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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Dissagrement with partner re pain relief

84 replies

spacecat · 01/09/2009 12:07

My partner thinks I should go without pain relief in labour so that I can experience what something feels like to be 'hard won'. I had an epidural for the last birth (after 9 hours of going without anything). I am stressed about the pain of childbirth enough without having to feel bad if I do go down route of having pain relief. Any suggestions as to what to say to him/approach this?

OP posts:
Mamazon · 01/09/2009 14:44

you approach it with a cricket bat to the bollocks.
when he tells you he is in pain and that he needs a DR/pain relief you say no. you must endure the pain so you can fully appreciate it when it goes.

then l;eave the fucker in a pool of his own tears

GertBertandFlirt · 01/09/2009 14:50

Stick a melon up his arse then kindly rub his brow while withholding any form of pain relief as he pushes it out.

StretchFucksTheMailDaily · 01/09/2009 14:53

Even if this is a wind-up, I have known wankers men like this. They wanted their partners to 'experience' labour!

One man didn't want his precious baby being tainted with any drugs at all, even gas and air. This followed a pg where the poor woman wasn't allowed anything Not one drink, she had to do gentle exercise everyday, if she even attempted to lift things/cross her legs etc...she would get yelled at! Yes, she's still with him!

OP, tell him to fuck off.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/09/2009 15:01

Furher to what everyone else has said I think you seriously need to consider whether you want him in the delivery suite with you.

You need someone to advocate for you, to chase people if you need pain relief. You will be vulnerable and you need someone to speak up for you.

There would be nothing worse than being in agony and him telling you to put up with it.

ib · 01/09/2009 15:12

I hate the idea of pain relief in childbirth (didn't have any the last time, hoping not to this time too) BUT if dh had even dared feel that he had the right to an opinion (ANY opinion) on how I should give birth I believe I would have strung him up by his testicles.

Even if his views had been the same as mine. Seriously.

It's not about the particulars of this case. I've known women who wanted pain relief-free births and their dhs wanted them to have epidurals. I say shoot them.

NO ONE has a right to tell you what you should do in childbirth. A partner's only role is to support, support and then support some more.

Don't even think about compromising on this or you will resent him for the rest of your life.

EyeballsintheSky · 01/09/2009 15:18

You're an articulate lot. Nearly every insult I could think of has already been said by one of you

Wincing @ peeled balls in vinegar though

Original poster
spacecat · 01/09/2009 16:11

Thanks for all the messages, I have been reading them and thinking (and laughing at many, which is much needed for me right now, so thank you). To answer some of the threads above:

  • no this isn't a wind-up (very much wish it was)
  • yes, he was going to be my birth partner but am considering changing that (was thinking that myself before I read your threads)
  • no, he is not from another culture
  • like the idea of getting him to read these threads - will let you know what happens (unless I go into labour,which could do at anuy tijme now, as 39 weeks today
  • am going to find out more about reasons why he thinks this.
OP posts:
whocaresaboutyourintellect · 02/09/2009 20:09

LOL I consider carrying a pregnancy for 9 months not to mention, the morning sickness,backache, swelling, constipation, piles, pissing when you sneeze, I could go on.... "Hard won" already LOL.

choosyfloosy · 02/09/2009 20:30

HILARIOUS!! Oh, he's brilliant! he should really consider trying some open-mike standup comedy spots.

Preferably somewhere else, while you get on with giving birth in the way that works best for you.

I recommend www.emergencydoulabecausemyhusbandissuchanarse.com.

Thinkstoomuch · 02/09/2009 20:48

Hi Spacecat

Does your partner have some gadget he really loves, like an iPhone?

If so, how about you wait til he's asleep then shove it RIGHT UP HIS ARSE. Once he's endured the incredible pain and managed to regain his phone I'm sure he'll thank you for allowing him to experience what something feels like to be hard won.

LilianGish · 02/09/2009 20:53

Is this a joke? I'd suggest a vasectomy when you've completed your family - without anaesthetic then he can experience what something feels like to be 'hard won'.

Katie14 · 02/09/2009 21:06

Hard won? Tell him to carry a baby for 9 months and then push it out his penis.

Katie14 · 02/09/2009 21:07

I think you might be right - got some storming responses though!

AtheneNoctua · 02/09/2009 21:13
  1. Deflate a basket ball
  2. Have his swollow said deflated basketball
  3. Pump basketball full of lead.
  4. Wait nine months.
  5. Tell him to pas that basketball without pain relief.
  6. Ask him if he still values the "hard win".
mummytowillow · 02/09/2009 21:17

He's a cheeky fucker!

Tell him you will put his dick through a meat slicer on a thin setting and see if he needs pain relief after that!

Its up to you, you have done it before and you will know if you can do it with or without, its not up to him, so tell him to butt out!

Good luck!!

xxx

AtheneNoctua · 02/09/2009 21:17

Maybe you could get him one of those shock dog collars, and everytime you feel a contraction you could shock the collar, which will of course have been inserted up his arse.

slyandgobbo · 02/09/2009 21:22

The whole notion that this is something you can disagree about strikes me as a category error.
HE HAS NO RIGHT TO ANY OPINION AT ALL ON THIS MATTER.

GreenMonkies · 02/09/2009 21:28

It has fuck all to do with him, and everything to do with you. I'd say why don't you read "Birth Reborn" by Michel Odent and "Childbirth Without Fear" by Grantly Dick-Read, then do what ever you feel happy with, be it c-section or drug-free home-water-birth! (and I speak as a drug-free Home-birther!!) The important thing is that you are completely comfortable and happy that you have made a well informed decision about what is right for you, not what your partner thinks you should do!

PacificDogwood · 02/09/2009 21:30

I have just read the whole thread and enjoyed everybodies sadistic suggestions!

On spacecat's reassurance that this is NOT a wind-up I wonder what kind of ishoos he has with things hard/easy won?? Does he feels you've had it too easy in life general?? Has he?
I think it is fair enough to discuss and think about different options for birthplan/have a kind of pyramid of increasing levels of painrelief as needed - and then appreciate that you might change your mind as labour progresses...

Obviously agree that he has the right to an opinion the very second HE is giving birth !

Rosebud05 · 02/09/2009 22:57

LOL. During and immediately after our NCT classes, my dh expressed a firm belief in drug-free childbirth. During and after the actual birth of our dcs, he went extremely pale, burst into tears and said "I'd have gone straight for an epidural".
It really helped both of us having a friend there who had had a couple of kids of her own - would this be an option for you?

mellifluouscauliflower · 02/09/2009 23:09

Just print out this thread and give it to him. And don't discuss it with him again.

ErikaMaye · 02/09/2009 23:14

Are you married to Dr Dennis Walsh..?

Arse. Hope you can talk some sense into him (Personally I wouldn't bother but that could just be because I'm a bitch )

LauraIngallsWilder · 02/09/2009 23:20

Hi space cat - I had no pain relief except gas & air with mine
I was painful but it was my choice

Dh had no choice in the matter

If he had suggested I went without pain relief I........ well I havent been able to finish that sentance politely

Your body, your choice imho

weaselbudge · 03/09/2009 19:38

hello space-cat. My DH was influenced a bit by the NCT teacher telling us all of the risks of epidurals and was being quite negative about me having one - but i basically told him where to go (and similar to some of the comments on this thread) and in the end he was an amazing advocate and FOUGHT for my epidural (which i got). He was actually so relieved that I had it because the birth was so less stressful and I wasn't traumatised by it. I can't believe that your DH would have such opinions given that he has seen you do this once already!!!

octopusinabox · 03/09/2009 20:36

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