c-section a must, if refused i'll need to pay, advise on getting c-section on nhs or paying the nhs in wales, or private c-section in wales

[Ema76]

a c-section is a must for me.
i am really worried that i will be refused one on the nhs. if so i have to have options. can i pay the nhs to give me one? really want to have my baby in wales too which restricts me as it seems more private c-sections are done in London.
Does anyone know of a good private hospital in wales (south in particular) and how much it would cost?

Many thanks for your help.

Op just needs to get counselling. As 100's have said already.
Without this, it seems her mind is dead set against any contrary opinion or advice.

With any phobia, or addiction, the first step is willingness to do something about it, right? Op is clearly not there yet!

In simplistic terms.

"Well actually I do admit that that wasn't the nicest thing I have ever posted."

I am sure everyone on here who had a traumatic birth and felt, however irrationally, that they deserved it and it 'served them right' for whatever choices they made will appreciate your warmhearted and generous apology.

I have read the entire thread and wasn't aware that I had to be an active participant from past 1 in order to contribute.

And it was the 'serves you right' comment I was referring to. Get exasperated with someone you don't know for not taking any notice of advice she hadn't asked for if you like. But the 'serves you right' thing was well out of order.

Krang, you are misquoting me.
And that is not what was meant. If you had read ALL of the thread , you would see that.
That is not what I said, or what I meant at all.
Don't make out that I am being nasty to anyone who has had a terrible birth, becasue that is not the case.

Just to add my pennies worth, I felt exactly the same as the OP for the first 30 years of my life, terrified of child birth and adamant it was a c-section or nothing. Then last year I lost my first pregnancy to a miscarriage at 10 weeks and it gave me a huge wake up call, firstly that nothing was more important than a healthy baby at the end of it all but also the confidence due to the process of the miscarriage that sometimes your body knows what it is doing with no aspect of you being in 'control'.

I am due in 7 weeks and whilst I still have 'oh my god is this really possible?!?!' moments I don't feel the overwhelming terror about the birth that I once did, but had my road to having a baby been different I would have been starting a very similar thread to the OP myself.

Good luck Ema and I hope you get what we all want, the birth you hope for and a healthy baby at the end of it x

Yes, clearly it's outrageous of the OP to come here asking specific questions on practicalities over a decision on her own uterus, and to politely indicate disinterest in the unsolicited opinions on her choice by complete strangers. How dare she! Such an attitude clearly means she deserves:

~ someone wishing her a horrible birth experience
~ attacks on her mother
~ attacks on her own mothering potential
~ accusations of vanity being the sole cause of her decision
~ attacks on her all-round selfishness on every imaginable front.

I do hope everyone here genuflects with gratitude whenever anyone starts offering their unasked-for advice on what you should do in pregnancy/labour/mothering in real life. But somehow, I doubt it.

Particularly puzzled as to why her words have been so repeatedly twisted. She said from the start she'd go to counselling, pay to go private via a loan, and didn't need advice on her decision. Yet she's been misrepresented on these and many other fronts, over and over. Bizarre, how people can be so supportive of abortion rights and so brutal on birthing and breastfeeding choice. Either it's the woman's body and her call, or it isn't - why on earth does she need to justify her choice to a mass of faceless strangers on the internet? And why is it important to support people with mental health problems, but the second they start to display the fight-or-flight rigidity that is a classic presentation of a genuine phobia, they're classed as rude/ungrateful? FFS, if Ema could be relaxed about the possibility of a VB, and not insistent that she won't even contemplate it, she'd not be phobic, would she?

Ema, I hope you have a lovely consultant and things go well for you. I wish you all the best.

Jeez - what's gone on here?!
When I left yesterday it was a largely supportive but putting some other ideas/opinions. Now it's a war!

Well, I'm rather confused. First you admit that wasn't the nicest thing you ever posted. Then you say it was not what you said.

I also wasn't seeing much support from you throughout the entire thread, to be honest, with comments like this:

It is becasue of her attitude. Which stinks.

She is so adamant/ arrogant, it is beyond belief,

Besides, Is OP a TROLL ?

O.K. I think you are either naieve/stupid/ or in denial.
Possibily all three.

Just think it's desperately sad that someone has to conform to your idea of what a 'good attitude' is in order to not have abuse heaped on her.

Good post Qally, agree completely.

Leaving thread now as, well, it's pointless, really, isn't it? And rather sad.

(Grr, typed all this out once and it vanished).

In the spirit of being fair to all, it was something like Oblomov's sixth post and they weren't all like that.

I thought the OP had said she would have counselling, Midnight, though I say that from memory. I also think that if you are worried about something, it's easy to sound dogmatic when you don't really mean to. Everyone was urging her to stop thinking this or that, when it's too soon for her to be able to address any of that, and the atmosphere, whether anyone meant it to or not, did get a bit hostile at times. She needs to talk about all these issues gently and over time, and in a non-threatening environment, and THEN see how she feels. I would hope that's what counselling is, but I don't know.

But there's a wider issue here. I genuinely worry about a) childbirth education and b) choice on the NHS. It's been proven in report after report that PND strikes most often where people don't get the birth they wanted or expected: people expecting a homebirth who get an EMCS; people desperately wanting a VBAC and being forced into a CS; and yes, probably people who wanted a CS being forced into having a VB! My ideal is for people to get the births they really want, as long as they are educated about the whys and wherefores. People have mentioned taxes - well, that's the hopeful spirit in which I pay mine! I would also like it if people were really coached on ALL the possibilities:eg, if they have arranged a particular birth and it goes tits up and they get something else, they need help with the psychological preparation for that. But maybe I ask too much!

For those people who are annoyed by the OP's apparent refusal to listen to their pov, can you not understand that this is an expression of her fear? And perhaps be a little bit kinder than labelling her arrogant and naieve?

Ema76, I recently had an el cs for exactly the same reasons as you. My mother had a 48 hour labour, forceps delivery, severe tearing which led to incontinence in later life (and further operations), was sectioned with severe PND, which lasted for over a year.

She said it was the worst thing that ever happened to her.

My experience was that the consultant - unlike some people posting on here - took my fear VERY seriously and his view was that a VB would put me at risk of PND and not bonding with my baby.

I had an elcs and it was a fantastic experience. And the recovery was fine. And DS did not having breathing difficulties and BF while I was still in the theatre.

Ema, I hope your meeting went well. If by any chance it didn't, I would ask to see another consultant or go to another hospital. DO get the counselling - I completely understand that you feel they will be trying to get you to change your mind. This isn't the case and it will be a really positive thing to do.

Lastly, out of our NCT group (two em cs, one 3rd degree tearing, one hospitalised for a week and now diagonsed with PND) I had the best birth.

To those posters who have responded unkindly and aggressively, I would like to say that a significant additional part of my anxiety and distress prior to the cs being offered, was that I was afraid of other women being judgemental of me in the way that you have done.

I was so afraid of this I considered lying about the reasons for having a cs, or even trying for a VB (in the hope it would end in an em cs).

Due to a clued up consultant, a hospital psychologist, and wonderfully supportive DP who doesn't give a stuff what anyone thinks, I had the birth that was right for me and it has got our life as a family off to a flying start.

I am now very upfront about why I did have an el cs in the hope that it will be helpful to women like Ema, and that it may encourage an empathetic response in some of you, rather than outrage that she didn't immediately change her position.

Oh krang. Oh you really have dug , haven't you.

If it's her sixth post, does that make it ok?

Oblomov - You owe OP an apology.

Actually Oblomov, I think it's you that should put the spade down. You'll be hitting Sydney soon.

O.k. I am sorry.

What on earth is going on with this thread?

No Cote, it doesn't make it ok which is why I brought it up in the first place. But I was making the simple point that Oblomov didn't come right out and say that - earlier posts were generally more constructive - and she got more and more annoyed as she went along. Now, ok, maybe that was wrong. But just as the OP is only human and I felt strongly that she was being treated harshly by some, I do recognise that when you feel something strongly, occasionally you get carried away. And we all type things unthinkingly at times. Anyway, she has apologised and I think we should stop beating her up about it now and get back to people's actual experiences or general thoughts on the topic.

Glad you have apologised Oblomov, what you said was appalling.

I have just read the whole thread and considering the vile posts that were written to her (links to CS problems Redhead?? WTF!!) Ema has answered calmly and with dignity. She has listed the pros and cons of both so clearly understands and yet still she is still being vilified for making a choice.

Ema- re the breastfeeding, I noticed you say that you are not sure due to going back to work and it not being fair on your baby but I just want to say that I breastfed for 6 weeks after my emergency CS and ds took to the bottle easily and without fuss after this time so don't let this put you off giving it a go.

I hope you get the birth you want ema, we all deserve that at least.

I share your passion on choice of birth, LT. I passionately believe people shouldn't be harassed for how they choose to birth their own children out of their own bodies.

we all have different opinions on many things and will not always agree.

This is big deal to me and not just something of a trivial nature that I decided on the toss of a coin. It will affect the rest of my life and my child's. I have considered it carefully for many many years and have the right as a human being in the UK to follow the path that I feel is best. Not just do what others think I should do. I have freedom of thought and choice.

So I am doing what is best for my baby and me, yes my baby and me, which I love with all my heart and being.

If my decision shakes other people's worlds so much that they feel they have to try and change me and others who have decided the same, then they are obviously not secure in their own choice and cannot accept that people do have differences of thought and have different needs which should be treated with respect. And also, if I may add, to make comments not just to change someone's opinion or give them a different point of view but to browbeat someone by making discourteous comments.

Everyone has the right to an opinion and I respect the right of every woman in this instance to make a personal choice and to change this choice if she so wishes, and strive for what she truly believes is best for her and her baby.

I wish everyone luck in the future births whatever they decide. I am having an elective c-section (agreed!!!!!!!) and cannot wait to meet my beautiful baby, who will be adored and taken care of spiritually, morally, educationally, financially and above all loved beyond belief.

Many I extend a special thanks to those who send supportive messages and messages that realised my genuine phobia and personal needs.

Thank you too for apology Oblomov. it is appreciated and i wish you well.

Great news! Good luck for your c-section

Good luck sweetie, I hope it all goes well for you.