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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Homebirth - Midwife does not support our birth plan/ wishes

95 replies

QueenG · 18/03/2010 18:34

My husband and I have planned for our second home birth experience, which we hope to be any day now!

I am feeling very dissapointed and a little anxious now, as my midwife does not fully support our birthplan wishes. She said she; ' will not allow my husband into the birth pool' or allow him to deliver/catch our child!

I didn't get any valid reasoning and sense that she is just very stong minded and set in her way. Fortunately, my husband is also a strong character and I trust he'll deal with things to ensure we have a happy relaxed birth.... the way way we want it! I just wish he didn't have this worry and hope there is no atmosphere and stree on the day.

Do you u agree or disagree with her? Do you know of any valid reasons for her objections?

We could end up having an unassisted birth...which may not be such as bad thing!

OP posts:

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Firawla · 18/03/2010 18:41

why is she "allowed" to decide that? i have heard of husbands getting in the pool, and thought it was a fairly normal choice. could u request a different midwife, she cant b the only one on homebirth team?
i wouldn't be too comfy with a midwife that just says no to your choices because its not her own personal preference, they are there to facilitate ur own wishes during the birthing process arent they? (as long as its reasonable of course.. which urs sounds reasonable to me)

MillyMollyMoo · 18/03/2010 18:42

She cannot stop him doing any of those things, she is in your house, you are in charge of what happens which is why many of them don't like it
With a bit of luck she won't be on duty when you go into labour and if she is say you don't want her and ask for somebody else, it's entirely your right to do so.

Any chance you could hire an independent ?

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 18/03/2010 18:44

SHE may not like what you suggest, however I don't think there are any reasons why you can't do what you propose.

As long as there is enough room for both of you, and your dh knows he needs to get out asap if there is a problem, then I don't see why he can't get in. Maybe it could be something to do with bacteria he could introduce into the water? If so, he could shower before he got in??

There is no reason why he can't deliver/catch the baby as well, as long as he knows how to bring the baby out of the water and into the air, ie face first. Oh, and during delivery when just the head is out it's best not to touch the baby as this may stimulate a breath.

As long as you and your dh are aware of the dangers and protocols, then good luck to you

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 18/03/2010 18:46

Oh, the use of danger line wasn't really worded very well, sorry.

I think I mean: as long as you both know the safe way for him to deliver/catch, then good luck to you.

choufleur · 18/03/2010 18:49

there's no reason why your DH can't get in the pool (unless it's not big enough). the midwife asked DH if he wanted to get in when i was in labour. he didn't but could have done.

Original poster

QueenG · 18/03/2010 19:19

Thanks for your support. I didn't think we were being unreasonable!

There is a very small chance that someone else may arrive on the day! We have thought about requesting someone else, but as far as our rights....apparently, we do not have a right to insist a particular person or reject another.

Due date is today, so a bit late to look into an independant and unfortunately we can't really manage that expense. We've decided my husband is just going to take control on the day, when she's on our territory! Hopefully she'll have a more supportive outlook then!

My husband is a rugby boy and certainly not a small guy, so I think he'll manage to get in:-)

Our plan is just the way we'd like things to go ideally, but would obv change in the event of any serious risks being identified.

iliketomoveitmoveit - Thanks for your comments. This was useful. i discussed our issues with another midwife at the surgery after our discovery, who was not keen to contradict what she had said, but did say that perhaps it was due to concern that stressing the baby could stimulate a breathe. We have done our research and was hoping that they would provide supportive advice rather than an outright 'no', due to a very small risk.

I am just shocked with her objections, but we don't accept them. I just need to relax, I do trust DH will deal with any issues.

Thanks

OP posts:

lal123 · 18/03/2010 19:21

lol - I can just imagine her trying to stop him!! Good luck, hope it all goes well

tartyhighheels · 18/03/2010 19:23

ooh what a bossy old bag.... just do it, what is she going to do? walk out?

I am sure will all go well if you stand your ground

StarlightMcKenzie · 18/03/2010 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

EldonAve · 18/03/2010 19:32

request a different MW

MumNWLondon · 18/03/2010 19:41

???

As others said this is up to you. Don't have an unassisted birth but you can ask her to sit in another room.

I don't want my DH in the pool (in hospital) but I want to catch the baby myself - I caught DS myself.

Your DH will be firm with her on the day, don't worry!

CarmenSanDiego · 18/03/2010 19:41

My midwife told my husband to catch the baby. We hadn't really thought that bit through at all.

He didn't enter the tub, just reached in if I remember.

Your birth and if it's at your home, she can't exactly fight him off.

ChunkyPickle · 18/03/2010 19:47

I can't imagine what she'd do to stop him either... mind you - a rugby boy? Better make sure you get a big pool! (mine can manage to take up a whole queen size bed, I can't imagine sharing a birthing pool with him!)

morethemerrier · 18/03/2010 20:42

Tell her your Rugby DH has plenty of experience in catching odd shaped items!

I have asked mine if he wants to get in, (planning home water birth) but he said no, he's a rugby player too, but think he is put off by the fact that the pool comes with a seive!

I can't think of a nicer way for your baby to be welcomed into the world than being caught by it's daddy, I personally would not let her spoil that for you both, unless there is good reason!

Good luck x

malteser1981 · 19/03/2010 08:23

Have to say as a midwife.......my only request is that the dads wear trunks..!

Ineedsomesleep · 19/03/2010 08:34

Isn't it normal practice to have 2 midwives present anyway?

TaurielTest · 19/03/2010 08:44

I'm sure you've seen www.homebirth.org.uk, but I love their line about midwives/obstetricians who tell mothers that they are not allowed to do certain things "misunderstanding their authority". Sounds like yours is a prime example, I hope you get the experience that feels right for you on the day. Let us know!

Tangle · 19/03/2010 08:48

Do you know that this MW is the one who will be coming? Round here there's a team of two dozen MWs and you get whoever's on call at the time.

If you are sure that this MW is the one who is expecting to be with you for the birth, you are perfectly within your rights to ask for someone else - I'd usually suggest doing it in writing but as you're due today you might want to phone the SOM and tell her that you are not getting on with this MW and do not want her involved further in your care, and that you have sent a letter to this effect. The more details you give the more chances there are for the MW in question to be given suitable training so that she doesn't do the same to other women - but if you do not want her under any terms then make sure that is crystal clear.

I can't see why she has any objections to your DH being in the pool - or why she can't explain them if they exist. Re. your DH delivering the baby, she might have a semi-valid reason - IIRC its illegal for someone who is not qualified as such to intend to act as a MW. Depending on what you told her you want your DH to do she may be, very cautiously, trying to stay on totally definitely the right side of the law (playing devil's advocate on this one - it does sound like she's being unreasonable and dictatorial, and her attitude really doesn't help!) Similarly, be very careful if you do choose to decline any MW - again, IIRC, a father has been prosecuted for intending to act as a MW before (just for clarity your DH helping you because the MW hasn't arrived in time is absolutely fine, what becomes a legal issue is if it is thought that your DH planned to help you as a MW, and you have now suggested to the MW that this could be the case)

Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly on the day

jennycomelately · 19/03/2010 09:45

The father who was prosecuted for 'acting as a midwife' was back in the 80s and there has been clarification from the DoH since then that the law is not intended to apply to fathers.

www.aims.org.uk/Journal/Vol19No3/itIsIllegal.htm

"The Act is designed to prosecute people who claim to be midwives when they are not. It is not applicable to women, or their companions, who decide to give birth at home against medical advice and who choose not to call a midwife or doctor."

Have a lovely birth QueenG

missedith01 · 19/03/2010 10:14

I don't see how anyone could argue that your partner was acting or seeking to act as midwife when you have planned for a midwife attending and there's a midwife there, TBH.

She has no power to compel you or partner to any particular course. I'd explain what you plan to do and threaten her with a complaint to the Director of Midwifery if she interferes unnecessarily. Good luck if it all happens today!

Tangle · 19/03/2010 11:05

thanks for the clarification, jennycomelately - In my memory the husband was prosecuted (to the outrage of many Drs and MWs) after he declared in the hospital that he'd help his wife to have their baby at home himself - brought about because she had had an extremely traumatic previous birth in hospital and was now not being supported in a home birth. I'm glad things seem to have moved on from that point (although having looked at the link you put in, that statement seems to be the opinion of the article's author - as far as I can see the letter of the law is still that "A person other than a registered midwife or a registered medical practitioner shall not attend a woman in childbirth." although this does not apply "where the attention is given in a case of sudden or urgent necessity". I, personally, wouldn't want to wind up being the test case!)

missedith01 - I was referring to the OP's comment that "We could end up having an unassisted birth" combined with her previous comment implying they had told the MW they wanted the DH to "deliver/catch our child". If the MW is there then that's a completely different kettle of fish - but if she is aware of the case in the 1980's and not aware of any clarification then she could just be trying to cover her own back, as well as the DH's (if she "allowed" the DH to "act as a MW" by delivering the baby...)

StarlightMcKenzie · 19/03/2010 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jennycomelately · 19/03/2010 12:18

Yes I thought there was some better info about the legalities somewhere on the AIMS site but I couldn't find it just now - something like a letter from the Health Secretary to an MP saying that fathers' support during birth was very important and the law wasn't intended to apply to them - still a bit wishy washy but better than before.

I once had two midwives trying to bully me on this subject, so I said "when I want legal advice I'll consult a lawyer not a midwife" and they went a bit quiet!

Anyway, I agree that it would be ludicrous to claim that the OP was breaking the law if there was actually a midwife in her house at the time! Hopefully that one won't be on call and the OP will have a lovely midwife who respects that she's been invited into the OP's house. I'd never met the midwife who turned up for DD's birth and she was very respectful of my wishes and hands off, most midwives who choose to do homebirths are, IME.

MumNWLondon · 19/03/2010 13:32

I don't think you could possibly be acused of breaking the law unless

a) there was no midwife or doctor in the house at all AND
b) you hadn't called for one (or an ambulance etc) despite having ample time AND
c) you had someone there who was acting as a midwife - as others have said would only be able to prosecute fathers under extreme circumstances.

So hard to see where she is coming from....

I caught DS in the pool myself did not want anyone leaning in.... and DD birthed herself no one interfered either.

In my birth plan (hospital) - it says I want to birth and catch the baby myself.

Original poster

QueenG · 19/03/2010 14:27

Well thanks for the the last lot of comments. You gave me a few chuckles and concerns, but I appreciate the words of warning also. I wasn't aware of legal issues, but it's good to know incase she brings these up. We will be cautious. This is our wish should everything go smoothly. We obv don't intend to interfer with any essential checks, neither would be insistant should concerns & complications arise.

I get the impression it's pretty likely she will attend. They love HB here and she told me they all do their best to attend their own.

We fully intend to call for a midwife. My comment regarding an 'unassisted birth' is not our preference, but identified as a possibility should friction arise and my husband feel it necessary to ask her to leave. We would call and ask for another MW to be sent... but timing are unpredictable!

OP posts:

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