who's contemplating a home birth - want to discuss it?

[elliott]

Hi there
Noticed that quite a few of us who are now pregnant are planning or thinking about home birth - katherine, motherinferior, princesspeahead, www etc. I'm just 17 weeks now and very undecided about what to do, so would welcome hearing other's thoughts and views. What has motivated your choice? What are your greatest worries/fears/hopes? What is the deal in your area re midwife care - do you feel confident in your midwives? Lots of other thoughts but that should do for now...

Me please?

I should think so Katherine - when's your EDD? Do you tend to deliver early or late?
Fingers crossed it happens soon and straightforwardly...

Officially due on Friday (8th) but DS was 5 weeks early so over a month old by now and DD was 2 weeks early. I've been ready for action since 36 weeks so the fact that I've only got 4 days to my due date is a real shock. Also because they both came quickly (3.5 hrs and 1hr 20mins) I daren't go anywhere or do anything so I'm climbing the walls. Although I do keep telling myself baby will come when its ready, its so hard to be patient

Rhubarb, could it be that the reason he is being so negative is BECAUSE he loves you? He's probably a bit scared that something bad will happen to you but obviously doesn't want to go on about this because a/it will terrify you and b/it will terrify him. I think most pregnant women feel very bonded with their baby and will already be slightly in that 'I'd happily die for you baby' thing you feel about your kids, but he doesn't feel like that because he's not pregnant, and only worries about/cares about you. I don't think unborn babies feel at all real to men. I think they sometimes don't want to think about birth too much because they are worried about YOU - being in pain, being upset, maybe having something bad happen to you etc. That's scary stuff to dwell on. I bet he'll be totally different on the day. Also, IMO most men don't like planning things and looking forward to them the way we do. It doesn't mean they won't love it when it happens.

aloha - come on admit it - your a man really aren't you Otherwise how come you are so insightful about what makes them tick?

Rhubarb - I have forwarded dh's article to you. I hope it helps in some way or at the very least aids further discussion. Any chance you could make the next north-west meet?

Got it thanks Eyelash! That article should be forwarded to every expectant father IMO!
Yeah Aloha, how DO you know all this stuff???? From now on if I have any man problems I'm just going to email you direct!

I've just noticed musica's birth story on the 'august babies' thread - worth a read, good inspiration for us!
Congratulations musica - anything else you want to add re the home birth side of things? Birth positions - I had ds in hospital kneeling on the bed and was hoping that if I do make it at home, I'll be leaning on the sofa in similar style (not enough room in our bedroom!)
Sounds like a very big baby though - 3lbs smaller would be ample for me!! Are you tall?

Thanks elliott - as far as the 'home' aspect of it went, I think the main thing I would say is to remember that even though you're at home, to still take it easy - it's tempting to just go on as normal, but I think it's really important to take time to recover. Nice things were things like being able to have a bath in our own bathroom, having our own things around. The kneeling position worked really well - would definitely recommend it. I think having a mw you know also helps a lot - you've already got a relationship with them, and (presumably) trust them. I had ds in hospital, after induction (though just the prostin gel, not the drip), and that DEFINITELY hurt more than this one. So I think it does help to be relaxed.

As regards the size of the baby - I'm 5 foot 5, and average-ish size - dh is about 5 foot 10 - so goodness knows where my big babies come from!

Just wanted to say congrats Musica! Hope all our births go that well!

Just thought I'd revive our home birth thread and see how forthcoming homebirth plans are coming around.
I've re-read the thread but am still unsure who's due next, is it you Princesspeahead?
I have three weeks to go (but am sure I won't go that long) and my pack arrived today, nesting like crazy and getting far too many "Aren't you brave" comments

hi angelmother!
yes, me next (i hope) - I'm now 5 days late. Everything is ready to go - birthing pool up and connected etc etc - just have to hope I go into labour sometime in the next 10 days or so....
I've got an independent midwife, so have slightly fallen outside the NHS system and so nobody will hassle me for induction or anything, but I am a bit concerned at the rate this one is growing. I've decided to be completely calm about it until it is 10 days or more late, and then think about whether I want a sweep or something. But otherwise looking forward to it....
how about you? and who else is planning on a homebirth in the next little while?

I was thinking about this thread the other day since I've had yet another negative midwife appointment. Midwife no 2 said "ooh we had one (woman, she meant) the other day where she'd have been in for a c section within 7 minutes in hospital but it took an hour to transfer her. Who knows what developmental damage has been done? So, it's Up To You if you want to Risk It!" So it's that old chestnut - go for your home birth if you are ok with putting your unborn baby at risk. Dp asked for a rough idea of the percentage of home births with problems in her experience and she said 10-15%. Hmmm, so that's EIGHTY FIVE to NINETY % with No problems then? The trouble is that she made dp (who is wonderful and supportive of home birth) nervous too. She also said "oh you've had a home birth before, that's good or we wouldn't have let you try anyway". I just couldn't be arsed to point out that it wasn't up to her to 'let' me, it was my legal right.

Then the other midwife called me yesterday and said my iron levels were low and I wouldn't be 'allowed' my home birth if they didn't improve so I've now got iron tablets.

I'm fed up of hearing that the service is so shite down here that it could take 10 days (I'm exaggerating, but they keep saying oooh, it could take 2 hours to get to you if the ambulance is out of town - WHY? Do people die then because the ambulance service is so inefficient in rural Devon? Probably) that we're moving away asap. We were going to anyway (after the baby) but this appt was the final straw. At least no-one will be able to tell me I can't have my home birth because I'm too far from a hospital once we've moved. Hmm, so we've got 10 weeks to move! Eeek!

I get the distinct impression that the community midwives down here don't like home birth because it means they're on call. If I were to go into hospital here I wouldn't see them at all in labour (which reduces their job to ante natal appts), I'd just get whichever one of the 50 hospital midwives happened to be on that night - no chance of meeting any of them beforehand at all. So as far as I'm concerned, that's a crap service. In fact, I'm really peed off with the terrible service being provided here and sincerely hoping that midwifery in Bristol is better (Leese, are you there? Is it?). If I don't get my home birth there at least it won't be just because I was too far from a hospital.

Sorry to go on, but the whole thing has really made me cross and stressed. (oh really I hear you say?!) PPH, I envy you your independent midwife - best wishes if you're next, which I'm sure you will be. I'd love to hear how other people are feeling about home birth as we all get closer. Thanks for listening anyway!

www are you moving to bristol? I understand bristol/bath has one of the highest homebirth rates in the country, after Brighton I think - and so I really do think you should get much better service there.
Have you asked your comm midwives how many births per year they do as a team? and how many are in that team? one of the reasons why they may not be keen on it is because they don't do many and therefore aren't very confident about it (which of course propagates a vicious circle). 10 - 15% with problems sounds ridiculously high to me. Thats why I had to go the independent route - my pool of 26 midwives did the grand total of 25 births a year. So they had very little experience of home birth - some almost none.
I don't think I'd be contemplating a home birth if I had to use my comm midwives - or at least I would be extremely nervous about it. Having said that, I'm a bit pissed off that I'm being effectively forced to go privately and pay £2000 for the privilege of giving birth at home in the presence of a known, competant, experienced midwife. Surely that isn't too much to ask of the NHS?

www - just to encourage you - just had hb in Bristol - all mws were fab - GP fab, consultant fab - they all said 'go for it', were totally supportive, didn't mind that I went 2 weeks over, would have let go to 3 weeks. DEFINITELY a pro-homebirth area. I know quite a few people who've had homebirths here.

Yet again I thank my lucky stars as to how lucky I am. Homebirth is actively supported where I am, in fact it was my GP who first suggested it.
I do commiserate though WWW, we were considering moving recently too and my fear was moving to an area which wasn't as supportive as here but it seems you will (Pph's stats incl) be better off.

My practice has seen midwifes change three times during this pregnancy though, and I'm due to meet the latest next week. I'm told this one is v.v.v.keen for all things to be perfect, lol aren't we all. I've also been put on Iron and they are taking samples weekly now.

Pph I don't blame you for being pissed off having to pay £2k for an independent midwife, esp with others looking on but at least you know you will have a "Fully" supportive midwife championing your wishes.

Thanks musica and PPH, (sorry re unfortunate abbreviation! read about your PPH on other thread) yes, we are moving to Bristol asap, if we can sort out houses (we're renting) etc but I'm so determined that it will happen that it will, somehow. PPH, I agree re independent midwives - my sister has gone the same route in London for similar reasons. Why the hell should we have to? It's awful isn't it? I also think you might have a point re the community team's experience of home birth - I think I asked at my booking appt how many they did per year as a team but my pregnancy addled brain can't remember the answer! I really do have to write everything down, mind like a sieve atm. I don't seem to remember it was high though. The thing is, had we stayed where we were in Devon (moved 6 months ago), 12 miles away, the support for home birth is MUCH better and the midwives (completely different team) are apparently very keen and experienced. But since we can't earn a living down here anyway and were going to have to move at some point we might as well do it now as later when there's a squawking non sleeping baby in the equation.

hi there. I'm getting to the stage where I think I should be thinking about my homebirth plans, iyswim. www, I'm sorry you're getting such s vibes - and I do think they will be much better in Bristol, I would imagine there is quite a strong demand for hb there. Must say I do have wobblies about it from time to time, and if I was getting negative vibes from the professionals I think it would really freak me. Fortunately no-one has given me anything other than the impression that it is a perfectly acceptable and normal option. Mind you, I have not yet had a proper opportunity to talk it all through - get the impression they don't start thinking 'delivery' until well past 30 weeks. I have a lot of questions/issues I want to discuss - including the point pph makes about the competence of the community team (now how do I raise that in a tactful manner??) Whilst there are midwives I've met who I am entirely confident of, there are others I just haven't warmed to at all, and then still more that I have never met....and I am sure that they will vary in their competence/experience/enthusiasm for home birth. I think I'm just hoping that they arrange the rotas so that when a delivery is expected, someone keen is on call!
Most of the time I keep a lid on the wobblies by telling myself that I'd be feeling nervous about impending childbirth wherever I was planning it...

And yes, I thought 10-15% was high too. Bet official stats tell a different story and she just wanted to put me off.

WWW, sorry to hear that you're not getting the local support that you deserve, but Bristol seems to be supportive ime. There have been three hbs that I know of in my road alone.

I'm afraid I wimped out of taking on the NHS and had an independent midwife because I didn't want to spend the whole pregnancy being stressed out by other people, and I really wanted to know who was going to care for me in labour. I must admit, I was slightly disappointed not to be able to have a 'lively discussion' with my GP, but when I told him what I was planning, he just said that women tend to have an easier time of it in familiar surroundings with people they know around them.

There is a home birth support group in Bristol - I can let you have the details if you want to contact me. Let me know if I can help at all.

Thanks Pimpernel, I will very likely contact you once we have a date for moving. I've got crosser and crosser about this this morning since I've remembered that I also got fed that old crap about "there are only x no of midwives on call so if I'm busy, well, you're just going to have to go in". Just been browsing the AIMS site today and don't think I can be arsed to complain etc but I think I will ring the Maternity Services Liaison Committee and tell them what's going on here. I can't really believe this is so bad here - am I being over sensitive do you think or are my attempts to get a home birth being subtly undermined? I just keep being told negative things in negative language and like you say Elliott, it does freak you (one) out a bit! Looking at the AIMS site (and just being logical about it too) there is no reason to refuse me a home birth: No complications in this or previous pregnancy (although they KEEP mentioning that there could be later - WHY? Just another example of negative attitude and language - I've lost track of the no of times I've been told "the decision may be out of your hands" ); previous successful home birth; only 36 yo (not that this makes any difference but it seems they do like to use age as an excuse sometimes). AAAAAAAggghhh! Katherine, are you there? Just found This, on home birth and how much cheaper it is! for your dh's annoying accountant tosser colleague. I know the moment has passed but just thought you might be interested to see it anyway

Hi WWW - thanks for the link. Sorry you are having a naff time. It makes me really angry that they stress us out so much at such an important time. My last few weeks were so upset and fraught with worries about inductions, not having MW cover etc etc that the end of my pg was really miserable when it should have been a v. special time. Shouldn't complain too much though as I got my dream birth in the end. Good luck with the moving plans. I hope it is less stressful than your maternity care has been!

I just wanted to post to say that mumsnet is so busy these days that I have no time to stop and read most threads, but this is one that I like to read, because I admire you all, going against the tide. I hope princesspeahead's baby is on the way soon and wish you all the best for all your homebirths. I even decided to order the homebirth story for ds, just in case I ever fall in love again ...

I too had a homebirth in Bristol and had support from all midwives at all times of the pregnancy. The birth itself went really well, so go for it....

outofpractice - you are kind!
www - I'd forgotten you had had a homebirth before! god the attitudes you are facing must drive you nuts then. just think how much worse those comments would be if you were doing it for the first time - you'd be having a complete crisis of confidence rather than just being cross and pissed off. I'm sure it will be completely different in bristol...