, they do get closer together as you get towards the end, but in most cases (there are exceptions) you still get a break between contractions.

I did know someone who didn't have any pain at all until it was time to push -- she went to her 38 week midwife appointment and the midwife pointed out that she was actually in reasonably advanced labour. But I don't think it's realistic to expect that.

I heard about someone like that. In actual fact I heard about someone who needed to go to the toilet and as she was in the toilet she noticed her baby's head coming out. How bliss would that be.

Not too bad actually, I really thought it would be worse than it was.
People love to tell their horror stories, Ignore them, they all survived and most went on to have another so it can't be that bad can it ?

It's really difficult to tell you how much it will hurt, because all labours are different and cause different levels of pain.

IMHO it's got little to do with how well you 'coped' or didn't cope, or what level of pain threshold you have, it's more the luck of the draw.

I've had one labour that was blardy painful but totally manageable and another where the pain seemed to be off the scale in comparison.

You will get through it though. Best of luck!

I only gave birth ten days ago and although it was painful, I managed on g&a only, and I can honestly say I really enjoyed the experience and felt really proud of myself and just elated at the magic of the whole thing.

I have also forgotten the pain with this labour whereas with dd1 I could vividly remember it for a long time afterwards. I guess first time its a comes as a complete shock to the system.

Keep an open mind on pain relief and remember that it will end. I would also strongly recommend breathing exercises too.

Good luck

"People love to tell their horror stories, Ignore them, they all survived and most went on to have another so it can't be that bad can it?"

What a disgusting thing to say. Please don't imagine for a second that people are telling their horror stories out of some morbid desire to scare or to shock or be competitive. There are droves of women out there with pnd and ptsd and terrible memories of horrid labour that wish to God somebody had told them what might have been so that they didn't crash into a black pit of despair after realising that sometimes staying upright and learning to breathe through a contraction could actually be impossible and/or useless during an abnormal labour. And I speak as somebody who desperately wants more but can't because of crippling ptsd. But, hey, just ignore me I only say these things for the fun of it.

How dare you.