who's contemplating a home birth - want to discuss it?

[elliott]

Hi there
Noticed that quite a few of us who are now pregnant are planning or thinking about home birth - katherine, motherinferior, princesspeahead, www etc. I'm just 17 weeks now and very undecided about what to do, so would welcome hearing other's thoughts and views. What has motivated your choice? What are your greatest worries/fears/hopes? What is the deal in your area re midwife care - do you feel confident in your midwives? Lots of other thoughts but that should do for now...

Bloodyell, makes me realise just how lucky I was. AS I've said, with my first practice I had to argue incredibly hard for intervention; with my second - a much more conventional community team - the minute I mentioned home birth that was it, no problems. The only person who ever pointed out any possible downside was a nice female GP who said cheerily 'you only get entonox, you know', which I felt was a fair warning! (And she was delighted when I told her how well it had all gone.)

You poor old witch. xxxxx.

WWW - I think the information you have been given is sh**e quite frankly. You are quite right that the midwives are putting you off. You have every right to have a homebirth whatever your iron levels are. The question would be are the midwives trying to put you off because they lack the skills? If they lack the skills then a homebirth is a worry! Hope you manage to move house soon. By the way, the midwives have a responsibility to attend you fdor a homebirth therefore must ensure they are updated before the event. Might be worth ensuring that the midwives who will attend you can demonstrate to you that they are competent. That shouldn't be hard to do. if you have concerns, contact the spuervisor of midwives at the hospital - her role is to ensure the safety of the public by ensuring practitioers are competent. HTH.

www, just read these last few messages. No wonder you are feeling so P*** off. What a lot of negative flannelling you are getting from your midwives. I am really sorry this is pushing you to think about moving now.

I just wondered, how about contacting the local NCT and explaining what's happening? Could they put you in touch with some local mothers who have just gone the home birth route with the your NHS midwives (if there are any) so you can see what happened to them? If you are facing this problem, chances are others are facing it or have faced it too. Interesting to talk to other mothers, I'd imagine, if only to strengthen your voice if you complain.

PPH, I keep looking out for your name every day - or the absence of it. Hope you give birth soon

Tigermoth that sounds like a good idea, at least with the NCT it could be a joint voice of complaint at a situation that must be intolerable in the area !!!!

www, do get in touch if you want to talk about Bristol home birth - I really did have a very positive experience, and was so surprised by how supportive the mws were. Both Southmead and St Michaels hospitals are very pro HB. So do email me if you want to! Don't know how to do email addresses on here though.

www, I do think your mws are being unforgivable - they are supposed to support and reassure us, not undermine us! Personally I'm capable of generating quite enough worries myself without other people confirming them for me - I need to be able to talk through my anxieties and to be listened to, and given sensible and objective information - I actually think that the situation is far more likely to end up being a risky one when we feel we cannot admit our concerns, but instead have to fight and be defensive about what we want. As I've said, no-one so far has uttered a negative word (actually they are desperate to increase their hb figures round here!)
As far as stats about 'problems' go, well it depends what you view as a problem. From what I've read, 10-15% is not an unrealistic view of the proportion of women who change from planned home birth to birth in hospital, either before or during labour - I don't think it shoudl be viewed as the proportion who have some kind of bad outcome in terms of mum's or baby's health. Personally I don't view an appropriate and informed transfer to hospital, resulting in a healthy babe and mum, as a 'problem' at all - inevitably sometimes things aren't straightforward and in those cases you need the appropriate back up of hospital facilities. Its for this reason I always say 'I'm hoping for a homebirth' instead of 'I'm going to have a homebirth', which I think would be about as sensible as saying 'I'm going to have a normal vaginal delivery and not need any stitches!'

I'm amazed at the comments from your midwives www. I am planning a home birth (due date in 3 weeks) and I haven't had a single negative comment from my GP or any of the midwives. It has just been taken as given that it is my choice.

Seems you're as lucky as me bells (and due around the same !), we should thank our lucky stars.
Any luck finding a house yet www ??

Hi, I just thought I'd add my voice to this thread. I'm 16 weeks pg and am planning a homebirth. My dh is very supportive, in fact it was mostly his idea although he is not quite as radical as me. He did tell one midwife though that the reason he wants me to have a homebirth is he thinks he can look after me better postnatally than they did in hospital last time!!!

I havn't encountered any problems so far apart from the usual well if this this or this happens you'll have to go in but I'll deal with that if it happens.

I'm not sure about whether to go for a birhting pool or not. Money is tight but I enjoyed labouring in the hospital jacuzzi last time but felt it was a bit small.

Thank you so much for all the supportive and kind comments and for the collective outrage and disappointment expressed on my behalf! We've been in Bristol all weekend and are getting ready to move, hoorah! Trawled round estate agents etc so I'll keep you posted, but we're hoping to have moved within a month. Really really hope I'm not early (ooh especially since it will be "taken out of your hands you know" ). Went into a wonderfully helpful baby clothes shop who took my no so they could get the local home birth support group woman to ring me. They also gave me loads of leaflets about groups/support/yoga/lots to do with babies etc in Bristol. So I'm feeling really happy about moving and I just think it'll be fine. Musica, thanks, I will email you tomorrow.

Congrats JulieF! Hope the pregnancy goes well for you! And good luck WWW, I moved house when I was 7 months, and though it is very stressful, as is anything like that whether you are pregnant or not - it was the best move we made in terms of healthcare, and we didn't even move that far away! Just relocating to a different surgery can sometimes make all the difference in the care that you receive. I am beginning to fret a little bit more about homebirth now (i.e. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!!!!) which doesn't help when other mothers approach me and tell me how brave I must be, how they wouldn't dream of having a home birth and how good I must be at coping with pain. All the time I'm thinking, 'I'm not brave and I actually don't like pain!' I also read in a book that if you are the type of person who reaches for the painkillers every time you get an ache and pain, a homebirth isn't for you - well that's me alright! Paracetamol is my very best friend! Oh well, we'll just have to see how it goes, you can only do your best can't you?

Rhubarb, I am the world's wussiest wuss when it comes to pain. I really am. AND I'm much older than you, prompting nice remarks from MIL (and dp) that a home birth was madness. Which is not to say 'oh, it's nothing, go for it', but that if a wuss like me can do it, especially after tottering out of hospital the previous time saying 'how can anyone give birth at home', other wusses can. Personally I was terrified of an unnecessary C-section if I went to hospital. And, of course, terrified of the pain.

Thing is, if you think you might be able to manage without an epidural, you can possibly manage at home.

Love from the wuss
xxxxx

Motherinferior you give us all hope.
I agree that if you believe you can do it without an epidural then a homebirth is infinitely more possible.
With dd all I had was pethidine, so now that I have that locked away upstairs I feel much more confident.........but still I wonder am I really fooling myself that I can do this

Thank you Motherinferior! I did have an epidural with dd, the MWs practically forced it onto me! Mind you my waters broke when I was just 3cm dilated and from that point the pain was incredible. The MWs scared me by saying that I might have another 5 hours to go like that, so I gave in to their suggestion of an epidural. I'm hoping this time will be different, but it will be very much like first-time round painwise for me, as I haven't done it without an epidural, so I'm hoping those paracetamol work wonders!

I had an epidural (which didn't work very well) first time round; thing is, labour is almost always quicker and easier the second time. Read my two postings below - my first one which details my first awful, 36-hour labour, and then the one I wrote up after my birth - and compare the differences, honestly.

It did hurt; I did tear, need stitches and subsequently painkillers; and there have also been times in the past 11 weeks when I've been at my wits' end with despair (a 'good birth' DOESN'T remove that, I'm sorry to say, although I think I have been more chilled out overall, and very much more chilled out about breastfeeding). But I am very, very glad I did it this way.

Just to recommend if anyone else has the issue. I've today received the book "Welcome with love" by Jenny Overend (Amazon).
It's the most wonderful story written in a child's voice about the birth of her brother at home. It was recommended on another thread and I really wanted my dd to be prepared for what she may or may not witness. It's not my intention to sit my 3.9 yr old beside me as I give birth but "if" she happens to be around, I don't want her scared.
I feel quite proud because as a young lady who may go on to have children of her own someday, she will I hope remember the birth of her sister as one that was (hopefully) a peacefull, natural experience, instead of a highly medicalised (sp) drama.

It is a lovely book which reminds me why I'm doing this .

Rhubarb - I had an epidural first time round, and was a bit worried that I didn't have that option with dd, as she was at home - but it was fine. I didn't even need gas and air - partly because it was so much faster - only 4 hours from first twinge to baby - and also because of being more relaxed at home. Have you had your scan yet? Hope you're ok!

Motherinferior and Musica, thank you for your encouragement! I did read your birth stories Motherinferior and was inspired by them! It's reassuring to know that even wimps like me can give birth at home! TBH I just want it over with now!

Hi Rhubarb, worlds biggest wimp here to give you some more encouragement. With my previous two hospital births I screeched for an epidural pretty quickly, and was also slightly panicked at the thought of only having gas and air available to me at this home birth. In the end I didn't use the gas and air at all - to be honest, being at home and relaxed I think made the contractions MUCH less painful and more manageable - actually they never got to a level where they were any more than quite uncomfortable, honestly. The second thing which helped massively was the birthing pool. When I felt that it was no longer comfortable just to breathe through the contractions I got in the pool and that was a revelation. Being able to get into whatever position you wanted with no weight to support also halved the pain - seriously. The only time I thought "I need pain relief" was when I had the three contractions that pushed him out - and to be honest, I felt like I wanted to know the gas and air was there, in case I was going to be stuck at that stage for ever (5 minutes, as it happened!) rather than actually wanting it during that 5 minutes. The crowning and birth hurt like hell, but for such a short amount of time that it was over before it began.

I know I was very lucky in the way it all happened, but I do strongly believe that being relaxed and happy at home in the first place, and the water in the second place, made all the difference in the world. It would have been the usual hellishly painful/ epidurally thing that it had been before if I'd been in hospital, I'm sure of it.

Saw that elliott suggested reviving this thread, so I thought I'd lend a helping hand.

How are we all, my lovely homebirthing friends?

I'm just about to go home to talk to the midwife about it all - will report back!
Any more encouraging birth stories to add? (or even ones where you ended up in hospital having planned or hoped for a hb?)

I have posted my "encouraging homebirth story" a few times on different threads but it was wonderful and I would really recommend it. I had very little pain relief - a few puffs of entonox (made me feel odd) but mainly just the TENS machine at first and breathing through the contractions after that . At home it is so much more relaxing and everyone is supportive - somehow I seemed to cope better than in hospital. The baby was a pound heavier than my first too but no stitches and a happy healthy baby who is far more placid than his big brother. i wished I'd had the guts to do it first time but i did feel that the unexpected was too daunting .

Fantastic experience though and your adrenalin just pumps for days - i was really chuffed with myself. Good luck to you all

Having just recently given birth I'm still at that I want to tell the world stage so since you ask.....
The same as on dd1 I knew from early on approx 6am that things had started, crampy period pains every 10 mins or so but was determined to carry on regardless. I went back to bed to simply snooze as long as I could, then got up at approx 10:30, tried to stay active so baked cakes at 12 and washed the kitchen floor at 1pm. After that I tried to find things to occupy myself and REFUSED to time contractions. With dd1 I'd bought a stopwatch and we had anally timed every contraction which consequently makes you too aware of how slow things are progressing.
At 4pm it was taking more concentration to breath through each one and my dm took dd1 out for a walk. Soon after we rang the midwife and she arrived at 5pm. What I was dreading most was to be told I was only 2cm, which was the case but midwife said she'd stay as I was "labouring well", not sure what it meant but gave me hope.
By now I had my tens machine at half power. Right from the start I was eager to hold back a reserve of energy, pain relief as I believed it would take hours and my biggest fear was exhaustion.
My dm returned then with dd1 who was asleep, and dm started to cook dinner. Dh loved the fact that he was able to snack through out the day (another mistake made last time, he starved for the day), at one stage he was munching nuts holding my hand through a particularly vicious contraction, and I swore at him I felt like I had a monkey for a birth partner.
At 6pm another examination, now 7cm and dinner was served. All except me had roast pork and potatoes, by now they'd given me the entonox and dh said I was like a junkie with a crack pipe, I would not let them take it off me .
I spent a lot of time leaning on top of my birth ball, counter tops, and pressing a hot water bottle to my belly while the tens worked my back. It was agony to lie on my back during examination, despite it being between contractions.
Second midwife was called and although I felt no transition whatsoever which surprised me, I got this massive contraction and found my self saying "I want to push", my superb NHS midwife simply said well go ahead then.
Some four pushes and real animal cries later, Elycia was born perfect at 8:28. I was on all fours leaning into the couch and was happy to have her passed to dh first as my inital emotion was relief it was all over. It had been a speedy yet violent four hours.
It felt like the most natural thing in the world to be at home, I never felt scared, at one stage they were trying to bully me into a certain position and I very forcibily told them I was the boss and I DID'NT WANT TO...it seemed to work.
My dh was a gem and my midwife perfect, at all stages I felt in control and when I wasn't dh was.
DD1 came downstairs and saw her sister when she was only 30 secs old, Elycia went straight to the breast within 5mins, and after a refreshing shower we were all in bed (together) at 10pm.
Throughout this pregnancy I have adamantly stated this is the last but I would have another simply to re-experience how beautiful, safe, and wonderful a home birth can be.
It's been funny over the last few days watching peoples faces drop when you say home birth, but they simply can't understand when I say it was wonderfull and not so bad after all.
I don't doubt that I've been lucky, I had a small buttonhole tear which appeared to heal instantly, but what has been most evident is the speed of my recovery and the peacefullness of my baby. Just before my mum went to bed that night she looked in at us and said it was the most peacefull sight, all four of us cuddled up together.
Sorry if this is too long but I really wanted to tell the story in full.