Homebirth - Midwife does not support our birth plan/ wishes

[QueenG]

My husband and I have planned for our second home birth experience, which we hope to be any day now!

I am feeling very dissapointed and a little anxious now, as my midwife does not fully support our birthplan wishes. She said she; ' will not allow my husband into the birth pool' or allow him to deliver/catch our child!

I didn't get any valid reasoning and sense that she is just very stong minded and set in her way. Fortunately, my husband is also a strong character and I trust he'll deal with things to ensure we have a happy relaxed birth.... the way way we want it! I just wish he didn't have this worry and hope there is no atmosphere and stree on the day.

Do you u agree or disagree with her? Do you know of any valid reasons for her objections?

We could end up having an unassisted birth...which may not be such as bad thing!

"6. Catching the baby - no further discussion....assume that only comproise is that they do it together....and husbands assists midwife or is guided by her. Hope to get the chance to discuss this later with a new midwife."

you know, once you are in a pool and in full labour, who is going to dare tell you how to sit in the pool, who will catch your baby etc. These women need to just get off their power trip. your body is not a fiefdom over which they hold sway.

good luck and here is hoping tonight is the night. I just emailed you.

yes, veg out and eat a whole pizza if you can.

i had a large fish and chips the night before i went into labour and was in bed by ten. i was well up for some labour when i had a mahoosive contraction at 2.30 am.

"6. Catching the baby - no further discussion....assume that only comproise is that they do it together....and husbands assists midwife or is guided by her. Hope to get the chance to discuss this later with a new midwife."

Grrr, that is such a load of bollocks. A midwife can sit back and watch nearby. If there seems to be a problem (like a tangled cord) or if dad doesn't seem to be doing the job right (like it's rocket science!) she could dive in at that point. And there are loads of mums who have given birth in the pool and picked up baby themselves with no assistance whatsoever with a calm midwife sat firmly on the sidelines!

Am incensed with the crap you've had to put up with.

Oooooooh, bet there's a baby!

Baby has not come out to meet us yet! i know I need to stay positive... but I'm struggling today. I feel myself worrying that something could be wrong. Antenatal checks have all been OK. . I know it sounds crazy but I'm doubting my bodies ability to actually deliver, even though I've done this before (40 +4)!

I know, I know... these negative thoughts are not going to help, so I'm off for a bath and will try some relaxing, positive visualisations...or something like that

Best of luck QueenG, coming late to this but so pleased you had a positive discussion re MW at last.

ideas to get started:

• walking sideways up and down stairs?
• long sits on the loo reading a funny book (think lulu recommends a lurve story, sorry L if i've misremembered!)
• some serious visualisation of your cervix as a flower (or whatever works for you) opening up

Please don't be impatient. That way lies potential difficulties.

It always strikes me as stupid how the woman requires a calm, positive environment and supporters to birth effectively, and yet HCPS, MILs, even friends all start treating the mother like a 'failure' the minute she goes overdue, as if she is committing the sin of all people who are rude and late. There is a 'medical solution' to the mothers 'failure' to deliver on time and you are on a countdown to that with the general principle that your body might not be able to do and so they will have to 'do something about it'.

Well, under that kind of stress I'm quite frankly not surprised babies refuse to come out.

Don't thing about these things, just thing about you and your baby, and cuddle him/her inside you treasuring the moments left that you'll be able to have such an intimite cuddle and knowing that your baby is being quite considerate actually, lessening by a few days the work you will have to do in feeding and changing. If you and the baby are enjoying yourselves and treasuring these days then that is all that matters.

hth

Interested in the SOM comment that you were down for an april due date, could there be a chance you are due later?
As then you wouldn't have to worry about going over. Some people go over and although the risk does increase of having issues with baby, quite often women who are induced seem to have a normal weight baby ie 6lbs leading to the thought that their dates were incorrect.
What did you choose re the sweep?

Have you thought of contacting the other supportive midwife and find out when she is on, it may help you relax if you discuss it with the baby, suggesting coming when she is on will be a good safe time to come.
It may help you feel able to

(I met a really great Independant midwife who gave me some great advice, unfortunalty none of the independent midwifes are available for my new revised due date (at least I don't have to worry about paying a bank loan for the next 3 years to pay for an IM)

Also would you consider having a doula as she can deal with the midwifes for you and your husband. If you did have a hospital birth she would be able to buy you time and get you space if you wanted it. Also she can ensure any questions are fully answered in a way for you to understand and be informed even in the middle of labour and birth, to keep you feeling empowered and involved and in control.

BTW both my DD and DS got "dropped" - when my DS was born in the pool midwife had to tell me to pick him up of the bottom! And my DD was born on dry land (sitting on birthing stool) head plus whole body in one go and landed on floor because midwife not expecting her. Doesn't matter if they get dropped, esp into a pool!

QueenG - Term pregnancy is from 38 to 42 weeks. You are not yet 42 completed weeks, so not 'overdue'. Relax

According to my notes LMP EDD was 14th March and early scan EDD has always been 18th March. Antenatal appointments have always had March.

My new midwives have been reassuring and are on standby for me this weekend. I have a home antenatal appointment tomorrow, where we will discuss further any concerns/ dangers of going overdue, sweep and induction options.

I would prefer not to have any interferance unless absolutley necessary. I obviously won't put baby at risk, but I want to hold out as long as possible to have a natural birth at home. Perhaps I can do this as long as I get regular monitoring and this goes ok?

Midwife did say she'd prefer to sweep early next week to try and prevent need for induction... but getting past 42 weeks mark they can insist on induction! Is this true? I understand there are reasons for concern after this point (when I am really classed as 'overdue') but I need to understand more regarding my rights at this point, not to be induced, safety concerns for the baby and rights to a homebirth.

I do feel a bit happier today. The end of each day seems the hardest for me. I really wish that I had been mentally prepared earlier regarding the possibility of going so far past my EDD. I know friends/family are only concerned and keen to hear about the new arrival, but questions every day makes it harder and leaves me feeling dissappointed with myself. I know it's silly to feel like a failure....but maintaining common sense isn't too easy right now either!

SO...I'm not due for 4 days!

QueenG Know that statistics are very different from your individual risk. And if some of your individual factors are taken into account, well it can drastically change the 'statistics'.

For example, being afraid of hospitals increases your risk of intervention in hospital.

One of the dangers of going overdue are the placenta deteriorating, but it doesn't just suddenly happen. It is gradual enough for monitoring to be able to confirm the baby is safe. One of the dangers of being pulled out too soon is underdeveloped lungs. One of the dangers of induction is distressed baby, cascade of intervention etc etc. One of the dangers of a hospital birth is forceps. You should be able to choose your risks and are entitled to balanced information.

Anxiety sends signals to your baby that it is not safe to come out yet. It is why I don't understand booking in for sweeps and inductions etc the instant you get to your due date. This silly practice increases the length of time baby's are overdue. The very 'word' overdue is quite negative.

Nice midwife came to my home today. She will be oncall for me as long as I need her

I decided to have a sweep, but was dissappointed to hear she was unable to as cervix is not ready, thick & very prosterior. Guess today's not going to be my day either.

I will be seeing consultant for regular monitoring. As long as there remains to be no major concerns, she will support my homebirth.

I'm going to try some reflexology, if I can arrange it.

Much better news on the midwife

Shame about cervix but it will happen when baby's ready, feet up, def get any treatment that relaxes you

• 13

Had some reflexology yesterday, which was a very relaxing experience.

Status - Refusing induction at the moment. To be reassessed after monitoring at hospital today.

Come on body, baby...we can do this...by ourselves

LOO, you still here?

Don't forget, you are only +13 in relation to an abritary date set by people who know nothing about YOUR body.

The baby knows the truth and in reality is probably 40-2.

Do you have longer cycles than 28 days? YOu know in France 42 is considered the norm anyway. We're a bit premeture here. No reason why you shouldn't have monitoring though.

Remember there are statistics to show going over dates can affect the health of the baby, but there are lots of statistics too that being born too soon can too. If presented with one lot in a scary way, ask to see the others i.e. what percentage of babies that are induced end up being born by c/section? forceps? breathing difficulties? etc.

Good luck.

My baby's not a library book,
so she's not overdue.
My baby don't take long to cook,
coz she's not veggie stew.

My baby's not an elephant,
and I'm not fit to burst.
The time and date aren't relevant,
we're blessed with days, not cursed.

My baby can't read dates as yet,
because she's very new.
So there's no cause to fuss and fret,
if she don't come on cue.

So stop your worry,
stop your asking,
there's no hurry
we're relaxing
in this golden pregnant time,
this pause, which is just hers and mine.

You leave us be, we are just fine.

©Rachel P (Wales)

(I came across it here when I went past 40 weeks with DD1 and was getting sick and tired of MIL calling to "just see if you've had the baby yet" every single day....)

Cycles used to be quite regular before my first child but not so since I had marina coil removed.

I shall have a good chat at the hospital today and will be interested to see what stats they can provide me with!

The poem is lovely. My MIL is trying hardest not to call every day, but managing every other.

The good thing is my bump isn't that big and I don't feel like an elephant. I feel physically quite strong and able...although everyone elses shock and concern is a bit draining.

Let us know how it went.

Can you ask for your Bishops Score?

QueenG. You sound really strong. Just to let you know, I know someone who went to 46 weeks before giving birth and her next child was 43 weeks! Your plan sounds wonderful and unless there is genuine cause for medical concern, you should be able to fulfill all of it. It's lovely watching husbands support their wife in the pool. What can be more natural! Look forward to hearing your news soon!!

Monitoring at hosp was not fun yesterday! So much pressure from them...but I escaped!!!

They are trying to say im risky now due to low fluid (2.4), but I think this level is expected at this stage! i had scan cord and blood level exceptional, and heart rate shows she is very happy.

Progress in fact that I was 2cm dilated and they could successfully do sweep! Over night and today I have had twinges what I think are very early stage contractions but nothing longer than a min or two!

They want me to deliver in hospital regardless...but luckily my new midwife is still supporting my homebirth.

Had a show this morning!

Hoping monitoring today will confirm it's on it's way, they can get off my case and I can make it home....

Just read about bishops score, I shall ask about that.

Thanks

Well done on escaping so far!
Hope you make it out again today and the twinges turn into full on contractions soon.

Oh fgs, it sounds like things are happening, just slowly. Progress is progress after all.

Show, twinges etc etc. is hardly the same as 'nothing's happening'.

Well done to your lovely homebirth midwife. If she is okay about it they you should be!

This link is a great one for pointing anxious MILs at: HAVE YOU HAD THAT BABY YET?

Hi,

I escaped again....

Monitoring went well & showed 'contractions'- Oh I love that word. Getting stronger and more reg, but during monitoring she said i was not in 'established labour' as they need to be more reg and consistant. Hey ho, i can live with that. Perhaps tonight....perhaps early hours or tomorrow. Time to OD on rasp leaf tea.

They wanted to know cut off point and when I'll submit to pressure and be induced. I said 'mon' - I'll have nothing to worry about by then.