Those of you who have given birth - how did you cope with the pain? Better or Worse than you thought and do you wish you'd had an epidural?

[BearMama]

Its my first pg and I know I cant prepare myself just through other's experiences, but I'd be interested to know your thoughts.
I have read the "Women Unprepared for Childbirth" article and it has scared me TBH. Will be 39 weeks tomorrow so the due date is very near.

Also would like to know which was worse - crowning pain or contractions?

Really I wish I were one of those "Rather not know" Mums-To-Be but I'd rather be prepared for agony and do my damndest to relax and breathe properly rather than have some fuzzy idea that I'll cope.

definitely better

I was terrified the first time

I was 15, and for some reason my mum thought she would tell me horror stories

I was pleasantly surprised, ans only had gas and air

I went on to have 4 more. Gas and air once more but 3 with no pain relief at all, and 4 hb

It's interesting how different everyone's experiences are. I found the contractions very painful but also weirdly uncomfortable - and it was the discomfort (e.g. pressing sensation, inability to get comfortable) that was worse than the pain. I don't even remember the crowning pain, but I do remember thinking the effort of pushing was immense, far harder than I thought...but the stitching up after was a breeze, I think the endorphins helped.
Gas and air was great. Never felt the need for an epidural, but if it had gone on for longer (it was about 7 hours from start to finish) I would probably have been begging for one.
I did find that reminding myself that each contraction was one contraction less quite helpful. Gave me something to concentrate on.

I had a great labour and birth, i was only in labour for 7 hours and when it came to pushing i had dd out in 10 mins no stitches either, i had 1 injection of morphine and gas and air, id always said i didnt want an epidural andluckily managed witout, its the sorest but most amazng pain you will eve experience and yo will completely forget the pain as soon as you hold your gorgeous wee baby in your arms, i promise!!!
Good luck!!!

i had three epidurals for my dss. tried to do it without with the first one but pain was too bad and epidural was a blessed relief. 2nd one was a dream and 3rd one i couldn't get the epidural for hours as there was no anaethetist - but got one in the end. I must say I was lucky i had no side effects and think they are a modern miracle. I think main thing to concentrate on though is the fact that you get through it - it is a terrifying prospect before you give birth but don't let it become your primary focus - otherwise you'll forget to focus on what happens afterwards i.e coping with a newborn. amazingly you do forget the pain- the brain can't remember the sensation and it is all worth it in the end. Don't terrify yourself - there are horror stories of course but the large majority of births are fine.

I had epidural first time around and HATED it. Yes, all the pain went away, but not being able to move legs at all was horrible and I couldn't do much for dc when she was born and wound up with an assisted delivery and big episiotomy - the crib was at the end of the bed and having no control over leg movement makes looking after bubs difficult IMHO.

Had tens machine, gas and air and a mw I knew really well for the second - plus OH to squeeze and swear at . YES it hurts, Yes, it does sting (a lot), but I found contractions manageable as they weren't constant - they came in a wave IYSWIM, and counting to 20 while the gas kicked in helped me focus, plus being able to move around was great...The pushing bit was intense for me, but ds had got his hand stuck in the wrong place, so was a toughie to get out. But it is called labour for a reason (yes, it's hard work, but it's doable)

Didn't really notice the crowning as I was a bit preoccupied and 'in an alternative zone' at that point (had lost nightie and all sense of modesty, having sworn at the very lovely tea lady, for offering me a cup of tea - did apologise later...)

Stayed at home for as long as possible too for second one - had lovely deep warm baths, as we're 10 mins from the hospital. It was much more relaxing (if that's the right word) as you can do / eat / drink what you want and watch TV etc (maybe not in the bath).

What ever happens it probably won't be what you're expecting, so don't worry, I shouldn't think it will be as awful as you imagine and you can always change your mind and have an epidural if you find it too painful, or do whatever YOU choose to do. It's your labour.

Do try to relax, and go with the contractions as fighting them just makes you tense up and makes the muscles have to work harder, so more painfully.

I found the experience of only having gas and air + tens a wonderful and fulfilling experience and it was a lovely birth, despite the tears, but that's purely personal - it's not a competition IYKWIM, so do what you're comfortable with.

Finding out a lot about HOW my body worked as it gave birth helped me to understand the different phases of labour and the changes my body was going thru, so I felt more in control and as tho I knew what I was doing. It also helped me focus on the, now we're going to do this, so I could see an end to the labour, it didn't feel as if it would last forever (like the first time when I knew nothing) DH thought it was fab (birth is an AMAZING thing that your body does, as far as I'm concerned) and was utterly exhausted afterwards

You will be fine! It's something women have done for thousands of years!

Much better than I thought it would be. Doctors thought I was going to have a big baby and kept mentioning c-sections and forceps. Also because of my more than ample size, they figured that would mean an assisted delivery too. Turned out not to be the case. I had gas and air which worked really well until the pain started to get worse and then I had a hormone drip so I asked for an epidural. This took the pain away but I could still feel my contractions. DH said that he could see me relax as soon as it started to work.5 pushes and she was out. I actually said "that was easy". To be honest worrying about the pain will do you no good as you won't know how your body will react and cope with it until it happens. Go with the flow but do what you feel is right for you and the baby. Don't be bullied into doing or not doing something you don't want to. Good luck with it. BTW I found the piles worse than the stitches to be honest. Get some Lactulose for the days after the birth, it's a life saver.

As you will see from this thread there is no set pattern to labour

some are long, some are short, some are assisted, some are really really painful and some are really easy

Best thing you can do about pain relief is wait and see how your labour is. Trust me you will know when you stop coping using one method such as gas and air. You need to be brave to get through childbirth even with pain relief so dont be afraid to ask for more help as you need it.

good luck with the birth

ps.. just ask yourself this .. how bad can it be when somepeople do it 3 or 4 times

Celticmommy - had already done the pram thing lol.
I posted this question after getting fed up with myself for overthinking the whole labour/pain thing. I dont know where I'll be in the spectrum but there are enough common aspects here to reassure me.
These are:

1)This is something millions of women do every day and then often choose to repeat

2)Breathing and relaxing as much as you can is always useful.

3)Feeling like you have some control over the process (ie being listened to, getting the level of care you need) makes a huge difference, both at the time and afterwards.

4)No two women's experiences are the same! Hell, no two BIRTHS are the same!

5. You can never anticipate what kind of labour you will have.

6)Think of it as a process, not an ordeal, the means by which you get to hold your beautiful LO in your arms.

7)Try not to think too much about it. Which is a good point for me to stop I think...

I truly honestly believe the only two ways to get through it relatively mentally unscathed are:

1. Keep an open mind

1. Let go, the more you try to control it or 'cope' with the pain, the worse it will be. Going with each contraction, trying to relax into each one and continuing to breath and keep your body as loose as possible, will enable you to ride each one and speed everything up.

Crowning does hurt but not as much as the shoulders, once they're out it'll be the best feeling in the world.

...and it only lasts at very worst one day, at best a couple of hours...

Lastly, you will have a build up, rarely do the contractions attack with so much force that they sucker punch you, your body will cope, YOU have to switch off.

Very best of luck to you!! and we'll be here should you decide to MN your labour, right Lulumama ?

Good advice sorkycake - and yes I do think its about how we cope mentally rather than physically IYSWIM.

First time was worse. And because I didn't expect it to be so bad I didn't cope well.

Second and third time I was OK. Knew what to expect and coped fine.

Bearmama I've just read your OP and I wish you all the best with your labour.

Fwiw, I coped pretty well the first time but I had an epidural about half way through, it was an 8 hour labour. That really took out the worst part completely - couldn't feel to push or anything. I did feel as though I had cheated though.

I wouldn't have had another baby probably, had I known the pain I missed out on!!
Second labour began with ctx every few minutes and baby was born at home after 3 hours. I don't know which bit was worst, except that they got worse toward the end iyswim! Pushing had the added benefit of knowing it would soon stop.

I think I tensed up a LOT because I was really scared I would split in half with the pain. That can't have helped - however he was born facing the wrong way which made the pushing take half an hour rather than the estimate of 15 mins had he not been OP!

If you are able to relax as much as you can, that will help it hurt less I am sure.

There was one moment when I realised I was allowed to 'let go' and actually push myself, rather than being overwhelmed by my body doing the pushing - so I joined in and that helped a little. I was surprised by that!

It feels like you have the biggest poo you can imagine, trying to come out of your bottom - but you don't have a choice about holding it in, it is just pushing its own way out, you can't stop it - that's how it felt to me, anyway.

I was always pretty blase about labour before the second time - I didn't know what it would be like but assumed because everyone has been having babies for centuries that it would be fine.

In the end I didn't deal with the pain well, but there are people who do. I just freaked out a bit too much!

Good luck xxxx

My best tip would be to relax. Don't tens up with your contractions, just let them happen. If you manage to do that, then you'll cope so much easier. I really put down me having good birthing experiences down to my being quite relaxed about it once it started. I attended a natal hypnotherapy workshop a year ago and it's just brilliant. Get their self hypnosis CD's if you can here.
I wish I'd known about it before I had my dc's!
With ds (8h labour) I had pethidine, but only because the mw told me that if I didn't have it then (1 was 7cm) it would be too late to change my mind. I was doing all right really, so later I wished I hadn't, but it did help me to get some rest inbetween contractions and luckily ds didn't have any trouble commencing bf either.
With dd (5h labour) I had only g&a.
Crowning would be the worst to me, but it's short if you don't hold back (like some women do) and keep in mind that it's a sign dat your baby is as good as out!
I had stitches twice, but didn't feel them being put in due to a local anaesthetic. Sitting down afterwards was a bit sore for a few days, but it soon heals.
Don't worry. You'll be fine. You'll cope well if you put your mind to it and stay relaxed and keep in mind that it's the final exciting bit of the journey to meeting your baby.
Good luck !

Bearmama

As you can see from all these different responses, labour is very different for different people. For me, I was totally gobsmacked by how much it hurt. I thought I was prepared and psyched up, but in the end I had a very long and intensely painful latent stage where I had cx every 5 min that didn't so much build up as hit me in the middle like a sledgehammer. Trouble is, they didn't get me anywhere, every few hours a MW would examine me and tell me I hadn't progressed any further. I really didn't want an epidural, but at one stage (about 24 hours in) after I had had my waters broken and the pain had doubled in intensity and I STILL hadn't progressed, I flipped out and screamed for an epidural. It was heaven. If there's a next time, the word "epidural" will be written in big letters on the top of my birth plan.

Having said all that, I know others who said that the pain was bearable. The reason no one tells you what it will be like is that no one knows how your body is going to react. My best advice would be to be prepared for it to go either way, and don't give yourself a hard time if your birth plan goes out the window! God bless and good luck xx

I coped fine, 6 hour labours, no painrelief, no gas and air,

just in the pool

I love giving birth

Im broody!!

i had an epidural with dd and hated it. i could not feel anything and asked for it to stop being topped up.

with ds i was totally natural, yes it does hurt and the crowning, coming down the canal bit was pretty brutal but all in all was a good experience

Oh yes apart from the crowning with DS1!

He was 9lbs and he split me like a kipper! Lots of stitches.

DS2 was smaller, my fanny was bigger so that was a much better putcome!

But the labouring part with DS1 was OK,

but I loved everysecond of having DS2, had him at home, it was awesome!

outcome even!

Contractions fifty million times worse than pushing, crowning etc. You sort of feel strangely normal in between, but then brace yourself cos you know another's coming!

I think i probably coped worse first time than expected. It was more intense than i imagined. i actaully had an epidural (advised due to very high blood pressure which worked well). However, it was all a positive experience and the pain vanishes after and you feel great. Well i did!

Second time just gas and air and i coped much better(she says, laughing at the memory of how i wasnt coping at the time! with knowing what to expect and i realised i wasnt gonna die!! Still as bad as i remembered from first time though! Strangely preferred it without the epidural, but having said that, it was much quicker. Again contractions worse, no real agony at crowning, but both labours baby was OP so back pain very bad, so thats my excuse.

Im a midwife myself and you honestly cannot predict how it will go or you will cope! Im living proof!! Good luck

My first and only birth. I was induced via a drip one week early. The doctor mentioned that I'd started dilating before I went to the labour ward. They broke my waters and put me on a drip at 10.20 am. The contractions came much faster compared to the text book. Thought blimey this is quite painful. After a short time I told the midwife I was in a fair bit of pain and she went off to get pethadine ready. (Small hospital so no chance of epidural). I called her straight back as I thought I was going to pass out, she examined me and said get the gas and air now you are fully dialated!!!! Ouch. The g&a helped and it took another 30 minutes to push as I was so shocked at how quick it was. I was told to expect an 8 hour labour at it was 1 1/2 hours of vicious, agonising pain.

If I'd know that it was going to last such a short time I would have coped better. I can remember thinking shit what have I done and wanting to shout out that I'd changed my mind about having a baby now .

Yes its painful (I'd never knew a human body could stay concious at that threshold). The crowning can sting but your nearly there then. But every labour is different and its so worth it. I would have done it again though (sadly didnt happen) but would except any pain relief offered.

Had a go at all my mummy friends who visited us that night as they failed to warn me. Called them bitches for it and we had a laugh so I carnt have been that traumatic.

Good luck it will be fine.

i had ds4 on sat, in birthpool with LOTS of gas and air, the first two hours of labour were fine, just niggly period pains, then i walked up and down or rocked on birth ball for a half hour or so, then had gas and air whilst they filled the pool, the INSTANT relief as i got in the water was fantastic, was in the pool for an hour and the ds4 was born, ten pounds thirteen ounces and just a graze it DID hurt but i had a fantastic midwife and my dp was great, plus i would reach down every now and then and i could feel his head moving down so i knew it was not going to be long iyswim? and the instant relief and euphoria is worth it.......but i am not doing it again, four times is enough.

only 1 thing to add - try to trust your body. In the 21st century we try to rationalise and intellectualise a lot, but much of what is to come is purely physical. use your brain beforehand to learn about stuff, but when it comes to it let your body take over and your mind take second place (you'll still be there/aware but sort of "in the background")

Hi Bearmama. I don't think I had any expectations of the pain, but I had a back to back baby which was biggish. Due to that it took 27 hours to go from 1cm to 4cm dilated. All I used was a TENS machine for that bit. When I got to 5cm about 1hr later I got into my birthing pool and had gas and air for the next 6hrs to 9cm. I then ended up going into hospital and had an epidural because I couldn't cope through exhaustion. I ended up with EMCS under GA because the epidural didn't work/ hadn't been put in properly or topped up . I guess if I had anything to say it would be that I coped well for 33hrs at home and if labour had been shorter then probably would have lasted on gas and air.

DC2 due in 6 days and hoping for a VBAC. Have got another TENS machine and hope to deliver with just gas and air.

You sound as if you will be ready to go with the flow.
As some MNers have said, your best way to deal with pain is relaxation. It is really difficult to concentrate hard on relaxing when it gets painful but it can be done.
My poor dh was really keen to 'get involved' by massage and encouragement but I found I had to have quiet and rubbing my back destroyed the concentration. So he was left out! By number four he knew the score and read his book!(slight exaggeration)
You will know what works for you and don't worry if it doesn't fit in with any 'plans'.

tori32 - my MW thinks DD is a bit OP as well - cue lots of on-all-fours for me, esp after your story!

beckyvicky - am fascinated by the accounts of people who have "got into it" or "gone with it" or "got into the right space" as this is what I am hoping will happen for me.

Thanks everyone for continuing to post your experiences - hopefully there are loads of first-timers lurking who are finding this useful too.