Be honest and tell me how painful it will really be giving birth??

[Chelle1986]

You see I've been really lucky in life and have never been hospitalised or broke a bone of anything that has caused me loads of pain - touch wood. And I'm really worried that because of this I won't be able to cope with labour....am i being stupid? Am 6 months currently.xxx

I didnt cope! I just lived to tell the tale that's all!

winnybella, I had to have a spinal block (needed an em cs, couldn't have one without it). Had to wait 1.5hrs for it as no anaesthetist available.

It hurts - but there isn't a way to explain it. I remember feeling like I was going to burst into flames at one point with the pushing and the Ring Of Fire... But it was Okay.

I can still remember very clearly how it felt. I think its more that it just stops. As soon as the baby is born (or the placenta, if you don't have the injection) everything stops hurting. And its so so worth it

SOH- what a nightmare

The one thing I wish someone had told me was how long labour can be.

On TV women are in labour a few hours tops (cue partner frantically trying to get to hospital on time).

In classes we were told the average for a first time labour was 12 hours. I thought that sounded do-able.

My labour started on Friday night and DD was born on Tuesday by EMCS, so over 3 days It was very painful but it was the length I couldn't cope with NOT the pain. It did feel like it was going on forever

Another women I know was in labour for 45 minutes with her first.

So it really does vary massively.

Pirate -exactly the gap between reality and expectation can lead to ptsd and/or pnd.

Having heard many horror stories of people being told no epidurals were available etc at the last minute I said I'd only do it with one already waitng for me (knew when was going into labour as was induced). I think they sensed my terror because they did as I asked and were very nice.

Also my contractions with my first didn't come and go, they were constant. It was only with my second I actually got the rising wave and then descending wave, that was much easier to cope with, having the break and knowing when each would hopefully be over.

SOH, I agree with you, people say 'it's like period pain'. Well, not it's not. It's obviously far, far, far worse than that. Like you, I think I felt like there was something wrong. I thought 'is it supposed to be hurting as much as this? or am I dying!?

So, positive pain?!

I had no pain relief with either. with dc1 it was the middle of the night, the anaesthetist was on his way, then it was too late (i wonder if they even did call him). Then for dc2 they said, 'oh you did it without an epidural the last time? well done!' I said 'i want one this time though'. first it was too soon and then in the blink of an eye it was too late. Hmmm.

My youngest is four and I still very occasionally get a flashback of just how awful it was. The crowning eg. Unbelievable. I wouldn't say I was traumatised by it but I certainly didn't forget it.

BUT maybe it was worse for me because I couldn't have any drugs (have asthma and the gas and air made me feel like I couldn't breath)

During a contraction it does hurt. But then its over and you feel totally normal, until the next one. And your body really is equiped to cope. And its good pain, each contractions brings your baby nearer. The fear of pain and being tense makes the pain worse, so best to be prepared by reading up on why it isn't going to be that bad!

I just had DC3 and I agree, never really got beyong uncomfortable, and even then only uncomfortable for maybe 15 minutes.

And if its unbearable you can have an epidural.

FFS - "never really got beyond uncomfortable"??? "Good pain"??

Sorry, I know that was your experience but the op asked for the truth and she is going to get a bloody shock if she walks in thinking it will never 'really get beyond uncomfortable'!!

I'm not trying to scare you op, I would just like you aware so that you can have realistic ideas and not panic if you can.

People not being honest about giving birth and what it entails/how it feels do women no service at all.

I explain it like this.

You stub your toe VERY hard, and it makes you hop about and pant, and then a minute later, you stub your toe even harder, and it keeps going like that.

You're natural instinct is to scream and swear and pant, but you have to calmly breath through the pain and not pant, and not scream and not do anything except prepare yourself mentally for the next toe stab just over a minute away!

After 8 or so hours you are so out of it with a broken spirit that you give up all hope of anything and then it becomes a bit easier because you brain stops to register the pain to some extent and your nerve endings are hammered.

Then someone grabs your toe and wrenches it a different way, far far more than you can believe won't do damage, and the shock of the change wakes you up and you take notice and panic and then with a final massive wrench it all stops.

For the next hour or so you'll get someone repeatedly hitting your very sore toe with a book but you might not notice as your body floods with hormones and relief.

When is pain ever "good"?! Pushing out a baby or no, its still pain, and it still bloody well hurts. I hate the phrase "good pain".

DeFluffy- The op asked for honesty and I am giving my personal account of the births I went through.
Not all births are horrendous. All births are different.

Obviously every birth is different but for my first, I went into it thinking it would be the most excruciating pain imaginable. I had already decided I would any and every drug possible if and when I needed it. It did hurt. A lot.

I coped well with the contractions but pushed for almost 3 hours to get dd out (she was back to back and almost 10 lb). I had no pain relief (I had gas & air for the stitches after though !). The moment she was out I felt totally exhilarated and like the most powerful woman on the planet.

I went into my second labour thinking it would be the same. I started having contractions on the Friday afternoon and DS finally made an appearance on the Tuesday morning. My contractions were not progressing. He was the wrong way round (again) and I was not dilating. I still only had gas & air and a TENS machine and the sheer exhaustion was much much worse than the pain. In the end, I was begging for an epidural/c section/death. The second stage by comparison was much easier than my first labour. 6 minutes and I "breathed" him out (all 10lb 5 oz of him ) but I didn't have the same feeling I had with DD. I felt a failure because I didn't cope as well as first time round.

So - after the waffle - expect the worst, be prepared for anything, be willing to have whatever pain relief you need and be as physically fit as you can be before the labour to cope with the exhaustion

Excuse me, Defluffy "People not being honest about giving birth and what it entails/how it feels do women no service at all." ??? I AM being honest - yes, it hurt like hell, but I got through it. I'm not trying to whitewash anything, just telling how it was for me. I guess I was fairly lucky with my births, and found labour tough but bearable, but I'm not alone! If the OP takes anything from this thread, it will be the fact that we're all totally different, and really she won't know for sure how it will be for her until she's in labour herself.

Flyme - that wasn't aimed at you at all, I agreed with what you said, familiarity does indeed (at least in my case) lead to being able to know whats coming and 'cope' better.

I was addressing it to MumNWLondon sorry

TheNextMrsDepp - I wasn't talking about your post either! I was talking about the one directly above mine which said:

"I just had DC3 and I agree, never really got beyong uncomfortable, and even then only uncomfortable for maybe 15 minutes".

I'm not sure why you would think I was talking about you as you didn't say anything like what I quoted

Tilly,

It is an ASSUMPTION that women can have whatever pain relief they need. You are not in control of this. The MW's are and in many cases the are too poorly resourced to allow everyone that wants drugs to have them when they want them. That is reality, and common reality.

It is for this reason that the OP, and anyone else giving birth needs to find out how to go about it without pain relief, because she might just have to.

I only had the one, and survived . Honestly it wasn't that bad. Induction, 20 hour labour and emCS. And really it wasn't THAT bad. Women are made of stronger stuff I swear.

My dsis has had 3 dcs. As she put it, generally it is ONE day in your life. It might be sore but you cope with it. And the result is SO worth it!

As well as painful it is very very exhausting. The pain for me was a bit like very bad crampy period pain, learn breathing techniques and some find hypnobirhtin helps.

So rest and rest and rest in the pre labour, I got very excited in pre labour but by the time my baby was born 4 days later!! i was exhausted because I had not slept. Sleep until the contractions are so strong prevent you from doing so, that would by my take if I was doing it again, and what I did second time around and it was much better recovering from that.

I know it can be horrific, I am reliably informed that it can be great (in an extremely painful way).
I was overoptimistic about how I'd cope and ended up with two epidurals - one EMCS and one forceps delivery.
Epidurals are brilliant, the best thing about it is that they leave you completely sane (unlike gas and air) I had no trouble getting one when I felt the need, but found the legendary "walking epidurals" to be creatures of myth. I even had a good night's sleep between 5 and 9 cm dilated. Unfortunately I didn't manage to actually deliver the baby unassisted either time - I think I just suck at giving birth (a belief shared by my midwives), but the epidurals probably bear some of the blame.
But it's only 24 hours (give or take), and it is worth it.

good point bonnemum - op rest up as much as you can, treat yourself. Tiredness increases pain.

I was terrified of the pain, but I was amazed at how well I was able to cope, despite a 19-hour back-to-back labour. I had a home birth, which helped a lot because I was so relaxed, and while the last couple of cm dilation and the pushing were very painful, at no point were any of the contractions worse than the cramps I'd been getting in my calves for months. I had one puff of gas and air and hated it, but TENS helped a bit and was a good distraction, walking helped a LOT, being in water towards the end was massively relaxing, and finding things to laugh about made a massive difference, especially during the first few hours.

Fair enough, DeFluffy, I apologise!
But why do you think MumNWLondon is being dishonest? A good friend of mine, 39 weeks pg, had been suffering persistent backache all evening, thought nothing of it, went into the bathroom and minutes later had delivered her baby into her shocked dh's hands. The only "uncomfortable" aspects of her birth experience was dh fainting, and having two burly ambulancemen tramping into her bathroom well after the event!
OP, this is unusual, by the way!

I found it very reassuring to remember that women have been giving birth since the dawn o f time. Our parents gave birth to us. There are drugs if you need them. It WILL be fine! Honest!

StarofValkyre, that is so true. I still feel a bit 'bitter' about the fact that I got no epidural.

The second time I should have said early on, PLEASE give me one as I can't take the gas and air. But I just trusted that they would give me one the second time. I thought it was horrendously bad luck that I didn't get one the first time 'round.