girls - i need honesty - state of fanjo after childbirth?

[scaredmummytobe]

I have namechanged as I am sooooo embarassed mortified to ask this but I daren't ask any of my RL friends! I daren't even ask my midwife

I am 4 months pregnant with my first child, planning a natural birth. But I am really scared as I have heard some horror stories about what happens "down there" once you have given birth.

I know that (obviously) things get VERY stretched down there as baby is coming out and sometimes mums-to-be need assistance, ie, forceps, episeotomies (sp?) etc, and I have heard that once you have had a baby things never look the same down there, ie, everything is more kind of, poking out

I have also heard things are a lot more "slack" - in fact my friend's OH "joked" to my dp that sex with my friend since their 2 DC's is like "chucking a sausage up the high street" insensitive twat emoticon and in this weeks Closer mag there is some z-list "celeb" in there (think its a page 3 girl) saying she is going for vaginal surgery to make herself tighter down there since having her DD.

I really want the experience of labour and birth, I can't wait to meet my baby but I am petrified of the possible carnage down below ...me and dp have a great sex life at the moment and I don't want that to change.

So I would like to know what other people's experiences have been like, so I know what to expect.

Sorry for graphicness and I hope I haven't upset anyone! but I am sure I am not the only one to ever have worried about this!

After ds, I actually found sex better and felt, ahem, more than I had done before.
Keep up your pelvic floor excercises and hope for a straightforward delivery. I had a few stitches but still found things better after and dh noticed no difference at all.

Am expecting number 2 atm and so far sex has been great.

< marks place on thread . . . keeps mum >

Mine is lovely

And I had an episiotomy.

Do your pelvic floor exercises like MAD and if you want after birth you can buy little weights to help, if you've found that things are stretched out.

Everyone's experiences are different and there are some ABSOLUTE horror stories out there. But even in very bad cases physio etc can help.

I think it is worth having your eyes open about the percentage of women who tear in a first delivery (it's quite high) because then you will feel normal if it happens to you. IF you do an NCT class you may find some likeminded buddies with whom to discuss your post-birth fanjo. Or work up the courage to ask your friends in RL.

Vaginal surgery: in some cases it is necessary (see absolute horror stories above) but I can't help but thinking that the Z-list celeb type has more to do with pornification of women than anything.

Talk to me after no 2 comes though!

haha roary glad to hear about your lovely fanjo

I am quite a shy, reserved person, I really don't think I would be able to talk about this kind of thing with my RL friends, even though most of them have had at least one baby!

ourladyofperpetualsupper - Please don't keep mum. I can take it, I promise. I need to know what to expect because I think its the fear of the unknown thats the worst.

After 1st birth-"chucking a sausage up the high street" just about hit the spot. I 'thought' I was doing the pelvic exercises etc okay but obviously not
Preparing for the 2nd birth I really did concentrate on the exercises though. I often did the stopping-a-pee-mid-stream one and then did the 'silent squeeeeeze'(clenching buttock/fanjo muscles) while standing around.Together they seem to have been very effective

I have had 2 straightforward births, no complications (tearing, stress incontinence etc). I'm sure these things are common but so is not having them iyswim - but you don't hear about the hundreds of women who don't!

I have a lovely one too! I have had one child so far. I've been doing my pelvic floor muscles for a long time (before pregnant, during pregnancy and after birth). I also tore but did not have stitches initially. I did however go back about 10 weeks post-birth to my gp to get that tear reopened because I didn't like the way it grew back. It was a super simple 10 minute job and I now can't see much difference from before I had a baby. So basically, be open with your gp too if you think something didn't grow as beautifully as it could have.

Like nickytwotimes I too actually have a better sex life after having my dd. Hard to explain but the stretching has made me more aware of the sensations during sex. I have not had any complaints what-so-ever by dh. In fact on the contrary he has said he can't feel any difference.

Stay active during labour to try to minimize risk of interventions and listen to your midwifes advise about when to push, when not to push.

I would almost say that a greater problem for men, than presumed slackness (if that is a pc term...) is that the sex changes. Sex is very important for men and I think many of them are completely taken by surprise at the fact that things change in that department. I'm not trying to make your worries greater but I think that if you are aware of the likely issues and can talk frankly to your dh about these then both of you are so much more likely to be content too.

What I am getting at is that it might be 8 weeks or longer before you realistically can/want to have sex. Before that your able to do other things of course but your might not have time too. And your soooo very very tired. Then your baby is in the room with you which may make your brain less likely to switch into sexy mode (I had to explain this problem which I had to my dh, he couldn't understand why I was so prim! However, for me being a new mother meant all my senses were geared towards my baby and so any noise from the cot and I was hovering over it!). When your baby is bigger and in their own room their still waking up perhaps once a night and certainly early in the morning (much much earlier than is erotic I'll tell you). So your going to be tired, well you both are. The normal sex schedule goes out the window and it takes a while to find a new one. Having a chat about these things before my dd was born made us able to talk about these things after the birth too and I think has made my dh and my relationship more positive - despite the reduced sex. Remeber, its not the end of the world though, its just a phase. Communicate with your dh and I think you will find you still have wonderful sex and your man wont be concerned with your bits either. Sorry that was perhaps a massive divertion!!

Ps: If your friends dh was more mature he might be experiencing better quality sex, if different, but as he seems pretty immature and I can only imagine he isn't giving your friend much positive attention to get her to feel sexy. Frankly he seems so lame that he deserves unending years of crap sex...

I had an episiotomy and forceps delivery with my first, I was tighter afterwards! Second was a normal delivery and it didn't change much, it's not as pretty as it used to be but it's no train wreck either.

On my third now, it's not happy atm,I have a rather attractive varicose vein!

I've had two children (both homebirths, no stitches with DD but some with DS) and yes you do feel different BUT I have found sex is better than ever and I orgasm much more easily . Can't recommend pelvic floor exercises enough!

smallships, how are you tighter after your first delivery with the episiotomy etc? sorry to be nosey, just wondering!

restrainedrabbit - in what way do you feel "different"

again, sorry for nosiness

Oh and DS was nearly 10lbs and a quick labour so LOTS of stretching going on!

Er, okay so I understand how pelvic floor exercises can give you more muscle control, and why that would be good... but surely they can't make something that was once very big quite small again?? Or do things 'shrink' back?

With both dc I had a lovely swelling on one side that lasted couple of weeks and with dc2 I had a haemetoma (bruise that bleeds outside) on the outer labia. I teared with both, but nothing too dramatic.

But it all went away and now it's as it was before and I think midwife stitched me tighter last time so really no side effects.

Mine feels just the same as before. I did do a lot of pelvic floor exercises, and I did have an episotomy (partly because the muscles were so strong from all the exercises!).

Ummm hard to explain, things have moved about and I am a little wider I guess. I know my cervix has moved for sure because the nurse has struggled doing my smear. I feel different but not worse IYKWIM. I do know of a couple of women that had more severe injuries but they sort further medical help and things are fine now.

I think it's just down to luck or genetics or something - I've had 4 DCs, stitches with all of them, and nether regions are fine - apart from the fact I can't trampoline without leaking wee. The pelvic floor exercises are SO important.

Mine seems fine, had a 2nd degree tear this time (DS2 has his father's rugby player shoulders) and a week later everything feels pretty much back to normal.

No problems after my first either. Plenty of rest and the pelvic floor exercises takes care of mine.

DH said he couldn't feel/see any difference after DS1, he hasn't had a look yet after DS2.

I don't think it's the size of your fanjo that you need to be worried about dearie! how sweet that you think you'll even want to have sex (much) with your dp in the first year .

Chances are it'll be fine - I had a tear and was absolutely shit at doing pelvics but mine's fine - I'd say better infact although this could be down to it not being used as much

MY DP said that it was better after the birth of DD - infact, it took 2 weeks to heal after having DD before we had sex again (natural vaginal delivery - no tear, minor grazing though)

Mine's the same, I think. If you're worried though, you can always have bum sex.

I had a straightforward delivery with ds, very minor tear, but for the first few weeks afterwards I was convinced that everything was hanging out and made dh inspect, he said no couldn't tell any difference it was just a bit swollen which went down by my 6 week check . I was convinced that dh wouldn't enjoy sex as was sure that you could drive a bus in but he assures me that it feels better than it did before. Would agree with the other comments that it feels to me like things have shifted around so does feel different (but not in a worse way).

I did antenatal & postnatal pilates which helped a lot with muscle strength and found that that really helped me to get back to normal quickly (and to lose the baby weight/get waist back etc).

Not sure how I managed to be tighter, DH likes to joke that the doctor put an extra stitch in for him .

Don't let people frighten you! With dd I had a bit of a tear, no stitches, and it was rather tender down there for a good while, especially if I sat down suddenly on a less than flat surface. However, it healed up and if anything was slightly tighter at first as the scar tissue isn't as stretchy. Now I would say it is exactly as it was before, bar that with a finger you can trace the line of the scar. For lovemaking purposes however, it feels just the same.
I was fairly religious about the pelvic floor exercises pre- and post labour too.

HTH

Boobz