girls - i need honesty - state of fanjo after childbirth?

[scaredmummytobe]

I have namechanged as I am sooooo embarassed mortified to ask this but I daren't ask any of my RL friends! I daren't even ask my midwife

I am 4 months pregnant with my first child, planning a natural birth. But I am really scared as I have heard some horror stories about what happens "down there" once you have given birth.

I know that (obviously) things get VERY stretched down there as baby is coming out and sometimes mums-to-be need assistance, ie, forceps, episeotomies (sp?) etc, and I have heard that once you have had a baby things never look the same down there, ie, everything is more kind of, poking out

I have also heard things are a lot more "slack" - in fact my friend's OH "joked" to my dp that sex with my friend since their 2 DC's is like "chucking a sausage up the high street" insensitive twat emoticon and in this weeks Closer mag there is some z-list "celeb" in there (think its a page 3 girl) saying she is going for vaginal surgery to make herself tighter down there since having her DD.

I really want the experience of labour and birth, I can't wait to meet my baby but I am petrified of the possible carnage down below ...me and dp have a great sex life at the moment and I don't want that to change.

So I would like to know what other people's experiences have been like, so I know what to expect.

Sorry for graphicness and I hope I haven't upset anyone! but I am sure I am not the only one to ever have worried about this!

LMAO at boobz !!!!!!!

I've got an episiotomy scar on the right hand side.

Have discussed the issue with dp and he assures me that feeling wise nothing has changed. Having a wiggle about I can tell my cervix is more like a volcano than a mountain peak, (minus untimely eruptions obviously ) in that it has a flat top.

One word of advice, do not dangle upside down with a powder compact in the first few days. That way madness lies.

Had a natural birth with DC2. Couldn't believe I could squeeze a baby out my fanjo without having any tearing or stitches. The body is truly amazing. Midwives were fantastic at telling me when to pause through pushing. I did no pelvic floor before, but I did after to stop me weeing when I sneeze and they do work.

Had some internal 'grazes' that required stitches though. They were agony as I had no pain relief after the birth and took about two weeks to be Ok - I remember this because I remember thinking it only took a week for me to feel Ok after my c-section for DC1 ! BY OK I mean comfortable to sit down and go to the loo without having to pour water down it while I wee'd as it stung so much. Took around a month to feel kind of normal again (sex wise). Was painful and we had to go slowly slowly. Had a labial tear which they tried to sew unsuccessfully. Bit conscious of it, but personally I don't think it's all that pretty down there anyway and I don't really get it out (that often !) to show everyone either so I am not fussed.

Sex definitely better - we both agree. Have no idea why. Maybe because penetration can go deeper. Definitely not like throwing a sausage up the high street !

I am preg with DC3 now - hoping again for a natural birth. You never know what you will get and so hopefully it will be OK.

Good Luck !

I had a ventouse delivery and 2 second degree tears.
I remember the stitches taking ages, it and being very painful when the tears were being sewn up.
The doctor stitching me said "I know you just want this over and done, but you'll thank me later for doing such a thorough job".
She was right. No problems whatsoever once the initial bruising went down (3 weeks or so?), and DH has assured me that normal service has been resumed, as it were.

My mw suggested I have a look at my fanjo after having ds1 - bloody hell Was like looking into Wookey Cave!

Did eventually get back into shape but things aren't as taut as they once were and am envious of all you who have snapped back into shape or are even tighter.

After dc3 arrives I have a referral to Women's Health but may also have to have an op to sort things out.

But take heart OP, lot of women on here with super-springy fanjos!

I had episiotomy and ventouse and forceps with my first baby, after I healed everythign down there is now fine tbh. Altho I do pelvic floor excersises religiously and I also do pilates which I think has helped keep me pelvic area pretty toned.

I have had one natural birth, resulting in a small tear that was never stitched up because I am utterly terrified of needles. It took quite a few weeks to heal but now is not visible at all. I would say that everything down there still looks the same as before the birth.

Sex is definitely better for me. It used to take me forever to 'warm up' and quickies were always a little painful. Now the sex feels the same once we get going but I am ready much faster. I can't really say why.

I never did any pelvic floor exercises when I was pregnant or for about a year after the birth. Whenever I would lie down and then get up again I would make a loud farting noise from my fanjo. This happened during sex sometimes too. It was really embarrassing. It took me over a year to realise that it was due to my pelvic floor. I started doing exercises every day and within about 2-3 months the problem had completely disappeared.

Now I am 2 weeks away from giving birth again and have been doing the exercises throughout my whole pregnancy. I really can't recommend them enough!

Pretty much the same as before here, maybe a tiny bit bigger (but was quite small before) and I had both natural tearing and a small episiotomy. No more 'poking out' than before or anything, and anyway my husband tells me that is quite sexy if you mean visible inner labia.

Mine feels the same when it comes to sex but looks very different if I get a mirror and have a look inside the labia. I had a student sew up my episiotomy and she didn't finish it properly so their is about half a centimetre where the perenium meets the vaginal opening that gapes (sounds worse than it is - makes no difference to anything).

One thing I did notice is that it seems like a bit of the inside of my vagina is now on the outside! As in if you feel inside your vagina it is all bumpy and I have a ring of that type of skin around the entrance to the vagina. Very odd but I was pushing for bloody ages. Anyway it has made no difference to my sex life which is the most important thing!

Thank you for all the advice!

Still worrying though but not quite as much as before.

just thought of something my mum said to me once, (before I was pregnant!) she was at my house and asked if I had a spare tampax, I found her one of mine which was a regular tampax, and she kind of snorted and went "pffftt !! that little things no good for me!! i have had two kids!"

vom emoticon

and although she meant it jokingly its been playing on my mind since being pregnant

Er, I had two ELCSs - so can't tell you about effects of VB but can say that babies and small children are probably far more of a contraceptive than VB (take some couple time) and also that, if by 'poking out' you mean inner labia well er, you can certainly have those without childbirth. No doubt the z list celebrity is thinking about getting those 'done' too...

For all the reasons for having an ELCS I have to say that the notion of 'honeymoon freshness' is the one I would discount immediately. Sorry, but before you even 'get there' you have to look at my belly (v big babies!) etc. And before you worry about that too I assure you that I still have a good sex life!

Just don't look at it for a few weeks afterward (trust me on this) I looked a couple of days after and it looked wrinkly and knackered, like a sad old man. I was devastated. But with a bit of time it perked back up again and now looks fine, not exactly how it looked pre-kids but fine, nothing wrong with it (and you can't even see the scar from the tear I had, which is good, not that I attempt sex with the lights on these days anyway!)

Don't expect it to feel the same straight after, but have faith that it will get better. I actually couldn't feel anything during penetration for at least a few months afterward even though he said I felt more or less the same, so rather than this being a slackness issue it's more of a sensation issue, and I soon got back to normal sensation wise. My cervix does feel lower than it did though, that's probably the biggest change. You'll be fine, don't stress!

AIBU to be giggling at "like a sad old man"?

This will be of no help to the heterosexual folk - but I can't tell the difference (from either tightness or aesthetically) who has had a baby and who hasn't.
I've felt the scar and known what it was, though.
One woman (before current gf) said her ex-husband had described her as Bucket Fanny. Which was total nonsense, as it happened.

Nope Shaz, I'm with you!

Keep active during labour, avoid an epidural which would increase the likelihood of ventouse or forceps, don't over think it all - yeap everything will get stretched because a whole baby has got to slide out, but you;d be really unlucky to have bad damage.

mine is fine no different after 3 straightforward vaginal births

The tampax thing is kind of true with me though... sometimes the regular ones can fall out a bit . If I cough when on the loo they kind of shoot out too... no strings necessary.

After 3 vaginal births and a couple of stitches (with 2nd) I don't expect to be exactly the same. Never noticed any problems during sex and my DH said it doesn't feel any different.

Agree with the trampoline thing too. I'm afraid I have yet to meet a lady with a child who does not have ishoos jumping on a trampoline.

Had an almost-3rd-degree tear with DS that healed up really, really quickly - honestly, after 10 days was like new again! DH and I both think I look exactly the same as before, and here I am at 38 weeks about to do it all again.

Hot tip for you: If you do tear/get cut, have someone hair-dryer the site for you, seriously - you really don't want it to get moist (think about it....). My mum actually did that for me several times a day (I know, I know - we have no boundaries in my family, but she is a GP so I do trust her!)We both think that contributed to the quick healing, in any event.

LMAO at sad old man! And I second (or is it third?) that- do not look down there in the first few weeks. For the luvva God woman, do not. You won't be able to stop, it's such a train wreck at first! Well, mine was anyway. Now it's totally healed, size is the same anyway. It looks a bit different and there is a scar, but it's not like someone's staring at it every second so it's no big deal IMO.

Funny about sausage up high street...here we say "throwing a hotdog down a hallway"!

Just wanted to add that I have never looked down there - with a mirror - after the birth. I just didn't feel the need. It's hardly going to be looking like it did when I was in my 20's, and so I don't need to know. As long as sex is OK, I don't care. I am so relieved sex is OK as I had problems with sex during pregnancy and I was worried I would never climax again without masturbation.Sorry if TMI !

They aren't that pretty close up anyway. So why people feel the need to look at them immediately after childbirth is beyond me

I had forceps and a 3rd degree tear when i had DD, was stitched up immediately afterwards, and i can honestly say it is exactly the same as it was before.

I didn't look down there til after my 6 week check,i knew it would look awful and wanted to give it time to calm down down there! I know it's tempting but DON'T!

I had a tear at DD's birth and was stitched up extremely well such that it all seemed pretty much the same after around 8-12 weeks.

Didn't tear with DS but def much more stretched out down there now. However neither me nor DH noticed until now (38 weeks pregnant with DC3) when he was doing pereneal massage and he commented that not much point in stretching it as all seems very open! But he said he's never noticed before - did lot of pelvic floors so I guess its quite tight further in!

To throw a spanner up the high street in the fanjo works I had two caesarians and mine has changed even without vaginal delivery. I know with DD I skipped the pelvic floor exercises and the weight of the baby ahem redistributed things (do your ears hang low? Well let's just say I was left with hanging baskets in my ladygarden). With DS I was a bit more fastidious about the old ease and squeeze and no further changes.

But things do move about a bit as you age anyway (yeah thought you'd like to know that if you aren't bummed out enough already )