Who took ages to recover from childbirth? Help and advice wanted from survivors!!

[godivas]

Hello everyone, I actually read old posts about this but wanted to hear more details since I am really despairing now.

I gave birth to ds1 10 months ago. Total trauma in the delivery room. No episiotomy. Ventouse and 3rd degree tears.

I have so much going on down there still that I started wondering if I will ever recover from this.

Sometimes hurting on the outside, sometimes aching on the inside, sometimes a feeling as if my soft tissues are burned off at the enterance. Sometimes I feel as if I was hit by a bus on the perineum. Sometimes I am totally fine.

Anyone experienced such complications and pain like this for months and months after the delivery?

CoteDAzur, what a coincidence! I am from Turkey too, would you mind giving me some names if you found good, knowledgable doctors especially in Istanbul? You can email me at [email protected] too if it is easier for you.

is contractubex available on prescription? I am going to raise lots of points from here with the surgoen as I'm seeing her (all women team( a week for the op. I also want to remind her that being 'sewn up too tight' is not on either! I'm petrified of sex as it is

It isn't in Turkey. Then again, neither is most medication, including antibiotics, so that might not be indicative of its status in UK.

If you can't find it, let me know once you have healed (well, at least with no open wound). I can order some with the next batch of friends/relatives who visit, and then send it to you.

hi verso, if you are still reading this, i would like to tell you again what a wonderful and strong mummy you are. we were both on the april 05 antenatal/postnatal threads. do you remember alux who brcame kiskidee? like yourself i was having a lot of difficulties early days including birth trauma, mine was more psychological instead of physical, and having no help from family. i knew you were having a bad time too but i was at a loss on how to help at the time and many days i felt like i was just surviving. reading some of your posts tonight has made me emotional about those times again. i wish you all the best with the rest of you pg and the best with your caesarean birth.

Hi godivas

thanks for your advice. I am not convinced that it is the scar tissue that is causing the pain on my perinium as I can't see/feel any scaring. So the consultant has referred me for a second opinion - hopefully I will get to the bottom of why I feel pain during sex.

Just to add to the stories about lack of aftercasre and support during the birth the midwife I had when I first went into hospital ( I had four different midwives as I was in labour for 30 hours!) she was a total bitch. During my first internal examination she told me I was 2 cm (and my waters had broke). She then proceeded to offer me a cervical sweep whilst her fingers were inside me. I did not know what that was and thought it was something that cleaned the area (silly me). She did not explain anything but went ahaed and did it. After that contractions were so painful and fast that I asked for an epidural which then slowed everything down baby became stressed I had raised temperature. When I was 10 cm dliated I tried to push but didn't get very far as I was totally exhausted after 28 hours in labour. They tried ventouse which did not work so then did forceps with episiotomy. Although my pain threshold is low I probably would have had an epidual anyway but I feel as though that it was totally inappropriate for the midwfie to offer me a sweep seeing as I was progressing fine. She even said once I had the epidural that she did it and I quote 'because she wanted to see the baby born on her shift'. About 6 months after the birth I wrote to the head of midwifery and explained my side of the story complaining about the midwife and she investigated it but told me that the midwife in question had denied doing the sweep and it was not put in my records. So it was my word against hers and she won.

So after a long rant (sorry) my message is to be as informed as you can for first timers and for me on my second time I will not allow myself to be pushed around my the hospital's agenda.

bump - anyone out there?

Hi cappy, I'm here! This thread has gone a bit quiet...

I still feel some pain during sex, despite being told me several gyne consultants that I'm all healed and everything is fine. This doesnt really help at all. I was told that they could recut the original stitching to try and see if this would help, but at the time the thought of further surgery stopped me pursuing this. It would be great though to have pain free sex so I might research into this a bit more. Interested to know what your second opinion will suggest. When is your appointment?

I just want to scream when they say that! It's all healed. Yeah, from the outside it LOOKS ok, that doesn't mean everything on the inside is where it should be, or that there isn't a trapped nerve, fibroids, scar tissue in a sensitive place etc.

Medical types are bad as many scientists I have worked with over the years - don't like to admit when they don't know the answer.

cappy1, isn't it convenient what ISN'T in the records? If you really need some closure, I say approach them again and say that just because it's omitted, does not mean it didn't happen. Suggest to them that they keep an closer eye open in future and see what happens.

Hello everyone, some of us are still experiencing pain, various sorts of pain which we obviously are going to continue seeking medical or surgical help. Despite the morons who tell us that we are healed I'm sure down this road we'll encounter some caring doctors who actually knnow what they are on about. In order to further our knowledge (well, many doctors don't seem to be interested in this nowadays) I suggest we keep posting here the latest findings about us, diagnoses and suggested treatments.

It seems that this thread might be naturally coming to the end of its life but we can revitalise it every 2-3 months and share new knowledge. I have learned so many new things like injections or nerve-trapment in scar tissue which no doctor has mentioned so far, so next time I see one, at least I am able to mention these to the doctors. I am sure we'll get better results like this. SaintRiven, theautomatic, cappy1 you are the ones who already have appointments I think, so if you get the time please post here after your examinations / procedures. I'll do the same when I go to a doctor.

Hey Ladies,
I'm worrying myself silly now after reading this thread.
I thought what I was dealing with was normal thing with birth so havent told a soul.
I gave birth in September 2006, my first child, the WORST experience in my life, I had the midwife from hell, she outrightly refused to give me any pain relief, she made me sit on a birthing stool and she sat on the floor barking at me to push and threatened me that if I didnt she would get the surgeons, bearing in mind I was 18 at the time, a very nervous person anyway and absolutley petrified of hospitals (lost my parents when I was young)
So after pushing in agony for 3 hours, Madi was born, I was a size 8 b4 I got pregnant and she was 8lb 10oz so you can imagine the damage.
The Midwife told me there was no-one avliable to stitch me in theatre so she would do it there and then in delivery room.
To be fair at the time I wasnt sure what planet I was on let alone what was right or wrong.
Two years on, I still get pain and having sex is a nightmare, I tear EVERY time which leads to bleeding and a week of waddling.
Having looked "down" there it looks like she stitched me up wonky, Its not straight or neat, theres bits of excess skin, lumps and bumps that were never there before.
What should I do??

If you are expecting again (looks that way from your name), I think you should ask to be seen by a gynecologist and learn what can be done to clean up the previous damage after this birth. Life is too long to suffer like this - you have to get it sorted. Good luck!

Hi Nikkie, make an appointment to see your gp, today if possible! Insist they examine you and then refer you to a gynae if necessary. Dont let them fob you off. In my experience, although others may have found their gps more supportive, they will try and tell you you need more time etc but you've been suffering since 2006 and need to get it sorted. Its difficult to stand up for yourself at the doctors, I've certainly found it hard and normally I'm a reasonably confident person, but you must insist you need to see a specialist as soon as possible. Please let us know how you get on.

Nikkie, you poor love , but don't let this thread worry you, but inspire you to go and get it sorted!

You have lots of support and info here now. Agree with automatic re:GP plus I recommend going through as many as necessary at your surgery till you find a nice one who's prepared to help fight your corner too.

For example, although all my docs are nice, one told me I looked like I was healed fine, yet another (thankfully) said it clearly wasn't right and fought the hospital for my op. Always good to ask which of your GP's specialises in Gynae.

Vizbizz, what you said about looks fine on the outside but clearly isn't inside - is it just me that wonders why the HELL they never use an ultrasound to scan the perineum for scar tissue and other lumps & problems?? Even when I had my cortisone injections, they would say, well I "think" from where you jumped most when I examined you I should inject here, here and here.... er, wouldn't a quick scan SHOW you exactly where it is rather than guessing??

Using this technology would surely help them tell what's going on under there, especially for people who unlike some of us aren't as good at describing exactly what hurts, and when and how? I know birth isn't a walk in the park and we know that there'll be some evidence left behind, but if you have problems in this area, walking, sitting, running, lifting, everything is affected so why not spend a bit more on the diagnostic technology!! We shouldn't have to put up with a couple of rough fingers and guesswork

Hi Nikki, when I was researching before, I came across a condition called Vulvar Granuloma Fissuratum, which is, as far as I understand the ripping of the posterior fourchette section of the vagina. I don't know if it'd help you but here's web address of the research:
www.greenjournal.org/cgi/content/full/105/5/1018

When you see a specialist you may want to enquire about this if your symptoms are the same. Good luck!

Just a quick message to say thank you to foxytocin for remembering me. I do remember you as alux >waves

Hi everyone

I am back on after a night off the computer last night.

theautomatic - yes it sounds right that the sitching may have been too tight as it feels too tight when having sex. I think that was the procedure that was offered to me (recutting the area and removing scar tissue) Yes I agree with that it is hard to know what is going on down there - I am going to ask about scanning too.

I will post what happens although my second opinion appointment is not until 27th October. I have to say that I am really against having any surgery on my vagina without some certainty that it is going to resolve the problem. I just cannot stand to have any more cutting and sitching going on down there...

Verso, I must say I have felt a real "call to action" building in me for a while but not known how to go about it. Keep me posted, I think I could certainly bring a few skills to a project, I'm pretty good at research and also telephone bashing?

Another example of that cruelty - after being fully dilated (no-one had noticed) they realised with my son's OP position I needed assistance in theatre. So I was left on my back on a trolley waiting for an anaethatist/theatre to become available, with contraction after contraction hitting. I ask one of the very brusque doctors/nurses)(not sure they didn't introduce themselves?) that were preparing me to wait until my spinal was in place before putting in my catheter as I knew it would set of a massive contraction... She ignored me and rammed it in 5 minutes later with NO warning. My memory is patchy after that as I think the pain made me lose it a bit.

You're at your most vulnerable and often frightened in labour and you're so right that something must be done. It feels like they see so many women that they just don't see us anymore?!

On the bright side, today we meet our private consultant who will do my caesarean. He's been recomended my an MN'r so I'm really excited!

Although if the NHS treated me better than they had during my birth and subsequent operations to clean up the mess they left, I wouldn't have to be adding thousands of £'s to our mortgage just to make sure I don't lose my marbles again...

Oh jeez. I have just had a vbac. These are all the things I was terrified of. I ended up being lucky and just having a few labial tears and one or two inside. I was so naive on what the recovery was for even just this ! Peeing with a jug of water and bathing the wound twice a day. I know c-section isn't a peice of piss either, and I was lucky with that one too - home after two days and no problems healing at all. I was worried about whether to have a natural birth mainly due to the psychological aspects of having problems down there as sex is quite important to me. I realise now that with my vbac I was just lucky and anyone who goes into birth is just drawing a piece of straw and you don't know what you are going to get. I haven't tried sex yet, but I have had a good look down there (looks like a jigsaw puzzle not quite fitting back together again). I don't really care what it looks like, but I hope I can resume an enjoyable sex life soon. i am a little scared. It's just pot luck. Now they don't explain this to you when the consultant was banging on to me that a vbac was the way to go. I do just count myself lucky though that I didn't get any more damaged.

When was your VBAC? The swelling will go down at some point and it will look much better. Easy & enjoyable sex is another question, though. I hope it all works out for you soon.

Hi DNYM I had a vbac too and was completely naive to the recovery too! (am still recovering nearly 6 months later)
I also had labial tears and they hurt like buggery so I can't even begin to imagine the trauma these brave ladies have endured.
I have got the gynea tomorow to see about repairing one of my tears as the labia is not quite attached in one area anymore Am going private now as the NHS is so shit and I don't want to wait 1 year with the worry hanging over my head.
You are right about everyones opinion that a vb is safest especially on MN but having done both and reading this thread I really don't think it is. Many women on here have lifelong problems from a vb but not many from an elective cs.
After I had recovered from the cs you would never know I had had a baby, but I really can't see that my lady bits will ever be the same again!
We really were lucky though we had a 1 in 200 chance of scar rupture with a vbac, would you point a gun at your childs head if there was a 1 in 200 chance of it being loaded?
I can't honestly believe that I was so reckless and did it and didn't give it more thought or the consultants didn't warn me of what could happen. The outcome could have been very bad for me and my child.

Nikkie, as has been mentioned, use the knowledge we share here to help you get the care you need to live normally again. You do have to fight, but when you find the useful caring ones it makes a huge difference. It also helps the emotional healing to be HEARD by someone who is sympathetic and tries to help.

I also want to try and change things (I am in New Zealand), but I am thinking about trying to find a niche in the system where I can support women after they have their babies, and to make contacts from the inside to try and give them as much inside info as I can on what support can be made available to them. Don't have any real ideas yet how/when to implement this, but it's something that is obviously very needed. With a bit of luck, making connections as an insider might make it possible to meet people who can start engineering studies/research that can improve the situation for everyone.

Maybe I am a dreamer, but I will work toward this somehow. Anything I can do to spare even a single person what we have been through is worth any effort.

vizzbizz, am glad to see you posting and saw your earlier post (now I feel like a stalker!) - am really so glad you've found a treatment that is helping.

sorry to gatecrash everyone

Hiya corpsebride,took a lot of searching, but it's improving. SOOOO very grateful for that

I have sent an email to the Birth Trauma Association telling them there's a group of us on here who would like to know how we could turn our experiences into a force for change. (I haven't given them a link to the thread or anything - just have given a general impression of the discussion so everyone's still private.) It just makes me so angry/sad that I can't sit here (albeit 32 weeks pregnant) and not do anything.

I'll keep you posted on any reply.

Good idea Verso. I have toyed in the past about getting in touch with the Birth Trauma Associaton, I know they can put you in contact with women that have had traumatic birth. However, for me, I think I would have felt a lot less traumatised and more able to cope if I had had adequate postnatal care. There seems to be a lack of information on their site about what you can do if you have ongoing health problems as a result of childbirth. It would have helped me ENORMOUSLY if their site gave information about what treatment you could/should have if you have 2nd/3rd degree tears. In this day and age we shouldnt be left trawling the internet in despair looking for creams that will help with eg scar tissue. I left hospital with a badly written sheet of paper telling me to do pelvic floor exercises and that was it! Nothing was even mentioned about the high risk of stitches being infected and what you can do to avoid this happening etc.

Will be interested to hear what Birth Trauma have to say Verso.