what did you wish you'd known/been told about labour and post-labour (things they don't print in books)

[choufleur]

i wish someone had told me that you can feel the baby go back up sometimes when you're pushing (but it will eventually stay down and come out)

oh BEAUTIFUL that was hysterical, you write so well !!!

I was STARVING after my ECS but they would only give me tea and broth for 4 days until I 'passed gas'.

That your DH should probably just stay silent through the process. B/c all of his kind words during labor will be met with a firm "Stuff it!" and his need to narrate during the CS, punctuated with ewwws and ohmygods might just get him strangled.

The enormous pain in your breasts once the milk comes in. You will seriously consider asking strangers in shops if you can feed their babies just to make the pressure go away.

That when you are most desperate to sleep on the evening after giving birth, you cant cos if the newborns arent wailing, their Mums are snoring. Thank god for earplugs!

That you dont care who sees you naked/washes you/shaves your fanjo (I had emergency CS) cos you're so out of it. Ditto for all the needles and bits and pieces stuck to you.

That you might not poo for six days afterwards - and even then only with Lactulose.

That you are SO SORE ALL OVER, for months afterwards, because of the hormones that slacken everything, just when your muscles need to do the most work.

That you completely lose interest in sex

That your tummy looks like it belongs to an unfit 70-yr old who spent too much time in the sun.

that mere hours after being cut open from hip to hip for an emergency CS you'll be left alone with a newborn to feed and change it when it feels like all that's holding your insides in is a row of flimsy looking staples and a fear that if you move too quickly your uterus will burst out onto the floor like a scene from a horror film, and you're high as a kite on morphine. I honestly thought that having just had pretty major surgery "someone else" would do the basics for you like getting the nappies etc for you, not leaving you to clutch a pillow over your wound (obviously that's gonna stop said uterus popping out) while hobbling to your holdall and digging around for supplies.
I also stupidly expected support from the staff to get bf'ing started.

That you can get sick with the contractions and throw up (so much for eating to keep up your strength) and that they have an injection to stop you being sick (finally given it after 10 hours of sickness!)

That your insides feel like they are going to fall out every time you stand up for the first few days and you want to hold onto them with both hands

That breastfeeding can be done lying down and in some cases (mine) is the only way to get them to feed, at least to start with

That breastfeeding a child with a tongue-tie can feel like having razors sucked through your nipples - get the tongue-tie snipped! It doesn't hurt the baby at all, mine didn't even whimper.

That not all MW can tell when your waters have broken, even after an internal check - I had to tell them it had happened in the loo - in fact, being naive, the waters going in the loo was such a big whoosh and such a lot of blood that I was half scared the baby was down there too!

That dilation can go from 1 - 10cm in about 2 hours, epecially when being induced

That the 2nd stage labour pains go ALL AROUND YOUR BACK AS WELL - who knew?

That standing up during labour is so not an option

That you start to wonder exactly what kind of training MW get as some of them seem to know SFA about labour - not exactly confidence-building

That getting a private room if possible is worth soooo much if you have to stay in for more than one night

That the first poo you do after giving birth will invariably block your toilet as it will be the size and shape of a chocolate log. Should this happen repeatedly due to constipation, a wire coat hanger is useful for breaking said poo up in the bowl before flushing. Gross I know.

That epidurals may not work, and you may end up having to have a blood patch to stop your spinal fluid leaking. This involves having your own blood injected into your spinal column.

That if your MW offers to take your baby away to give you a chance to sleep, you should say YES!

oh i truly disagree with the last one. midsives have a habit of administering formula while mothers are asleep... so if you don't want to risk that, be careful. plus... i dunno, it always seemed a bit weird to me, the idea that you'd just hand over a brand spanking new fresh out of the box baby to some woman you don't know, even if she does have a uniform on. didn't get why the women on my ward did it, still don't.

Oh, and that they put a little alarm on your baby's ankle like she's on house arrest. And if you get too close to an elevator or door while walking your plastic boxed baby around, alarms start going off like you've just swiped an Armani gown from Neiman Marcus.

Childbirth is meant to be women's best kept secret. Otherwise the human race would die out!

I would have loved to have handed over my baby to a strange woman in a uniform.

I think it's pretty hard that you go through the exhausting, agonising process of labour, but are not even allowed to get any sleep afterwards because of rooming in! Surely this is one time in your life you actually deserve a rest?!

Things they don't tell you: after labour, you may well find yourself looking after a screaming newborn all night. On your own.

And I didn't even get this mythical tea and toast, damm it!

happily handed my plastic boxed baby over to the MW on the ward who offered, second night in. Best night's sleep I've had for the last seven months..... :0)
All three babies got wheeled out, us mums all slept like logs from about 11pm-6am :0

leave them in the hossie for 5 weeks - that works too.

german midwives give newborns fennel tea, not formula, even if bf mum tells them not to.

LOL at chocolate log, ManhattanMama.
I will add: don't let the mws give you a double dose of Lactulose "to speed things up a bit".
I only just got there in time ...

Aitch - I can see what you mean about handing babies over, but I did it both times. After the first labour from hell, and no sleep for 72 hours, I needed sleep. Post c-section, ditto!!

I'm a first timer - 32 weeks today. This thread has me shivering with fear. Argh!

that when you have sex finally and your loving and caring and gentle dh asks you 'is it ok? / is it painful?' the answer is 'I can't feel a bloody thing, the gap is so bloody wide now!'

It's not always as bad as you expect.

That gas and air doesn't stop it hurting it just stops you caring that it hurts.

That you might just look at the new little person you've squeezed out and think you've known him or her forever, there's no big rush of love it's as if you've always loved that precious little thing anyway just never met it before.

That second time round you might even look forward to the labour bit because you know you can do it (well you managed last time ddn't you?) and although it's the most unbelievably painful thing ever ever EVER, the feeling afterwards is so beautiful and satisfying.

cheerfulvicky - there are plenty of "it's not as bad as you fear" threads, and plenty of people posting on them (including me)!
If you are lucky enough to have a good labour, ime yes it hurt and was painful but in the same way that climbing a mountain does, the feeling of exhileration and relief at the end is worth it, and you get a baby instead of blisters

Vicky - even if it's a bad labour - and yours might not be! - it's all worth it in the end... Good luck!

Cheerfulvicky - my labour was dreadful, awful, the worst thing ever - but I am currently 14 weeks pg with number two and actually looking forward to labour, so it can't all be bad (you do get a baby at the end)

I've just remembered that I let a MW insert a suppository whilst I was chatting on the phone to a BF counsellor I had had so many by then that I think I would have done it in front of the Queen, had she visited.

cheerfulvicky - i was very scared of the giving birth process but I found thst hypnobirthing was incredibly helpful in taking away the fear (yes really) and giving me a chance to relax through at least the first part of labour - lost it a bit in the second stage but hey!
Raspberry leaf tea/ extract seemed to help speed up the second stage - I had been taking huge amounts prior to being induced and only had half hour stage 2. And most of that passed in a blur.

MINKUS

"That you might just look at the new little person you've squeezed out and think you've known him or her forever, there's no big rush of love it's as if you've always loved that precious little thing anyway just never met it before."

This is exactly how I felt, that I had always known her, it brought a little tear to eye reading that, reminded me of the first time I held dd.

olyoly, in my local hospital it was one security tag on each ankle... still wondering what happened to make them decide that one wasn't enough...

That all those gallons of Lucozade you're drinking to keep your strength up may not be able to to find their way out again without the aid of a catheter.

Just make sure you can speak up for yourself - or make your other half speak up for you - I was three days into labour and totally tired and exhausted and no sign of DS - I eventually insisted on CS and had a wonderful experience. Recovering was a bit sore but really glad I spoke up and got support from my partner too. It is true - once it's over you would do it all again to get your wee bundle!!

Hoonette- I totally agree! You may find yourself on the ward totally exhausted after having no sleep and starving hungry as you've missed tea looking after a screaming newborn on your own as dp has been told to go home. The next night I did take the mw up on her offer of taking my baby away for an hour or 2 as I had still had no sleep after dealing with visitors all day!