Passive Birth !!

[mogwai]

Ok, so I know there's all this stuff about "active birth" and yoga, meditation, releasing your natural endorphins and riding on the crest of your waves of pain.

I really admire people who have the courage to embrace an "active birth"

Personally I feel that advances in medical technology have allowed me the luxury of wallowing in my own cowardice and I want all the pain relief I can lay my hands on.

Should I strat up a "passive birth" centre to advocate us cowards having as little as possible to do with the whole process, a random selection of cream cakes and DVDs in the delivery suite and a full bikini wax under epidural?

Who's up for that??

yay!

yay Serah - I think your 27p is safe, but yet to see any news of Spike Momma??

Will e-mail you a photo when I have minute as well

Sooooo good to hear you're ok.... no news from Spikey here either.

Was just trawling through your story - I always wondered why no-one told me anything about the actual birth until afterwards! Now you know why I kept zipped in respect to when your epidural wore off!! (I have all the respect in the world for those who choose to do it without - don't get me wrong - but NO WAY!!!)

Look forward to seeing the photo's, but as I say, when you're ready

I thought EXACTLY the same thing Serah - nobody actually tells you how BAD that pain is (though I did mention earlier the traumatic amputation bit). I wonder, is that because people forget the pain, can't describe it, or are deliberately telling lies?

I'm not sure - I know that now, only three days later, I can't actually describe the pain to anyone who has asked me.

hmmm... I'm not sure its deliberately telling lies. I think it's deliberately not telling the truth!

Which is why the PBC exists.... to encourage women to revel in their cowardliness and head straight for the epidural every time!

I can't describe it either - its more that it is impossible for me to relate it to anything I have ever experienced before. Around the time and for a few months afterwards, my phrase was "we don't discuss that" to anyone who even remotely hinted at an enquiry! Now I just say "no", in a style that could not be likened to a crappy Grange Hill pop single.

yeurrrgh

oh, I'm soooooooooo impressed - 2 epidurals!!

Did the midwives comment on your sculpted ladygarden? I was devastated that no-one noted my 'special' wax for the occasion

I'm also glad to see you were mobile enough to reach for the cream cakes

Congrats!

Congratulations Mogwai! I'm a newcomer here but am sympathetic to your cause.

I think we come to the limits of language when we try to talk about the pain of labour. Or maybe not even language but imagination. I can't remember the pain, only the madness.

Afterwards I told everyone who would listen, and especially those who wouldn't (while it was still fresh in my memory) that it reminded me of reading about the Crimea and the soldiers who'd had their legs sawn off without aesthetic.

There was a point before I had dia-morphine when I realised that the pain was ratcheting up with every contraction and it already felt like my body had changed sides with itself and was intent on killing me. The morphine only really took the edge off.

Only then did I understand the meaning of those blank stares and vague shrugs I'd received from women who'd gone before me. A couple shockingly said they loved it and couldn't wait to have another one. I can only assume they received a particularly strong street batch of morphine and had remained addicted to it since. Their testimony was not to be trusted!

Interestingly though, someone who knows about such things mentioned that from an evolutionary perspective childbirth doesn?t need to be made easy or pain free naturally - only the conception part. Once you're up the duff, you're on the road and can't get off.

Without aesthetic??? Well, it is an ugly business..a n a e s t h e t i c !

fanfrickintastic mogwai and many many congratulations...my eyes watered at your labour story...with laughter

have had the chance to read the whole thread.joy.gutted that youre all up north.se england needs some of your counter culture.

Ladies...

And so the story begins - with 'no time for an epidural'... WHAT?! i hear you cry. And so i begin:

Go in for induction. Say i'm 3-4cm - internal exam 1 - straight to labour ward.

Second internal exam - not as dilated - pessery up (oumph) and then back to maternity. 12.30 at this point.

2pm dh leaves. 3pm - feel rough as a badgers dog, but no contractions. Pace up and down and decide to have a bath.

Get in bath, 30 secs later - POP! Waters burst. Curious, still feel ropey, but might stay in as no contRACTIONNNNNNNSSSS! Literally, came on 30 secs apart. Arching back like woman possessed thinking - this is interesting as i've got spd and in full blown labour and i've locked the bathroom door! Emergency chord pulling to excess...

Managed to get door open, midwifes get in. 'Requesting' epi-du-rallll in nicest manner possible... at this point. Managed to get gas and air tank - and then wheeled away to another land - labour ward. Now all a haze.

All i can say is, gas and air rocks beyond rockdom. When the words, she's 10 cm and no time for epidural whaffted through my ears my dear friend entenox pulled me through!

So, 2 hours later - which felt like 20 mins, i podded a bloody massive baby boy: 9lb 4oz. Who is of course the most beautiful baby in the whole widest world. Oh yes he is.

Got a third degree tear and had to have a wee bit of surgery in the love quarters - so ended up with a spinal anyway - felt great! Had to stay in hospital for a while as needed to heal and also sprog lost 11% of weight so wasn't allowed to go home. But back now.

Still got SPD - and still sore, but feel less of a car crash victim. Will return on email just as soon as i can. As still bit of a weaklin.

Have to say though. Overall memory of labour and birth was really positive - i've shocked myself. Can't believe i pushed out such a bruiser on just gas and air.

Mogs - so glad you're fine and dandy - wicked news. Your labour sounds pretty long going.

To all that are due to give birth, go with the flow - what you plan isn't necessarily what you get - but it's not a bad thing either. Passive birth is the way to go.

I'm trying to source a nice tank of gas and air for a friday night in. It's my new best friend... made me feel totally sh*t faced which i haven't been for 10 months - Marvelous stuff!

OMG congrats SpikeMomma. Mine was 10.4 and was agonising even with an epidural. I cant imagine what it'd be like without one. You're right about the entenox though - harmless and makes you feel great. Should be availble at the newsagents with the morning paper!

Now YOU go and sneak on whilst I'm out.... tut!! CONGRATULATIONS! And nice to have you on board in the "Express Baby Birthing" club. I was thinking of offering my services to the circus for the human canonball act... but not as the canonball.........

Do you think theres a market for snidey tanks of gas and air then Spikey? I was looking for a niche in the Ebay market.

Put your feet up hon... have a cream horn, and speak to you soon.

cor Beans... you read the whole thread??? I'm impressed with your tenacity!!
We can always send you northern postcards btw. They'll be a bit grim, and soggy round the edges where the rain got them on the way to the postbox

Just re-read some of latest threads and your right. I don't think i could explain the contraction pain you get either. Apart from it made my back arch enough to hit the ceiling! Bizarre.

I also had classical music playing in my ear - when the music stopped apparantly i kept tapping my ear requesting 'Andrea' (Bocelli)- which isn't my husbands name, so the midwife looked a bit perplexed.... Didn't have my wedding ring on either, so she could have thought i was a right floozy!

Monkey trousers - 10.4 - holey shmoley! That is a big un. Respect due!

I like to think i've done my passive birth possey proud by labouring in the bath - and therefore keeping the 'garden display' fresh and lovely when the time came to 'bloom'. The rose petals and ass milk didn't arrive in time but I kept the core up ladies.

Mogs - do you feel smug? I do feel mega proud of myself for getting through it. Smug, smug, smug (knackered, slightly broken, yet still smug). We should start a new thread of smugdom. Serah - how you are not more smug with already being a mum is amazing!

Have to go now as my nipple has got stuck on my nightdress. Gas and air anyone...owwww

what are the new babes names??????

"I said, now do you want pasteurised, cos pasteurised is best, she said Ernie I'd be 'appy if it came up to me chest..."

Chortle.... you just reminded me of my all time favourite lyrics re bathing in milk above (yes, admittedly, the choice is thin on the ground)

The smug question is easily answered btw.... its your turn - I've had mine!

Oooh Spikemomma can I just offer an "OH DEAR GOD" about your massive tear. ouch

oh Spikey, I just realised... you got landing gear

Oh Serah - your quote had me in stitches...bum...bum!!

To be honest - tear not that bad. Course i wish i didn't have it, but, i only had a 2 hour labour compared to some mammoth runs, so my memory of the birth is a really good one. I know some who don't have that - so got to be grateful for something. Tear is less painful than bloody SPD which is still hanging around. It is truely the pits. Getting better every day though - so fingers crossed.

Oh i did laugh at that quote...brilliant.

Beansontoast - what you doing in the south east? You should be in the north, for sure. Spiritual home of Victoria Wood and honourary home of Julie Walters (who is actually God, you'll find that out when you die). I can't believe you read the whole thread. Actually, I can't believe how many posts there are on here! And STILL relatively few spoilers!!

Congratulations to Spikemomma. And big respect. I can't believe you did all that on gas and air. Next time you'll be doing it all on a packet of opal fruits (sorry, Starburst), as I believe second ones are faster.

Interestingly, my landing gear is intact. I had a poke about in the bath (gingerly), and it feels quite normal, not even a hint of any excess undercarriage. That's a bonus

Am currently holed up in the house, imprisoned by planned and random visitors, all bringing lovely presents for baby mogwai but only the best of friends bringing chocolate for me. Harumph - she got it easy! Am practising the art of passive parenting - baby listened to sooooo much U2 before she was born (and went to see them at 39 weeks pregnant - no matter how hard I rocked, she didn't drop!) that she thinks Bono is her father. Drops off nicely to "Achtung Baby". SO technically, I have Bono babysitting in passive styleeee!

Baby euphoria lasted four days, weepiness set in after that. Just recovering. Went to John Lewis during period of baby bliss and spent inordinate amount of money on a box of gifts for my midwife - Molton Brown bath oils, Godiva Chocs, you name it. She did well out of that baby euphoria. If I'd have gone shopping later in the week, she may have been presented with three tangerines and a tube of smarties .

And so here's the thing. I've tentatively 'enquired' down below, and i think the small handed magic elf like registrar may have actually made some improvements to the previous lady garden... curious... . Of course i'll never be bold enough to get the old mirror out, but it feels dare i say slightly 'neater'. I didn't quite expect that. How peculiar...

I got the mirror out. What a er!!

How far north is north Mogwai?

NEVER EVER get the mirror out. Ignorance is bliss

Monkeytrousers, Manchester is as far north as you need to go to find real humour. It's so bloody grim up here we have to laugh at our predicament.

Chip Barm anyone?

Doh - that should have been on the menu at the passive birth centre.

It has been brought to my attention that we need to kick off the passive parenting thread.

I'm all for that. We need examples of your WORST parenting to make others feel better.

Real or imaginary, I personally don't give a toss. My lovely daughter is 16 days old, but already I can see the attraction of those chairs that rock and vibrate while you go down the local for some sneaky solo lunchtime boozin'........