girls - i need honesty - state of fanjo after childbirth?

[scaredmummytobe]

I have namechanged as I am sooooo embarassed mortified to ask this but I daren't ask any of my RL friends! I daren't even ask my midwife

I am 4 months pregnant with my first child, planning a natural birth. But I am really scared as I have heard some horror stories about what happens "down there" once you have given birth.

I know that (obviously) things get VERY stretched down there as baby is coming out and sometimes mums-to-be need assistance, ie, forceps, episeotomies (sp?) etc, and I have heard that once you have had a baby things never look the same down there, ie, everything is more kind of, poking out

I have also heard things are a lot more "slack" - in fact my friend's OH "joked" to my dp that sex with my friend since their 2 DC's is like "chucking a sausage up the high street" insensitive twat emoticon and in this weeks Closer mag there is some z-list "celeb" in there (think its a page 3 girl) saying she is going for vaginal surgery to make herself tighter down there since having her DD.

I really want the experience of labour and birth, I can't wait to meet my baby but I am petrified of the possible carnage down below ...me and dp have a great sex life at the moment and I don't want that to change.

So I would like to know what other people's experiences have been like, so I know what to expect.

Sorry for graphicness and I hope I haven't upset anyone! but I am sure I am not the only one to ever have worried about this!

they do get back to normal (ish) though dont go feeling it for the few weeks after you will be HORRIFIED

Boobz, very helpful!!!! anal, like it

I had my first baby last year and did pelvic floors before and after and there is really no difference.

I had a natural birth and quite honestly was so shocked at the state of it afterwards, I sat in the bath and cried.

No-one told me it turns inside out

But honestly, it really really does all go back in and my DH says it's no different looks wise or feeling wise.

It's absolutely incredible really that our bodies can repair themselves like that.

And the pelvic floors really do help with it all going back in and it's all to do with blood flow.

Even if you have a c-section you still need to do pelvic floor excercises as pregnancy puts a strain on the pelvic floor anyway.

My pelvic floor was much worse after first baby than after the other two. I think it was due to the epidural and having to push much harder due to lack of sensation. It was so bad the next day that I had no sensation of needing to wee. I would stand up and the wee would just fall out! It did recover quickly though and to be honest sex was the last thing on my mind!

After three kids I do need to use super tampons though as the others don't stay in place very well.

I had forceps, an episiotomy and a third degree tear. Nightmare. Lots and lots of stitches...

Immediately afterwards I just didn't look. It felt awful down there.

Within a few weeks it was back to looking normal and after another month or so we tried sex, expecting it to be either painful or sensationless. Surprise! It was brilliant. Better, actually.

I would say that from the outside it looks exactly the same, and is just as tight on the inside, although the flesh itself is slightly squishier rather than like rock hard muscle.

I did lots of pelvic floor exercises both during pregnancy and afterwards. I credit these, and good stitching, with having a well-functioning, neat fanjo even after the brutality of forceps.

boobz you are brilliant but I have to point out the slight technical hitch of bum sex after a third or fourth degree tear, in that it's your arsehole that's the problem!

Just to reassure you, I've had 5 dc's no tearing, and really can't tell any difference, neither can dp.

I had a 2nd degree perineal tear, labial tear and one internal as well. I didn't dare investigate at all post birth. Did loads of pelvic floor exercises pre and post birth as it's supposed to increase blood supply and speed healing.

Didn't feel like sex for about 3 months but this was largely due to exhaustion. Things are a bit bigger than before but sex, when we can find the energy, is even better than before. It does feel a little different but I can't really describe how. DH perfectly happy it seems.

LMAO at Boobz

my advice to you is dont ever look down there!! "Dont you open that trap door...."

DS had episiotomy, some scar tissue. Felt ok
DD tearing. Yes things have changed and yes i did look [stupid me emotion] But going to see dr re making sure everything healed and pelvic floor. Talked to GP about and she said will refer for physio is she thinks necc.

My NCt class all talked about perineal massages before to help with labour. I must admit bought the almond oil and tried it once!

Try not to worry

ok so have just read through the thread and am no mildly terrified too.... anyhoo, can someone tell which pelvic floor exercises are the best ones to do, and how often you should be doing them to actually make a difference....

You need to do them several times a day. Before I had DD, I used to do them while I brushed my teeth morning and evening. After she was born I did them every time I fed her, so every couple of hours to start with.

My physio told me to do this little routine:

• straightforward squeeze, hold for 5 seconds, release x10
• same as above, but squeeze your rectal muscles too x10
• squeeze as hard and fast as you can for 10 seconds
• elevators - three stages up, three stages down x10

My physio also said that unless you have a particularly traumatic birth, with instruments and/or an episiotomy (which I did), then your pelvic floor is weakened more by pregnancy than it is by birth so it's really important to do the exercises while you're pregnant as well as afterwards.

Don't be terrified, my birth was an absolute car crash, but all's well down there thank goodness!

You hear of people having sex on the antenatal wards so it's not always bad!

Am about idea of sex on ante-natal wards.

Esp as they only keep you in for a few days

Right, Honestly, straight afterwards it looked like it had been walloped with an axe.
2nd degree tear, rectal prolapse and a rectocele.

However, the stitches healed without pain, I need to get some help with my bits, but once I had my boys in my arms every single stitch was worth it.

for me things aren't the same but I have no regrets or major complaints, everytime I think about it I just have to look at the boys.

pot luck really.

Most people will be fine but others will not be.
There's not really any point in worrying about it as there's not much you can do, apart from avoid the forceps as much as is possible.
That probably means avoid epidural as having one increases your risk of forceps delivery.
But 3rd and 4th degree tears happen even without any interventions sometimes.

It's actually injury and trauma to your bum, fistula etc that really affects quality of life rather than a baggy saggy fanjo...

pelvic floor, pelvic floor. Would suggest z list slapper was a bit lazy and should have listened more to her midwife. Clench clench my dear. Have had 2. Pelvic floor was better after second than first for some reason. Sex is best now I am pregnant with number 3. Personally I would take the sausage up a high street comment as the fact that he is just not getting any or he is insecure about a small willy.

Doesn't the whole sausage up the street thing depend quite a bit on the dimensions of the - ahem - sausage?

Kegel exercises here -- not just for recovery in the immediate aftermath, but for life. And I second Snuppeline's post.

hey mathanxiety. Someone else that is still up. Hurrah. Ridiculous hour to still be active eh no?
Other thing i meant to mention on this topic was that after firts and second delivery I tore a little bit. Midwife at the first birth said it was only couple of stitches big and she would rathr see it heal naturally so no stitches. Midwife at second one said'hmmmm I think I might put a couple of stitches in that, just for aesthetic purposes' She looked straight at my husband when she said it. It was very unbelievabley funny and has given me a good story to tell!!

DD1 was tiny but decided to come out with her hadn by her ear resulting in second degree tear, legs in stirrups and about 5 MWs deciding how best to stitch me then calling a doctor

Everything healed well but I am different downstairs had a labial tear which has resulted in scar tissue. DP has said the actual feel of sex is no different.

Had another 2 babies and only a small tear with number 3 so nothing has really changed, am about to have no 4 though and pelvic floor is currently on the floor, feel like I need to carry it round in a wheelbarrow a good cough or sneeze will do it just now.

Agree trampolines are a no no unless you go to the loo immediately before jumping.

For me it wasn't anything to do with the state of my vagina - which went back to normal-isn 6 weeks or so after the birth of ny two huge babies. It was that that I didn't feel like having sex because somehow all my capacity for intimacy was used up on the babies, if you see what I mean. When I wasn't caring for them, what I wanted more than anything else was space - the last thing I wanted was to be physically intimate with anyone else. I didn't even want to stroke the cat!

This got better - but it took a long time and a lot of talking with dp, who found it hard to understand but respected how I felt, and the way our relationship matured and grew as we've card for our children and each other has been wonderful.

I still don't like having my breasts touched the way I used to pre baby.

So, be prepared to change in lots of ways - not just physical.

well it seems i was one of the unlucky ones!! i had rotational forcepes and 3rd dg epsio. we to had a great sex life b4 dd, and i was sure i would be one of those people that wanted to resume that asap!!
unfortunatly my stitches re-tore and sex was painful for at least 6-7 months, but rest assured i feel this was bad at time but these things never last 4 ever, after 9 months our sex life was better than b4 and dh said felt tighter than b4, as a few of u have said with epsi mayb they put to many stitches in!!

do ur pelvic floors and rest assured it will return even if its not straight away! enjoy ur pregnancy x

seeker - I SO felt like you did especially in those early few months when you are BFing constantly. After 3 DC climbing all over you all day, one attached to you the last thing you want at night was anyone else touching you, like you I needed peace and space. DP is very understanding though and let me come back to normal in my own time. Poor man I do feel sorry for him though 4 babies in 6 years and SPD means very little sex.

I had a nearly 11lb baby vaginally and I am one of those cases who had to have physio but sex is actually better now. The issues I have are more to do with bladder damage and my perception of the issue.

However - like the lady who had issues withot vaginal birth- I think most of my issues were caused by DD being very very low down for the last 3 wks and the wt of her screwed by pelvic floor muscles completely.

It gets better over time - takes longer if breastfeeding due to the hormones but it doe improve.

Best advice- learn how to do pelvic floor exercises PROPERLY - I was shocked how wrong I was doing it after consultation with my women's health physio (ie if you are clenching your buttocks you arent doing it right etc ) and do loads and loads before you to the 3rd trimester.

Quite honestly if you have a partner who makes insensitive comments about you being slack (after giving birth to their child) - ditch them - he is a complete arse and its probably a sign of things to come!

Bet you will be fine and spring back immedietely.

PS i am very of those who felt normal after a week or so. I felt like my bladder was by my knees for about 6mths!

Honestly, I had forceps and mine looks exactly as it did before. We had sex again at 6 weeks and it was fine, no pain at all, a bit nervous sure but DH assured me it all felt the same down there! Had a little episiotomy which was nicely stitched and the scar is barely visible now after only 8 weeks. Honestly, don't worry - some people do have horror stories but I really think for the majority it is back to normal and back in the saddle.

Bladder weakness, now there's another story...

Esme

I am on pg three and honestly I really don't think it looks or feels any different after the first few days / stitches are out etc. There are always unlucky ones but for me it really has never been a problem.

ON this subject. DD is 1. I cant run with anything at all in my bladder or it all goes wrong.

Am I alone with this?

All my NCT friends seem to have been the spring back kind. Bet then most of their babies were nearly half the size of mine!