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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Should I (a) not have a birthing partner, or (b) take toddler in to hospital with me?

84 replies

BroccoliSpears · 14/03/2008 21:12

I guess the answer is (a).

If I go into labour in the daytime I have friends who will happily look after the toddler.

If I need to go in in at 3am... what do I do?

Current plan is for dp to put me and dd in the car, drive me to hospital and then either hang around in the corridore with dd, or come home with dd and join me in hosp in the morning once people have woken up and he has given dd to a friend.

Has anyone experience of giving birth alone? I suppose it will be okay. Bit tearful thinking about it but that's probably just hormones.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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MamaG · 14/03/2008 21:14

BS, have you asked a friend if she'd mind being woken at 3am if you need to go into hospital, so you could drop DD? I wouldn't mind, if it was a good friend. Its not like you want to just nip to a club!

S1ur · 14/03/2008 21:14

Have you really not a friend or relative you could ask to come out?

How about a homebirth?

funnyhaha · 14/03/2008 21:15

Would one of your mates not be able to have dd (if tranfered in semi-sleeping state or could one of them come over and sleep in your bed, then take dd over to their house for breakie (the thing to think is - would you be prepared to do this for a mate as a one-off - answer, of course!)
Or ... homebirth?

Wilkie · 14/03/2008 21:15

A good friend will happily be woken at 3am to help out. I certainly wouldn't mind in the slightest in your circumstances!!

saralou · 14/03/2008 21:16

i would ask friends if they mind

or alternative birthing partner... i had best friend with me too, in case dp had to be with ds1

as it was he left after ds2 was born and friend stayed with me, it worked well!

funnyhaha · 14/03/2008 21:16

x-posts

We ended up having to ring a mate at 5am - he was utterly chuffed at being of use at such an important time - reminds dd that he was a ket part of her birth - day regularly

pruners · 14/03/2008 21:17

Message withdrawn

Wilkie · 14/03/2008 21:18

And agree with FunnyHaha - would really make me feel NEEDED and IMPORTANT!

sleepycat · 14/03/2008 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

windygalestoday · 14/03/2008 21:19

im sure someone would help you i have had several late nite knocks on my door for emergency childcare , friend took her children (2 of them) to hospital with her it was in the daytime as well they just played in the room whilst she gave birth -it was quite an 'experience' for them i think.

i think u might be blowing it a little out of context ,these things have a habit of sorting themselves out its because you feel bit out of control you dont know when labour will begin or anything nad even the things you can try to control (childcare) are connected to the very things you cant control - whatever you end up doing the labour ward will hve seen before DO NOT WORRY,concentrate on lovely thought whilst your growing your baby

Original poster

BroccoliSpears · 14/03/2008 21:21

I have really thought about asking a friend. The trouble is, all the possible candidates have young children themselves and most work too. Of course it's something I'd do for a friend, but it seems like too much of an ask given each of my friends individual circs.

We thought about packing up sleepy dd and putting her in a travel cot at someone's house, but she's not a great sleeper at the best of times and I'd almost certainly have had the baby by the time she settled and went back to sleep!

Am thinking about home birth as an option. It's not something I'm at all keen on or comfortable with, but am reading about it and finding out.

My current favourite plan is to go in to labour at a sensible hour.

OP posts:

sleepycat · 14/03/2008 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

funnyhaha · 14/03/2008 21:23

in fact, one of my (now) best mates, became a good friend because she asked me to be a 'back up' toddler support for her birth (she lives very close) - we were acquaintances only at the time.
She didn't actually need me, but she had the feeling of local support, & I got to feel indispensible - happy all round

Original poster

BroccoliSpears · 14/03/2008 21:25

Yes Sleepycat, relatives are all far far away.

OP posts:

funnyhaha · 14/03/2008 21:26

BS - imagine one of those mates asking you - wouldn't you say yes? It's not like you're going to be asking every week In your circs, someone who could hop over & sleep at your hosue would probably be the best bet (was for us too)

COuld you bring it up in conversation "I'm really worried about going into labour at xam, I'm not sure how we'll handle that?" and see if they offer? And have a few names/a good rota, so that you don't disturb friend A who has a crucial meeting on Tuesday on Monday night - you call friend B who has an easy day

My mum lives 1.5 hours away, and I went for a home birth partly for this reason (but actually ended up in hospital anyway)

SoupDragon · 14/03/2008 21:29

How fast was your first labour? Is there the very real chance that you'll suddenly need to get "rid" of DD at some ungodly hour?

sparklyshoos · 14/03/2008 21:31

Draw up a list of which ones you'd say yes to if they asked you, then start asking... good luck, when are you due?

Habbibu · 14/03/2008 21:32

BS - do ask a friend. Chances are one of them will want/need to ask you in the next couple of years or so. If they've got young children they'll understand broken nights. Funnyhaha's plan sounds good - if one of a couple could stay at your house dd wouldn't need to be disturbed.

S1ur · 14/03/2008 21:33

How about a two-friend relative approach.

Ask one of them to pop over and sleep at yours. (maybe a partner if they've small bfing dcs)

Then phone relative/other non-working friend to come over and do morning shift?

DloeufyDoo · 14/03/2008 21:33

Hi There.I had an elective section on my own.We decided that dp should be with ds1[who was 7].
I was nervous but was all ok.Very differnt to going through labour on your own though.

Ineedacreamegg · 14/03/2008 21:33

I have young children etc but I would be delighted to help out in this situation. In fact I was a friends birth partner once because her DP was keen to be there when their ds woke up so I went to hospital with her.

You said some work, some have families, is it possible to maybe drop dd off at one place through the night and maybe have her collected after breakfast.

My friend had no birth partner and she got fantastic support from the midwife. I progressed rapidly with dd and I live 20 miles from the hospital and dh doesn't drive so he had to get the bus, laboured until nearly fully dilated alone and the midwife was great she never left my side unless she absolutely had to, held my hand through the contractions etc. Whatever you decide these things have a way of working themselves out.

funnyhaha · 14/03/2008 21:36

Oh yes - I did slur's approach - mate did the 5.30 to 7.30 slot, then my mum & sister arrived (neither working) and took over - so he still got to work on time

Original poster

BroccoliSpears · 14/03/2008 21:36

Lol SoupDragon - 32 hours!

I am worrying about something that might not happen, I know that, but I suppose it's better to have thought it through than be surprised if it does pan out that way.

I appreciate what most people are saying about asking a friend but mentally going through each of my friends, I'd be asking them to leave their own toddler at home in bed while they came and stayed with mine...

OP posts:

Original poster

BroccoliSpears · 14/03/2008 21:39

Hmm... reading through everyone's replies again, the concensus seems to be that just going in to hosp and having the baby by myself isn't a top idea.

Dloeufy and CreamEgg - I appreciate you sharing your positive experiences.

OP posts:

mazzystar · 14/03/2008 21:40

ask them, they can only say no
honestly, we had two sets of very local but not particularly close friends on call. people are really govd about that sort of thing.

or have you thought about a doula?

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