Those of you who have given birth - how did you cope with the pain? Better or Worse than you thought and do you wish you'd had an epidural?

[BearMama]

Its my first pg and I know I cant prepare myself just through other's experiences, but I'd be interested to know your thoughts.
I have read the "Women Unprepared for Childbirth" article and it has scared me TBH. Will be 39 weeks tomorrow so the due date is very near.

Also would like to know which was worse - crowning pain or contractions?

Really I wish I were one of those "Rather not know" Mums-To-Be but I'd rather be prepared for agony and do my damndest to relax and breathe properly rather than have some fuzzy idea that I'll cope.

the reason women are reticent to share positive birth stories is becasue of reactions like that...

i am sorry if you had a horrible ,hellish time, hotcheeseburns, there are things you can do to address that and to come to terms with any trauma you may have experienced.

thomcat was not saying that all labours are like hers, but it is good to hear positive stories. and it is encouraging for those who do wish to cope with labour with breathing techniques.

no-one is saying, my experience was great, so yours is not allowed to have been anything other than great

but positive birth stories are really important, they are true life experiences, same as the bad birth stories

why should women not be allowed to share the good stories?

Yes I did try TENS, Starlight. I put it on at home and used it in hospital until I couldn't bear it any more. I ended up with it at absolute maximum in a desperate bid for some kind of relief. IME it was more or less useless. Especially since when my contractions came I was floundering about collapsed on the floor in a state of complete confusion so I could barely manage to operate the damned thing in any case. I'm not convinced the TENS didn't make everything worse actually.

I ended up taking it off to try the bath, which as you'll remember didn't exactly work either...

More agonising and murderous pain than I expected it would be BUT I got through twice with only gas and air and TENS and am glad I did as it avoided the extra complications of other pain relief (though I don't think I could have gone on without an epidural if second labour had been any longer than it was). Found contractions worse pain that crowning. Some parts were awful and the feeling of relief at the end was indescribable. But one does survive, all the same.

Keep moving as much as you can as it does help, take your own music on an MP3 player and try to tune out the rest of the room for as long as you can. Breathing techniques do help too, they make a big difference to getting through contractions, which isn't to say breathing alone will automatically do it for your particular labour and your particular pain - you won't find that out till you're actually doing it. There's no great kudos or shame to come from either avoiding or using pain relief - your labour will be unique to you and whatever you decide will be right for you at the time. It is important to know risks/benefits of different pain relief but that knowledge is only one factor - what you end up actually experiencing, how long it goes on for, how you're coping after x hours - they may end up taking you in unexpected directions, and that's fine. Good luck!

Good post, Threepointonefour.

As many have said, noone can tell you. I'm going to say, make sure you come back and answer your own question when you have your babe in arms

There are births at all ends of all spectrums. My first birth went from 0-100mph in three minutes and never let up until babe shot out - I was incoherent, but as a side effect, never thought about pain relief because I literally couldn't think - I needed every brain cell to get through it. Likewise I never even had chance to think 'oh, that hurts' because I never had gaps between contractions. My body did all the work of a first birth in three hours and spat that baby on out. It was incredibly intense. Not all first births are long! (Although I had had a previous late miscarriage, so maybe that confused my body a bit. That lasted a good 18 hours of regular labour-like contractions)

I did both the MC and the birth at home - it was a good job I'd booked a homebirth, in the end. You never can tell. I also avoided stitches, although I did have a tiny tear upwards which made me nearly faint with pain every time I peed for three weeks....

I also went into shock after the birth and found it hard to bond with the baby as it'd all been so sudden and shocking.

I found the pain of 'crowning' much more actively painful - I would call the contractions Intense Power and Pain...the crowning was much more Intense Pain. Although she really did shoot on out, second stage was recorded as 9 minutes for a FTM...... so maybe that's why I found that worse, everything stretching so quickly.

They say slow and steady wins the race

Good luck, you'll do fine!

All donw to perosnal taste really. All I can say is that I had three - gas and air with first; epidural with second (didnt work); absolutely nothing with third.
The best, quickest, easiest, least painful, quickest recovery, etc, etc - all with third.

Lulumama - I couldn't agree more. I had a very positive birth experience, but feel like I have to apologise for it and gloss over it. Deep down I'm pretty proud of myself, but feel like I'm not allowed to think or express that 'I' had anything to do with it...

I'm with Biccy and lulumama.
I was horrifed when I went to ante-natal classes for DC2. Th leader of the group started off by asking all of us (second time) mums about our experiences first time round. She seemed to relish the gruesome stories. I couldn't believe that I was the only one who had had no complications! I felt like a wierdo and alienated from the group.
As someone said earlier, it is what your body is designed to do!

I had a drug free, fast labour and birth and a looongg one with an epidural.

I'd pick the epi EVERY time.

This is my third time round, and I know my body well enough to know I want an epidural from the get go.

I have a long, strong history of panic attacks and spikes in my blood pressure.

The epi dropped my bp AND gave me back a feeling of control.

For me, personally, I could not think of the outcome when I went drug-free with DD2 (G&A made me puke and gave me a panic attack, I can't have penthidine because of my history of panic attack).

All I could think was that I wanted the pain to go away or I wanted to die.

Just my 2p, but you go with how you feel, not what everyone else's experience is, because everyone else is different.

Every birth is different.

Loved chequebookjerry's birth story (no disrespect to the natural birthers- those stories are lovely too).

I agree with expat that an epidural/medicalised birth does not have to mean a loss of control. Quite the reverse in my experience. I always wanted pain relief, monitoring etc wrote this in my birth plan and pretty much got what I wanted with my first birth. To be fair, I was already 8cms dilated when I was first examined in hospital so perhaps I got the natural birth/pain experience out of my system, but after this it was a team effort with a fabulous midwife and various doctors. I felt that I "managed" the team for example asking for an epidural when I wanted it, keeping abreast of baby's heartbeat, being told when I was close to becoming fully dilated so that the epidural could wear off ready for pushing.

The only thing that I feel I possibly missed out on was actually feeling the sensation of pushing the baby out myself, however given that I tore quite badly (38cm head babies) with both of my vaginal births this may have not been a bad thing.

I have had three children. The first was more difficult because I did not recognise the new sensations my body was experiencing and it was scary. I was in hospital for the first and had the next two at home. I had an epidural for the first and no pain relief for the next two. I found the epidural more frightening than anything else. The man who administered it was unsympathetic and took three goes to get the needle in. It created more stress and fear than it was worth quite honestly. It was so late in the labour that I didn't feel the benefits either. It was in and then I was pushing straight away, so I had no time to rest and no time for the drug to kick in. I vowed never to have one again. If you do go for it, my only advice would be to have it early on so you get the benefits. The best thing I did was to choose to have the next two births at home, away from the sometimes frightening, clinical environment of the hospital. It was more relaxing, peaceful and calm which undoubtedly helped me cope with the labour pain and not 'freeze up', but go with the pain and trust in my body to do the work. I worked with a birth counsellor prior to my second and third to get over my fear and learn how to stay relaxed and focussed - eg. opening like a flower rather than trying to say no to the pain and stop the pain. Your body really does listen to the mental messages you give it. I learnt to trust that my body knows what it is doing, that nothing bad would happen to me, and that having a baby is the most natural thing in the world. Everyones experience is individual and everyone has their own views of home/hospital births, but for me, hospital was a scary medicalised place which made me feel that I was undergoing something unnatural that required intervention and medical support. I was in labour for 27 hours for the first and had a long 3 hour, painful second stage. I was shocked and 'legless' after the birth - I couldn't walk because of the epidural. My second birth was only 3 hours from the first twinge and only 3 strong pushes for the second stage. My daughter was born onto our bed and we all had a cuddle up afterwards. My third took 10 hours and my son was born onto the living room floor. The Ocado man rang the door bell a minute later and bought all the weeks shopping in! The best thing was having a bath in my own bath, no noisy ward, sleeping in my own bed and having a fridge full of lovely food to eat. The midwives did all the clearing up by the way and nothing got stained! I don't think anything can prepare you for childbirth fully because it is such a new sensation/epxerience for your body, but you can certainly help yourself by getting over any fears before the labour begins and making a decision early on about pain relief. Most women go on to have more babies!

The best advice I had was to not get too fixated on what you do or don't want. Being in labour is emotional enough without being landed with tonne of guilt because you didn't manage the way you wanted. Every labour is different - and whilst you can (and probably should) have an idea of what you'd like as an ideal, don't get too hung up on it.

The breathing techniques did really help me but 3 days later they really weren't cutting it, and at that stage what I really needed was some sleep! I ended up having a combination of different types of pain relief depending on what I felt I could manage at the time.

Keep your options open and don't give yourself any grief for the choices you end up making. For me, the freedom of knowing it was okay to need help was a big help in feeling that I could cope without - if that makes any sense at all.

1 baby - not as bad as i thought
(well actually contractions got unbearable but by then i was nearly done, worst bit was imagining i still had hours and hours of this to go)
Pushing phase was very very very hard and tiring which I wasn't expecting.
Some people don't agree but I did find the pain went completely once DS was born.
HIGHLY RECOMMEND A TENS MACHINE!

And I was terrified in advance, my mum had a really bad labour with me, I assumed I would be the same. A few weeks after the birth I was saying I would do it all again, and my memory of the pain was still fairly clear so it can't have been that bad
(Not sure I'd say the same now, I have a demanding and exhausting 11mo!)

A milion times better than I thought I would. I have a famously low pain threshold. I ended up labouring and giving birth with no pain relief at all.

• Under 3 hr labour (2.5hrs of established labour and 20 mins pushing)
• 1 perfectly healthy full term (Well 37.5wks) 7lb 1oz DD
• Went home the same day

For me, moving around a lot definitely helped me cope with the pain. I am told that it probably helped the progression too. I was very mobile throughout.

Right, the best piece of advice I was given whilst pregnant with my first was "You will have no doubt when you are in labour. If you need to question it, you are not in labour". When M~i~l said it I thought "hmmm how unuseful", but after having a very quick, complicated labour it made complete sense. I will not scare you with the unpleasant features of my first birth, suffice to say I was scared, panicked and did not move from the bed I was strapped to. I stated that I would have any pain releif available, but in the end had none, but if I was advising my DD what to do in labour, I would deffinately suggest pain releif as I would not want her to be in pain. I have a wonderful DD to show for the effort, but was very scared about going into labour when pregnant with DS. However, I had an absolutely fantastic labour (very quick @ 1.5 hours, 9cm dilated when I got to hospital much to the midwife (and my) surprise and no pain releif). I took complete control of myself, and did not allow myself to pannick (easier said than done lol). I moved around the room, doing exactly as my body suggested and could not have wished for a better birth experience. Just make sure you go into this with your eyes open. Expect the worst thing you can, and I guarantee it will be a better experience as forwarned is forarmed ..........your labour is your experience, do not let anyone else decide what is right for you, and good luck!

Mrseak is so right to say "expect the worst thing you can and I guarantee it will be a better experience as forwarned is forarmed". This may sound odd to some people, but I had very low expectations and came away feeling that I had the best day of my life. I think the article about childbirth was alluding to this, that if you have too definite ideas about birth (for example not wanting pain relief) that you may be building yourself up to a feeling of disappointment, failure and possibly even PND.

As has been said before there are as many different experiences of giving birth as there are chikdren i nthe world it seems!!
I believe I had a very positive experience ;
Woke up around 7am in early labour, but carried on as normal all morning, had lunch, contractions coming faster, went to hopital with DH and friend, 8cm dilated, tried gas & air - no effect whatsoever! got into birthing pool (About 4pm), which was wonderful, DS born at 6.10pm, I don't remember pushing at all, just an undescribable sensation when he shot out! I remember the MW panicking and screaming at DH "PRESS THE BUTTON" as I think there are supposed to be 2 MW's when a baby is born in the water? but no matter, he was perfect and most of the pain was after as the placenta had to be delivered out of the water, which hurt a lot, and then I needed stitches which were by far the worst part....hoping for a similar experience this time. I went in with no big pre-concieved ideas, I just believed my body would know what to do when the time came! Relax, believe in yourself, and very best of luck....

Sorry, I obviously wasn't clear in my previous post. Of course it's great that everyone can share their stories, it's shown me that no two births are the same, some are great, some are awful, and that there is no all-encompassing "right" way to go about it.

This is what I've learnt from childbirth threads on here.

I therefore don't think that we shouldn't extend our experiences to others, there should be no "you will feel this", "you can do that" because it is different for everyone.

When it is implied that a traumatic birth like mine could have been avoided with a positive attitude and breathing I do feel upset and angry, sorry if I expressed that in the wrong way.

hCB you are right that all births are different and there are plenty where the "right" breathing will make absolutely no difference. The reason I like to post on these threads is that people tend to hear about the negative experiences of birth (because there's more to tell iyswim) and it's nice to have that countered with more positive stories where things do go as planned.
Before I had DS I assumed the absolute worst about both childbirth and breastfeeding, in fact none of it has happened, I have been lucky but it caused me a lot of stress before the birth.

I found the pain absolutely un-fucking-believeable. Would have loved an epidural but not on offer. Contractions far worse than crowning.

Sorry to discourage any first-time p/g women but that was my experience - everyone's different though, doesn't mean it will be yours.

Diamorphine made my labour start to go a bit pearshaped - so I imagine an epi might have made things even worse. I wish I had had a doula or constant 1-1 attention from a female experienced in childbirth. I didn't cope with the pain amazingly well - because I was knackered from the pre-labour.