what did you wish you'd known/been told about labour and post-labour (things they don't print in books)

[choufleur]

i wish someone had told me that you can feel the baby go back up sometimes when you're pushing (but it will eventually stay down and come out)

That cutting your talons prior to labour is possibly the kindest thing you could do for your birth partners!

cheerfulvicky and any others first time mums, please don't worry. It will be fine.

What you have to remember is that giving birth is the most fantastic thing. You'll forget any pain or discomfort, and want to do it all again. It's natures way, otherwise the human race would die out as some other posters have said.

FWIW About 20 minutes after giving birth and left alone (DH holding baby), I got up to look down the corridor to see where the MW had gone. When I think about it now, I must have been completely mad. Anyway MW told me off. I have 'mother was in shock after birth' written in my notes!

SNora, I got up immediately after one of my homebirths, offering to make the midwifes a tea.

I hadn't yet birthed the placenta

1)That no one looks at your birth plan.
2)That prostin pains are worse than contractions for some people (me).
3)That they try to tell you your waters havn't broken when they have- leading to infection.
4)That there are some horrible midwives.
5)That they sew you up all wrong and leave flaps where no flaps should be!!
6)MOST IMPORTANTLY- THEY DON'T LET YOU HAVE TWO BIRTH PARTNERS, AND THEY SEND YOUR 1 BIRTH PARTNER (DP) HOME UNTIL YOUR 4 CMS... WHICH IS THE MOST PAINFUL PART OF THE WHOLE LABOUR!!!

Oh and 7) You actually need to know things afterwards like how to make a baby latch on, then when they won't, how to make a bottle, how to change meconium poop nappies, how to bath a baby, how to cope when they cry or get apnia or reflux or colic... no one mentions these things.

BUT IT'S ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL WORTH IT!!!

That doing a poo after labour is scary AND if you have had to push like a goodun during labour it may well feel like you have no bowel control for quite a while!

YOur poo also absolutely humdings after labour and does so for several weeks and you will be full of air too (or was that just me?)

Don't know if anyones mentioned this but I was induced and having them measure how far dilated I was hurt like feck.
I know the crowds discussing your fanjo too...

I though getting a smear test removed any dignity I had, but no, I had a shred that "send for someone with longer fingers!" whipped away when no one could feel my cervix.
sigh

This post is fantastic and sooooo funny!!!

To all those who feel you lose your dignity the moment you step in the delivery suite/ward - my sister's a midwife and she tells her patients, not to worry, you're gonna pick it right back up again as you leave.

Actually, I wish someone had told my DH that letting me know what I said as I came round from the GA following my em c-s was Not A Good Idea. Am still a bit about knowing that the first thing dd1 heard me say was 'No, take her away, I'm too tired, I'll see her tomorrow'.

That there are (roughly) two types of birth:

a) the "OMG, that was painful, thank goodness I had a tens machine/kept breathing/had a water birth (etc)... But it was worth it, I got a real buzz out of seeing my baby, and now a couple of months on I can't really remember the pain." birth

b)the "how can something so totally horrific happen to a person and the person not die? Breathing/massage/water/movement - all completely impossible. Birth plan out the window. By the end I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. I didn't really want to gaze on my baby afterwards, I was too busy throwing up. And now, 6 months on, I can remember every sodding contraction" birth.

Mine was most definitely fell into the B category. If you have a horrific experience, you go into mourning for your birth plan for a while, but at the end of the day, it doesn't stop you enjoying your baby and being a good mum.

Also - BREAST FEEDING IS REALLY HARD! everyone feels like a failure at some point, persistence/sheer blody-mindedness is the key.

What else... Oh - urinary incontinence for the first 24 hours. lovely. You've never seen a girl working so hard on pelvic floor exercises!

I felt like I was going to poo, but the midwife reassured me I wouldn't.
Then.....I did

And also wish I'd taken more knickers in my hospital bag. The water was leaking out of me for hours in labour and I got through so many pairs!

that when you have strong pains at 33 weeks it is not just "the aches of late pregnancy" and you shouldnt "just get used to it" but in fact you can go into labour at 33 weeks.

said labour can indeed last for 5 days, yes, even when you are already dilated 3cm on day 1

that you shouldnt tell your dh not to come in the middle of the night when your waters break as they will of course decide on an emerg c/s as soon as you hang up the phone

that you do still bleed after a c/s - couldnt understand why i was bleeding from there when ds came out sunroof way

that you can bleed for 12 weeks and it isnt permanent and will eventually stop.

that you can still get an anal fissure after a c/s and that it hurts more than the c/s itself

that you will wake up soaked (changing nighties soaked and hair dripping soaked) from night sweats and that this can go on for weeks

that the £650 you get charged for your own room with an ensuite is the best money you have ever spent and you plan to do it again with no2

Types of labour:

C) The "bloody painful, bloody exhausting, no birth plan, quite frankly don't care about a freakin' birthplan(!), get through it minute by minute, definitely still remember the pain!!! but not traumatised, no overwhelming 'rush' of love, just a sort of 'oh, hello, there you are then' accepting love, so I guess that's what all the fuss is about" kind of labour.....

That was me, both times.

But I'm a matter-of-fact kinda gal.

That you should keep your mouth closed when pushing, otherwise, as a wise midwife told me 2nd time around, all the energy goes up instead of down.

Labour: That your plans for an active birth will go right out the window because...

a) you are too bloody knackered.
b) no one told me that contraction pain doesn't just happen in your back/pelvis, but will include the tops of your legs.

That you will want to kill your dp for parking about half a mile away from the hospital entrance when your contractions are 3 mins apart, even though there were 'maternity' ones available, just because he's paranoid about getting a parking ticket!

Post-Labour: That you will become 'tuned' into every noise/cry your baby makes on par with superman's super-hearing, but that your dp will acquire selective-hearing.

That babies really will want feeding every 3 hours.
And that they really won't care how little/no sleep you've had.

That you should eat lots of cooked green vegetables in the weeks following the birth, lest your poo become a rock and scratch your anus, and you suffer the blinding agony called 'anal fissure'.

That breastfeeding makes your fanjo dry like a bone, and that you should not even think of sex without lubrication at hand.

Talking of poo... tmi, but.. I think people should be told that it is perfectly normal to do one when you're pushing out a baby!

I was mortified when it happened to me, but midwife says nearly everyone does it.

And afterwards... Clots the size of small tennis balls in your lochea - that's another one that had me on the phone to midwife at 3am thinking I had shed a kidney.

That when you are pushing the head out, it really will feel as if you are actually, really, truly being split in half.

's not pathetic at all. Me too.

Thought of another thing: that it is possible to get pre-eclampsia AFTER you've had the baby, necessitating a week in hospital.

That sometimes the placenta just will not deliver. And that, having resisted everything except gas and air through 48 f-ing hours of labour and a ventouse, you then end up having to have a sodding epidural anyway.

Oh, and that the phrase 'no, you're only in pre-labour' will cause you to scream in rage.

PeterD - same experience of hospitals here the first time .

But Had my second last year and was home after 12 hours - best thing I did. Spent all day in bed eating chocolate (it was Easter at the time), feeding baby and gently recovering. It was such a lovely time, thinking back!

Just wanted to say to Peterduck - I know exactly what you went through - but honestly the second time was so much easier. I decided in the end that nothing could be as bad as the first experience and went for no. 2. OK I still had stitches and no sleep and a toddler - but it was definitely better!