Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Should I (a) not have a birthing partner, or (b) take toddler in to hospital with me?

84 replies

BroccoliSpears · 14/03/2008 21:12

I guess the answer is (a).

If I go into labour in the daytime I have friends who will happily look after the toddler.

If I need to go in in at 3am... what do I do?

Current plan is for dp to put me and dd in the car, drive me to hospital and then either hang around in the corridore with dd, or come home with dd and join me in hosp in the morning once people have woken up and he has given dd to a friend.

Has anyone experience of giving birth alone? I suppose it will be okay. Bit tearful thinking about it but that's probably just hormones.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SoupDragon · 14/03/2008 21:41

32 hours??? Snort! Then I suspect you'll have plenty of notice and this problem will not arise!

Mind you, DS2 decided to arrive on the one day the friend I had lined up to take 2yo DS1 was unavailable. He ended up being dumped on another friend at 7am in the morning and coming back the next day.

As it happens, I gave birth to BabyDragon alone. It was lovely. I decided at 9am I could not give birth with the SmallDragons in the house, they were taken to the park and BabyDragon was born 17 minutes later with just me and one midwife in attendance. I still treasure that time when it was just me and her in the large inflatable paddling pool in my playroom...

PortAndLemon · 14/03/2008 21:43

Really, I have friends (not particularly close friends, and all working and all but one with young children) queuing up to give me their telephone numbers and tell me to call them any time if I need to. I'm collecting new additions to the list all the time. I'm sure your friends won't be any different.

FrannyandZooey · 14/03/2008 21:44

I do think if you mentioned this to your friends they would be horrified to think of you going in alone rather than asking them to help out
I think people do feel rather differently about helping out a woman in labour than virtually any other situation
why not mention to likely candidates that you are worried about what to do and see what they say?

funnyhaha · 14/03/2008 21:46

lol (but, obviously, in a supportive way) at 32 hours (my first was about 4 hours)

I just wouldn't want dh to miss it - & I would have wanted him there if anything had gone not-to-plan (not that that will be happening to you ) Although I can understand it would be lovely to have the actual moment to yourself soupy.

How do YOU feel about dp not being there? Assume there's no-one else you want as a birth partner?

SenoraPostrophe · 14/03/2008 21:47

Be careful of asking friends to be birth partner - you may find them less willing if baby arrives at 5am.

also I had ds2 alone, and it's really not that bad. the hospital staff were brilliant - better than the staff at either of my previous 2 births - some of that was luck, but I think they were also extra nice because I was on my own.

Ineedacreamegg · 14/03/2008 21:47

What about a neighbour, I had my next door neighbour offering lifts to hospital babysitting whatever. If you have a friendly neighbour could they maybe spend a few visits with dd to get used to her having them around.
Honestly FandZ is right ypeople you know even people you think are not that close would be horrified of you going alone rather than ask, even the ones you think can't do it. Before DH went away to work I would have had no problems leaving the dc's sleeping and in his care to go to someones house.

BigBadMouse · 14/03/2008 22:04

Just wanted to say I've been in a similar situation when DD2 was born. DD1 was a 32 hour labour and DH was there for all of it but, like you, we had no-one to look after DD1 when I went into labourwith DD2. All prior offers of help seemed to suddenly dissolve when I came to me actually being in established labour at midnight on a bank holiday weekend ). I went into hospital in a ambulance on my own and was there on my own for 8 hours - luckily someone came to look after DD1 and DH made it to see DD2 being born with 3 hours to spare. I had a 16 hour labour.

Being in the hospital on my own was fine. I guess each hospital is different though but mine were great. They brought in a tinily-built trainee midwife to hold my hand as they were very busy and didn't want to leave me alone. I remember at that point saying 'I need my DH - he has BIG hands '. It was good in that by the time DH arrived my epidural had started to work and things were much calmer - that made things easier for him and tbh I was OK on my own.

That said, I wouldn't have wanted him to miss the borth of DD2. I hope you get something sorted. I really would recommend you discuss it with a really good friend if you can - at least then when the time comes, you might have an offer you can take up if you don't want to go it alone. Don't have any more advice I'm afraid. DC3 is due in 9 weeks and it looks very likely I will be doing the whole thing alone this time - not really to happy about it myself either.

Original poster

BroccoliSpears · 14/03/2008 22:30

Glad it worked out okay for you last time Mouse, and really hope you get something sorted for this time. It's reassuring to know that it's not too bad being by yourself.

OP posts:

Cocobear · 14/03/2008 22:43

I have two v young children, one still breastfeeding, and would still be more than happy to take the call at 3am if needed. Of course, I've been in your situation... but maybe your friends have too, so they won't want you to go through childbirth alone if they can help it.

lilacclaire · 15/03/2008 01:49

Broccoli, I would definetly ask one of my friends to watch your dd. But I would drop her off at their house as opposed to them coming to your house, especially if they have kids themselves.
They probably won't be able to get back to sleep anyway due to the excitement!
Just bite the bullet an ask, then you can stop worrying about it, good luck x

aGalChangedHerName · 15/03/2008 07:59

I would definitly ask around friends and neighbours are usually more than happy yo help. I know i would if asked.

We had no childcare when i had ds2,my parents let us down at the last second(another story tho)and we got a neighbour we didn't know very well to sit with ds1 who was only 4 at the time,while dp took me to hosp.

Neighbour had said he would stay all night but i wasn't comfortable with ds1 waking up with someone he didn't know that well so dp went home and i had ds2 alone.

It was a lovely experience. Of course i wish my dp had been there to see ds2 being born but it was relaxing and easy so it wasn't the worst thing in the world to happen xx

Skimty · 15/03/2008 18:40

I'm my friends call-out. I will wake up my (at the time) 22 month old (unless it's a weekend) and drag my 34 week pregnant self out to her house because we think it'd be fairer on her DS and then I can settle my DS and be with him in a strange place.

I'm really excited about doing it!! I feel really priviledged she's asked me. You'll be suprised how people feel!

I'm having a homebirth and Mum is on call to be there (3hr trip but my last labour was 26hrs so I'm hoping she has time!)

Skimty · 15/03/2008 18:41

privileged

Lulumama · 15/03/2008 18:47

well, if i am near you , i would happily either doula you or help with your DCs, but no-one lives near me! except shcneebly.

anyhoo,might be worth asking local doulas, especailly trainees, who don;t cahrge a huge amount...

giving birth alone, if you don;t want to be alone, is not a ideal.

littlerach · 15/03/2008 19:19

My friend has just had her second and was on her own, for many reasons.
She had a mw who stayed with her throughout, and said it was fine, she could ocncentrate on the baby and herself.

When I was pg with dd2, the same friend offered to be on standby, and we took her up on it. I called her at 5am, she was round in 20m ins, and took dd1 back to her house when she woke up.

I have offered to be on standby for two mums at school. Neither of them needed me, but I would have been more than willing tohelp; it's not really a regular occurence!

Original poster

BroccoliSpears · 15/03/2008 20:37

This thread has really helped me think properly about this.

When I posted I was just upset, but now I'm thinking about my options and deciding what to do, so thank you.

Am still undecided about whether to ask a friend. I may broach the subject and see how it goes.

Going it alone wouldn't be the end of the world either.

Hmm... so no decisions made, but wanted to say thank you for the replies.

OP posts:

readytoswiggin · 15/03/2008 20:52

If you are near me I would be willing to add your dc to my brood for the duration...

phoebebouffet · 15/03/2008 21:19

Me too, I'm in Bury whereabouts are you?

Original poster

BroccoliSpears · 15/03/2008 21:21

That's very kind of you both!

I hadn't thought of option (c) Leave dd with nice people I met on the internet! Could be interesting explaining that one to dp.

I'm in Yorkshire.

I will talk to my friend this week.

OP posts:

fryalot · 15/03/2008 21:21

two points:

Anyone you ask to look after dd while you have the baby will be SO chuffed to be asked, and will fall over themselves to help. I promise.
Have you considered getting a doula to be with you for the birth?

fryalot · 15/03/2008 21:22

Leave dd with me. I'm in Yorkshire too

Yurtgirl · 15/03/2008 21:23

I would too. Its only a day or so after all. I would consider it a privilege tbh

Lulumama · 15/03/2008 21:23

i used to live in bury !

i am not near you , broccoli, which is a shame...

definitely look into a trainee doula...

www.doula.org.uk and www.nurturingbirth.co.uk

Lulumama · 15/03/2008 21:24

squonk!! you could do it

fryalot · 15/03/2008 21:24

Have me as your trainee doula. Which I am seriously considering doing when ds is at school.... you could be the first item on my CV

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread