what did you wish you'd known/been told about labour and post-labour (things they don't print in books)

[choufleur]

i wish someone had told me that you can feel the baby go back up sometimes when you're pushing (but it will eventually stay down and come out)

that you feel like your insides are going to fall out after vaginal delivery.

and what your vulva and vagina really look like after having a couple of babies pass through.

That two days later I would have an overwhelming urge to do it again.

Get an assertive husband!
Mine was convinced I was not being attended to properly so got the midwife back, she had a look, fetched another midwife, then the obstetrician, the registrar and chief obstetrician, I had them all there telling me to get max pain relief as there was "unnatural pain" for a supposed normal birth. Good old obstetrician, I tried pethedine, not much use, so had an epidural, the aneasthetist came in about 30 seconds.
I love my DH!!!!
Lovely epidural.

I knew I was in labour as felt a bit odd, went to loo and the entire world dropped out of my bottom. Is this a sign? I asked, they hurled me into the labour ward, so obviously YES.

After the birth: dreading the pooh as had 300 stitches and on iron tablets...went to loo, the entire world dropped out of my bottom with no fuss or pain. I must have an unnatural bottom!

I had a nice cup of tea after the birth and threw it all up...life is SO cruel.

Oh, and having the midwife come to visit after the birth and say "oh dear, are you normally that pale?" does not do wonders for your self confidence, however, she decided I was in a bad way and got me breakfast in bed while the other mums had to help themselves from a buffet bar arangement.

You will feel like your insides are falling out whenever you stand/lift something for the next few weeks.

ooh that if a baby unlatches midfeed your milk can carry on pumping and spray amazing distances

or spray up their nose or in their eye, causing guilty amusement at the look on their faces

also that day 5 post-delivery can be extremely low emotionally, lots of tears for no good reason (hormones changing, shock wearing off, reality setting in, lack of sleep all contribute to this)

Beautiful, thank you. I have just peed my pants!

That the tea and toast straight after is the best meal you will ever eat! They also provided a slice for my DH and mum (labour partner). I ate everyone's slice

That huge clots of blood would come out of you afterwards and it is completely normal. That all the stuff coming out of you smells slightly odd.

That staying in hospital "To recover and establsih bf" is no help at all, it is far quieter, more comfortable and pleasant at home, and you might get a bit of sleep!

(DS1 = 3 nights in hospital, no sleep for me, little for DS, struggling to bf, different advice fromeach overrun midwife/aux, far more help fromcommunity mw

DS2= home birth, 11 hour sleep for me and DS with 1 brief interruption for feeding when i woke him up rather than other way round)

Try beforehand to practice breathing with a snorkle and mask after drinking 2 points of cider, to give you an idea what its like focusing and breathing gas and air with a tube attachment.

Warn your birthing partner that you know far more swear words than they realise.

That you will feel it is terribly unfair that you are not presented with a medal the first time you go for a poo after having the baby. The bravest thing I have ever done!

That you get trapped wind a few hours after having a c section and that it is as painful as a contraction.

Seriously - I thought my cut had spilt open or something.

Another huge upside of c sections - not.

that you will beg dp to re marry /marry./be blessed within the first week after birth

love?

you dont know the meaning of the word till you get the post partum love-in mode

it is unreal and does wonders for any blokes ego!

That feeling a little down on the 3rd day can be a gross understatment and you can feel more like you are losing the plot

butterfly-Really? Have to say I couldn't stand the sight of mine...hormones, I suppose.

That the nasty-scratchy-awkward-plastic-clip-things for the cord are not the only option.

Fine hemp twine (sterilised) made a much cleaner, more comfortable, quicker job of DD3's belly button than the nasty-scratchy-awkward-plastic-clip-things did for DDs1+2!

Jelly-belly after first birth was a strange (verging on scary) sensation.

Breastfeeding generally does hurt your nipples to start with. Remember to allow your nips to air dry! (Not sit in soggy pads)It can help a great deal.

Breastfeeding can change your nipples and breasts beyond recognition. For ever.

You are about to realise the meaning of love, life and the universe

That the massive post partum blood clots are completely normal, and if it so happens that you cough whilst struggling to pull up the plastic pants that are at least four sizes too small and something becomes dislodged, you do not need to pull the emergency cord and scream for a midwife to break into the bathroom as "your insides are falling out... maybe a kidney?"

that it feels like your baby is coming out of your bottom which in turn feels like it doesn't belong to you anymore afterwards, that you don't need to sit bolt upright with loads of pillows under your elbows to feed your baby (could have taken a lot of pressure off my stitches if i'd known)and that babies sometimes feed for literally hours and hours at a time when waiting for your milk to come in (i was told by HCA in hosp that babies should not have more than half an hour on each breast, which led to lots of worry and tears over next 2 days at home - thank god for lovely MW who put my mind at rest)

That it's not a good idea to send your dh off to work in the morning, knowing your contractions have started, even if he is hosting a couple of Generals(of the Army type!), because when you phone him a couple of hours later in agony he's not in his office and has left his mobile phone on his desk. You finally get through to one of his colleagues who immediately panics and runs off down the corrider to find your errant dh - who does then have the good grace to come home despite the Generals not yet having arrived!

That the birthing pool in the sitting room will take hours to fill because the tap attachment is hopeless and dh has to resort to using buckets. Given that he was not allowed to let go of my hand during contractions, this was not an easy task. I assisted him slightly, by deciding that the most comfortable place to be at this point was sitting on the loo, meaning he could fill a bucket during a contraction, whilst allowing me to dig my nails into his hand and then ran downstairs to empty the bucket in the pool before running back in time for the next contraction.

It can happen really quickly first time... 4cm to 10cm in 1 hr!

A tens machine really does work

Gas and air can make you sick

You don't need to lie on your back - especially if the baby is back to back with you. Even if the midwife insists you lie on the bed

Feel like you're pushing baby out of your bum - when you feel like you need a poo, its on the way!

And, therefore your bum will be agony for months after...5 mths on and I feel like i've finally back to normal

That after a c-section, when the hospital require you to pass 300ml of wee 3 times before you go home, you don't need to drink 2 litres of water just to be sure. Trust that if you drink normal amount of fluid, you'll have enough wee.

That the shuffle to the toilet after drinking said 2 litres of water post c-section, is the longest, slowest, most desperate trip to the toilet you will ever encounter.

That 4 days after a c-section, you will have possibly the most painful yet satisfying poo of your life!

That when someone says 'you could try...' you will hear.. 'you haven't got a clue what you're doing...'

That even though you've never changed a nappy in your life, somehow you just know how to do it.

That you have never experienced tiredness like you are experiencing it now.

That meeting your baby is the most intense, powerful, incredible time of your life!

That parenthood is huge, scary, and amazing all at once.

That you could well vomit for five hours just before, during and after delivering and won't be able to lift your head off the bed to see your new baby because you feel so nauseous.

It feels like your fanjo has turned inside out when the moment the baby comes out.

(had baby one week ago - had forgotten that sensation)

If you have an OP labour there is no relief from the pain between contractions - you will find yourself looking forward to the next one since it distracts you from the feeling that your spine is being ripped out of your body.

It is possible for your cervix to undilate (well swell up) - findng you've 'undilated' from 7cm to 4cm after 30 hours of unmedicated active labour is a really good reason to have a section.

I'm expecting my first and have been sat here crying with laughter at all this ... no doubt I'll just be crying when I realise that all this is true ...